Seven Year Ache

When Shea woke up that morning the spot beside him was empty and Dug was nowhere in sight. He sat up, ran his hands through his hair and glanced around, there was no sign of Riley in the closet or the bathroom so he shuffled into the bathroom and did his thing before he pulled open a drawer in the dresser and yanked a pair of pyjama bottoms on and pulling a t-shirt over his torso. He rubbed his eyes and ventured downstairs, Dug barely even looked up from where he was laying by the table chewing on a bone as Shea walked into the kitchen. Riley was standing at the stove, spatula in hand, in a pair of flannel pyjamas and Shea voiced, “That’s where my slippers went.”

She jumped at the sound of his voice and briefly looked down at her feet where his large slippers were and then looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, “My feet were cold.”

He smiled, shuffled over to her, and placed his hand on her hip as he reached above her for a glass. He set it on the counter and then wrapped both his arms around waist and leaned down to put his chin on her shoulder. Riley leaned back into him as he spoke in a low voice, “Merry Christmas.”

She smiled and told him, “Merry Christmas.”

As she tilted her head to face him better Shea leaned in and kissed her softly before he pulled back and asked with a grin, “What’s for breakfast?”

She rolled her eyes, knocked her shoulder into his chest and told him, “I never said I was feeding you.”

“Then what’s all this food for then huh?” Shea asked as he pulled away from her and went to the fridge. He motioned to the four fry pans on the stove full of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns and breakfast sausage.

She grinned, “For me and the dog.”

Shea let out a loud laugh and pinched her butt as he walked past her, making her jump in the air and nearly drop the spatula. She poked him in the side as he filled a glass with milk and grabbed plates, rolling her eyes as Shea asked, “How much longer?”

“It’ll be done when it’s done Weber.” He let out another laugh at this and Riley simply smiled over at him. They had yet to talk about everything, but Riley wasn’t concerned with that simply because things had been so good between them lately, effortless, like it hadn’t been in years. They would talk, eventually, but it wouldn’t be until the holiday craze was over.

Shea leaned against the counter, enjoying the fact that for once he didn’t have to make breakfast, and told Riley, “I just want to give you your gift, it’s you that has this breakfast before Christmas begins thing.”

Riley let out a chuckle and told him, “Growing up I had to wait until nine in the morning and then have breakfast before I got to open presents.”

“We got up at like six to do presents in my house.” Shea informed her, and she laughed. Her first Christmas in Nashville Shea had purposely woken her up at six in the morning to open presents and by nine she was already down for the count in napville. She had no idea how Shea’s parents did that every year, and then she was reminded of Pekka once telling her she should start training herself for it now because when she and Shea had kids they’d be the same way.

“You’re crazy.” Riley simply stated in response, and laughed when he grabbed her hand and pulled her into him.

He looked down at her and with a smile he asked, “You think so?”

“Know so.” She told him before she pulled away from him, and when he tightened his grip around her she informed him, “Breakfast is gonna burn.”

He immediately let go of her and she chuckled to herself as she went back to the stove, turned all the elements off and started putting things on their plates. She barely emptied the hashbrowns onto the plate when Shea grabbed their plates and brought them to the table, which she shook her head in amusement as she grabbed cutlery and brought their glasses with her as she took a seat across from him.

They ate in silence, as usual Shea was finished before Riley and was waiting impatiently for her to finish. She was tempted to take as long as she possibly could just to annoy him but there was something in the way he kept bouncing his knee and looking at her before looking over at the tree that made her finish her plate quickly. She went to gather their dishes and Shea grabbed her hands, telling her, “Later.”

“Alright already, who lit the fire?” She joked as he pulled her over to the couch.

Dug finally got up from his spot by the table and dropped down by the tree to be close to his humans, before Shea looked for the one specific wrapped present under the tree that he had snuck down late last night to put there so Riley didn’t see it. Riley sat back and watched him, blatantly staring at his ass as he bent over looking for something.

When he turned to look over his shoulder and caught her he smirked as she averted her eyes and joked, “If it pleases you to look…”

Riley rolled her eyes and hurled a couch pillow at him, and when it hit him in the back Shea let out a laugh, before he grabbed her present and dropped onto the couch beside her. He placed it in her hands, and watched as she unwrapped it carefully, raising her eyebrow at him as she read the name of a jeweler on the box. He motioned her to continue, so she pulled the top off the box, as well as the protective layer of foam finding a silk pouch inside.

“What did you do?” She asked him with a smile on her face, and she glanced up at him to find him watching her.

He shot her an impatient look and she sighed dramatically before she set the box in her lap and pulled the pouch out, reaching inside it to pull out a bracelet. It was a rose gold bangle, completely plain on the outside, and when she looked up at him Shea reached out and flipped it over so that she could see the inside. Her eyes filled up with tears as she read the engraved words on the inside of the bracelet.

I’m forever yours, faithfully.

She looked up at him, and Shea couldn’t help but smile, and nearly laugh at her teary eyed expression. She rolled her eyes at him, but leaned over and kissed him softly before she said, “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“I know it’s not original but…” He started, and stopped not knowing how to finish that statement.

Riley smiled and finished it for him, “It’s Journey.”

He chuckled, nodded and told her, “And I mean every word of it, even if they aren’t my words.”

She slipped it onto her wrist before she tossed the packaging onto the coffee table and jumped off the couch, walking over to the tree. She located the two presents she had wrapped a few days previously while Shea was on a road trip and grabbed them, setting the larger of the two in his lap, sitting down with the smaller present still in her hands.

When Shea pulled out a watch he raised his eyebrow and Riley informed him, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you constantly having to change the time on yours because it stops working.”

He chuckled and inspected the watch, before he asked, “Did you pick this out yourself?”

“No, Pekka helped.” Her cheeks flushed as she admitted this and when Shea let out a laugh she told him quickly, “I don’t even wear a watch so I had no idea what to do.”

It wasn’t until his finger ran over the back of the watch that he realized it was engraved, and he immediately flipped it over to read it. He let out a laugh when he found ‘for you, forever’ on the back and he looked up at Riley with a smile on his face and asked, “Stealing my words I see.”

She let out a chuckle and reached up to play with the ring that hung around her neck, misshapen enough that she couldn’t wear it anymore after slamming her hand in a car door, and told him, “I couldn’t figure out what to say and then I figured you wouldn’t mind me being unoriginal.”

Shea smiled, undid his own watch, placing it in the case for the new one before he flipped his arm over and put the new watch on. Riley looked at his wrist, and then at him, and Shea told her, “Looks good. Thank you, and I’ll have to tell Peks thanks too.”

“Yeah he has alright taste.” She rolled her eyes but laughed with him as she said this. After a few seconds she handed him the second gift and warned him, “This is like the all-time cheesiest thing ever but doing this reminded me of all the reasons that I love you.”

Shea raised his eyebrow as he took the smaller present, and unwrapped it, finding the box for a set of playing cards. He was thoroughly confused and it must have shown on his face because Riley reached over and opened the top of the box, getting the hint Shea pulled the cards out and stared at them in surprise. Riley watched him flip through the cards, his smile growing wider and wider with each picture on the customized playing cards.

There was the movie ticket stubs from their first date, a picture of the two of them at Shea’s graduation, the Preds logo, Shea and Riley in his backyard after the draft with Shea in his new Preds jersey and Riley looking up at him proudly, there was one of the two of them at Riley’s graduation, Shea’s final game as a Rocket, a picture of the two of them after his first NHL game, one of the many summer’s before moving to Nashville of them out on the lake, and then there was one of them outside the finished house they currently lived in, multiple pictures involving both Olympic events Shea participated in, and a lot more, including Riley’s favorite picture of the two of them; she was applying mascara in her robe and Shea was sitting on the bathroom counter beside her tying his tie. Riley couldn’t even remember what they were getting dressed up for, neither could Shea but that picture was also sitting on the dresser in their bedroom and Shea had it tucked away in his away game suitcase.

“You’re quiet.” She noted out loud.

Shea pulled his eyes away from the cards for a moment to look at her, a small smile on his face, before he continued to flip through them and told her, “I’m just… honestly I forgot about a lot of these moments.”

Riley smiled and nodded, moving so she was closer to him on the couch and watched the cards over his shoulder as he flipped through them. As he laughed at one of the two of them celebrating something, both of them making faces at whoever was behind the camera, Riley told him, “It took like four days to get all the pictures sent in because it was like memory lane with all of them.”

“I remember this day.” Shea said with a laugh, and Riley looked down at the card, laughing herself. There he was, asleep on the floor outside her apartment in Vancouver. He was quick to then tell her, “I still can’t believe you took a picture of me before waking me up.”

Riley let out another laugh and told him, “It was too good not to.”

He nodded with a smile on his face and flipped to the final card in the deck, which was just her writing and ‘I love you, always’ displayed on it. He put them back in the case before he said, “You did pretty good getting twelve years of memories on fifty-two cards.”

“You have no idea how many times I couldn’t figure out which pictures to include and leave out.” Riley told him, smiling against his lips as he leaned over and kissed her.

“I love you.”

- - -

“Merry Christmas!” Kelly exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen to find Riley and Quinn laughing while enjoying a glass of wine. She held up the two bottles she brought and joked, “I guess we didn’t need these.”

“Nonsense, booze is always welcome.” Riley told her, grabbing a glass to pass to her before she said, “Come, join us in being classy homemakers for the night.”

Kelly raised her eyebrow and Quinn explained, “This is actually beer, we just poured it into wine glasses so everyone thought we were classy.”

Kelly let out a laugh, but filled her glass with wine as Craig walked into the kitchen and asked Riley, “Bottle opener?”

Without taking her eyes off the list of recipes for beverages she and Quinn decided they were going to try she pointed to the drawer beside the fridge and told Craig, “If we have one it’s in there.”

“Oh god.” He stated, walking over to the drawer and digging through it before calling out to the guys, “You’re screwed, they don’t have one.”

“James has one.” Quinn told him, and when James raised his eyebrow at her she told him, “That thing on your keys that you don’t know what it’s for? Yeah it’s a bottle opener idiot.”

He rolled his eyes as the guys laughed at him, pulled his keys out of his pocket and used the piece of metal he’d never found a use for to open his beer bottle before exclaimed, “I’ve had this thing for three years and never knew that!”

Quinn made a motion to face palm him, which got the guys laughing even harder, as James tossed Shea his keys and walked into the kitchen. He wrapped an arm around Quinn, kissing her softly as Kelly mused, “Aw…how cute.”

James rolled his eyes at that, and then looked at Quinn with an odd look on his face. She raised her eyebrow and he glanced at her glass of wine before asking, “Do you seriously have beer in a wine glass?”

She shrugged, “What? You know, it’s Christmas and we were trying to be classy.”

He shot her a look before he looked at Riley, who also shrugged and took a drink of her own alcohol before James shook his head in amusement. Riley was quick to tell him once she put her drink down, “You’re not allowed to tell anyone.”

“Or you’re not getting any tonight.” Quinn added with a smirk. He sighed loudly, leaned down to kiss her once more before going back into the living room. When Quinn turned to find both Kelly and Riley watched her with raised eyebrows she asked, “What?”

“When are you moving to Nashville? I need new friends.” Riley asked her with a grin.

Kelly rolled her eyes, “Rude.”

“No but seriously, you are moving here right?” Riley asked her curiously.

The doorbell rang and Quinn exclaimed, “Saved by the bell…literally.”

Riley laughed as she made her way to the door, pulling it open to reveal Pekka and Brooke on the porch. Pekka held up two bottles of tequila and told her, “Tequila for my most favorite host.”

“Have I ever told you I love you?” Riley asked him, stepping aside to let the two of them in. As Pekka slipped out of his shoes he raised his eyebrow at her and Riley said, “Quinn and I are getting drunk tonight and we’re making margaritas.”

“God I love Christmas here.” Pekka stated, making all of them laugh.

Raising her eyebrow Riley asked Brooke, “No Nolan?”

“No he’s spending Christmas night with his grandparents.” She explained as she hooked her light jacket on the only empty hook by the door.

Pekka grinned at Riley and told her, “So it’s a kid free night. Where’s the alcohol?”

Riley took a moment to check the food in the oven before she turned back around and watched everyone laughing and having a good time. The food was still cooking, the alcohol was flowing, and yet the only person who didn’t seem to be having fun was Roman, who was standing outside on the deck leaning against the railing. Riley glanced at Shea, who shot her a worried look as he too looked away from Roman and toward her. She set her glass by the sink and excused herself from the kitchen, slipping unnoticed out the patio door.

Roman glanced at her as she stood beside him, but he said nothing. Instead he went back to looking at his phone, and Riley watched him do this for a few moments before she finally placed her hand on his forearm and asked him, “You okay?”

He nodded slowly but admitted, “It’s been a rough day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Riley asked him curiously.

Shaking his head he told her, “I don’t even know what to say. I'm better, about it all I am, but some days are still really hard. You know? Someday's I feel perfectly okay, like I'm starting to move forward again and then some days... some days I don't even know how to get out of bed.”

“It’s never gonna be okay that she’s gone but it’ll get easier. I promise.” Riley told him softly, giving his arm a gentle, comforting rub.

Softly he told her, "I really didn't think I could get through this, there were some days where I wasn't sure I could live without her, but it's getting easier to breathe again and I've figured out how to handle it when it isn't."

"I know this is gonna sound... I don't know... but I'm proud of you." Riley told him and when he raised his eyebrow she explained, "You could have let this control your life but you didn't. We're all really glad that you're doing better, the guys just... they don't know how to say it to you yet."

“Sometimes I still half expect her to walk through the door, which is ridiculous but true.” Roman told her, his eyes on his phone sitting on the railing, and Riley sighed gently.

He raised his eyebrow at her and she told him, “Sorry, I just… life isn’t supposed to be this complicated this early. You’re supposed to be having fun and enjoying your life not dealing with something like this at twenty-four.”

“You are wise beyond your years you know?” Roman asked her, giving her a smile. When she cocked her eyebrow he explained, “You’re only two years older than me and you give advice like you’re ten years older than me.”

“I’ve been through a lot. Not what you’re going through but when it comes to relationships I’ve gone through a lot. I know what the life of an NHL player can do to people, I know the kind of strain it can put on guys and their loved ones.” Riley explained, and Roman shot her an odd look so she added, “It’s been a rough season.”

Roman nodded, “I knew something was up with you two.”

“You did?” She asked in amusement.

“Yeah, I didn’t really notice it until Peks kept bringing it up all the time. You guys seem better now though.” She smiled when he said this, and Roman watched her do that before he asked, “You are right? Better I mean?”

Riley shrugged, “Things are easier, but I don’t know if I would say better. We’re getting there though.”

“Good.” Roman told her and when she looked at him in surprise he explained, “I’ve always wanted what you and Shea have. It’s really something to watch you two interact. The love you have for each other and the respect you both have for each other its special I guess. Ever since I met you guys I’ve wanted what you have, and even if I got half of what you two have that would be fine by me.”

Riley smiled softly at him, before she gave his forearm a squeeze and told him, “You’re something else you know? Sloane was the luckiest girl in the world.”

“I just want her back.” He admitted quietly, and Riley gave him a soft, sad look as he averted his eyes from hers and looked at their feet.

“I know.” He looked as if he was going to come undone at any minute and Riley wasn’t sure if it would help or just make it worse but she wrapped her arms around his neck anyway and pulled him into a tight hug. She felt him shake against her, and his own arms gripped at the back of her shirt as he pushed his face into her neck just in case any of his teammates were watching the not so private personal moment.

Finally, after what seemed like forever for the two of them Roman pulled away from her, and turned back to face the backyard, pulling his shirt up to wipe at his face as Riley turned to face the same direction. Neither one of them spoke for a long time, they just stared at the backyard with Roman’s hand clasping around Riley’s tightly.

Eventually Riley told him, “Take your time and come back in whenever you’re ready.”

As she was walking back to the door Roman turned around and told her, “Thank you, for everything.”

She smiled, nodded, and told him, “That’s what family’s for.”

As soon as she was back inside she was walking down the hallway to get as far away from the people in her kitchen and living room as possible. Shea didn’t bother following her, he knew Riley and he knew she needed a few minutes to collect herself. He glanced at Roman through the window, before James followed his gaze, then looked at Shea and asked him, “You think he’s gonna be okay?”

Shea shrugged, his eyes still on his defense partner and said truthfully, “I don’t know. I keep trying to figure out how to talk to him about it but it never seems like the right words or the right time.”

Quinn mused out loud from beside James, “I can’t imagine what he’s going through.”

“I can.” James stated softly, looking at Quinn, who simply gave him a sad smile and squeezed his hand.

Riley finally came back into the kitchen, took a drink of her beer and scolded Pekka for eating some of the prepared food, “That’s not ready yet.”

He shrugged, popped the cracker and cheese combination in his mouth and rolled his eyes when Craig said, “He’s foreign remember? No speaky da English.”

Riley burst into laughter, along with Brooke at this and Kelly simply rolled her eyes and told him, “You’re embarrassing.”

Craig grinned, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, asking, “What did you say?”

“I said you’re embarrassing.” She stated as if it was the nicest thing she could have said to him. Craig rolled his eyes and reached down to tickle her sides, making her throw her head back and laugh. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he stopped tickling her, leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him quickly.

Riley looked away from them as they exchanged whispers, and she jumped as Shea wrapped his arms around her from behind, his forearm across her chest, and pressed a kiss to her temple. She leaned back into him, turned her head to look at him and spoke quietly, “I love you.”

“You okay? Just… you know.. Roman.” He didn’t know how to work what he was trying to ask and Riley could tell he was struggling, as were most of his teammates with how to act around their teammate. Even nearly a year later they were still unsure of how to interact with him and they all felt guilty over it.

She nodded and told him, “I just needed to tell you that, because I don’t say it enough.”

“Me either, and I love you too.” He told her, equally as quiet as she had been. He leaned down, kissed her cheek and held her tightly against him. He spoke, so softly that Riley barely heard him as he said, “I’ve missed you.”

She smiled and nodded, a non-verbal agreement, because she wasn’t sure she could get any words out. He held onto her for another minute longer before he let go and went to grab everyone a new drink. Roman came back into the house, and while everyone tried to act normal eyes went to him, and he stood awkwardly at the fridge.

Riley looked over at him, nodded her head toward the kitchen and asked, “Wanna give me a hand?”

He gave her a grateful look and followed her to the sink, where he washed and cut vegetables for the salad, thankful for the distraction and for something to do. Shea, with three beer bottles in one hand, walked past them, reached out and tapped Riley’s butt with his free hand, making her jump and shoot him a look. Her eyes met Pekka’s, and he raised his eyebrow at her with a smirk on his lips and Riley simply narrowed her eyes at him before looking away.

As she was tossing the salad she glanced over to the entrance of the kitchen where Shea was standing, he looked her way and winked at her, and she simply smiled at him. She looked away from him, and had never been so grateful to have a house full of people in her life. If there was one day of the year that was meant to be spent with your loved ones, family or not, it was Christmas.

Kelly and Craig were on the opposite side of the kitchen island of her, Kelly was leaning into his side as they talked just the two of them and laughed at something. Brooke was looking up at Pekka with eyes like Riley used to look up at Shea with when they had first started dating, Pekka had his arm around Brooke’s shoulder as he laughed and carried on with James who not so sneakily had his hand in Quinn’s back pocket as she talked to Shea, who again looked over at Riley and gave her a wide smile.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting down to eat, and before anyone could dish up Kelly said, “Someone should say a toast.”

All eyes turned to Riley, who rolled her eyes and asked, “Why do you all always look at me for that stuff?”

“Because you’re the best with words.” Pekka told her with a pointed look that made her sigh and think about it for a moment.

“Alright, to the holidays and new friends,” She glanced at Brooke, Quinn and James when she said this, and then added, “And old friends, and family,” Her eyes were on Roman when she said that and he sent her a small smile. Eventually her eyes fell on Shea in the seat beside her and she said, “And to making memories.”