Remenissions
Chapter 13
Lana's POV
I opened my eye's. It was early, too early and I leant over, grabbing my phone, checking the time. Fuck, it wasn't even 7am yet. That's what I get for going to sleep early last night.
I sat up and Matt grunted. "Go back to sleep."
"I can't." I hissed at him and he reached up, pulling me back down.
"Sleep Lana." He mumbled, not even opening his eye's.
I sighed, and laid there, staring at Matt. He could sleep anywhere and for hours at a time, I guess it was because of his lifestyle, a life of touring, whatever it was, I was fucking jealous.
I laid there, inspecting his face. He really was blessed in the looks department, he was lucky. We'd grown up together, he had blossomed into a handsome, good looking man and I had grown into a nothing, a plain girl, nothing special or spectacular, I was average. Sometimes I felt that he'd moved on without me, that he was leaving me behind and pretty soon I would just be a memory of his past. I realise that we all had to grow up, but we were nearly 28, twenty years as best friends and now, well now it was probably going to end. I was upset but I realised Matt was at a point in his life where it was time to move on and I'd be okay, as long as he was happy I'd be okay with it. I'd just keep telling myself I was okay with it anyway. It's not like it mattered if I wasn't.
I looked at his face, he was sleeping again so I took the opportunity to really look, drink it in. His eyelashes were resting on his cheeks, he had such beautiful eyelash's, I couldn't help but be jealous of them. I looked at his nose, his cheeks, his little butt chin, damn I loved that chin, and when he smiled, his dimples, he was just so fucking perfect. I let my eye's drift down to his shoulder's and his bare chest and I looked at his tattoo's, I loved his tattoo's, the one's on his chest, the one's on his arm's, all of them, I loved them all and they accentuated his already extremely hot body. I knew he worked out and let me tell you it was worth it, his body was perfect.
I stared at his chest and wondered what it would like to be kissed by him, to make love to him and I felt myself blushing. We'd been friends for twenty or so years and never, not once had our relationship ever gone past friendship. No stolen kisses, no drunk sex, nothing and it never would, I knew that.
I groaned. Now I was horny and sad, sad because the guy I was completely in love with, the guy I'd been in love with for ten years would never see me as anything else but a friend, or best man and now he was getting married, so he never would. I'd get over it, or if I didn't, I'd learn to live with it.
"Lana." Matt suddenly said. "Sleep."
"I can't." I said a little too harshly, sitting up. "I'm getting up." And I threw my legs over the side of the bed, quietly leaving the room.
"No stay." He mumbled but I ignored him anyway.
Now my mood was shit, having to lay there and look at him and realise I wasn't ever going to be anything more to him, it hurt and I felt worthless now, because in the grand scheme of Matt's fancy life I was nothing, I was a nobody, I was forgettable, and soon, very soon he would forget me and I needed to prepare myself for that.
I put on some coffee and stood there waiting for it and when it was ready I grabbed a cup and headed out to the porch. I glanced at Marty's door and I smiled, I really hoped her and Brian had worked their shit out and judging by the fact he was sleeping in her room, I'd say they had.
It was a little chilly when I walked outside, but nice so I sat there, just staring into the distance, thinking, but trying not to. Maybe I should go for a swim, but the thought of walking down to the lake by myself daunted me, I really wasn't great with nature.
"Hi." Marty said softly, opening the door and sitting next to me on the porch.
I looked at her, she was glowing and she looked happy. Her and Brian must have sorted out their problems, I could see it all over her face, and the sex hair, that was a dead giveaway.
"How are you?" I asked her smiling.
She smiled widely. "Very good Lana, I'm very good."
I didn't probe her or ask questions, I knew she'd tell me when she was ready, but the main thing was that they'd sorted it out and I was glad that they did.
We both stared off into the distance, in silence, sipping our coffee's, thinking. I started thinking about my life again and how my life had revolved around Matt for so long, but now, now I needed to stop that. Maybe Nick was the answer, he was a nice guy and he seemed interested so maybe I needed to put more time into him and less time into Matt. Yeah, I think that's what I needed to do, move on, find somebody who could love me back.
"Lana are you okay?" Marty suddenly asked. "You look upset."
"What, oh yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about some things, but I'm okay." I said standing up. "Want to go for a swim?" I asked her.
"Fuck yes." She said and we both headed inside to get our swimmer's.
Matt was still sleeping and as I grabbed what I needed out of my bag I didn't look at him although every part of me wanted to.
Nope, I thought to myself as I closed the door quietly, I was going to accept what was, I wasn't going to mope or feel sorry for myself and I was going to be happy for Matt, happy that he'd found that special someone.
But fuck..........I really wished it was me.
I opened my eye's. It was early, too early and I leant over, grabbing my phone, checking the time. Fuck, it wasn't even 7am yet. That's what I get for going to sleep early last night.
I sat up and Matt grunted. "Go back to sleep."
"I can't." I hissed at him and he reached up, pulling me back down.
"Sleep Lana." He mumbled, not even opening his eye's.
I sighed, and laid there, staring at Matt. He could sleep anywhere and for hours at a time, I guess it was because of his lifestyle, a life of touring, whatever it was, I was fucking jealous.
I laid there, inspecting his face. He really was blessed in the looks department, he was lucky. We'd grown up together, he had blossomed into a handsome, good looking man and I had grown into a nothing, a plain girl, nothing special or spectacular, I was average. Sometimes I felt that he'd moved on without me, that he was leaving me behind and pretty soon I would just be a memory of his past. I realise that we all had to grow up, but we were nearly 28, twenty years as best friends and now, well now it was probably going to end. I was upset but I realised Matt was at a point in his life where it was time to move on and I'd be okay, as long as he was happy I'd be okay with it. I'd just keep telling myself I was okay with it anyway. It's not like it mattered if I wasn't.
I looked at his face, he was sleeping again so I took the opportunity to really look, drink it in. His eyelashes were resting on his cheeks, he had such beautiful eyelash's, I couldn't help but be jealous of them. I looked at his nose, his cheeks, his little butt chin, damn I loved that chin, and when he smiled, his dimples, he was just so fucking perfect. I let my eye's drift down to his shoulder's and his bare chest and I looked at his tattoo's, I loved his tattoo's, the one's on his chest, the one's on his arm's, all of them, I loved them all and they accentuated his already extremely hot body. I knew he worked out and let me tell you it was worth it, his body was perfect.
I stared at his chest and wondered what it would like to be kissed by him, to make love to him and I felt myself blushing. We'd been friends for twenty or so years and never, not once had our relationship ever gone past friendship. No stolen kisses, no drunk sex, nothing and it never would, I knew that.
I groaned. Now I was horny and sad, sad because the guy I was completely in love with, the guy I'd been in love with for ten years would never see me as anything else but a friend, or best man and now he was getting married, so he never would. I'd get over it, or if I didn't, I'd learn to live with it.
"Lana." Matt suddenly said. "Sleep."
"I can't." I said a little too harshly, sitting up. "I'm getting up." And I threw my legs over the side of the bed, quietly leaving the room.
"No stay." He mumbled but I ignored him anyway.
Now my mood was shit, having to lay there and look at him and realise I wasn't ever going to be anything more to him, it hurt and I felt worthless now, because in the grand scheme of Matt's fancy life I was nothing, I was a nobody, I was forgettable, and soon, very soon he would forget me and I needed to prepare myself for that.
I put on some coffee and stood there waiting for it and when it was ready I grabbed a cup and headed out to the porch. I glanced at Marty's door and I smiled, I really hoped her and Brian had worked their shit out and judging by the fact he was sleeping in her room, I'd say they had.
It was a little chilly when I walked outside, but nice so I sat there, just staring into the distance, thinking, but trying not to. Maybe I should go for a swim, but the thought of walking down to the lake by myself daunted me, I really wasn't great with nature.
"Hi." Marty said softly, opening the door and sitting next to me on the porch.
I looked at her, she was glowing and she looked happy. Her and Brian must have sorted out their problems, I could see it all over her face, and the sex hair, that was a dead giveaway.
"How are you?" I asked her smiling.
She smiled widely. "Very good Lana, I'm very good."
I didn't probe her or ask questions, I knew she'd tell me when she was ready, but the main thing was that they'd sorted it out and I was glad that they did.
We both stared off into the distance, in silence, sipping our coffee's, thinking. I started thinking about my life again and how my life had revolved around Matt for so long, but now, now I needed to stop that. Maybe Nick was the answer, he was a nice guy and he seemed interested so maybe I needed to put more time into him and less time into Matt. Yeah, I think that's what I needed to do, move on, find somebody who could love me back.
"Lana are you okay?" Marty suddenly asked. "You look upset."
"What, oh yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about some things, but I'm okay." I said standing up. "Want to go for a swim?" I asked her.
"Fuck yes." She said and we both headed inside to get our swimmer's.
Matt was still sleeping and as I grabbed what I needed out of my bag I didn't look at him although every part of me wanted to.
Nope, I thought to myself as I closed the door quietly, I was going to accept what was, I wasn't going to mope or feel sorry for myself and I was going to be happy for Matt, happy that he'd found that special someone.
But fuck..........I really wished it was me.