Explosions

“I have got the greatest idea for the home opener,” said Charlie.

“Spill it,” her boss, George King, said.

George wasn’t Charlie’s favorite person to work with, but he allowed her the freedom she desired in her job. He was well into his fifties and had been doing this much longer than she had been alive. He knew, though, that her youth brought new life to the marketing team, and they always needed to stay on top with their fans.

“Okay, so while we were at the conference, there were a bunch of people outside protesting the Redskins keeping their name,” Charlie began. “They refuse to even acknowledge the team has a name, so they’ve taken to calling them ‘The Team from Washington’. The organization still stands by their decision, but America’s torn in half on this one. We could use this to our advantage. If the team doesn’t know who they are, how is anyone else supposed to know who they are?”

“I think I know where you’re going with this,” George said, “and I’m starting to like it.”

“We always have match-up shirts right? For sale in the front office?” said Charlie. “We proceed as normal with those, but the back of them, in their own font, we put ‘Washington Who?’”

“And that’s supposed to help us sell out?” asked the assistant marketing director, Jan Freeman.

“No, but I’m not done,” said Charlie. “We take it one step further. If we are willing to give up the money here, 10% of all sales for the day go to the Alabama-Coushatta Tribe here in Texas. It’s for a good cause, and it takes Washington’s humiliation one more step.”

“She’s got a point,” said George. “We’d have to start advertising now to get it to sell out.”

“I’m going to work something out with J.J.,” said Charlie. “Maybe there’s something he can get out there on social media to help.”

Jan scoffed, “Of course.”

Charlie rolled her eyes, but George was nodding.

“I like it,” he said. “I like it a lot. Let’s go with it.”

Charlie grinned and said, “Thank you so much, sir.”

George shook her hand and stood up. “Ms. Elliot, you’re a bright young woman.”

“Well, thank you, sir,” said Charlie, blushing slightly.

“Did you have a nice trip to Seattle?” he asked.

“I learned a lot, yes, but I think the most valuable information I learned was from the environment.”

“And that’s how I know you will do well in this position. Take tomorrow off, Charlotte. I’m sure you’re still exhausted from your trip. You’ve earned it.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll get to work on social media with J.J. right away.”

George stopped her and said, “Hey, don’t worry about what Jan thinks. Mr. Watt hasn’t gotten you any further in this organization, and dating someone on the team is neither illegal nor is it immoral.”

“I wasn’t worried, sir, but thank you,” Charlie said.

“Update me on Friday, okay?” said George, turning to leave.

Charlie smiled as she gathered her papers up. She enjoyed her meetings here.

There was a soft knock on the door, and she looked up.

“Have a moment?”

It was Ryan.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Charlie. “What’s up?”

“How was Seattle?” asked Ryan.

“It was great,” said Charlie. “Really weird seeing a city that isn’t Boston after a Super Bowl.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty cool place,” agreed Ryan.

“Something tells me you didn’t seek me out in this meeting room across the stadium just to ask me about my trip.”

Ryan sat down in one of the chairs nearest to the door.

“J.J. and I talked. About everything,” he said. “I didn’t know if he’d said anything to you.”

“He hadn’t, but do continue,” Charlie replied.

“I just wanted to get everything out in the open with him so there wasn’t anything that would affect this team,” Ryan explained.

“I get it,” said Charlie. “You keep saying ‘everything’. What’s everything?”

“I wanted him to know what happened between us was my fault,” Ryan said. “I told him that I was glad you’d ended up with him because I know he’s a good guy and you deserve that.”

“Ryan, you don’t have to explain yourself to him. Or me.”

“I know I don’t have to, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.”

“Well, I appreciate you trying to make things right. Justin doesn’t hold grudges, though. And he’s certainly not the type to look for fights.”

Ryan nodded and said, “We’re hanging out this weekend – first weekend before pre-season starts – me and him and all the guys. I just want to make sure it’s okay with you that we’re hanging out.”

“You and J.J. both keep coming to me and asking my permission like I’m your mother,” Charlie chuckled. “You’re both grown men. What you do in your free time is completely up to you. What he does in his free time – so long as it doesn’t negatively affect our relationship – is completely up to him. You don’t need to ask me if it’s okay.”

“Okay,” said Ryan. He stood up and turned toward the door.

“Hey,” said Charlie.

He turned back. She moved a few feet closer to him.

“I missed you,” she said. “I missed you for a long time. And if you’d been here three years ago, I might have taken you back without even thinking.”

“But that was then,” he told her.

“I don’t want you to think, for a second, that we were ever over completely,” Charlie said. “It’s just a different story now.”

“Charlie, I don’t deserve you,” said Ryan. “What I said was not okay, and I didn’t come back to you, not because I didn’t want to, but because you deserve better than me. You have that now.”

“I know, but now you’re here. And…and…” Charlie shook her head and said, “What am I saying?”

“I’m sorry. You’re confused, and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come here. If I’d known you were in Houston, I would have tried to go somewhere else.”

“No. That’s not what I want.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I – I don’t know. I’m glad you’re here. It’s good to see you.”

“You have no idea.”

“But I’m not leaving J.J.”

“I’m not asking you to,” said Ryan.

“I know,” replied Charlie. “I needed to hear myself say it.”

They stared at each other a moment, their eyes unmoving and unblinking. She swallowed hard, and he put his hands in his pockets. She touched his arm lightly; he didn’t shy away.

“I still love you, Charlotte,” he said. “I should go. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

He backed away and left her standing in the meeting room by herself. She sat down. She crossed her hands on the table and put her head down, taking a few deep breaths.

---

“I cannot believe you would swing at someone like that, Ryan,” said Charlie, slamming the door behind her.

“He was all over you, Char,” Ryan replied. “What was I supposed to do? Just let him get away with that shit?”

“I can fight my own battles,” she snapped.

“You can’t fight all of them alone,” said Ryan.

“I can try. You cannot just go punching people in bars. You’re a professional football player. It would be in the news so fast, you wouldn’t even know.”

“Oh, now you want to talk about my career?”

“Don’t fucking start this shit right now, Ryan.”

“No, you want to bring it up. Let’s fucking talk about it.”

“Okay. Okay, let’s start with how you never come back, and I’m always expected to pick up where we left off.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” asked Ryan. “I’m not giving up my dream.”

“I’m not saying you have to,” said Charlie. “I’m saying call me every once in a fucking while. Don’t disappear and reappear as you please.”

“I’m not balancing this well, Char, as you might have been able to tell.”

“And how is that my fault?”

Ryan shook his head and paced back and forth for a few minutes.

“Answer me one question right now,” said Charlie. “Every time I ask it, you push it away. Are we together?”

Ryan stopped and looked at her. Her cheeks were turning pink, like they always did when she was about to cry. She blinked a couple times.

“I don’t…I don’t…”

“You don’t what, Ryan?” she said, her voice cracking. “It’s a simple question. We’re either together or we’re not.”

Ryan was still silent.

“You can’t go swinging at people in bars and then just not tell me that we’re together. I’ve taken a lot of shit from you the last year, and I’m tired of it. I deserve to at least know if we are ever going to go anywhere. Now answer me. Are. We. Together?”

Ryan took a deep, shaky breath and said, “Yes.”

“Then why can’t we ever be together?” asked Charlie.

“I’m not going to choose between you and football,” said Ryan.

“I never asked you to!” said Charlie. “I love you, and I think I fucking deserve to see you once in awhile”-

“You do”-

“It’s not good enough!” shouted Charlie.

“Don’t fucking take this out on being all me,” said Ryan, raising his voice slightly. “You have no fucking clue what it’s like out there. I never once asked anything of you but your fucking support, and you’ve done nothing but under-handedly want me to quit playing football so I could be here with you all the fucking time. That’s not how the real world works, Charlotte. The real world puts you on the fucking bench, not first.”

“I’ve always put you first.”

“Like hell. Every time I come back here, it’s the same story. Every time I come back to you, I give you my full and undivided attention. I’m sorry I can’t be here all the time, but when I’m here, I feel like I make a fucking effort. It’s never good enough for you.”

“Well it would certainly help if I knew we were actually a couple”-

“I’m tired of having to decide between you and everything else in my life. If that’s the case, then I’ve made my decision. I’m done, Charlotte.”

“Wait…what did you say?”

“I said, I’m done.”

Ryan pushed past her and began walking toward the door. Charlie grabbed his hand, her eyes wet with tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

“Are you…are you…leaving?” she asked.

He shook her off and said, “You know, I almost didn’t talk to you. I’m not really sure why I ever did. I never really wanted you around, and you know what? You were a freshman. Consider yourself goddamned lucky I even looked at you.”

Ryan turned and left, slamming the door behind him. Charlie sank onto her bed and curled up. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run after him. Instead, she lay on her bed with her knees to her chest. Ryan never came back. He never called.

June found her in the morning when she came back from spending the night at her boyfriend’s. Charlie’s eyes were dark, and she was freezing. She blinked a few times, looking up at her friend. June curled up next to her and held her as she began to shake and cry uncontrollably.