Never Too Late
Apologies
Lucy's Point of View
Nathan was right; I couldn’t put off talking to Lacey any longer than I already had. Not that he knew anything that had gone on, but the rift that was growing between Lacey and I was just going to keep growing if I didn’t do anything about it. Since the John incident, most of our interactions had been very brief, both of us dancing around a topic we didn’t want to discuss. But I couldn’t take it anymore, so I knocked on Lacey’s door and told her that we needed to talk.
“So…” Lacey trailed off uncomfortably. “What did you want to talk about?”
It was a filler question and we both knew it. “Come on, Lace. You know.”
“Okay.” She sighed, running a hand through her dark hair. “What do you want to know?”
“How long were you and John seeing each other before I found out?” I asked, trying to keep my stomach from doing flip-flops as I recalled the memory of walking in on them after they’d slept together.
“About a year,” she replied, biting the inside of her cheek nervously. A fucking year?! How had they hidden everything for that Goddamn long? “It just kind of happened. Remember when we were all sleeping over his house when his parents were out of town?”
I nodded. John had had the house to himself for the weekend, so naturally, he’d thrown a huge party. I’d brought Lacey with me since I didn’t want to leave her at home with our dad and step-monster. The party was wild, all of us drinking, so I couldn’t drive us home and we spent the night. I’d passed out on the couch and woken up with my eyebrows colored in with Sharpie and various dick drawings on my body (courtesy of Mason, the prick). John and Lacey had seemed normal at Denny’s when we’d gone to breakfast that morning, squabbling and then totally ignoring each other. I’d had no reason to think anything of it.
“Well, we hooked up for the first time that night,” she explained. “We got in an argument, I don’t even know what about, but the next thing I knew, we were making out and that obviously led to other things. I was a little drunk, but I wanted it.”
“I see.” What else was there to say? There didn’t seem to be an appropriate response to finding out that your little sister had lost her virginity to your best friend, the guy you were in love with. “And you knew about Taylor at the time, right?”
“Yeah,” she said. I remembered that Taylor hadn’t been at John’s party for some reason, but couldn’t remember why. Lacey seemed to be reading my mind. “But they were in a fight and getting ready to breakup. At least that’s what he told me.” She shook her head. “But either way, I didn’t care.”
I found myself thinking again about walking in on John and Lacey, and something that Lacey had said when she was trying to explain everything. “And you knew how I felt about him?”
“I didn’t know for sure,” she replied, shaking her head. “I guess I knew in my heart that you loved him, but you never actually said anything so I tried to tell myself that you didn’t and I was just reading too much into things.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I think that was the worst part of everything, knowing that it’d hurt you. And that’s what I feel most guilty about. I never wanted to do that, but there’s just something about him that just pulls you in. He’s like a drug.”
I knew that feeling all too well. John had a very enigmatic way about him. He was amazingly handsome with his chocolate brown eyes and a jawline for days, and he was charismatic. Even at his worst, he was charming. “Yeah, I get that.”
“I know that doesn’t make it any better, but it’s true,” Lacey said. “I just want you to know that I’m so sorry.”
“I think the wrecked car and the month in the hospital was enough penance,” I told her.
“I’m serious, Lucy,” she said and then repeated earnestly, “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks,” I responded. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell her that I forgave her. Hell, I wasn’t even sure yet if I actually did forgive her. But the apology was a step in the right direction. “So where were you today if you weren’t with John? Gerard was worried.” I didn’t want to admit that I had been a little concerned too.
“How did you know I wasn’t with John?” she asked.
“Because I couldn’t think of anyone else you’d be missing with, so I asked him if he was with you,” I told her.
“Well, that would explain the text I got,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “I wasn’t with John. I think that’s pretty much over.”
“What happened?” I asked. Lacey explained to me about John telling her that he’d broken up with Taylor and then seeing the message on his phone from her. “What a fucking prick.” How had I ever had feelings for him? Why had I not seen the kind of guy he really was? “Fuck him, you don’t need him.”
“I know,” she said. “I already kind of talked about it with Nick.” I gave her a curious look. “He’s the guy I was hanging out with today. We were just at the park all day.”
“Well, maybe you can bring him to Mason’s party on Saturday,” I suggested. “If you still want to go, that is. John will be there, obviously.”
“I’ll ask him,” Lacey said with a nod.
“Sounds good,” I said, and then pushed off her bed, standing up. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your homework.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” she said. “Are we okay then?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’re okay.”
I shut the door behind me, heading back to my room. I glanced over at my easel, thinking about digging out a canvass and starting on a new painting. Still, the only colors that were flowing through my mind were dark and muddy, and I was bored of those. I’d hoped that my talk with Lacey would help me get over my artistic slump, but it seemed that nothing had changed. When the hell would it?
Nathan was right; I couldn’t put off talking to Lacey any longer than I already had. Not that he knew anything that had gone on, but the rift that was growing between Lacey and I was just going to keep growing if I didn’t do anything about it. Since the John incident, most of our interactions had been very brief, both of us dancing around a topic we didn’t want to discuss. But I couldn’t take it anymore, so I knocked on Lacey’s door and told her that we needed to talk.
“So…” Lacey trailed off uncomfortably. “What did you want to talk about?”
It was a filler question and we both knew it. “Come on, Lace. You know.”
“Okay.” She sighed, running a hand through her dark hair. “What do you want to know?”
“How long were you and John seeing each other before I found out?” I asked, trying to keep my stomach from doing flip-flops as I recalled the memory of walking in on them after they’d slept together.
“About a year,” she replied, biting the inside of her cheek nervously. A fucking year?! How had they hidden everything for that Goddamn long? “It just kind of happened. Remember when we were all sleeping over his house when his parents were out of town?”
I nodded. John had had the house to himself for the weekend, so naturally, he’d thrown a huge party. I’d brought Lacey with me since I didn’t want to leave her at home with our dad and step-monster. The party was wild, all of us drinking, so I couldn’t drive us home and we spent the night. I’d passed out on the couch and woken up with my eyebrows colored in with Sharpie and various dick drawings on my body (courtesy of Mason, the prick). John and Lacey had seemed normal at Denny’s when we’d gone to breakfast that morning, squabbling and then totally ignoring each other. I’d had no reason to think anything of it.
“Well, we hooked up for the first time that night,” she explained. “We got in an argument, I don’t even know what about, but the next thing I knew, we were making out and that obviously led to other things. I was a little drunk, but I wanted it.”
“I see.” What else was there to say? There didn’t seem to be an appropriate response to finding out that your little sister had lost her virginity to your best friend, the guy you were in love with. “And you knew about Taylor at the time, right?”
“Yeah,” she said. I remembered that Taylor hadn’t been at John’s party for some reason, but couldn’t remember why. Lacey seemed to be reading my mind. “But they were in a fight and getting ready to breakup. At least that’s what he told me.” She shook her head. “But either way, I didn’t care.”
I found myself thinking again about walking in on John and Lacey, and something that Lacey had said when she was trying to explain everything. “And you knew how I felt about him?”
“I didn’t know for sure,” she replied, shaking her head. “I guess I knew in my heart that you loved him, but you never actually said anything so I tried to tell myself that you didn’t and I was just reading too much into things.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I think that was the worst part of everything, knowing that it’d hurt you. And that’s what I feel most guilty about. I never wanted to do that, but there’s just something about him that just pulls you in. He’s like a drug.”
I knew that feeling all too well. John had a very enigmatic way about him. He was amazingly handsome with his chocolate brown eyes and a jawline for days, and he was charismatic. Even at his worst, he was charming. “Yeah, I get that.”
“I know that doesn’t make it any better, but it’s true,” Lacey said. “I just want you to know that I’m so sorry.”
“I think the wrecked car and the month in the hospital was enough penance,” I told her.
“I’m serious, Lucy,” she said and then repeated earnestly, “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks,” I responded. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell her that I forgave her. Hell, I wasn’t even sure yet if I actually did forgive her. But the apology was a step in the right direction. “So where were you today if you weren’t with John? Gerard was worried.” I didn’t want to admit that I had been a little concerned too.
“How did you know I wasn’t with John?” she asked.
“Because I couldn’t think of anyone else you’d be missing with, so I asked him if he was with you,” I told her.
“Well, that would explain the text I got,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “I wasn’t with John. I think that’s pretty much over.”
“What happened?” I asked. Lacey explained to me about John telling her that he’d broken up with Taylor and then seeing the message on his phone from her. “What a fucking prick.” How had I ever had feelings for him? Why had I not seen the kind of guy he really was? “Fuck him, you don’t need him.”
“I know,” she said. “I already kind of talked about it with Nick.” I gave her a curious look. “He’s the guy I was hanging out with today. We were just at the park all day.”
“Well, maybe you can bring him to Mason’s party on Saturday,” I suggested. “If you still want to go, that is. John will be there, obviously.”
“I’ll ask him,” Lacey said with a nod.
“Sounds good,” I said, and then pushed off her bed, standing up. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your homework.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” she said. “Are we okay then?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’re okay.”
I shut the door behind me, heading back to my room. I glanced over at my easel, thinking about digging out a canvass and starting on a new painting. Still, the only colors that were flowing through my mind were dark and muddy, and I was bored of those. I’d hoped that my talk with Lacey would help me get over my artistic slump, but it seemed that nothing had changed. When the hell would it?