The Present.

It was moments like this that reminded me why I had a crush on Joshua. It was his gentle, controlled laughter that ignited a spark in the crowd. With all his poise, Joshua was the center of attention at all times. His magic trick: twisting the corners of his mouth into a perfect crescent moon; his teeth were white as one.

Then there was me, fading into the background. My face easily lost in the crowd of people I went to highschool with a few years back. People I once saw on a daily basis. Now, their lives spun in the opposite direction of mine. I became a stranger; communication lost in the distance. Hardly anyone recognized me, and I don’t think it was because of my haircut.

I chugged the last of the beer in my hand as I headed towards the front door. I texted my friend April, letting her know I was leaving. As I placed the empty Scuplin can on a flat surface, I heard his voice behind me.

“Just going to sneak out like that?”

Turning around, I narrowed my eyes at him. They traced his tall slender form; from his worn out vans that were held together by duct tape to his messy brown hair sticking out from under a black beanie. His eyes were ocean blue with flecks of soft yellow. I felt my heart begin to race the closer he came. I took a deep breath, inhaling his subtle cologne.

“Well it just so happens-” I started to say until another boy shouted to our right.

“Hey, Josh!” A boy waved as he bounced over towards us, his energy restless. “Surf tomorrow?” He asked. His shaggy, dirty blonde hair blocked half of his face.

Joshua flashed the other boy a bright smile, the one that took control of the room. “Yeah man,” he said. “I’ll text you later?” The other boy nodded before someone else in the crowd caught his attention. He waved good-bye to Joshua before disappearing.

Again, Joshua’s eyes landed on me. They were soft, apologetic almost. He parted his lips but once again we were interrupted.

“Where are you going?” A girl strided over. Simone was the Notre Dame, division I basketball player that grew up just three houses down from me. I don’t think she knew who I was, even back then. She wore a white dress that complimented her legs and athletic figure.

“Uh,” Joshua laughed nervously. His cheeks flustered a deep, cherry color within seconds. I rolled my eyes, stepping towards the door. Before I got very far, Joshua’s hand grabbed mine, and he walked alongside of me. “I’ll be right back,” he smiled at Simone. He changed our direction, pulling me towards the second floor of the house.

In and out of rooms we went until Joshua found a vacant bedroom. He let go of my hand once we were inside, closing the door behind us. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he stated dryly.

My eyes widen and I gazed up at him. “I’m avoiding you?” I acted surprised, and I fought the urge to laugh humorously at him. “I think you’re avoiding Simone,” I jabbed at him.

Joshua took one look at me and laughed. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, my friend. But seriously, you’ve been avoiding me all break.” I bit my bottom lip and stared at my feet. Knowing Joshua saw right through me, I dropped down on the bed in silent defeat. I threw my arms above my head as I sprawled out. He took the opportunity to sit right next to me even though there was the rest of the queen size bed to sit. Joshua knew it bothered me. I closed my eyes. “How’s New York?”

I kept my eyes closed. I could smell his cologne again and a smile danced its way on my lips. “It’s cold,” I murmured, picturing the smirk on Joshua’s face as I said it. “I’m assisting for now. So that usually means I grab coffee, manage the schedule, and run around hunting people down.” I reopened my eyes as I sat back up, his face inches from mine. My stomach did back flips.

“You’ll be on top in no time,” he commented as he leaned closer to me. “How was Christmas?” I jumped to my feet quickly and found myself across the room from Joshua. My back turned to him. The soft music from below filled the silence. The incandescent lights added a warmth to everything. More than that, it was Joshua’s tender-hearted nature that added warmth to every room he stood in.

I hadn’t heard Joshua move until I turned back around, flinching at his presence beside me. I didn’t get very far as Joshua wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. I wrapped my arms around his neck; the distance between us melted away. The music melted away. My loud, subconscious melted away. All that remained was Joshua and I. We were ourselves in this moment. The selves we grew up knowing very well.

His lips tasted of early mornings in the spring. Southern California didn’t have seasons, but I pictured freshly cut, dewy blades of grass. His lips felt fresh and soft. When we pulled away, I reached up and adjusted his beanie and Joshua tried to smooth down the loose strands of hair on my head. He tucked some behind my ear, his eyes on mine. “It’s getting hot in here,” I mumbled. Joshua chuckled. “No pun intended,” I quickly tried to fix.

“Come on,” he took my hand once more, his clammy palm stuck to mine. Joshua led me back downstairs and out the front door; the winter wind cooling us down. We strolled down the sidewalk in simple silence. I didn’t bother to ask him where we were headed and he didn’t care to inform me.

Eventually, we climbed into his Mazda 3 hatchback. Joshua drove us to the beach. He wrapped me up in layers before we descended onto the beach. We talked late into the night. I went into more detail about New York. Joshua talked about the surf, the continuous drought, and his camping trips to Big Sur. We took turns showing pictures on our phones. Every now and then, pictures of other boys were quickly scrolled through on my phone while he did the same with the girls on his phone. We didn’t say a word about it. Of course there were other people. We weren’t foolish enough to think otherwise. But for tonight, it didn’t matter. They didn’t matter.

When we could no longer fight sleep, we headed back to his car. We sprawled out in the back. Insulated sheets kept us warm as we cuddled close together. Morning came. Joshua drove me to my house just as the sun rose. Quietly, I grabbed my bags and headed back into his Mazda. Last night he offered to drive me to the airport. We kept quiet, listening to the playlist from his Spotify account.

He parked the car and got out to help me with my bags. We stood in front of the airport terminal, my arms clapped together in front of my chest and his stuffed in his pockets. In another life, Joshua and I would have worked. We would have conquered the distance. Especially in today’s world, we would have owned the skype dates and the countless emails exchanged. But in this life, we only had moments like the one last night. They presented themselves in a blink of an eye, then they were gone.

“Well, see you in the summer,” he spoke, rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes. He removed his hands from his pockets and wrapped them around me one last time. “And bring back one of those miniature Statue of Libertys for me, will ya?” He joked. His smile faded as he looked down at me, buried in his chest.

“I’ll try and remember,” I spoke softly up at him. Joshua pulled out his black beanie from his pocket, placing it over my hair.

“To hide your bedhead.” His joke received him a light punch in the arm and a kiss on the lips one last time. “Bye, Felece,” his whispered, kissing my forehead. With one last smile, he jumped back into his Mazda and waited for me to disappear into the crowd of people.

We only have moments, I thought again.