A Place of Hope and No Pain

Matt's POV

How could I have done that? To Chloe? A woman I hardly knew. I got physical with her. The proof was on her neck and I knew if I put my hand around her throat my finger's would match with the marks.

What had I become?

I couldn't look at Chloe anymore, seeing my finger marks on her neck, so I walked quietly to my room, closing the door and laying on my bed.

I hated myself and I laid there hating myself until I fell asleep.

I wasn't sure what the time was when I opened my eye's, but it was dark and I felt okay, well that was until I remembered what had happened. How could I do that to someone and not remember a fucking thing?

No wonder Lucy had left, taken the kids and moved out. I was a pathetic excuse for a man. She didn't want to be around me and I didn't blame her. My life was a mess and I had nobody to blame but myself. I was a mess.

God, I hated lying here in the dark, by myself and I sat up on the edge of the bed. I felt lonely, depressed and sad and I didn't want to be by myself.

I walked out of my room, it was dark but I could see a little and I made my way straight to Chloe's room.

What was it about Chloe? I don't know, maybe it was because she'd been here, but with Chloe I knew I could be me and I knew she got it, got me.

"Chloe." I whispered.

I could just make out her form in the dark and I watched as she made a little strange noise and flicked the lamp on, looking at me.

God her neck. It looked horrible.

"Chloe I'm sorry." I whispered and I was so sorry, so fucking sorry.

"Matt please stop apologising." She said softly. "It's over and done with, so please no more."

I looked at her. It was easy for her to say that, but for me, it was something I would never forget.

I nodded my head, quickly wiping my cheek. God, now I was crying, crying over my ridiculous life, the life I had ruined.

Chloe looked at me, smiling, then she held her arm's out to me. I didn't hesitate, I climbed onto the bed and let her fold me into her arm's. What was it about her that made me so comfortable?

I cried into her chest and she held me, never saying a word. I cried for my children, I cried for my friend Jimmy, who I would never see again and I cried for my marriage that I had ruined.

"Matt." Chloe said softly. "You're here, you're making the change, taking steps in the right direction and I'm sure things will work out for you. No." She murmured, running her fingers softly through my hair. "I'm positive things will work out for you."

I wish I could be as positive as her, I really did.

I closed my eye's, enjoying the feeling of Chloe's finger's in my hair. God I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt any kind of affection from a woman, but it felt so nice, really nice.

Lucy and I had been together so long I couldn't remember the last time we had shown any affection to each other. Maybe we'd just gotten too comfortable with each other or maybe we just forgot how, all I knew was that it felt good, it felt nice and right now I believed Chloe when she told me everything was going to be okay.

We both must have slept because when I opened my eye's again the sun was up and we were both still in Chloe's bed.

She was awake, staring at the ceiling and I opened my eye's a little, watching her, wondering what she was thinking about.

"We should go to the gym." I said softly, feeling energetic, surprised at the difference in my body.

"We should." She smiled, looking at me.

"I've been a little slack the last few days."

"Understandably so." She murmured.

"But I feel better." I mumbled, sitting up, and I did, I felt a lot better.

"Yeah, but don't get too comfortable Matt." Chloe said sitting up too. "It's not over, not by a long way."

"Yeah I know." I said, getting up and going to my room to get changed.

I'd abused my body for years and I knew it was going to take a long time to get over that, I knew it wouldn't happen in six days, no wait, it was seven day's now. I'd been here for seven day's already.

I changed quickly, smiling to myself. I really was feeling pretty good today and when Chloe and I got to the gym I worked hard, making up for the day's I hadn't been here and I was pleased to see that Chloe worked just as hard.

I couldn't help but frown to myself every time I looked at her. The finger marks were even more noticeable today and I still couldn't help but feel ashamed. I'd laid my hands on a woman, and worse yet, I'd laid my hands on the one person who was trying to help me.

And that was the real problem here. No one had ever tried to help me before. Not my family, although my parents had supported my decision to come here, not my friends and especially not my wife. Like I'd told Chloe before, she was the one who always bought me alcohol home, always left a bottle on the bench, yet she was the one who'd decided she couldn't handle it anymore and left.

I pumped some weights, getting angry. Who was she to leave me? How fucking dare she. For better or worse, but nope, not according to Lucy and then she'd taken the thing that had meant the most to me. My son's.

That's what hurt the most, not seeing my boy's everyday and they were the reason I was here. I wanted to see them again, I wanted them with me, I needed them with me.

If Lucy wanted me back, well that was well and good. I didn't want our marriage to be over and I was willing to work for it, but she needed to work for it too. I was sick of being blamed for everything that had gone wrong in our life.

"Ready?" Chloe asked, grabbing a towel and smiling.

I nodded, looking at her.

Yep, I was ready. I was finally going to start living my life for me, for myself and my son's. Fuck everyone else.