Eccedentesiast

The first day of my internship, I learned a very valuable lesson. I'd watched a patient code and thought that the world was ending. I nearly drank myself into nothingness as soon as my shift ended. Sloan made sure I got home safe and told me that if I broke down every time I lost a patient, I'd never make it as a surgeon. His exact words were, "You can't save everyone. You can try, but people die everyday for reasons we can't explain. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be." I'd called him a dickhead and asked him what did he know about anything besides the inside of a vagina, not realizing that he was my boss. He teased me endlessly for the next two weeks, and eventually I learned to laugh about it. Never take yourself too seriously.



Jealously wasn't an emotion I felt often. In order to feel jealousy, you have to care about someone, and I'd spent a lot of time convincing myself that I didn't care about Jackson as anything more than a friend. Yet as I stood a few feet away, watching as a very attractive woman trailed her nails up and down his arm, I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't look away.

"Why don't you just tell him?" At one point I had been talking to Lexie about having a movie night at my house some time later on in the week. I didn't remember when I checked out of the conversation.

"Tell him what?" Oblivious was always the best way to go because I knew where she was going with this. Lexie was good at reading people, and the more time I spent around her, the more I realized that she could read me like a book.

"Come on, Ariana. It's obvious." I sighed, tapping my nails on the counter. I couldn't even complain about the other woman because I knew that he liked me. Complaining was null and void because I knew if I said I was ready, he would jump at the chance to be with me. I just wasn't cut out for a relationship.

"There's nothing to tell."

"You've been avoiding Sloan for like three weeks, and when you're not running around stealing surgeries or in the skills lab, you're with Jackson. Just tell him you like him."

"Friends spend time together." That's what I'd been telling myself recently. After the talk I had with him, I'd taken to avoiding Jackson all together, but that only lasted two days considering we were put on a case together. I got over myself after that. Sloan was an entirely different story. I wanted to run every time I saw him out of fear of continuing the conversation I'd walked out on.

"Well, we both know that he has a lot more than friendship on his mind, and the fact that your face is currently turning green means that you do too." I watched the woman slip what I'm assuming was her number into his scrub pocket before she walked away.

"I have something to do." Lexie was entirely too persistent when she wanted to be, and I didn't want to hear all the reasons I should have spoke about my feelings, so I did what I did best. I ran and decided to work my frustration out another way.

"Dr. Harper." I grabbed onto Mark's scrubs and dragged him into an on call room, locking the door behind us.

"I'm pretty sure I only have about twenty minutes before someone pages me, so we need to make this quick." I was already half naked when I realized that he hadn't moved. "What are you waiting for? Drop your pants."

"The only way I'm getting naked is if you agree to go on a date with me." He had to be joking.

"Mark, come on. You can't be serious," I whined, trying to pull on his drawstrings. He batted my hands away, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's the deal. Take it or leave it." I needed to invest in a gym membership because working my frustrations out through sex obviously wasn't going to work anymore. I picked up my top from the floor, pulling it back over my head. "Wait, you're seriously walking out?"

"I don't do ultimatums, Mark, especially when I'm not in a relationship with the person." I reached for the handle, but he grabbed my wrist.

"What is so bad about me, Ariana?"

"You're not a bad person. You're just not the person for me." I really hoped he'd accept my answer, because I really couldn't explain much further than that.

"It's Jackson isn't it?" I groaned, throwing my hand over my eyes. Even when I was trying to jump into bed with someone else, I couldn't escape him.

"Why is everybody so concerned about that?"

"Because it seems like everyone in this hospital knows that there's something between you guys but the two of you." I walked out, no longer wanting to continue the conversation. I spent the rest of my day focused, refusing to talk about anything other than medicine, and when it was finally time for me to clock out, I practically skipped to my car.

"I have a proposition for you." I was so tired that I didn't even realize Jackson was following behind me. The mental image of him and that woman earlier floated around in my head, annoying me further.

"And what would that be?" I crossed my arms over my chest, leaning against the side of my car.

"I'm hungry. I know you're starving. Friends cook friends dinner, right?" I surely didn't feel like cooking, and I'd eaten enough takeout over the last four days to feed an entire family of 8.

"Yes, Jackson. You can come over and cook dinner."

"Great. I'll meet you there." His smile was so bright that it made one of my own appear. I shook my head, sliding into my car. I hated my recent revelation, if it could even be called that. I wasn't sure what was going on with me, but maybe I could use tonight to figure it out. "You like lasagna, right?" He set the grocery bags onto the counter.

"Yes, I like lasagna, and I hope you know that I am going to sit on my ass while you cook." He chuckled, shaking his head as he rummaged through my kitchen.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Searching through the ton of crappy movies on Netflix, I settled on Grease. I needed a little cheesiness in my life.

"You're going to sing Summer Nights with me, right?" Musicals were a guilty pleasure of mine. As if I wasn't enough of a dork when it came to academics, throw in the fact that I was addicted to musicals, and it was a wonder how I didn't get my head flushed down a toilet all throughout high school.

"Can you even sing?" Jackson asked with a raised eyebrow. I scoffed, getting ready to lie my ass off, but I decided against it.

"Nope. I'm tone deaf, but that doesn't stop me. Are you gonna be the Danny to my Sandy or not?" I would sing the entire song by myself if I needed to, but it was so much more fun with someone else.

"What makes you think I even know that song?"

"Because everyone knows Grease. Get your microphone ready." I tossed him one of the remotes, hopping onto the couch. "Your part comes first."



Jackson's singing voice was worse than mine, but it made everything that much better. We danced around my living room, singing so loud and obnoxiously that my neighbor started to bang on the wall, screaming at us to shut up.

"Time to crowd surf. Are you going to catch me?" I turned my back to him, readying myself to lean backwards and praying that he wouldn't let me fall. I closed my eyes and pushed off, landing in his arms. "Nice one. If you dropped me, I'd be kicking your ass into next week."

"I'd never drop you." I squirmed until I could set my feet on the floor, twirling away from him and into the kitchen. I hopped onto the counter, staring into the pot that the noodles were boiling in. "Ariana."

"Hm?" I jumped when I saw him standing in front of me, his abdomen touching my knees. He'd never been this close other than our occasional nap in the on call room, and he was making me nervous.

"I'm going to try something, and if you decide that you want to smack me after, then you have every right, but I have to try, okay?" I gulped and nodded, parting my knees so that he could move between them. I knew what he was doing, and I thought that maybe it would clear things up for me if I let him. With the way my hands were shaking, someone would think that this was my first time being kissed. My eyes fluttered shut, and I felt his lips press against mine. The first kiss was light, and I lost my breath.

"Jackson."

"Shhh." His hand moved to the back of my neck, and he kissed me a little harder. I gripped his shirt, tugging him as close as the counter allowed. My entire body felt like it was humming, and I groaned as he tugged on my hair. Jackson was one person I didn't want to screw with. He was genuine, and so were his feelings. I couldn't let this go too far, not right now. I pulled back, my chest rapidly rising and falling.

"You should uhm....finish cooking dinner." He sighed, leaning his forehead on mine. He was taking me not kicking him out as a good sign, but if I wasn't confused before, I was definitely confused now.

"Okay." I stared, watching him move around the kitchen. The movie was still playing, but it was only serving as background noise to the whirlwind of emotions that I was currently feeling. I was officially screwed.