Endlessly

A loud knock sounded on the door and woke Emilia from her slumber. She glanced at the clock and threw back the covers in annoyance when she read that it wasn't even eight in the morning yet. She'd tossed and turned nearly the entire night and had just recently fallen asleep only to be disturbed now.

Padding across the carpeted floor, she peeked through the hole in the door to see who was on the other side though she would have bet a fair amount of money that she already knew who it was. She smiled seeing who it was, knowing it was his mother who would hear it later, and opened the door for her nephew.

Osku hurtled through the open doorway and grasped his aunt's leg as tightly as his little arms could manage. Emilia laughed at the little boy.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Holding you so you have to stay!" He answered as though it should have been obvious.

"Well it would seem that it's worked." She plucked Osku off her leg and balanced him on her hip as he cheered triumphantly. Essi squealed from the hallway where she still stood.

"You're serious?" She cried, coming into the room and hugging Emilia and her son tightly. "What changed your mind?"

Emilia sighed and adjusted Osku's disheveled hair. "I've just been away from home long enough, I think."

Essi grinned and took her son from Emilia's arms. "Well whatever it was that helped you reach that conclusion, I'm glad for it. We should go out to dinner tonight and celebrate."

Emilia closed the door and went into the room and sat on the bed. "I can't, I have plans."

"Already? No wonder you're all about staying now," Essi said with a sly grin on her face.

"Not those kind of plans. Anita invited me over for dinner with her and Kari," Emilia replied as she gave her sister a look. Osku scrambled up behind Emilia and began to jump on the bed.

"Osku!" Essi admonished and he immediately flopped down on the bed and stared at the blank television pointedly.

Emilia got up to hunt for the remote she'd no doubt lost in the bed as she'd tossed the entire night. She could feel Essi's stare on her back as she did so and waited for the inevitable comment regarding her choices.

"Is he home?"

Emilia recovered the remote and handed it to Osku as he turned the tv on and selected a program for himself. She returned to her previous seat to face her sister and shrugged.

"I didn't see him nor did I ask."

"What will you do if he is?"

The truth was that very question had been the entire reason for Emilia's restlessness. Proof of Ville's accomplishments and life since she'd been gone had adorned the Valo home. Having the reminders of him everywhere when she'd carefully avoided them for a decade had awoken something in her. Something she'd tried very hard to keep carefully hidden deep inside.

"If he wants to come and find me, I doubt that I'll be very hard to find."

Essi gave her sister a knowing look. "You want him to find you. That's why you went to his mother's house."

The frown on Essi's face betrayed her feelings on the subject of Ville Valo. While she hadn't initially harbored any ill feelings toward him, his chosen silence where her sister was involved had brought out her protective nature. Essi didn't trust him, not anymore, and she could hardly approve of someone who would intentionally hurt Emilia.

"That's not why I went. I missed Anita. She took me in when Mum and I didn't get along. I didn't keep in touch with her because of him," Emilia said with defensiveness clear in her tone.

Essi shrugged, knowing her sister would never admit to what was happening in her heart. "Just be careful, he's hurt you once before."

Emilia nodded and turned her attention to Osku. The little boy was fully engrossed in the show he'd put on. She could hardly believe that the little baby she'd held in her arms almost your years ago now was now this little person. He turned his bright eyes on her and smiled before returning his attention to the show.

She couldn't blame Essi for her caution when it came to Ville. In fact she knew that she herself should be more wary when it came to him. But she couldn't help but wonder if the overlying issue was the lack of faith that Essi had when it came to men in general. Looking back again at Osku, Emilia recalled the dozens of phone calls she'd taken long distance from Essi when his father had taken off.

"I'll be careful, I promise. Besides, it's just dinner with his parents. She didn't mention him to me and maybe she'll do the same where I'm concerned as well. What's important is that I'm staying put and we've got a trip to plan."

Essi brightened considerably despite the confusion she now experienced. "Trip?"

"All of my things are still in Berlin. Not to mention the house Gram left. I've got to get everything sorted out there before I can keep myself rooted here," Emilia answered as she scooped up her nephew and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Good point. When will we go?" Essi took her son from Emilia as he was handed to her.

"After the holidays, I think. I haven't had a proper December in a long time."

"A proper December? You hate the cold."

"Yeah but I've missed the festivals and the lights and how pretty Helsinki is at Christmas time. Besides, this is the first year I'll be able to spend the entire thing with this little troublemaker here," Emilia answered as she tickled Osku's exposed belly, he howled with laughter and squirmed violently in Essi's arms.

"After the holidays then. You'll manage in the mean time, with clothes and everything?"

"I'll go out and get some essentials this afternoon, then meet you at your place?"

Essi leaned against the door with her hand on the knob. "You should tell Mum you're staying."

Emilia paused and bit her lip. "I will eventually."

Essi laughed. "I swear the two of you will never get over your own pride. Just talk to her, I'll meet you at my place later."

Osku waved goodbye as Essi carried him out the door and closed it behind her, leaving Emilia to sigh heavily as she made her way to the bathroom to get in the shower. As the hot water ran over her body, she once again turned over the possibility of seeing Ville again. While she didn't go so far as to think it would be any time soon, she knew it was an inevitability. Especially if she planned on continuing to keep in touch with his parents.

Her unshakable faith in Ville had been broken as soon as he'd abandoned her. And while the pain of that had once consumed her, she wore it now like armor. She knew that things between the two of them would never be the same, but perhaps they could be mended. Provided, of course, that she guarded herself against him and the power he could hold over her. That is, of course, if the reasons he'd stayed away all these years didn't keep him away again.

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel before making her way back into her room to get dressed and pack up the things she'd brought with her. Resolving to not dwell on him anymore, she brushed out her long dark hair and twisted it up into a bun. She had things that needed to be taken care of this day and she wouldn't allow ghosts from her past to keep her from her family any longer.



Anita was a veritable force of nature as she busied herself in the kitchen. With both her sons coming home to stay for the holidays as well as Emilia's recent homecoming she was bound and determined to make this the best meal she possibly could. While Ville wasn't aware of the latter, he watched with muted amusement as his mother threw her hands up and cursed.

"Kari where is my good skillet?" She yelled and Ville cast a look to his father, sitting in his usual spot.

"Probably where you left it," Kari answered with disinterest as he turned the page of the book in his lap.

"Oh yeah I'm sure it's..." Anita paused and pursed her lips as she produced the offending piece of metal from its usual spot. "Never mind."

"I've not seen her this riled up in a long time, what did you do? Make fun of her banana bread again?" Jesse asked his father from his own seat across the room.

"Once was enough, we had nothing but banana bread for three weeks until she decided she'd mastered it. No, something else has her in a mood tonight," Kari closed his book and looked at his oldest son pointedly.

"What did I do?" Ville threw his hands in the air defensively.

"Maybe if you came home a little more often she wouldn't try to make everything perfect whenever you do deign to visit us."

Jesse chuckled and Ville tossed a pillow at his head. "What about him, he could come home more often too."

"I've been here more in the last month than you have all year," Jesse pointed out and Ville rolled his eyes at him.

"You boys must think you're awfully special if you think that I'm going through all of this trouble for you!" Anita called from the kitchen which hushed both of her sons.

"Who else is coming?" Ville asked and his father and brother both shrugged.

"Hell if I know," Kari answered.

"The President from the way she's acting," Jesse muttered.

"Hush, both of you! You'll like this surprise, but you won't live to see it if you keep carrying on like that," Anita threatened and both brothers covered their smirks with their hands.

Ville wondered who could get his mother this much on edge. He knew it was unlikely any family members since few held the ability to shake her at all. He could tell by the look on his brother's face that he was trying to get to the bottom of the great mystery as well.

"How long until this person gets here?" Jesse asked.

"How do you know it's not more than one?" Anita replied.

"Five place settings on the table."

She cursed at herself. She knew that the same old game was about to be played. The one where her sons pestered her with questions until she accidentally divulged too much information. They'd done it for years - at Christmas time, at birthday parties, and really any chance they had to get secret information from her. Knowing it was coming was half the battle and the rest was ignoring them.

"So is he someone we know?"

'Nice try, Ville.' She thought and kept silent.

"You could at least tell us how long we need to wait until dinner!" Jesse yelled out.

"Half an hour." She knew better than to not answer that question. "And our guest will be here any minute so you both can stop trying to trick me now."

The laughter she earned alerted her to the fact that she'd been correct in her assumptions and she set about spooning the potatoes into a serving dish. She didn't know where they'd earned their mischievousness from but she'd sooner blame their father than anything.

Ville, meanwhile, had decided that the only way in which he could find out who was coming would be to go outside for a smoke and wait and see who would arrive. He snuck out the front door, earning a shake of his father's head, to avoid his mother's inevitable ire. Once outside in the cold air, he brushed the light snow from the step and sat himself down.

As Emilia walked down the street, she pulled her beanie a little lower over her ears and pulled her jacket more tightly around her. Germany had not saved her from the chill of winter and she'd long ago resigned herself to her fate to be forever plagued by cold weather. Her heart skipped around in her chest as she prepared herself. While it was only dinner with Kari and Anita, it was still nerve wracking. Especially since she'd be in a place that was full of Ville. She chewed on her lip to control the nerves and released the deep breath she had taken.

'Why are you freaking out?' She thought to herself. She looked for any traffic before she jogged lightly across the street and looked at the house that was her destination.

Ville coughed loudly once he saw the face of the lone person walking down the street toward his parents' home. He choked on the smoke in his lungs and tossed the rest of his cigarette into the snow bank. She had stopped at the end of the driveway, staring at him as though he were an apparition and truthfully, he almost thought the same of her.

Her pale skin was enhanced by the red lipstick she wore and by the dark hair that framed her lovely face. He tried to close the jaw that hung wide open and found that he'd lost control of his body. Had he wished her into being or was she a dream?

"You have to ruin everything, don't you?" Anita admonished her son from the front door and smacked him on the shoulder with her wooden spoon. He snapped back into focus and gazed at his mother in awe.

"Holy shit!" Jesse said as he pushed past them both to meet Emilia at the end of the driveway. He hugged her and she unfroze herself, returning the embrace and allowing her smile to spread across her face.

"You've gotten far too tall," she remarked when he released her.

"Not much more since the last time you saw me. Where the hell have you been, anyway?"

"Same place I was the last time," she smirked and nudged him as they walked up to the house. Ville had retreated behind his mother and now father who had come to see what all the commotion was about.

"Emilia! So good to see you, now I know why my sneaky wife kept you a secret," Kari said as he hugged her.

"Why don't we greet her in the house? It's freezing out here!" Anita chirped as she ushered everyone inside.

Once inside, Emilia handed her coat to Anita who had offered to hang it up. She locked eyes with Ville who could barely keep his eyes off her. He didn't know whether or not he should approach her, he had no idea to what extent she had been made aware of his mother's scheme, and he definitely had no inkling how mad Emilia still was with him.

She could see the hesitance on his face, and while she felt her own, she could hardly make it known while his entire family was watching and waiting.

"Long time no see, stranger," she said warmly as she moved forward to hug him. He took her in his arms in utter disbelief. Here she was, back where she'd belonged all along, and yet things had been broken.

"Too long," he agreed as he reluctantly let her go.

"Well then!" Anita interrupted. "Let's all get to the dining room, I've made all of your favorites, Emilia."

He watched as Emilia turned a grateful smile on his mother and allowed herself to be ushered from the living room. Kari followed closely behind, leaving his sons behind.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, man."

Jesse shook him once again from his reverie and he turned to look at his brother. His brother gave him a smirk and clapped him on the back as he moved toward the dining room.

"Don't fuck it up again."