The Stars in Your Sky Aren't the Same Stars in My Sky

We all spent the day bringing our best to the table to add to the three songs that were already written. The guys had really done some heavy writing and some songs were done with the exception of vocals and little add ins. We took the best of the best so far and started to finish those and add to the ones they had almost finished. By the time we got back to the house that night, I was exhausted.

"Ahren said that if you wanted there's a spare bed in the room up stairs , but we've all been sleeping down here and taking turns on the couch." I nodded.

"I'll just sleep down here. It's just bed time ok?" They all agreed and we went to bed.

The next morning we repeated the process and were joined by Mark and James. They ran me through the recording process and we decided to hop onto a YouNow.

"It's sometime in the after noon back at home right?" I nodded.

"It's almost four. Someone post about it." The guys pulled out their phone while I sat back and tried to line up some of the sample in the demo track.

"Waiting on you Jax." I pulled my phone out and made the post as well.

"Let's wrap that up and get situated on the couch, yeah?" I gave whoever spoke a thumbs up and continued to try and line up the recordings.

"Jax, are you gonna do this or not?" Mikey snapped after a few minutes.

"I said I was going to, I just," I put my hands in my hair and pulled with a groan," I'm coming." I took a deep breath before going over to them and sitting down in the middle as directed by Mark. My mind was more so on the tracks that needed to be finished than the fans.

"Alright, questions pop up on the iPads. Andrew has Twitter, Nikki has Facebook, all others are through the main screen. Ready?" I zoned out at that exact moment as they started.

My mind wandered to the Jake situation and I couldn't help but think of a solution at this exact moment. Something needed to be done, but thinking about it just made me angry. Losing my mind was what I was spiraling towards and that only made me more angry.

"Jax is just thinking about those new songs," Nikki elbowed me," Right Jax?" I cleared my throat and sat up straight. Nikki pointed to the camera since I hadn't been looking at it much.

"Yeah guys, I know this is going to be a little different but you will all love it." I gave the camera a fake smile.

"Ang75 on Twitter wants to know what your approach to writing in an established band is." Mikey read to me from an iPad. My body turned to the camera completely and I sat up straight.

"Well, I've been with these guys since the beginning and I did write with them. I've grown and matured as much as them if not more," we all laughed," but with a new head there's a new mind and new ways to do things that I've just learned over time from working with other bands. So with me recording, mixing, and mastering this album you'll definitely notice my mental process being different than anything the band has ever released." I smiled again. Christian shifted on the couch.

"Yeah, this is a whole new territory for us guys. We're going at this alone right now, with only the help of our friends. You guys really help us through everything and we couldn't do this without you or the other people helping us right the very second." Christian added.

"Yeah so It's really early here and all but we have so much to do. So just to close this out thanks to everyone that's helped the writing process so far." Andrew clapped.

"Troy from The Amity Affliction for letting us use his studio." We all clapped.

"The rest of The Amity Affliction for room, board, food, car , and hangs." I couldn't help but clap and laugh along after Mikey and Andrew said their thanks.

"Ville from HIM for collaborations." I added.

"Our friend Jules for storing the van." Nikki continued.

"And you guys especially. Like I said before, this wouldn't be possible with out the support. I don't know if any of you know this but this live stream is currently twelve thousand strong and it peaked at twenty two. If you guy weren't here for us and did what you did we wouldn't be a band. So don't think for one second that you don't mean anything to us." We all clapped at Christian's words.

"This album is for all of you and these three tours we have coming up are really important. We want to meet all of you so everyday we're going to try and plan a meet up before or after the show. Check any or all of our social media accounts for locations and times."

"See you this fall!" We all waved and Mark shut the stream down.

"What's up Jax?" The boys all turned to me at Andrew's question.

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind ok?" I stood and went back to the console.

"Look, I know you want to get this done, but we can't have you zoning out like that while we're trying to write collectively..." I turned back to them with an incredulous look.

"Well I'm here and we have work to do. I'm sorry I zoned out but we need to finish this." The chair wouldn't turn to the board, Andrew was holding the arm rest.

"No, you need a break. Something's up and you're not telling us." I sighed.

"nothing's up,"I pushed him off the chair," I'm just trying to write ok?" I turned back to the board and started working again.

JOEL

Mikey called me at ten and told me what was going on.

I knew she needed a break as I hopped in my car. With her mind racing and the amount of work I'm sure was left to be done, I'm more amazed this didn't take longer. Part of me didn't expect her to put up the fight she did to leave, and the rest of me knew better.

"No guys! We have to get to work!" Christian had her by the legs and Mikey had her arms as they carried her outside.

"She's a driven woman." I commented to James while we watched the boys struggle to get her in my car.

"Yeah, she's been like this since day one. It's great most of the time, but she usually doesn't know when it's too much for her own good. Thanks for coming to get her though. She should be fine once you're driving." I chuckled.

"Well we're gonna go down to the coast. I'll probably have her stay the night at mine if she doesn't calm down if that's cool?"

"As long as she is back by that last day so we can do the fine tuning and such it's fine." Andrew assured me.

"Cool by me, let me know if you guys need anything else." They all nodded before I headed out to the car.

Jax sat in the back seat with her arms crossed and a poutty face like a three year old. I chuckled and buckled up.

"Oh, come off it kid. Don't you want to spend time with Uncle Joel?" I smiled in the rear view at her as I started the car.

"Traitor" She huffed before looking out the window.

"It's for your own good kid."

I put on some music as we drove. The ride was silent except for the music I put on. Slowly but surely I saw Jax' pissed off expression fade and her eyes almost lit up when we hit the coast. We all knew she loved the ocean. It made us question why she still lived in a desert.

"Ya done pouting back there?" I asked and received a cold glare in return.

"It's for your own good kid, you're of no use to them if you can't properly contribute to the process and you know that," I parked and turned to her," now quit being pissed off and let's go blow off some steam." I grabbed the bag that Bel gave me and threw it at her.

"Bel said that should fit you. Come on."

I walked over to the bathroom with her and let her change into Bel's swim suit while I loaded up my camera from the backpack.

"I know I've only met Bel once, but you'd think she'd remember that I hate bikinis." I looked up and sure enough Bel had given me a bag with a two piece in it. A bikini top and boyshorts. She looked fine, but she obviously wasn't comfortable in the outfit.

"You're fine, we get to see all your beautiful tattoos." She groaned before following me.

"Now tell me what you've been thinking about all day." I started while we headed towards the cliff. When Jake told me about her past incidents, I felt that someone needed to talk to her. I didn't know if those lines were new on her or old.

She didn't say anything as we walked, so I started taking pictures of her.

"Joel, you know I hate pictures..." She frowned as I snapped another picture instead lining it up so her body was perfectly position in the photo.

"You only hate pictures because you don't like being the center of attention." She frowned again.

"If I tell you what I was thinking, will you stop?" I stopped snapping pictures and looked at her expecting a reply. She continued to walk as I followed her.

"I was thinking about Jake." I nodded as we reached the rocks.

"And why then? You know it's just gonna make you mad." I started helping her over the rocks since we were both shoeless.

"I need to get it sorted out or it's just going to plague me for the next few weeks..." I looked over at her and snapped another picture.

"You told me you wouldn't take anymore if I told you!" I chuckled when she lightly pushed me.

"You know me better than that." She groaned before we continued.

"Look are you trying to tell me that you're going to figure this out right now?"

She didn't respond until I pulled on her arm to get her to stop. She almost fell off the rock we were on and I pulled her into my chest to make sure she didn't fall. Her arms wrapped around me with her face buried in my chest, it took me a moment to realize she was crying. My arms wrapped around her shoulders as she cried.

"Jax, there's too much going on for you to worry about that right now..."

"No there's just enough. It's something I have to make a calculated decision with..." She said after a few minutes. She pulled away from me and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snot all over you." I laughed.

"You're hurting, I'll never tell you no...."

"I'm just pissed he picked fucking NOW when I'm going into the most stressful turn of events in my fucking life to tell me," She wiped her face and kept taking deep breaths.

"It's part of his recovery, which honestly should come first in his mind." She sighed and crossed her arms.

"I know he needs to recover, but for once I wish he had thought ahead. This is going to fuck over the band and me. I haven't even looked at my phone since being here because I didn't want to see if he tried to call, which he probably did..."

"Then if you don't want to talk to him, you ignore him. It's pretty simple." I smiled at her.

"I wish but someone has to keep tabs on him. He's a fucking heroin addict for god's sake! and at my hands..." He covered her face as a new wave of tears started from her eyes.

"Jax..." She looked at me, " Look..." I pointed over to the ocean waves beating against the rocks.

"Remember when we sat on the beach and just talked about life?" I asked her, it was from Warped last year. She had just met me, but we clicked instantly.

"You mean when your drunk ass sat down next to my drunk ass and we both agreed that life sucks? Yeah, like it was yesterday." She chuckled and wiped her eyes again.

"We've kept in touch everyday since then. I know you well enough to know that you need to go for a swim. Just clear your head, pretend there's no band, no Jake, no mounting debt or worry for you to worry about, Jump...." I motioned out to the alcove I knew all too well.

No one came this way often and it was lunch time anyways. She gave me one look before we headed that way.

"After you calm down we can go surf, I haven't been in awhile either." She chuckled.

One jump was all it took, the light waves carried her around as she relaxed. I took a few pictures that I knew she would love later. Soon enough he gave me the ok to help her out. We spent the rest of the afternoon surfing before Bel called to tell me she would have dinner ready in a few.

"How are the kids?" She asked me as we started towards my house.

"With friends for the night, School starts soon so we're letting them have a friends night."

"Thank you for today..." She said as we pulled into the driveway.

"You know I was more than willing to help. Next time just don't make the guys throw you in the back seat like a prisoner." We both laughed as we walked inside.

Bel was really excited to see Jax. I let the two of them talk while I checked the store orders. I decided that it would probably be a good idea to call Jake despite the time difference.

"Hello?"

"Well you answered fast," I chuckled," got something on your mind?" I sat back in the office chair and put my feet up on the desk.

"I'm assuming she told you." I sighed.

"She had to, she had a fucking breakdown." The line was silent for a moment.

"Is she ok now?"

"Yes, I took her down to the coast while the guys were in studio today. Her and I had a conversation about the situation and what she wanted to do." He remained silent.

"What are you going to do?" It was his turn to sigh as I changed the subject on him.

"Well I started working out and doing yoga. Hence why I am awake right now."

"Is that something your counselor suggested?" He groaned.

"No my counselor is the one that told me to lay everything out for Jax, google told me to do something to get me preoccupied." I chuckled.

"Well google isn't wrong." He didn't reply for a moment and I waited.

"I don't know what you expect me to say Joel," He sounded extremely frustrated,"I had to tell her before I lost her again or I lost myself again. You can be mad and she's upset, but I don't regret what I did." He all but yelled through the phone.

"I'm not expecting you too and, as much as the timing was wrong, it was now or never. Just give her some space until she's at least state side ok?" He sighed.

"I'll give her some space, but keep an eye on her for me. I have a really bad feeling about her being alone right now..." I sat up in my chair.

"What do you mean?" The line was silent before he hummed.

"I didn't tell you this, but she's been suicidal in the past. It was pretty bad at one point and it moved into some self harm," I groaned and rubbed my hand down my face, "I don't know if it'll move onto that, so keep an eye on her please?"

"Of course Jake."

"Joel! Dinner!" Bel yelled to me.

"I have to go, I'll give you a ring tomorrow yeah?" We said our good bye before I went to the girls.

Bel and Jax at at the table having a lively conversation. A smile graced my face as I focused in on Jax. With the information that Jake had just provided, I saw something a little different. To everyone around her she was fine, but the light had left her eyes. I tried not to frown, but nothing stopped me after I looked again.

Three little lines down her wrist.