In Darkness & in Light

Present Day

John sat down in the back corner of a local coffee shop that he had spent countless nights in when he was younger. The owners would probably give him a key to the place if he asked. It was one of the few places that seemed to be untouched by time. The chalkboard behind the counter hadn't been changed since he had started high school. It seemed like someone had gone over the writing recently but it was drawn and written the same way it always had been. The drinks and pastries never changed, granted he always stuck with the same thing. A large black coffee with a cinnamon donut. But, this time; he sat in the back booth with an empty space in front of him. He didn't want coffee or a donut, he wanted answers.

His head snapped up from his thoughts at the sound of the little worn out bell hooked to the front door. His line of sight was blinded by the overgrown plants that stood by the doorway but by the way the owner greeted the female, he knew it was her. He was sort of scared now, he contemplated on slipping out the back door. Did he really want answers? Or did he really just want to see her again. Couldn't it be both, he thought to himself.

She looked different. But, in a good way. Rowan always had long bouncy curly hair, it was like her trademark. No other girl could compete with her curly brown hair. Her bouncy waves were replaced with pin straight shoulder length hair. If it weren't for her green eyes, he would almost look past her. But, he could never forget eyes like that. Such an odd color green, almost fake. A beautiful shade of a bright emerald. A king from the old days would be happy to have jewels the color of her orbs.

Rowan had always been a healthy weight but he could tell she had lost a couple pounds. Even though he was sure nothing could make her beauty dull, her eyes looked slightly sunken in. He would assume that it was stress. She had episodes of not eating for days whenever she was upset. It happened frequently when her parents' had finally divorced, she wouldn't eat or sleep. He knew that she was relieved but at the same knew that it was hard on anyone when their parents divorced.

"John," she spoke.

He closed his eyes, the sound of her voice hadn't changed. He really missed her. "Nash."

Her breath got caught in her throat, she hadn't heard that name in a long time. Swallowing hard, she slid into the booth across from him. Her hands lacing in front of her, her eyes searching over every curve and inch of his face. He hadn't change, just a little bit of age. He was still lanky tattooed John. Clearing her throat, "How have you been?"

John leaned back in his seat, his jaw clenching as he swallowed. "Good. I've been...good."

Rowan chewed on the inside of her cheek, it was a lot harder talking to him in person than she had originally thought. Her brain was flooded with memories that his face unearthed. She shifted in her seat, her hands unlacing and rubbing her jeans. "I'm glad - "

" - are you?" He inquired. His eyes were becoming hard, like he was finally able collect his emotions. "Cause last time I checked, you haven't spoken a single word to me until now."

"John," she pleaded. Her chest hurt, she couldn't do this now. She had bottled up her feelings about John and corked it up a long time ago. She couldn't open old wounds again, not here and not now.

"How do you fucking do that?" He asked, his eyes squinting as his words were filled with hate. "How do you just leave? Just abandon a friendship and cut ties with the people who would take a bullet for you?"

She shook her head, "Mm, I'm not doing this." She pressed her lips together, her eyes meeting with his.

"Right," he nodded, "because you never cared about us, did you?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Rowan sneered, her expression reading that she was not amused. "You're fucking kidding me." She scoffed, her tongue running across her teeth. "You think I wanted to leave? You think I didn't care? If you think for a second that I didn't care, then you're fucking stupid."

"Then why did you leave?!"

"Because!" She breathed, her eyes brimming with tears, "Because I wasn't going to sit there and watch your life waste away!" She ran her hands through her hair, ruffling up the neatly cut hair. "I loved you, John. I couldn't bear to watch you get high and drunk every night and be okay with it. You were killing yourself, slowly and I thought that if I left that I would be shielded from the full pain for when I got that phone call." Rowan closed her eyes, her chest rising, "I think I always knew we were supposed to be together but if you didn't love me enough to stop wasting away than you were never going to love me."

John sat speechless, he knew how she felt about his old partying ways but she had never told him that she loved him. Hearing that now, he felt stupid. Of course she did, he thought. Rowan was one of those girls that once you had them, you never let them go. He tried to find her but at the time, her father had no idea where she had gone off too. And John and her father had no clue where Bridgette had moved to. He did try. But, even he knew it wasn't good enough.

"You weren't supposed to love me, Nash."

"But, I did." She looked out the window, her eyes scanning over the nature around them. She had remembered a lot of memories involving this coffee shop. "I told myself a hundred thousand times not to and sometimes I believed I didn't." Rowan looked at her lap, her finger running over the seem of her jeans, "Especially when I was pissed off at you for sleeping around with different girls." She mumbled.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Like that would have made a difference, John." She shook her head and scoffed. "Like you would have stopped sleeping with all those slutty girls. You would have looked at me and laughed."

John shook his head slightly, wondering if back then if it would have made a diffrence if she would have told him that she loved him. He wanted to believe it would have, John really did have a soft spot for Rowan. They had joked about sleeping together a few times and this entire time, Rowan probably meant it.

Rowan stood up, "I don't know what I thought was going to happen if I met you here. But, I need to go home. I have my fiance waiting for me - "

"- I stopped when you left. Well, it got a little worse at first but I stopped." He took a breath and glanced out the window, "I thought that if I finally sobered up, you'd come back. You didn't and I wanted to start again but I didn't. I stopped drinking for a year and now I drink socially and hardly even get drunk." John locked eyes with her, his voice filled with sincerity, "Crazy how you change for the better because of someone you care."

She shook her head, "That's the thing, John; you changed after I left. You fed off of me, you wanted someone to care for you and when it stopped. You stopped." Heading out of the booth, she rested her hand on top of it, "Or maybe it's because you actually loved me. I don't know."

"If I told you I did, would you still marry him?"

Rowan was taken back, her heart quickened in its place but she quickly snapped out of it. He was only saying this because he didn't want her to go. "You don't."

"If i did?"

She shrugged, her eyes rolling to the back of head. "Nothing you say or do will stop me from marrying him, John. I'm sorry that if you do love me. But, it's too late." Turning to leave, she murmured, "Goodbye John."

"I'm still going to sing at your wedding."

Rowan chewed on her lip as she headed out the coffee shop. She looked up at the sky and frowned at the cloudy skies, feeling a few raindrops hit her face, she pulled the hood up over her head. Sprinting to her car before it got to bad, she climbed in her car with a tear falling from her eyes. Even though she told him there was nothing he could do, she was more unsure of her decision of being married to Henry.