Tell Me a Lie in a Beautiful Way

Two days later, he still hadn't woken up. I'd been with him every second, taking a break only when Brian forced me to go home for a few hours here and there. There were no changes in his condition. The doctors weren't even completely clear on how the accident had happened. His car had been found in a ravine off of a bridge. Luckily the creek underneath hadn't been deep enough or he could have drowned in his car while he'd been passed out. The police had ruled out a suicide attempt, but only after I'd spent hours assuring them that that couldn't be what it was. Zack was too happy. He'd come too far. We'd come too far. That's what I kept convincing myself, anyway.

Two days after that, there was still no change. I'd barely slept. Brian and the rest of our friends filtered in and out at intervals, always trying to get me to go home and rest. For the most part I refused. I couldn't leave him. I felt so fucking guilty. I couldn't believe how bad I'd been to him during our last conversation. I couldn't believe I'd accused him of being nonchalant about our lives. Our friends kept assuring me that he knew how much I loved him but mostly I just wanted to tell him. Well, I did keep telling him; I mostly just wished I knew if he could hear me or not.

Two more days and still no change. Almost a whole week passed and the doctors still had no idea what was happening to him. He was outwardly healthy; all of his levels were where they should have been and his heart and everything else seemed to be functioning perfectly normally, something was just keeping him in there for some reason.

I talked to him constantly, saying his name and telling him how much I loved him. I couldn't believe how much I cried. I didn't know I was even capable of crying that much. I watched as my tears ran down the side of his beautiful face, wondering where he was, if anywhere. I wondered if he was scared, if he missed me. I wondered if he knew how sorry I was. I wondered if he was sorry too.

"Em," Brian whispered as he walked in the next day. I didn't even look up as he entered and I wasn't surprised when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He settled on the arm of the chair I was sitting in, his arm around me. Sometimes I wondered if Brian was the only thing keeping me sane. He was so good in this situation. He was so calm and always seemed to know what to do. I don't know what I would have done without him. We both watched Zack intently for a long time in silence, both of us looking at one of our favorite people in the world.

An hour passed, and then two. I looked up at Brian to see him nodded off against the wall. I wriggled out from under his arm, making sure he didn't fall with my movement. Kissing both him and Zack on their foreheads, I turned and left the room, making my way to the cafeteria. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't really remember the last time I'd eaten.

Walking past the waiting room, I heard my name called. I turned and saw one of our other best friends, Matt, walking towards me. I fell into his hug willingly; I was thankful for all the hugs I'd been getting from the guys because most of the time they were all that was holding me up.

"Anything?" he asked as he walked with me, his hand still on my shoulder. I was pretty sure the reason they were all hugging me and holding onto me so much was because they also knew I might fall down if they didn't. I was extremely thankful for it.

"No. Bri's with him now," I told him, reaching up and rubbing at my eyes. I also didn't remember the last time I'd gotten good sleep.

"He's going to be okay. You know that don't you, Em?" he asked, and I nodded for the millionth time that week. I knew it was out of kindness and optimism, but people kept saying that and I really kept wondering how they knew. It wasn't that I didn't believe in Zack or didn't trust the doctors; mostly I just really couldn't believe he still hadn't woken up yet. I leaned into him a little more as we walked and he put his arm around my shoulders to steady me.

A few minutes later when I'd gotten some food and we'd sat at one of the shabby little tables, I saw Brian running down the hall towards us.

"He's awake!" he yelled across the hospital and I instantly started crying. When I looked at Matt, he was beaming and there were the beginnings of tears in his eyes too. "He just woke up. The doctor is with him now," Brian told us when he reached us a moment later and the three of us all got back to his room as quickly as we could.

I barged in and the doctors were about to tell me that I needed to go until Zack started yelling my name underneath them and wiggling so much I was sure he was going to fall out of the bed.

"God, you scared me, Z," I sobbed at him, shouldering the doctor out of the way and leaning down to hug him. He tugged on his IV enough that he could get his arms around me and held me tightly. I could hear him crying quietly in my ear.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, kissing every surface of my face that he could reach.

"Don't be sorry. I love you," I told him, kissing him back.

"I love you. I love you so much," he whispered, looking at me with cloudy eyes from his prolonged sleep. Even just out of a coma, he was so beautiful that I could barely force myself to let him go long enough for the doctors to look at him.