Closer to the Edge

*Shannon*

I couldn't believe how well things seemed to be going. Nat and I seemed to find some sort of a balance with our relationship, and Jared seemed to not hate either of us. I'd never honestly expected it to get so good. I couldn't believe that Natalia and I ever hadn't been together. I couldn't even imagine things without her anymore. She was the sweetest person I'd ever met. No woman had ever shown such a genuine interest in me before. I couldn't believe I'd gotten so lucky.

*Natalia*

Halfway through the tour, things seemed to actually be going pretty well. Shan and I were maintaining our newfound relationship and it was going completely amazingly. Jared and I seemed to be falling back into our friendship and I couldn't have been happier. Looking back now, I guess things were bound to blow up. I'd known it from the start, but when they'd gotten so good I'd lulled myself into some sort of a false sense of security.

"I can't believe there was ever a time when we weren't doing this," Shannon murmured into my hair one night as he held me in his arms on a couch in a greenroom backstage.

"Me neither. I can't believe you ever didn't kiss me," I told him, and he shook his head violently.

"What an idiot," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. He kissed me gently and then more passionately, taking my face in his hands.

"I've never been happier in my entire life," I said, realizing in that moment how true those words really were.

"Neither have I, Natty," he said, kissing me firmly on the lips. We lay there for a long time, wrapped in each others' arms, soaking each other in.

Without warning, Jared's voice echoed through the hallway outside the greenroom, calling for both of us. We didn't even have the chance to react before the door flew open and there Jared was, his eyes full of something very similar to rage. "I fucking knew it," he said, his voice quiet and steady but clearly full of anger.

"Jay, it's not what-" Shannon started, but Jared raised a finger and cut him off.

"It's not what? Not what it looks like? Not what I think? Because I'm pretty sure it is absolutely both exactly what it looks like and exactly what I think it is," Jared seethed, and I realized that this was the first time I'd ever seen him really angry.

"Jared, calm down," Shannon told him, and he let out a dry chuckle.

"Why? So you can tell me all about how you didn't want to hurt me when you went behind my back and did something that both of you promised me you wouldn't? So that you can tell me how you didn't mean for it to happen? So that you can tell me how I'm overreacting?" he thundered, and I had to stop myself from physically recoiling as he stepped closer to us. Shannon stood and moved in front of me to face his brother.

"Jared, calm the fuck down. We need to talk about this, but not like this. You're not going to stand here and scream at me," Shannon told him in a steady voice. From behind, I could see him shaking. I wasn't sure if it was with rage or something else.

"Oh, but actually I am, Shan. Because you fucking promised. You promised me that nothing was happening. I mentioned it to you last fucking week and you promised again. You walk around here acting like you're some sort of fucking saint, when behind the scenes you're fucking the girl that almost destroyed us the first time. I knew I shouldn't have let her keep the fucking job. I knew it. I knew I'd been an idiot. I should have fired her ass," Jared yelled, his eyes almost seeming to have a tinge of red to them.

"Whoa, destroyed? What are you even talking about?" I asked, standing up to face him, keeping myself just slightly behind Shannon.

"Oh, you haven't told her? Of course you haven't," he said to Shannon, and I was officially confused.

"What are you talking about?" I asked again, this time more to Shannon than anyone else.

"I... we got in a fist fight that night that we came to your apartment. We were drunk and stupid and we fought. I told him I was going to leave the band if I couldn't have you," Shannon murmured, and my eyes went wide.

"You did what?" I asked, thinking for sure that I must've heard him wrong.

"He was going to leave his entire livelihood for a fucking piece of ass," Jared butt in, his words looking to sting. It worked. Tears welled up in my eyes even though I tried to stop them.

"Fuck off, Jared. She's not just a piece of ass and you know it. You know I fucking love her. I have from the day she fucking interviewed with us," Shannon spat, sending my head spinning. He'd never said he loved me before.

I couldn't dwell on it long, though, because before I even knew it, Jared swung and his fist connected squarely with Shannon's nose. Without hesitation, Shannon swung back and in a second they were full-on fighting. I screamed their names, trying to wedge myself between them without success. Tomo appeared a minute later and was able to pull Jared away just far enough for me to get between them.

"Fucking stop!" Tomo shouted, getting a good grip on Jared and tugging him backwards.

He finally managed to drag him out of the room a moment later, and I realized for the first time that I was crying. Shannon tried to make a move towards me, his nose dripping blood and multiple bruises already forming around his face. I held up a hand to stop him and turned on my heel and left the room. He called after me, but I couldn't bring myself to turn around. I didn't know where I was going; I just knew that I needed to get the fuck away from the Letos for a while.