Start Me Up

When Tessa woke up that morning to find a pair of strong, heavy arms wrapped around her middle she smiled. She glanced over her shoulder to find Shea with his forehead pressed against the back of her shoulder and his breath was cascading down her bare back as his chest raised and fell with every low breath he took in and let out. She was surprised he was still sleeping, Shea was an early riser so it was a little unusual, even with how late they had been up the night before, for him to still be fast asleep at eight-thirty in the morning.

Even her movements as she rolled over to her other side to face him didn't wake him up. He moved, just enough to get comfortable with her again but his eyes never opened and his breathing never changed. So Tessa settled in with her head resting against his bicep as he laid on his back. His arms stayed wrapped around her; one under her head and snaked around her with his hand pressed against the middle of her back and the other draped over her side.

She propped her chin up on her hand on his chest and watched him sleep for a few moments, knowing that eventually, she would need to wake him so that they could go back to the real world where they didn't belong to each other.

This was the first time they had ever spent the night together, and it was different waking up in the morning next to him. Tessa had to admit, she kind of liked it. She thought about what he had said the night before about him being there and being ready to show her how different things could be and she was surprised at how much she wanted that.

She wanted Shea in her life, but she couldn't handle having him in her life married to someone else, and yet, on the other hand, she couldn't handle the prospect of destroying Amelia's life just for her own happiness. She wondered how people could have years-long affairs, she couldn't do it. She couldn't go that long with only having part of Shea.

A few weeks in and she knew that it had to be all of him or none of him. She could learn to get over him eventually if she had to but she didn't want to, she wanted every part of him the same way he wanted every part of her. It was just a matter of figuring out whether it was worth it.

There was so much to think about, to take into consideration about even thinking of going forward with their feelings for each other. At the top of the list was what Tessa had been grappling with since the very first time she realized that she had very real feelings for Shea and that eventually, something would have to be done about them.

If they went through with this it would surely end her relationship with Amelia, Tessa wasn't naive, she knew that. Part of her was okay with that, as crazy as it sounded because Pekka was right she could be missing out on her 'one great love' with him, but another part, the more sensible part of her wondered what if they did this and things didn't work out between them? Then she lost Shea, and she had ruined her relationship with her sister for nothing.

Things were never black and white in life but just once Tessa wished that they were.

Shea's stirring caused her to pull herself out of her thoughts and look over at him again. He was awake, yawning into one of his hands as he tried to stretch without disturbing their current position. Tessa smiled when he relaxed again and looked down at him and she said, "Morning."

"Morning." His voice was low, still so full of sleep and almost inaudible and it made her smile again. He cleared his throat, stretched his legs out again and then this time he spoke so that she could understand him, he asked her, "Is this okay? Me being here now?"

Tessa nodded her head but she asked him, "Do you still mean what you said last night?"

"Every word." He told her honestly. She nodded again and looked down at his chest so Shea reached out and ran his fingers through her hair. He told her, "If I didn't want to be here, with you, like this, I wouldn't be here."

She bit down on her lip for a moment before she finally looked up at him again, smiled gently and said to him, "You're something else, Weber."

His brow cocked and he let out a laugh, "Oh yeah?"

She nodded, but didn't elaborate, instead all she did was confirm her previous statement with a, "Yup."

"Well guess what." Shea told her, and when she raised her eyebrow at him he said, "You haven't seen anything yet."

"Oh no?" She asked him in amusement as he rolled to his side, his body pressed against hers as he pushed her back into the mattress.

He shook his head and as he lowered himself to her he told her, "Nope. I'm very persistent."

"I've noticed." She said, smiling when he pressed his lips against her neck gently.

His words were muffled against her skin as he told her, "I'm also very hard to say no to."

"That remains to be seen." Tessa told him confidently.

He pulled away from her neck and raised his eyebrow at her, "Oh yeah?"

She nodded, "You might have to prove yourself worthy of that title."

"I think I can manage that." He told her with a grin and when Tessa opened her mouth to say something to him he leaned down and silenced her by covering her mouth with his. His hands traveled underneath the blankets, and between them, where he gently moved Tessa's legs enough that he could position himself comfortably between them. When he tilted his hips down just slightly against hers and Tessa moaned against his lips Shea pulled away and he smirked when he asked, "Am I there yet?"

"Not even close." She told him.

When Shea had finished proving his point multiple times to her he rolled onto his back next to her and asked, "What about now?"

Her chest was rising and falling quicker than normal with each breath she drew in, and she told him, completely out of breath, "Give me like... five minutes."

He let out a laugh and when she pinched his side he rolled onto his stomach and positioned himself with one arm laying across her breasts, his elbow pressed into the mattress by her side as he watched her in amusement. She rolled her eyes as he leaned down and gently nipped at the skin above one of her breasts, before he told her, "Told you that you couldn't say no to me."

Again she rolled her eyes and joked, "Yes, oh Shea, you're so wonderful."

He smirked when he told her, "You can say that to me whenever you want."

Tessa smiled and leaned forward to kiss him quickly before she laid her head back on the pillow behind her. They were quiet for a while, wrapped up in each other and whatever kind of bliss they could make up in their heads.

That was until Shea spoke softly, "I told my dad that I was calling off the engagement."

"You did what?" Tessa asked him, her voice raised in slight alarm and shock.

"It has nothing to do with you Tess I swear. I've just been thinking and... it's not fair to me or to Amy for me to marry her when I don't want to." Shea told her honestly. She pushed against his bicep that was draped over her so Shea took the hint and he rolled over onto his side.

Tessa sat up, pulling the sheets with her to wrap around herself before she turned to face him and she told him, "You don't want to marry her because of me Shea."

Her brow raised when he laughed at her statement. As he sat up next to her he explained to her, "It's not because of you. I've been... thinking about it for a while, since long before we started this. Things changed between us before you even moved into the guest room Tess. Somewhere along the line, I realized that I don't love Amelia like I used to and that it wouldn't be fair for me to get married when I'm already one foot out the door. Both of us deserve better than that."

"What you said to me last night... about...everything." She didn't even know what she was trying to say to him.

Shea wrapped an arm around her as he told her, "I want to see where this goes Tess but if you're not comfortable with it that's okay."

"How would we even... explain it to people?" She asked him as she looked up at him, eyebrow raised as she continued, "This isn't something people hear every day. How would we... I just don't know about any of this yet."

"I have no idea how we go about any of this yet. I think that's something we would figure as we go." Shea told her honestly. He hadn't given much thought to the logistics of it if he was being truthful. He just knew what he wanted, he hadn't thought about what came after that.

Tessa leaned into his side and she told him softly, "This whole thing scares me."

"I know, it scares me too." Shea told her.

She shook her head and said, "I don't mean to be hurtful but you have a hell of a lot less to lose with this than I do."

"You're right, and that's why I'd never ask you to do this." Shea reminded her, and she knew that. She knew he would never outright ask her to destroy her relationship with her sister for him, but he may as well have.

"I don't know how I feel about this but I do know how I feel about you. I never in a million years thought I would feel like this again, and... part of me doesn't want to lose that. Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and go all in on this because no one has ever made me feel like this Shea... but then the other part of me is afraid. I'm afraid of how I feel for you, I'm afraid of what that means and how we go about it... and I'm afraid of ruining Amelia's life and the relationship I have if we do this and-" Tessa cut herself off, not wanting to finish her sentence because she was afraid of hurting Shea's feelings.

He surprised her by finishing for her, "And then we don't work out. I get it Tessa, that's been on my mind too."

"It has?" She asked him, surprise evident on her face.

He nodded his head and stated, a soft and somewhat sad tone to his voice, "I don't know... as much as I want this with you... maybe you're right. Maybe it's not right, at least not right now."

"What do you mean not right now?" Tessa asked him curiously.

"I mean... Maybe we take this one step at a time. Maybe I end things with Amelia and take some time to be on my own and figure things out, and you really take the time to figure your own stuff out and we revisit this conversation in a few months when we're both in better places." As much as he hated saying it, and as much as Tessa hated hearing it they both knew that was the best option.

So she nodded and said, "I think you're right."

Shea sighed, pushed a hand through his hair and then looked over at her and told her softly, "I should get going."

"Yeah, you probably should." Tessa said with a nod of her head.

While Shea got dressed in his clothing from the night before Tessa got up and slipped into a t-shirt dress from her closet and she followed him out to the front door of her apartment. They were silent while he slipped into his shoes, and then when he put his hand on the doorknob he turned to her and leaned down, kissing her lips softly before he left without so much as another word. Tessa closed and locked the door behind him, and she let out a sigh.

That answered that question.

Hours later Tessa had showered and gotten herself ready to head over to Pekka's to start installing the doors that had arrived the day before, she was trying to put that morning behind her and move on but it was a lot harder than she expected. She knew that cooling off for a few months was for the best, that revisiting the idea once they both had their shit together was for the best but it didn't mean it didn't completely suck.

She wasn't really sure what 'figuring her shit out' meant to her right now, maybe it meant she went back to St. Louis and worked on herself and being alone and if Shea ever called her then maybe she could take that as a sign. Maybe it meant sticking around Nashville and working on herself and being alone and avoiding everywhere she knew he went until some day they ran into each other and figured things out.

Then again, life wasn't a romantic comedy, it probably wouldn't work out that way.

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts, so she quickly tied off the braid she was putting in her hair and headed for the door, pulling it open to find Amelia in the hallway waiting for her. She didn't look upset at all, in fact that perky smile on her face told Tessa that Shea hadn't talked to her yet, whether it was because they hadn't run into each other or because he wanted to wait for a good time to break her heart.

Amelia asked her, "Am I allowed in?"

Tessa nodded her head and stepped aside to let Amelia into the apartment, and once she closed the door behind her she asked her, "How was the party last night?"

Amelia shrugged, "It was fun, but please spare me the male strippers at my own bachelorette party."

That hit Tessa like a ton of bricks.

She nodded her head anyway, and cleared her throat to ask, "Not that I mind... but what are you doing here?"

"I thought we could do lunch. I feel like I haven't spent much time with you at all lately." Amelia told her, and Tessa more than anything wanted to say no to lunch. She wanted to find a polite way to ask her sister to leave and not come back honestly.

But instead, she simply said, "Sure. I just have to get my stuff together, and we'll have to go somewhere quick because I'm meeting Pekka at one."

As Tessa started going through her piles of things she had to bring over to Pekka's Amelia glanced around and then she zeroed in on a little red mark at the base of the neck of Tessa's t-shirt dress, not quite hidden enough. She reached out and tapped the mark with her index finger and with a grin Amelia asked, "Do I know him?"

"What?" Tessa asked, looking down at herself in a panic.

Knowing she couldn't see what Amelia knew was a hickey she told Tessa, "You have a little something on your neck. Do I know him?"

"Oh. No, I burned myself with a curling wand yesterday." Tessa lied smoothly.

Amelia didn't believe her, "Mhmm. I'm gonna guess. Pekka?"

"Ew."

"Craig! I knew I wasn't imagining things. Shea said I was, but I knew I saw those little smiles you two sent back and forth all the time." Amelia said with a grin.

Tessa sighed exasperatedly and told her sister, "It's from no one. I told you, I burnt myself."

"Whatever. Suit yourself." Amelia mumbled before she looked around again and then asked her, "Can I borrow your charger while we wait? My phone's almost dead."

"Yeah, it's plugged in by my nightstand." Tessa told her, not even looking up from what she was going through.

Tessa had been so absorbed in organizing her papers for later that afternoon that she hadn't even noticed Amelia step out of the bedroom again. She didn't notice at all until Amelia asked, "Is this Shea's?"

When Tessa looked up and saw what was definitely Shea's watch in Amelia's hand her stomach dropped. She tried to lie, "No."

"It has his initials on it, Tessa." Amelia flipped the watch over to show her as if Tessa could see the letters 'S. M. W' engraved on the back of the watch from where she was standing, frozen to her spot by the kitchen counter. Amelia went on, "His mom bought him this."

"He must have left it here at some point." She had to at least try.

Amelia looked down at the watch, and then over at Tessa and she informed her, "It was on the floor by your bed."

When Amelia looked down at her neck again Tessa knew better than to follow her gaze. It was all over. She knew, Tessa knew that she knew. It was like a freight train coming down the tracks; Tessa couldn't get out of the way and there was no stopping it now.

She didn't speak, she didn't know what to say. It was Amelia who spoke first, she dropped her hand to her leg, watch still gripped in her fingers, and she asked Tessa, her voice filled with both anger and hurt, "What, you thought your marriage failed so you'd come here and ruin mine before it even got off of the ground?"

This time Tessa did speak, "No, Amelia I swear it's not like that."

"Shea was acting so weird and I never questioned it. I thought that between the season and my work things were just hard for him. Then you moved out all of a sudden, and I never questioned it. I sat there and vented to you about Shea and the way things were lately and you told me all these reasons that he was acting so weird all the while it was because the two of you were screwing each other?!" Amelia exclaimed, looking over at Tessa with angry eyes.

"No. It didn't happen like that, it just-"

She was cut off, not surprising, and Amelia exclaimed, "It’s just what Tessa? My sister has been banging my fiancé, that’s what it is.”

“I never meant for this to happen, I really didn’t.” Tessa told her, her eyes filling with tears as Amelia rolled her own eyes at her.

“The hell you didn’t!” Amelia exclaimed loudly, putting both hands on her hips, and Tessa for a moment was distracted by that damn watch hanging off of Amelia’s fingers.

Tessa took in a deep breath of air, held it for a moment and then let it out and took one more in and she hoped that her voice didn’t tremble the way her body felt like it might when she told Amelia, “I didn’t. I know you think I did, but I didn’t. It just-”

“I swear to God if you say it just happened I’m going to walk over there and slap you into next week, and once I hit you I don’t think I’ll be able to stop right now.” Amelia told her, her voice hard and sharp.

Tessa let out a breath of air and told her, “I am so sorry.”

“Yeah.” Was all that came out of Amelia’s mouth. Tessa looked over at her, blinking back tears.

She didn’t know what to say. What could she say?

All that she could get out of her mouth was, again, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, you don’t mean it.” Amelia told her, crossing her arms over her chest.

Tessa sighed, she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and said, “Yes I do. I wish to God that I could take this all back.”

“Yeah… me too.” Amelia muttered. For the first time since she walked out of the bedroom with Shea’s watch in her hand Amelia’s eyes welled up with tears. Tessa watched as she tried to blink them away, and when that didn’t work she simply let them fall down her cheeks and she looked at Tessa and asked her, “How could you? How could you do this to me?”

Tessa bit back the part of her emotions that were telling her to start sobbing now and she told Amelia, almost pleading with her, “Will you please just let me try to-”

It was like a switch flipped. Amelia took a deep breath in, wiped her cheeks and cut Tessa off to tell her, “You are no longer my sister.”

Tessa stood frozen to her spot as Amelia stomped around her, and she flinched when the door slammed shut. Her breath hitched in her throat, and the tears finally spilled over her cheeks. What had she done?

The only thing that got her moving again was knowing that Amelia was about to walk into their house and catch Shea completely off guard with this. It was her fault that Amelia found out, giving him a heads up was the least she could do. She felt like she owed him at least that.

So she grabbed her phone off of the kitchen counter and sent him a quick text message.

You left your watch here. She knows.