Closer to the Edge

*Natalia*

The next tour rolled around before I knew it and I was nervous about the whole thing. I was more nervous about this tour than I had been about my first one ever with them. I was still so scared something awful was going to happen. Shannon reassured me every time he got a chance to, and eventually my nerves subsided a little.

As we loaded onto the bus the first day, Jared greeted me like nothing had happened, which I was thankful for. I hadn't seen him since that morning at my apartment, and at least on the outside he seemed to still be okay with me being there. I wasn't sure if Tomo and the crew knew anything about what had happened, but if they did, none of them said a word.

My heart jumped as Shannon entered the bus a few minutes later. He looked gorgeous as ever and I tried my hardest not to even give him too long of a look. He caught my eye for just a split second and shot me a wink. I looked around and nobody had seemed to notice. My eyes landed on Tomo and he shot an eyebrow up at me. Almost nobody.

The first few days of the tour were hell, mostly just because I was constantly worrying myself over nothing. I kept thinking I was going to slip and say something. When I finally settled back into the routine of tour, it got a lot easier. Jared wasn't really talking to me much, which made me a little sad, but at the same time it made it easier to not saying anything about Shannon and I to him.

The worst part was that Shannon also ignored me pretty hard those first few days. I knew why, of course, but it still stung a little. I was standing backstage at one of the shows typing a quick text to him when his arms snaked around my waist from behind, pulling me silently into a nearby greenroom. He locked the door behind us and instantly pulled me into a passionate kiss.

"Goddamn... it... Natty... I... fucking... missed... those... lips," he told me, kissing them firmly between each word, making me giggle.

"Mm, they missed you too, Shan," I whispered, hugging him and letting him envelope me in his embrace.

"This fucking blows," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"It was your idea, remember?" I asked him, and I felt him shake his head.

"It was a bad idea," he whispered, pulling me away just slightly so he could kiss me.

"It's the only idea, Shan," I reminded him, whispering the words into his lips.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I don't like it either."

"I don't like not being able to touch you. My fingers were made to be touching you," he breathed the words into my neck, his fingers tracing their way down my spine. He traced around my hips and up my stomach, past my breasts and up my throat. He started kissing my neck, and I let out an involuntary moan. He looked at me with a devilish grin on his face. "Oh yeah?" he asked, his hands still exploring the surfaces of my body on top of my clothes.

"Yeah," I whispered, smiling back at him. He caught my lips in another kiss and I could've lived in it.

"I miss you," he whispered, his lips still rested right on top of mine.

"I miss you too," I replied, kissing him gently.

"Shaaaaannonnnn!" Suddenly, Tomo's yells echoed through the hallway and Shannon and I flew off of each other like we were on fire. He gave me a final kiss on the lips and exited the greenroom silently. I heard him yelling for Tomo, and listened as their voices faded down the hallway.

"You really are gonna be the fucking death of me," I whispered after I was sure they were gone. I opened the door and almost walked right into Jared.

"Hey, Jay," I said quietly, studying his bright blue eyes in the hope that I could tell what he was thinking. It didn't work.

"Nat," he responded tightly, like he was holding himself back.

"Is this how it's always going to be?" I asked him, the words pouring out of my mouth almost accidentally. I expected him to ask for clarification, but he didn't.

"I don't know, Nat. For now at least. Thank you for not making me look for another tour manager though," he said, the smallest hint of a smile on his face.

"I'll try to always save you from having to do that if I can help it," I said, and he flashed a broad smile for just a second.

"I appreciate it," he said, and I could almost visibly see him becoming more comfortable.

"I'm sorry about what happened," I told him, and it was true. I was sorry that it had happened the way it had, I just wasn't exactly sorry about the outcome. Sure, I'd never meant to make Jared upset in any way and I felt awful that I had, but I also wasn't sorry about seeing Shannon.

"Don't be sorry. It's not like you did it on purpose. It's not our fault we're so alluring," he said, offering me another brilliant smile.

"Alluring, huh?" I asked him, and he laughed.

"Obviously."

"Well, you're not wrong," I told him, and we laughed together.

Just like that, things weren't weird between us anymore, which made my job so much easier. Now I just had to hope things would stay that way.