Let Me Be the One to Save You

The club was the busiest I had ever seen it before. It seemed like everyone in New Jersey was shoved into the small building waiting in anticipation for this new band that a lot of people were excited about, including me and Frank.

Frank and I were pushed as far as the bar, packed like sardines while we waited for his friends to come on.

The club itself around us was dimly light, with different colored lights reflecting across the small stage that I could barely see from behind all of the people.

After a few short minutes all the remaining lights that were on cut off and the shrill sound of a guitar amp flooded the place causing the people to cheer, excited for the music that was about to played.

"New jersey! Let's fucking do this!"

All the sudden the room overpowered with music. I turned in shock to my brother who was craning his neck over the people in front of him. A giant smile was plastered across his face as he watched his friends begin to play the song. Everyone in the place lost it completely, shoving each other around to the harsh yet melodic music that filled the air.

I sat in awe throughout the entire song, amazed by the musicians I couldn't even see. The guitar rifts, heavy drum beats, bass strums and to top it all off, the singer and his lyrics. They were powerful and symbolic and it all just simply blew me away.

When the song came to an end the crowd cheered with excitement. I leaned into franks ear and tried my best to shout over the noise.

"They're going to be fucking huge!"

Frank pulled away and looked at me full of excitement as he nodded in agreement.

"Right?! They're amazing!" He shouted back, his lips nearly touching the shell of my ear.

"I just wish I could see them!" I shouted back to him just as the singer began to speak.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about Jersey, let's keep that up this songs called Headfirst for Halos"

As the guitar kicked in and the crowd went back into their state of chaos Frank began to look around the place. I watched as a small smile fell on his lips and he held a finger up signaling for me to hold on.

I did so and watched as he pushed his way through a few people and got to the abandoned bar where even the bar tender was sat watching. When Frank leaned over, the bar tender and him exchanged a quick shake meaning they were friendly with each other which I wasn't surprised at, frank knew everyone when it came to clubs and the music scene.

Frank said a few things to which the bar tender smiled and nodded in what seemed like agreement. I watched Frank thank him briefly before turning towards me and motioning for me to join him.

Confused, I began to push myself through the small sea of people until I made it beside my brother. Without hesitation Frank jumped up on the bar counter and without giving me a second to think he grabbed my hands and hoisted me up beside him.

I laughed at his brilliant idea and stood up on the moist counter that was practically driping from the condensation that clung to the air and everything around it. The temperature seemed cooler as we towered above the people bellow us. The ceiling was a few feet above us and the air around me was still foggy and moist.

Frank let out a loud cheer towards the band and I did the same letting my eyes fall on the four members that were going nuts on the stage.

I narrowed in on the drummer first, his head, filled with brown scruffy hair was titled down as he moved his hands across the black, pearl drum set. Next I watched the guitar player as he banged his head along with the music making the light brown bushy hair of his move with everyone of his movements. Sat off in the middle was the bass player who seemed to be the calmest of the four when it came to playing. His two feet were planted shoulder width apart as he gently bopped his head along to the music. His brown hair was slicked with a point in the middle and two on the sides held together by his round glasses that no doubt were slowly falling down his face with each move of his head.

When I got a good look at the singer I almost didn't recognize him from how different he seemed. The voice that came out of his mouth, the noises this man was making, the lyrics he was snarling made it seem completely out of character from who the quiet man I was used to seeing in the back of my classes. But there was no denying it was him. The black mess of his hair was sticking up slightly from the amount of times he had pushed his fingers through it, his body held faded jeans and a black leather jacket but the one thing that stood out to me were those eyes.

He was so much different from when we were both on the floor yesterday, the hazel eyes now held much more emotion than before. He seemed happy, he seemed angry, he seemed pissed but most important, he seemed alive.

I stood beside my brother the whole time watching in awe at the band. The stories that the lyrics were portraying blew me away. I had never heard something like this before and it became very clear to me that what Frank had said earlier was true, they were going to be huge.

"Thank you so much, We've been my chemical romance! Have a good fucking night Jersey!"

With that I watched all four boys disappear off stage as the lights of the club came up so that the next band could begin setting up.

I turned to Frank flushed with amazement and looked at his face that held a nearly identical expression.

"Holy shit" I breathed out unable to process any of what had just happened.

"I know" he replied simply, just as blown away as I was. He hopped off the bar in one swift motion and then held his hands out for me to take. I took them and hopped off sticky bar, landing on the ground with a soft thud against my heels.

"Thanks again Dave! We couldn't see shit before we climbed up there" Frank said towards the bald bar tender who waved us off showing it wasn't a big deal.

"Don't mention it Frank, you guys want a drink?" He offered making my theory confirmed that they were friends or else he wouldn't have offered two clearly under aged kids alcohol. Frank only shook his head and shifted slightly.

"Nah we're good man thanks though, I'll see you later!"

They exchanged a small wave before Frank grabbed my hand and began to lead me through the still packed crowd towards the exit. We pushed through sweaty bodies until we made it out into the surprisingly cold April night.

I pulled on the sleeves of my jacket and Frank began to rub his bare arms.

"We're not staying for the other acts?" I questioned as we began to walk towards the side of the old up brick building.

Frankie pulled out his carton of menthols and lighter, proceeding to pull a white stick out and shove the pack back into his pocket.

"Nah, I've seen them before nothing new really. Besides, I want you to meet My chem" he explained, lighting up the cigarette and pushing it against his lips.

I followed him down the small alley way created by the space between the club and a convenient store until we made it to the back lot light by two yellow street lights.

The back door was swinging open and closed every two seconds as people rushed in and out. Franks eyes scanned the area until they landed on a group of guys excitedly talking near a a few cars.

Frank grabbed my hand and dragged me across the parking lot making his way towards the group. We got a few feet away when they noticed him.

"Hey frank! You made it!"

Frank let go of my arm and shared a small one handed hug between him and the guitarist.

"I wouldn't have missed that for the world you guys fucking rocked!" He exclaimed pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and letting it crunch against the pavement.

"Thanks man that means a lot, I saw you standing on the bar" the bassist spoke, laughing at my brothers actions.

"The place was so packed we couldn't see so that was the only way. It was an incredible view" frank explained motioning between me and him.

Now, all of the sudden noticing my presence all of the men looked to me curiously. I ignored their stares and rubbed my shoulder awkwardly.

"Who's the chick Frankie?" The drummer asked, pointing to me with curiosity.

My eyes briefly met with the singer as we watched me, obviously remembering the fact that I had crashed into him the day prior.

"This is my sister Jess, Jess this is Matt" Frank started off, pointing to the drummer who offered me a simple wave in return. I flashed a smile at him.

"And I'm ray, it's good to meet you" the guitarist cut in, causing my brother to groan playfully for being cut off as ray reached forward to shake my hand.

"It's good to meet you ray" I said with a smile.

"I'm Mikey" the bass player cut in, using one finger to push his glasses up before he took my hand in his.

"Nice to meet you Mikey" I said smiling at him. Next everyone's eyes landed on the singers, who smirked slightly at me.

"We've already met briefly, but I'm Gerard" he said offering his hand to me. I looked in his eyes, observing them like I had the last time as I shook his much larger hand.

I could feel everyone looking at us questionably as we shared the awkward greeting.

"It's nice to officially meet you Gerard, i'm sorry about that again by the way. For nocking into you and for my boyfriends not so kind words"

He let a toothy grin fall on his face as he shrugged his shoulders casually at me.

"No need to apologize I'm pretty sure I was the one who ran into you anyway so no there's harm done" he said. His voice was smooth as he looked at me.

I nodded accepting that he wasn't mad but couldn't help but feel a little guilty still remembering the look on his face when Austin called him a freak.

"How have you guys met before? You never mentioned meeting franks sister" Mikey questioned his brother.

"I had no idea she was franks sister until now, we go to the same school and literally ran into each other outside our art class yesterday afternoon" Gerard explained Making Everyone nodded in understanding at us.

"That's right, it never really clicked that you two went to the same college or I would've told you. So I take it you got the pleasure of meeting fuck face?" Franky said making every one of the boys laugh while I rolled my eyes at him and reached in my pocket for my pack of Newports.

I pushed a cigarette in my mouth and passed one to Frank before offering the open pack to everyone else in the group. They all politely denied except Gerard who took the stick with s gentle smile a nod of his head.

"Unfortunately I did and I'm sorry but can I say? He's a total douche bag you could do so much better" Gerard muttered while flicking a lighter at the smoke between his lips. The whole time his eyes dug into mine with an almost concerned look.

I only shook my head and took a deep inhale of my cigarette.

"Don't bother man I've been trying to tell her that since he day I met the guy. She just won't listen" Frank said placing a hand on Gerard's shoulder.

"He's that bad?" Ray questioned. I immediately wanted to speak up and jump to my boyfriends defense. I wanted so badly to tell everyone how much of a sweetheart he was deep down but there was no point. Lately I was fed up with his attitude and I hadn't seen the better side of him since Christmas.

"Yeah he's a complete dick and I don't care what you say Jess, he treats everyone like crap including you" Frank said, a certain sternness in his voice that made me know it was best to keep quiet.

Everyone's eyes drifted to me including Gerard's that held something more than what everyone else's held. His held a certain sadness, maybe pity? I didn't blame him though. I wasn't being even remotely smart staying with him and carrying on with a relationship like ours.

I loved my boyfriend but at this point I was more in love with the idea of being in love. I was in love with having someone to care about me and to love me but Austin did none of those things. I was more of an item, a possession to him. Someone to have on his arm when he wanted to show off or to fuck. I was nothing but something he used for his own personal gain and I let it happen to myself. I constantly was trying to find the good in people, to believe they all had good intentions. But I was almost always proven wrong.

I looked at frank silently asking for him to drop the topic because I did not want to talk about it anymore.

"So what's the plan for tonight? Are there any parties going on?" Frank asked switching to a topic that made everyone ease up including me.

"I heard that Max from the resistance is having a party tonight, free booze" Mikey offered amongst the group. Everyone nodded in agreement, the idea of free alcohol and a party intriguing every one of them.

"I think I'm going to pass, my chick is waiting for me at her house and she's home alone so you know, can't miss that" Matt said, chuckling a little at the end.

The boys nodded and exchanged quick handshakes and fist bumps with the drummer.

"No problem dude, we'll see you at the space on Monday around five right?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. Good show tonight boys, see you later Frank, it was good meeting you jess"

I waved at his as he disappeared from the group and walked a little ways down the lot to where his car sat.

"That reminds me frank are you and your band going to be at the space on Monday?" Ray asked, turning back towards my brother.

Frank rolled his eyes slightly with a dry chuckle and released a cloud of smoke from his mouth.

"Well I'm going to be but I can't speak for the rest of my band though. Only hambone has been showing up for practice the last couple of times." He explained to the group.

Frank had mentioned on the way that the members of his band were slowly losing focus. They only showed up for practices the day before a show and didn't even stay the whole designated time. I felt bad for him because every band he had been in always seemed less into it than he was.

"That stinks why is it? Are they not into it anymore?" Gerard questioned Frank who ran a hand through his jet black hair with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I couldn't tell you man, I think it's about time to start looking for a new project but anyways, yeah I'll be at the space four to seven"

"Well if they don't show pop by next door and you can hang with us" Mikey offered. Frank nodded at him and then clapped his hands together.

"Alright sounds good now, are we going to this party or what?" He questioned with enthusiasm, obviously ready to fill his gut with as much liquor that his twenty year old liver could handle.

"Fuck yeah, let's get going I'm ready for some alcohol" Gerard said stubbing out his now useless cigarette.

"I'll be the designated driver tonight since it's my turn, how about we meet at Gerard and Mikey's place and just take one car from there sound good?"

Everyone nodded at ray and me and Frank quickly left them to go find our car that we had parked down the street.

Gerard and Mikey's place was only around a fifteen minute drive from the club and only one town over from
Me and franks house.

After about thirty minutes of dropping off Gerard and franks car and piling into rays, we were pulling up to a house set in the richer side of jersey. I instantly recognized the house from a Party me and Frank attended a few months prior but even if I didn't it was clear what house had the party going on.

The two story house had lights shining from all the windows and kids trickling out onto the front lawn and the side of the house. No doubt the cops would be called at some point as it got later but I one seemed bothered by the possibility as all five of us walked up the front lawn and towards the party.

Once we walked into the house it felt like we were back at the night club. Bodies were smushed together and dancing in every corner of the house. Red solo cups lined the wooden hallway floor and the portraits that hung on the wall were all crooked from kids leaning and shoving their bodies against them.

"It's eleven now so at around one we'll meet at the car alright? I don't think the party will last much longer than that anyway" Ray turned to us. We all nodded and instantly I watched as him and Mikey took off into the crowd towards a group of people that included the owner of this insane party, max.

I went to turn to Frank but instead of finding him beside me I caught a glimpse of him just as he became swallowed by the belly of the crowd, leaving me to stand awkwardly next to Gerard. I instantly became uncomfortable unable to figure out why I felt so shy and on edge with him.

Maybe it was the way Austin had spoke to him the other day. Or maybe it was the fact that I fell asleep thinking of his eyes the night prior. Or the pity I could clearly see in the hazel eyes as he watched me earlier like I was a wounded animal.

I suddenly became aware of Gerard starring at me expectantly meaning he must to have had said something.

"I'm sorry what?"

He laughed a little bit and leaned a bit closer so he could be heard over the loud music.

"I asked if you wanted to go find the alcohol?" he practically shouted, his voice still getting overpowered by the music that pumped throughout the place.

Instead of trying to be heard over the noise I simply nodded to Gerard. He moved his head up and down in return and instantly began to push his way through the mob of people heading to the back of the house towards the kitchen.

I kept my eye closely on the black haired boy as I tried not to lose him or get swallowed up by the party goers as I trailed behind me.

Once in the kitchen the crowd seemed to lighten up a little as they were all either in the backyard or in the living room and no doubt occupying the rooms upstairs.

"Any favorites?" He questioned grabbing two solo cups and looking upon the counter where countless bottles of soda and liquor sat waiting to be consumed.

"I'm good with whatever" I replied easily letting my own eyes wander over the Many bottles sat in front of us.

He was silent again as he unscrewed the cap to a bottle of captain Morgan and filled a quarter of the each cup with it. He topped it off with some soda and then held one of them out to me.

"Cheers?" He offered almost shyly holding the plastic cup out.

I chuckled at the silliness of it but still tapped the side of my cup against his before bringing it to my lips allowing the liquid to burn the root of my mouth as it slipped down.

We stayed in the kitchen for a good portion of time, finishing the first drink and quickly replacing it with a second.

"You can go off on your own if you'd like you know. You don't have to feel like you need to watch me or something" I said to Gerard, Afraid he was only staying with me because he felt responsible for my safety.

He let out a large laugh and shook his head.

"I don't feel like I need to watch you, I'm just hanging with you. I'd much rather chill with you then go in that madness" he commented while nodding his head towards the mayhem still taking place behind us.

I nodded my head and took a small sip of the alcohol again, letting it flow freely through my veins. I would probably stop with this drink as I was not in the mood to wake up with another hangover.

"We still got about an hour until we have to meet everyone at the car would you want to go hang outside for a bit? I don't think I can handle this music anymore" Gerard nearly screamed at me.

I nodded, liking the idea of some air that didn't reek of sweat and weed. Gerard poured some more soda in his cup to balance out the alcohol before leading the way out of the back slider doors that were located behind us.

I followed him off the patio and around the backyard as he made his way towards the front yard. When we got out there I noticed a few people scattered across the lawn, some were passing a blunt around while others just sat starring at the sky either drunk, high or a mixture of the two.

We took a seat on the steps of their long farmers porch. I set my cup on the splintery wood and let my body relax against the step above me.

We sat in a comfortable silence for awhile, taking in the dark night that surrounded us.

"So what type of art do you major in?" Gerard suddenly asked, his eyes still fixed on the moon that sat above us.

"Cartoon animation but I'm minoring in graphic design." I replied

"How about you?"

"Same as you, cartoon animation but I'm also minoring in English that way if I don't end up drawing for books maybe I can write them" he replied, sounding semi-confident in the words he spoke. It was clear he was unsure what his art was meant for, much like myself. Most artists were like that.

We began to spend the next half an hour talking about the kind art we did, who we admired as writers. The list went from novelists to comic books and everything else in between. The conversations between him seemed so easy and natural like I had been speaking to him for years except it had barely been three hours.

The conversation died down lightly leaving us once again in a subtle silence. I desperately searched for something else to say to him, something I could use to strike up a another conversation but only came up with one thing

"You know, I really am sorry for what Austin said the other day." I said, apologizing for the third time
Since I had met him. His eyes caught mine for a brief second before he shook his head at me.

"You shouldn't have to apologize for him." He pointed out.

I remained silent, agreeing with the words he said. I always found myself either apologizing or being embarrassed with the way he treated people.

"You know, it's none of my business and I know we just met and all so I'm defiantly not in the right to say this but you two don't seem like the happiest couple. He seems to take such little interest in you, you could do so much betted."

I was silent again. Lately all I was hearing from my dad and Frank was that Austin was a bad guy. I knew he wasn't the best guy, or boyfriend for that matter but I loved him and that killed me. I was in love with someone who barely found anything to love in me besides my body. I was in love with the idea of being in love, and it was only ruining me.

"Yeah, I know" I answered simply, only being able to agree with him.

"So why do you stay? Why put yourself through that?"

I sighed deeply but didn't reply to him. How could I answer a question that I had no answer to?

"I'm sorry, I'm probably making you uncomfortable, you can tell me to shut up at any time" he said apologizing quickly.

I looked at him with a reassuring smile and shook my head.

"No you're fine honestly, I just really do not have an answer for you. I guess since I was feeling so lonely for so long that even the worst company is enough for me right now. When we met I really did love him, but now that's he's starting to show his true colors I'm just getting fed up with it all but I can't seem to leave.I'm Destroying myself but I just can't seem to stop"

The alcohol was mostly to blame for how much word vomit I was spitting up. Normally Austin was a conversation I pushed to the side and ignored at all cost but right now? I couldn't stop.

Gerard was silent for a few moments, processing what I had said in his brain. I watched him bounce his head slightly at my reply.

"I know the feeling that's why I asked even though I know the answer. In high school I had let tons of girls play me, I was head over heals while they mostly just wanted someone to blow off sexual steam with. Eventually I freed myself of the emotional pain but you know I get it. I know how it feels to need to be wanted and to desire the love from another. I completely get it, but I also know that while you may think it's safer to stay you're only making it worse for you in the end"

I looked to him, slightly surprised with his answer. His eyes held so much emotion much like when he was singing and it was almost like I could see every scar he had gained etched into the small orbs on his face. He looked to me and flashed me a gentle smile.

"All I'm saying is that you may feel like you have to settle to get what you need but that's not the truth. Someday you'll have something or someone that will make you feel ten times more thanwhat he makes you feel, someday you'll have what you need to get better."

I nodded at him, shocked by his words. I didn't need to ask many questions to know the feelings he felt and to know that they were almost identical to mine.

"I'll have to trust you on that one" I said, letting a small laugh out as I tipped the last drop of liquid from my cup into my mouth.

Gerard did the same, discarding the empty cup on the wood beside us.

"You'll see, trust me"

I smiled and looked into his eyes for what felt like the millionth time. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder, holding his attention.

"Thank you, for understanding. I don't know what you're going through but I'm sure one day it'll all be better too"

He looked at me cautiously, probably feeling like I had when he said The similar line to me. Doubtful but also eager, eager to trust my words and believe they're true.

"I'll have to trust you on that one" he said , mimicking the words I had said before.

I chuckled and shoved his shoulder playfully before letting my body relax against the wooden step once more. My eyes drifted upward to the moon that was occupied by hundreds of little stars.

Gerard seemed to do the same, letting the previous conversation float away with ease into the crisp night air as we both admired the moon that provided a small glowing light that cut through the dark early morning sky that surrounded us.