Even If You Don't

Michael’s POV

“Can we just have one day where you’re not moping around and feeling sorry for yourself?” Ashton huffed in the middle of another one of Calum’s tangents about how he didn’t want to go out for the fifth weekend in a row.

“I’m allowed to mope, Ashton,” Calum reminded him.

Luke snorted softly, “Mari has more of a reason to mope than you do but she’s not.”

“How do you know that?” he replied.

“They’ve been in the studio pretty much since they got home,” he answered harshly, “But I wouldn’t expect you to know that since you spend all your time in bed bitching about how sad you are.” Not wanting to hear another one of Calum’s excuses, Luke stood up abruptly and left the room. Unfortunately for him, however, he wasn’t able to get away that easily.

“You would be sad if you broke up with your girlfriend too, Luke!” Calum called after him.

“At least Luke doesn’t break up with people without a damn reason,” Ashton spat, leaving as well. Calum grumbled under his breath, looking at me.

“You gonna get pissy with me too?” he asked.

I was silent for a moment, trying to think of what I wanted to say. Well... Actually, I knew what I wanted to say – I just knew it wouldn’t be helpful to any of us to say it. It hurt to know how much Mari was still hurting over the breakup – we still texted every day, of course – and as much as I wanted to cuss Calum out for everything he was putting her through, it wasn’t going to help the situation at all.

“Cal,” I sighed, “The distance thing... It was temporary. That girl could be your forever. And you’re willing to just throw it all away because she lives in another country? This might be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. For someone claiming to be in love with the girl, you're pretty shit at showing it.” I walked away before he had the chance to respond, letting him make the decision on his own.

~

Calum’s POV

Three days later; London

I knew the boys weren’t going to be pleased to find out I’d left without any warning – though, I did leave a note telling them I’d be back soon – but I knew I had to go find Mari. I knew everyone meant well in their lectures with me about what I did – and I knew they were right as well – I guess I just didn’t want to admit it. But I knew that I had to make it right with Mari – I had to do it because I loved her.

My sister picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the recording studio – Kaylynn had tweeted about being there today. She didn’t say anything to me the whole ride, which I wasn’t too surprised about – both her and my parents hadn’t really wanted to speak to me since they found out what happened through the boys.

Mali parked out front and we both went in – she finally told me she needed to talk to someone whose name I didn’t catch. She went her own way after waving to a girl at the front desk while I went up to the girl sitting beside her.

“Where can I find Lost and Found?” I asked her, earning myself a dirty look – and I instantly knew she was a friend of Mari’s. When I realized she wasn’t going to tell me anything, my jaw tightened. “Listen,” I grumbled, “I don’t know you and you don’t know me and my business is not with you, so I need you to do your job and tell me where the band is so I can apologize to the people I need to apologize to.” She looked at me again for a moment before muttered a ‘B’ to me. I snapped back with a harsh ‘thank you’ before heading in the direction of studio B.

As I was walking toward the door, I could hear Mari’s voice singing. My heart was beating so hard, I honestly thought I was going to throw up as I then heard her stop and Kenzie speak.

“Can you play the second verse and pre-chorus again, Will?” she asked the producer, “I think I know what Mari’s going for, but I just need to hear it again.”

“Sure thing, Kenz,” Will replied, hitting play on what was obviously a recording. I sighed softly, realizing Mari wasn’t actually there – at least not that I knew of – but stopped at the door, wanting to hear what was only something I could assume Mari had written.

You were a vision in the morning when the light came through

I know I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you

You said you’ll never be forgiven ‘til your boys are too

And I’m still waking every morning but it’s not with you

You’re dripping like a saturated sunrise

You’re spilling like an overflowing sink

You’re ripped at every edge, but you’re a masterpiece

And now you’re tearing through the pages and the ink

I leaned up against the wall, not even paying attention to Will and Kenzie’s exchanges anymore. I could hear the strain in Mari’s voice and I knew it was because of me – I knew that verse was about me. And I was sure she wouldn’t want to see me, but I knew I had to see her.

The moment I stepped into the doorway, Kenzie immediately stopped singing and laughed bitterly.

“Absolutely not,” she stated, causing Kaylynn, Vanessa, and Will to look over – while Mari was nowhere to be found. Vanessa simply rolled her eyes, resting back on the couch she was sitting on, but it seemed like Kaylynn was the most upset to see me there. She got up from her spot beside Vanessa, marched over, and backed me out of the room so I was standing in the middle of the hallway.

Kaylynn’s POV

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” I spat, crossing my arms and leaning against the door frame.

“Heard you guys were in the studio today,” Calum swallowed nervously.

“Oh, you still follow me on Twitter?” I laughed bitterly, “Surprised you didn’t block all of us after we left Sydney.”

“I need to talk to Mari.”

“Well, Mari’s not here – wasn’t feeling up to it,” I replied monotonously, “She hasn’t felt like doing much of anything since we got home now that I think about it. She did write a kick-ass song though, so I guess that's something decent that came out of this.”

“Kaylynn-“

“You broke my best friend’s heart, Hood,” I growled, “You think we’re just going to let you come back and do it all over again? You ruined her. You became so much more than just her celebrity crush and the fact that you could just tear her down like that? You were very convincing though; You had all of us fooled with the way you looked at her – like she put the stars in the sky, I seem to recall hearing you tell the boys during soundcheck one day.”

“I swear, Kaylynn...” he choked, “I swear to God, none of that was fake. I never should have broken up with her because of something so stupid. I need to see her, Kay, please. Even if she doesn’t forgive me, I just need her to know I love her.”

I froze at the confession; I should have known that’s why he was here. If the last six months really didn’t mean anything to him, why would he have flown to London and be begging to see Mari now? Of course he was in love with her; He wouldn’t be doing all this if he wasn’t.

I let out a breath, walking over to the table in the room. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, going back to where Calum was still stood at the door. I scribbled a couple things down and shoved it into Calum’s chest.

“If you don’t fix this and she calls me later to yell at me for telling you where she is, I’m going to fly back to Sydney and kill you myself,” I warned him.

“Thank you,” Calum let out a deep breath, taking the paper and running back down the hallway.

Calum's POV

I quickly found Mali as she was walking toward another room, grabbing her forearm and dragging her along with me.

“Calum!” she exclaimed, huffing when I didn’t respond. She simply sighed and got into the driver’s seat of her car as I sat shotgun. “Where are we going?” Mali asked as she started the car, understandably annoyed I forced her back outside. It wasn’t until then that I looked down at the paper Kaylynn had given me and read it.

Gate 5
Flight 431
Flight departs at 5:50

“The airport,” I murmured, realizing Mari was going back home.

“Cal,” my sister groaned, but pulled onto the street anyway, “We were just there!”

“Mali, please,” I pouted, making her roll her eyes.

“If she forgives you and you screw up this big again, call an Uber the next time you come back to London to beg for her forgiveness,” she stated. I smiled slightly, knowing she was still taking me back to the airport.

~

An hour later, Mali dropped me off at the airport. I thanked her profusely, to which she only replied with ‘Just make sure you fix it, Calum; I actually like her’ – which was certainly something considering my sister never really liked any of the girls I’ve dated before.

I ran inside the building, making a beeline to the first information desk I saw. The woman sitting there clearly looked confused as I was practically shoving people to get to her.

“Hello, sir...” she said slowly when I reached her, “Welcome to London City Airport. What can I do for you?”

“I need to get on the 431 flight Indianapolis like, right now,” I breathed heavily from running, leaning onto the desk.

“I’m sorry, sir, but that flight left ten minutes ago,” she said apologetically, “I can get you a ticket for the next one, but that won’t be for another week.

“Are you sure there are no other options?” I begged, desperate to see Mari at this point.

“You could try connecting flights,” she shook her head, looking at her computer as she typed, “But it looks like it’ll still take you about a week to get to where you actually need.”

“Okay,” I sighed, putting my face in my palms so my voice was slightly muffled, “I’ll just take the earliest Indianapolis one you have.”

I paid the woman for my ticket and she told me when to be back at the airport next week. I stalked back outside, calling myself an Uber – I didn’t really want to force Mali to turn around and come back as she was already annoyed with me for making her drive two hours to and from the airport that day, and I returned to my sister’s place about an hour later – much to her surprise.

“Cal, what are you doing here?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Next flight to Indianapolis isn’t for another week,” I mumbled. Mali sighed, moving out of the way and allowing me to walk into her apartment.

“You’re an idiot, Calum,” she told me.

“I know,” I swallowed, “I’ve been hearing it a lot over the past few weeks.”

“Yeah, well, you haven’t been hearing it from me,” she stated, crossing her arms, “Did you really think this was going to go over smoothly? Did you think everyone was going to sympathize with your reasoning for breaking up with Mari? Did you think Mari wouldn’t have given long-distance a shot either?”

“Mali...”

“No, Calum! I’m not gonna baby you about this the way everyone else has!” she exclaimed, “Every time I saw you and Mari together, you were both so happy – I’ve never seen you that happy with someone you were dating before! What made you think that was going to change just because she lived 11,000 miles away?!”

“I don’t know, Mali,” I sighed, “I don’t do well with long-distance – you know that.”

“Mari deserved that explanation, Cal! She deserved more than you telling her that the distance was too much! She deserved the chance to try to make it work rather than you just not giving her the option!”

“I know, okay?!” I threw my arms up, “I know I fucked up! I know I’m an asshole! I know! But as much as you and me and everyone else wishes I could, I can’t go back and change it! I can’t go back in time and stop myself from breaking her heart, and I don’t even know if flying all the way to Indianapolis is going to make it all better, but I’m trying, okay?! Because as hard as it is for you and Mum and everyone else to believe, nobody hates me right now more than I do!” I ended my rant by throwing myself onto the couch, putting my hands on my face and breathing in and out slowly to calm myself down. I heard Mali sigh to herself before feeling the seat dip as she sat next to me.

“You’re an idiot,” she repeated in a whisper.

I only laughed dryly, “Tell me something I don’t know.” I wasn’t expecting to get an answer, but Mali started talking again.

“Nothing’s gonna make everyone forget what happened, Cal,” she told me, “But I know Mari... And I know that she’s the most forgiving person there is... So if she forgives you, then that’s the only person’s opinion on the situation that you need to care about.” I removed my hands from my face to look at her, finding her already looking at me.

“Thanks, Mali,” I said, my voice hardly even coming out. She barely smiled, wrapping her arm around my neck and pulling me into her for a hug.