Status: Active c:
The North Star
Six.
I woke up in the middle of the night panting, drenched in sweat. I sat straight up, my hand immediately flying up to my face. I could feel the fire surging under my skin, but I wasn't acting uncontrollably like I usually did. Loki immediately sat up, his hands grabbing my face, his eyes scanning mine. "Are you alright?" He whispered, worry clear in his voice. I nodded slowly, trying to calm my breathing. "I-I think so." He felt my forehead with the back of his hand and his face scrunched up with worry. "You're burning up." He whispered. "I feel like my skin is burning." He wrapped his hand around my arm, shaking his head slowly. "You're so warm.." The worry on his face was slowly changing to anxiety.. Fear, almost. I've seen it before. "I-I'll just go take a cold shower. That'll help. I'll be right back." He didn't say anything, just stared after me as I walked out of the room.
I sat under the running water for awhile, as cold as I could get it, making my skin sizzle and steam rise up. I had my knees pulled into my chest and my chin resting on my knees with my eyes closed. All I wanted was to be normal. Was that really too much to ask for? I sighed, letting a tear escape from my eye. I'd never know normalcy. I'd never be able to really be close to anyone. I'd always have to keep my distance. When I had finally cooled off completely, I turned off the shower, drying off and changing back into my PJs before heading back to my room.
When I returned, Loki was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands as he stared at the floor. When I walked closer to him and he heard my footsteps, he stood up immediately, walking over to me and embracing me tightly. "Are you feeling better?" I wrapped my arms around his waist loosely, nodding. "Yes, thank you." He ran his fingers through my now damp hair, still holding me tight. I pushed him away slightly, looking at the floor. "You don't have to do this, you know." I whispered to him. "What do you mean?" He took a step back. I sighed, rubbing my arm. "You don't have to stay with me, or be so kind to me. You don't have to keep comforting me when I get scared.. I mean, what's in this for you?" I looked up at him and his expression was pained. "You're under the impression that I'm doing this as a selfish act? Just to get something from you?" I had struck a nerve. "Seriously, Loki. What is in this for you?" He shook his head, walking past me, his shoulder bumping mine. As he reached the doorway, he looked at me over his shoulder. "I thought you might have been the one person who saw the man behind the monster." He walked out of the room, leaving me with an ache in my chest.
I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I just stood by my window, staring at the sky until the sun came up. I felt bad for how I had questioned Loki's intentions, but at the same time.. It probably worked out for the best. It wasn't a good idea for him to get emotionally attached to me, or romanticize about us possibly being together.. Although I had to admit, I was getting a little attached to him. I shook those thoughts from my head, walking over to my bed, curling up in a ball. I closed my eyes, trying to force myself to fall asleep. Maybe if I stayed in here and slept all day, I wouldn't have to face Loki. I'm sure he was probably mad at me. I was supposed to leave with him and Thor tomorrow to go to Asgard so they could run their tests on me. My stomach churned at the thought. What if they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me? What then? I sat up quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed. If they couldn't figure me out.. I'd have to go back on the shots.. Or they'd get rid of me. I was a liability. I had hurt people before. I could still hurt people. I stood up, changing into a pair of black skinny jeans and a black hoodie, packing my wallet, phone charger and a change of clothes into a small backpack. I could easily just say I was going to the store or for a walk.
I headed down to the kitchen, my hood up and one headphone in my ear, playing Halsey as loud as the volume would go. Loki was sitting at the bar with Thor, eating breakfast. He looked at me, his lips pressed into a thin line, worry shining in his eyes. "Going somewhere?" Thor asked me in between bites of his cereal. I shrugged, "I figured I'd just go for a walk." I replied, taking a leaf out of the fruit bowl and walking out of the kitchen, heading downstairs. I passed Wanda and Nat on my way down, smiling and waving at them. I acted completely normal. I saw that Tony was having what looked like a very important conversation with Dr. Banner, so I decided not to bother him as I walked past the lab. It was probably better if I didn't say goodbye to him.
As I walked out of the building, I looked back, staring for a moment.
They'd never know that I didn't plan on coming back.
I sat under the running water for awhile, as cold as I could get it, making my skin sizzle and steam rise up. I had my knees pulled into my chest and my chin resting on my knees with my eyes closed. All I wanted was to be normal. Was that really too much to ask for? I sighed, letting a tear escape from my eye. I'd never know normalcy. I'd never be able to really be close to anyone. I'd always have to keep my distance. When I had finally cooled off completely, I turned off the shower, drying off and changing back into my PJs before heading back to my room.
When I returned, Loki was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands as he stared at the floor. When I walked closer to him and he heard my footsteps, he stood up immediately, walking over to me and embracing me tightly. "Are you feeling better?" I wrapped my arms around his waist loosely, nodding. "Yes, thank you." He ran his fingers through my now damp hair, still holding me tight. I pushed him away slightly, looking at the floor. "You don't have to do this, you know." I whispered to him. "What do you mean?" He took a step back. I sighed, rubbing my arm. "You don't have to stay with me, or be so kind to me. You don't have to keep comforting me when I get scared.. I mean, what's in this for you?" I looked up at him and his expression was pained. "You're under the impression that I'm doing this as a selfish act? Just to get something from you?" I had struck a nerve. "Seriously, Loki. What is in this for you?" He shook his head, walking past me, his shoulder bumping mine. As he reached the doorway, he looked at me over his shoulder. "I thought you might have been the one person who saw the man behind the monster." He walked out of the room, leaving me with an ache in my chest.
I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I just stood by my window, staring at the sky until the sun came up. I felt bad for how I had questioned Loki's intentions, but at the same time.. It probably worked out for the best. It wasn't a good idea for him to get emotionally attached to me, or romanticize about us possibly being together.. Although I had to admit, I was getting a little attached to him. I shook those thoughts from my head, walking over to my bed, curling up in a ball. I closed my eyes, trying to force myself to fall asleep. Maybe if I stayed in here and slept all day, I wouldn't have to face Loki. I'm sure he was probably mad at me. I was supposed to leave with him and Thor tomorrow to go to Asgard so they could run their tests on me. My stomach churned at the thought. What if they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me? What then? I sat up quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed. If they couldn't figure me out.. I'd have to go back on the shots.. Or they'd get rid of me. I was a liability. I had hurt people before. I could still hurt people. I stood up, changing into a pair of black skinny jeans and a black hoodie, packing my wallet, phone charger and a change of clothes into a small backpack. I could easily just say I was going to the store or for a walk.
I headed down to the kitchen, my hood up and one headphone in my ear, playing Halsey as loud as the volume would go. Loki was sitting at the bar with Thor, eating breakfast. He looked at me, his lips pressed into a thin line, worry shining in his eyes. "Going somewhere?" Thor asked me in between bites of his cereal. I shrugged, "I figured I'd just go for a walk." I replied, taking a leaf out of the fruit bowl and walking out of the kitchen, heading downstairs. I passed Wanda and Nat on my way down, smiling and waving at them. I acted completely normal. I saw that Tony was having what looked like a very important conversation with Dr. Banner, so I decided not to bother him as I walked past the lab. It was probably better if I didn't say goodbye to him.
As I walked out of the building, I looked back, staring for a moment.
They'd never know that I didn't plan on coming back.