Start Me Up

Waking up the next morning Tessa was reminded of why she didn't drink. She rolled over to find a bottle of Tylenol and Gatorade on the nightstand, and an empty glass next to them. That was when she realized she wasn't in her apartment, but rather she was in the guest room of Shea's house, and the realization made her groan. Had she really shoved him last night? Had she really told him that she didn't want to talk, when in reality she did want to talk, so badly?

She downed two pills with a sip of Gatorade and then she turned in surprise when she heard movement in the room. Shea was sitting in the chair by the desk, rubbing his eyes, he had clearly just woken up. His hair was all over the place, and he looked as if he had barely slept a wink the night before. She wondered if he had slept there all night. Their eyes met and he smiled gently and asked her, "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and sighed, telling him, "Remembering why I stopped drinking in the first place."

He chuckled and together they left the guest room and headed into the kitchen, which was when he asked her, "Are you hungry? I thought we could go out for breakfast."

Her brow lifted as he took a seat at the table and she leaned her hip against the counter next to her and she asked him, "Why would you think that I would want to go anywhere with you after all of this?"

She did, for the record, desperately want to talk, but talking and eating a meal together were two completely different things.

His brow raised to match hers and he asked her, "I thought we could... sort things out."

"What, did you think you could hold me while I cried and tell me how sorry you were and that things would be okay suddenly? That I would have magically forgotten the last two weeks? That it would be okay that you ignored me for weeks?" Tessa asked him, her voice raised an octave or two as she spoke.

"You... remember last night?" Shea asked her in surprise. There went his plan for the morning. He had been hoping that Tessa wouldn't remember anything from last night, that he could take her for breakfast and they could talk about things without the memory of what happened the night before.

He wasn't sure what had compelled him to crawl into her bed the night before, to wrap his arms around her and tell her that he was sorry, to comfort her while she cried. He had no idea why he did it, but at the time he had been glad that he had, he thought maybe that would change things for them. Like he would show that side of himself to her, and she might forget what a shitty person he had been.

"That's about the only thing I do remember, and it doesn't work like that." Tessa told him in annoyance, she crossed her arms over her chest and told him, "I was waiting for you to step up and be a decent person for two weeks, now I could care less about hearing what you have to say."

He smiled, "You care Tessa. Last night says that you have a lot you want to say to me and that you do care to hear what I have to say."

Damn him for knowing her that well.

"I don't want to do this." She told him, letting out a sigh before she added, "I cannot do this. I have very little self-respect left from my last relationship, but I have enough to not chase after you. I'm not that person Shea, I'm never going to be that person. It's taken me a long time to realize that what I want matters, and I'm sorry but I'd rather look out for myself, then chase after someone who clearly doesn't care to make an effort at all. I am not playing this cat and mouse bullshit anymore. You want to talk, talk, but don't be surprised when I have no interest in hearing your excuses."

Shea sighed, and he pushed the chair across from him out with his foot. Tessa rolled her eyes but she pushed off of the counter and sat down across from him. She rolled her eyes again when he told her, "I really am sorry."

"Please don't. I don't want to hear your apologies." Tessa told him.

He watched as she tapped her fingertips against her thighs and he asked her, "So what do you want to hear then? What can I tell you that you want to know?"

She rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms crossed over her chest again, and she told him honestly, "I would have liked to have been kept in the loop on what the fuck was going on."

"I know, I'm-" He was going to say that he was sorry, again, but Tessa's narrowed eyes made him stop. He was at a loss for words now.

So she continued, "I wanted this conversation two fucking weeks ago Shea, the least you could have done was pick up the phone and sent me a god damn text message, but hey, at least Roman had the decency to tell me that my sister left the fucking state. Which is a good thing because I was packing my stuff to head back there, so it's good that he gave me the heads up."

"You're leaving?" He asked her in surprise, there was a tone of sadness to his voice that made Tessa roll her eyes at him. She continued to stare at him, clearly, she wasn't responding to him so Shea sighed gently and he told her, "I just... I didn't know what to say to you and I was... dealing with my own stuff."

"You don't think I was? But I at least gave you a heads up on what was going on, obviously you couldn't do the same." Tessa told him in annoyance.

"I wish I had handled this whole thing differently Tessa I really do... but I didn't so at least let me fill you in now and let me say what I need to say and if after all of that you want me to leave you alone I will, and I'll even let you leave for good, if it's what you really want." Shea told her, watching as she sighed.

"Fine." She was still annoyed, probably still silently angry at him but at least she was letting him talk.

"When Amelia came home from your place, after she... talked to you we talked. She asked a lot of questions, and I was completely honest with her about them, I told her everything she wanted to know, probably more honest than she wanted but that was the deal; complete and total honesty. She was upset, and a little angry and I understand that. She packed her things and left."

"Just like that?" Tessa asked him, eyebrow raised.

"She told me that Nashville wasn't a big enough city for the three of us and that she... that she didn't want to see us again." Shea told her honestly, he had been hoping he could have left that part out to save Tessa's feelings if nothing else.

She nodded her head slowly and asked him, "So why couldn't you have let me know any of this two weeks ago?"

"Honestly? I was scared." He told her, and when Tessa rolled her eyes he added, "I'm serious Tessa. This whole thing scares the crap out of me. The way that I feel about you terrifies me because I've never felt like this about anyone. It's just... us doing this... there's a lot to lose."

"What about what I've lost?" Tessa asked him her voice raised higher than usual. She didn't even give him a chance to answer, "I ruined a thirty-year relationship with my little sister over this Shea. You didn't see the way she looked at me, how hurt she was. I ruined her life, and now because of all of this she won't even talk to me and I doubt she ever will, and I can't even blame her for that even if I wanted to. Do not try to tell me you lost a damn thing that even comes close enough to even be considered in this conversation."

"I know, and that's part of why it took me so long to come here. Tessa, don't act like you have any idea how I've been feeling. This is my fault, I helped you ruin that relationship and it's hard to even look at myself right now. I needed to take some time to figure things out for myself; to figure out how I feel and how to move forward. Yeah, I should have let you know what went on, but I didn't and I'm trying to fix that now." Shea told her, his voice was soft but firm and it made Tessa sigh.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped I just...I spent the last two weeks thinking you didn't mean a damn thing you said to me. I thought I ruined her life for absolutely nothing... I thought you got what you wanted from me and it felt like yet again I was just tossed away when I wasn't useful anymore." When she said this his expression softened and he reached out to grab her hands in his but Tessa spoke again before he could say anything and she told him, "That's my issue to deal with, but I'm telling you right now if you really didn't mean what you said that night then you should tell me so that I can go right now."

He took her by surprise when he got up from the table, pulled her up with him and then he leaned down and kissed her softly, and then when he pulled away he looked at her and he said, "I meant what I said Tessa, one hundred percent. I know things aren't great right now and they're gonna be hard and this isn't the best way to start a relationship but I'm asking you to stay and give it a shot because I love you and if unconventional and unexplainable is the only way I get to have you in my life I'll take it. I'm sorry it took me so long to say that to you."

"Did you just say what I think you said?" Tessa asked him in surprise.

Her eyes were slightly wide and she looked almost terrified and Shea was worried he had overstepped every boundary out there. He spoke quietly, almost afraid to say, "I did."

Tessa smiled gently, "Call me crazy but I love you too."

She watched as his smile grew, and watching that made her smile grow as well, and he leaned over and kissed her quickly and asked, "So you'll give me a shot?"

"One shot, but you should know I might need a lot of love, and attention and I might be a lifetime job." Tessa told him.

She let out a laugh when Shea told her, "I like a challenge."

"So where do we go from here?" Tessa asked him curiously, and she let out a yelp when he picked her up over his shoulder and carried her into the living room. She told him, "Put me down, you're gonna hurt yourself."

He did put her down, directly onto the couch before he practically jumped on top of her and he told her, "I'm a big strong hockey player. Little you can't hurt me."

Tessa rolled her eyes and asked, "Who you calling little?"

Shea laughed, "I can cover your entire body with mine."

She shrugged, "You're just tall and large."

"You're what, five foot five?" He asked her in amusement.

Tessa reached up and smacked the side of his head, and when he looked at her in surprise she told him, "Five foot six and a half, jackass."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm still almost a foot taller than you." Shea said with a grin, and Tessa rolled her eyes at him.

"You know, you're already flunking at this whole boyfriend thing." She informed him.

His brow raised and he asked her in amusement, "Is that so?"

She nodded, "Mhmm. You're supposed to be nice to me."

He leaned down and kissed her jaw, and then her cheek, and then he planted his lips against hers softly before he pulled back and told her, "Sorry."

"Better be." She stated. When Shea straightened up and he pulled her with him Tessa leaned into his side as they both sat back against the couch and she told him, "I was serious about my question earlier, about where we go from here now."

Shea nodded and he admitted, "Honestly, I don't know. I thought that was something we would figure out when it came time... I guess it's time now."

"I just don't know how this works, you know? Like you and me as a couple, how does that even work?" Tessa asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"I think we should just go with what we're comfortable with. Maybe we start with our bubble here, and then we work our way to everyone else." Shea told her, watching as she nodded her head.

She smiled gently and said, "You mean your bubble here. They're your teammates."

"And what, Craig, Roman and Pekka aren't your friends?" Shea asked her curiously.

"They all already know, doesn't count." Tessa told him.

Shea shrugged and told her, "So maybe... next road trip I fill the rest of the guys in. But only if you're okay with that. I want the whole world to know you're mine, and I'm yours, but we can work up to that. I'd rather you be comfortable with how we go about all of this."

"I'm just worried about what people will say, especially about you." Tessa told him honestly. When his brow lifted she said, "I don't want you and I being a thing to disrupt your life... or your career."

"Tessa I don't talk to the media about my personal life. They don't know anything about my personal life, and that's how I like it and it's how I'm always gonna keep it. Besides, I can handle it. I want us to figure this out, together." Shea assured her, and then when his phone beeped and he pulled it out of the pocket of his jeans he asked her, "How about a dry run?"

"What?" She asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"Dinner with Craig, Pekka, Roman and Harper tonight? It would be a good way for us to go out in a group with friends, as a couple." Shea told her, and she smiled gently. He reminded her, "Besides I believe you promised you would hang out with her this afternoon while we had that meeting thing, and maybe making a few friends is a part of making a life here in Nashville... with me."

"I have friends." Tessa told him, pausing before she laughed and said, "But I'm sure you meant female friends, not your teammates."

Shea let out a chuckle, kissed her cheek and said, "Boy I pick smart ones."

- - -

"I really don't think anything or yours will fit me." Tessa turned around to shoot Harper a look as she stood in front of her closet and looked at what she had.

When Harper had admitted to feeling a little self conscious around Roman's teammates Tessa felt for her, which was how they had ended up back at Tessa's apartment rooting through clothes. They were due to meet the boys at a restaurant in just over an hour, and Tessa had decided that given their company for the evening, and where they were spending their time, neither of them could be underdressed.

"We're practically the same size." Tessa told her, and Harper rolled her eyes.

"Sure, maybe if I didn't have hips or boobs." Harper muttered and Tessa turned to face her, feigning hurt.

"I have boobs thank you." Tessa stated before she looked down at her chest and laughed, stating, "They're just not that big."

"Really, I'm sure what I'm wearing now is fine." Harper stated and Tessa took a good look at her outfit of leatherette jeans and a white t-shirt.

"It just needs a little something extra." Tessa mused to herself, turning back to her closet. After a few seconds, she asked Harper, "How do you feel about heels?"

"I don't particularly hate them." Harper stated, and Tessa chuckled, pulling out a pair of black ankle boots and setting them down next to her own bright green pumps before she went back to looking through her closet. She pulled out a multi-color shift sequin bomber jacket and a silver statement necklace before she turned around and held them out for Harper.

She took them apprehensively and Tessa told her, "You seem more of a relaxed, casual kind of girl and this way it's as simple as a bomber jacket but its cute still."

"Alright, so it's not so terrible." Harper admitted and Tessa grinned.

As Tessa went back to her closet in search of her own outfit for the night she asked her curiously, "So how are things with Roman?"

Harper looked up from the necklace she was inspecting and she told Tessa, "Things are good. I'm really hoping to get back here at least once more before the end of the season."

"I'm glad that things are good between you two." Tessa told her, pulling out a hanger with a t-shirt dress on it before she shook her head and shoved it back into the closet.

Harper got up and approached her, peeking into the closet before she laughed and told he "That is the most impressive thing I've ever seen."

"What? The amount of clothes I can stuff in this thing?" Tessa asked her with a grin and when Harper nodded she said, "You know, everyone I know or every story I've heard about what people do after they get divorced was like go on a big vacation, buy a Harley, or a boat. Me? When my divorce was finalized I bought a whole new wardrobe."

"You were married?" Harper asked her in surprise and Tessa's cheeks flushed so she was quick to say, "Not that that's a bad thing. I just didn't know."

Tessa nodded, "It's fine. I was, for six years, but we were together for ten. Right up until last summer."

"So you went and bought yourself a new wardrobe?" Harper asked her, successfully changing the subject off of her divorce and back to clothes.

Tessa nodded and told her, "My whole marriage was built on being this perfect wife, expensive shoes, respectable dresses, the whole nine. So when the divorce was finalized and I was finally sort of settled out here I went and bought me a whole new wardrobe, one that would have made Jacob have a heart attack."

Harper let out a chuckle, and she told her, "I think I like your wardrobe better than mine."

"Nah see you, you look good in anything. Basics, casual wear... if you can pull that off you can pull just about anything off. Me? Casual, everyday basics are not a good look for me." Tessa told her with a gentle smile, pulling out a long sleeve dress from the closet with a smile. She hung it on the hook on the inside of the closet door and then she turned to Harper and she asked her, "Does Roman make you happy?"

"Of course he does." Harper assured her.

Tessa smiled and she asked her, "Do you ever wonder if the stress isn't worth it? Like would it have been better to just cut your losses?"

Harper's brow raised, "We're not talking about me and Roman now, are we?"

Tessa shrugged her shoulders and admitted, "I guess I'm just trying to figure out every day now. With Shea and I... it's just that, I don't expect people to understand it, or even care for it but I'm just concerned that we're never gonna be able to get away from the fact that he was engaged to my sister."

"I think that people are gonna be shocked, not surprising, but that anyone worth keeping in your life is gonna see how happy the two of you make each other, and that's not worth destroying over people's opinions Tessa. I know we're having girl chat and we're supposed to be more elegant than men, but opinions are like asshole's, everyone's got one. It just all depends on who's opinion matters more; yours or theirs." Harper told her, surprising even herself with her advice.

Tessa smiled, sighed, tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and told her, "Thank you."

Harper nodded, glanced at her watch and stated, "You need to get dressed or we're gonna be late."

So Tessa disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed, tying her hair back in a braided bun at the back of her head before she stepped back into the bedroom, smoothed out her dress and chuckled to herself, stating, "I think this is the most covered I've been while going out anywhere."

Harper smiled at her and on their way out of the apartment she told her, "You look good."

"So do you. We have some lucky boys." Tessa stated with a nod, and then she paused and said, "Ah, fuck."

"What? Did you forget something?" Harper asked her.

Tessa shrugged and hit unlock on the set of keys in her hand before she muttered, "I forgot Shea has this big ass truck."

Harper glanced over at the vehicle and she grinned as she said, "Makes sense, though; a big truck for a big man."

"Yeah, it's a pain in the ass for me to drive, though." Tessa muttered as they both climbed in.

Harper looked down at her shoes and joked, "Especially in those shoes."

Tessa grinned and nodded, and they made small talk as she drove to the restaurant. A text from Shea told her that they were there already there and waiting for them, that Craig and Pekka got them a table and that he and Roman would be waiting for them to arrive. Tessa was glad, she felt like going in there by herself was a bit like walking into a lion's den.

When she pulled into the first empty parking space she could see Tessa cut the engine and dropped the keys into her lap and let out a breath of air. Harper glanced over at her and told her, "You have about half a minute to get whatever it is that you're thinking out of your head, Shea and Roman are on their way."

Tessa sighed, "I'm a little nervous."

Harper nodded and told her, "I know, but you're with friends who already know about you two. Shea's right; it will be good practice for everyone else. Just, forget about how you two got together for a few hours tonight and enjoy a couples night out Tessa. God knows you two need one."

Earlier that day, while they lounged around Tessa's apartment she had told Harper about the last two weeks, about everything that had happened and how things hadn't even been sorted out until a few hours before she had arrived. It was nice to be able to get it off of her chest, and it was nice to know that she had a friend in Harper. Tessa had never been good at the whole 'having friends' thing. Maybe because for the first time in a very long time she got to pick her friends and she didn't have to be worried that what she said might be percieved wrongly.

"Thanks." She told Harper, and they both got out of the truck.

Shea slipped his arm around her waist the moment he was close enough, pulling her tightly into his side before he joked, "This is the most covered I've seen you since you got to Nashville."

Everyone laughed and Tessa turned to look at Harper and she smiled and said, "Told you so."

She and Shea slowed just enough to walk a little bit behind Roman and Harper, and that was when Shea leaned down slightly to speak quietly as he told her, "We don't have to do this."

She looked up at him and nodded, "I know, but I think we need to. We need to spend a few hours enjoying ourselves, with our friends."

"Who gave you that advice?" Shea asked her in amusement.

She narrowed her eyes, "What makes you think I didn't come up with that?"

As they stepped into the restaurant and followed Roman and Harper to the table Shea told Tessa with a grin, "Because you're not that elegant."

She made a face and gave him a gentle shove to his side but it didn't move him at all. He wrapped his arm tighter around her and leaned down to kiss the top of her head before they arrived at the table with their waiting guests. Roman and Harper took the two chairs next to Pekka, so Tessa slipped into the chair next to Craig and Shea took the one next to her.

He reached over and grabbed her hand in her lap underneath the table, and she looked over at him and smiled gently. That was when Pekka told them, "It's nice to see the two of you together, you know."

Shea rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah I know I fucked up."

All three of their male company plus Tessa nodded their head in agreement and Harper stifled a laugh at that as Shea narrowed his eyes at Tessa. She smiled and reached up with her free hand to pat his cheek gently before she said, "You have a lot of time in the future to make it up to me."

"Ew." Craig stated.

Tessa rolled her eyes and said, "I was thinking more along the lines of cooking me dinner, back massages, that kind of stuff."

"You got it." He told her, giving her hand a squeeze. Their waitress came around to take everyone's drink order and when she left Shea looked around their table. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention and he glanced at Tessa for a moment before he said, "I know that for you guys this is probably pretty weird... me and Tessa like this and we get it, it's still weird for us too. I'm not asking you guys to get used to it so soon, I don't think we even will, but I appreciate the fact that you guys are trying to make things as normal as possible."

Pekka shrugged and asked, "What's the big deal? You're happy, she's happy, I'm only somewhat heartbroken that she chose you over me, but hey if I can get over the sting of that cold, cold rejection I'm sure everyone can get over the two of you shacking up."

Tessa put a hand over her face and laughed, her cheeks going red as everyone joined in. Shea rolled his eyes and told Pekka, "You're something else."

"So I've been told." He stated.

Craig interrupted to say, "I think anyone who really has an issue with it isn't really worth having in your lives. If you're happy, both of you, then who are we to say or think anything?"

Pekka jumped in to then tell Shea, "But seriously, if you hurt her I will end you. I will go all kinds of Ron Hextall on you."

Roman stated for the table to hear, "There would be nothing left for you to go after once Tessa was finished."

She nodded her head in agreement and Shea had everyone laughing when he stated with such ease, "Truth."