Pieces

Savannah paced across the length of the bus, marching back and forth from one end to the other, arms rigid by her side as she internally fought with herself. She knew that the guys would be back any time now after spending the evening at a local pub to celebrate anther successful day on tour; she also knew that today was the day she had to tell Brian the news. Her heart stopped as she began to think about it, mind racing once again about the way he would react, what he would say and how he may feel. Savannah hadn’t even processed it all herself at this point. All she knew was that she was constantly feeling sick and tired. Not only that but the multiple pregnancy tests she had taken were all coming up as positive for pregnancy. How could she let this happen?

Everyone had shown concern when Savannah had explained she felt too sick to come out that evening, but she brushed it off casually, explaining she was just tired and worn out. None of them had a clue, apart from Matt, of course. Her twin brother could always tell when something was going on in his sister’s life. He had managed to get the truth out of her when he walked into the bathroom at four in the morning at the sound of her throwing up. Savannah had tried to lie to him, say it was just food poisoning, but he saw through it. Of course, he, being the best brother he could be, was supportive. But he was now pressuring Savannah to tell her boyfriend; his bandmate; the father. Brian.

Brian and Savannah had only been together for four years, and as much as they both wanted a life together in the future, she knew that this was all too soon. She was not ready to be a Mom, and he was not ready to be a Dad. But they had made a mistake, and she knew she now had to deal with the consequences; one of which just so happened to be breaking the news to Brian.

She heard them first. Soft noises coming from just outside the bus. Laughter and their muffled voices as they spoke to each other. She stopped in her tracks, staring at the door, waiting. There was no turning back now, and she knew it. The door opened, and the band began piling onto the bus. Zack walked in first, a huge grin on his face. He waved casually to Savannah before walking straight into the bunk area. He was followed by Johnny, then Jimmy. They both were deep in conversation, something about immortality and Jimmy’s plans to run into the woods and never come back.

Savannah couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. Classic Jimmy. Looking back to the door she saw her twin brother standing there, an eyebrow raised, silently questioning her as he slowly walked towards her. She nodded in reply, receiving a tiny smile of encouragement from him before he walked past her and into the kitchen area of the bus where he leant against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched his sister.

And then came Brian. He stumbled slightly, laughing at himself, as he climbed up onto the bus, a huge grin on his face, too. As he looked up and into the eyes of Savannah, his grin only grew.

“Hey, baby. Why’d you wait up?” He asked, walking over, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Um,” She faltered for a second, her voice seeming to betray her with how croaky it sounded. She coughed quietly before taking a sharp breath in, forcing out the words. “Can we talk outside?” They came out a little too quickly and Brian took a tiny step back to look at her, concern now showing on his face as he looked her over.

“Everything okay, sweet?” He asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, I promise.” She forced a smile on her face. “Just need to talk away from the prying ears of my brother.” Savannah explained with a small nod directed behind her where she knew Matt stood staring at the couple. Brian chuckled softly, before nodding his head and taking his girlfriend’s hand, leading her out and down the steps of the bus. He walked slightly ahead of Savannah, and didn’t notice her chewing on her bottom lip as she looked down at their hands entwined.

“What’s up then, babe?” Brian asked, coming to a stop and turning to look at his girlfriend. Savannah stopped her walking abruptly, her heart suddenly beating ten times faster.

“Oh, yeah, um…” Brian raised his eyebrows questioningly as he watched her nervous behaviour, knowing this was not like her at all. “Weird question, I know, but, um… Do you ever want kids?” She asked, forcing out the words. She felt so nauseated, the nerves and stress of the situation making it worse.

Brian looked confused, not knowing where the question had come from. “Uh, yeah I guess. One day, for sure.” He answered with a small nod.

“Why not now?” She quickly went back to chewing on her lip, trying her hardest to not make eye contact.

“Well, Avenged have only just got a chance at actually making it, you know? A kid would just ruin that for all of us.” He explained, eyebrows now furrowed as his eyes wondered across Savannah’s face, trying to figure out what was happening. “Vannah, what’s going on?”
She took a deep breath.

“That night, in Philly, when we had the hotel room?” Brian nodded, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he remembered that night. “We forgot… To use something that night, Bri.” Again, confusion spread across Brian’s face.

“So? You’re on the pill, so if you think you’re pregnant you’re just panicking over nothing.” He said, tilting his head with a small smile. “You’re just overthinking everything, as usual.”

“Brian, no. I told you before we left, I had to stop taking it, the hormones were messing me up too bad.” Savannah’s fists clenched by her side as she watched for Brian’s reaction. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, as he began to process everything that was being said. He took a tiny step back away from his girlfriend, looking at her with an unsure expression.

“What are you telling me right now?”

“Brian… I’m…” She couldn’t say the word. She couldn’t admit it out loud, not in front of him.

“No. No you’re not.” He said, shaking his head as he backed away even more.

“Brian, please. I… I’m so sorry. I know it’s not the best timing but…”

“No,” he interrupted whatever she was going to say, his mouth turned up in disgust as he looked back at her. Savannah stayed silent, not being able to stop the tears that were collecting in her eyes as she watched his face. “Get rid of it.” He said bluntly, before walking past her, not making eye contact as he stormed back onto the bus, slamming the door behind him.

Savannah stood in shock at the words that had just come out of her boyfriend’s mouth, heart thumping in her chest as she let everything go, the tears falling freely. She never heard the bus door re-open, and didn’t even realise that someone had come outside until she felt the familiar arms of her twin brother wrap around her. She fell into his hold, sobbing openly against his chest, as he mumbled soothing words of comfort into her ear.

Savannah sat up suddenly, looking around the dark room she now found herself in, breathing heavily, her cheeks wet with tears. She ran her hand through her hair, sighing when she realised that it was just a dream. Another nightmare about that day. It still hurt her to think about it, and she knew it would haunt her forever. She nervously chewed on her lip as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes before leaning over to the bedside table to grab her phone. She groaned quietly, seeing that it was only six in the morning, letting herself fall back onto the bed so she was laying down again. She knew she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep after that, so with a sigh she tossed the covers away from her body, shivering as her skin met the harsh cold air.

She walked around her room, quickly making her bed and slipping on her slippers and dressing gown so she wouldn’t freeze before shuffling out of her bedroom and into the kitchen of her apartment. She stopped, however, when she heard the muffled sound of the TV in the living room, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She walked over as quietly as she could towards the sound, and she couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face when she saw what the noise was coming from.

There, sat slightly too close to the TV, sat her two children.

Hayley and Harvey Sanders were born on the 17th of November, 2003, weighing 6lbs 2oz and 5lbs 90z, both happy and healthy. Savannah hadn’t expected to fall pregnant with twins, though it did obviously run in her family, but she couldn’t imagine her life any other way. The two children bought her so much joy, as well as a love so strong she could never have imagined. They were her life now.

The two four year olds sat next to each other, sitting cross legged with a blanket draped over both of their backs. As Savanah moved closer, she could see they had two bowls in front of them, both filled with what seemed to be dry cereal. She silently thanked God that they hadn’t tried to put milk in themselves, as she dreaded to think of the mess they would have made doing that.

They shared happily, however, allowing the other to take a handful from their own bowl. Savannah had always loved that about her twins; no matter what they were always, mostly, well behaved. They shared with each other, loved one another and rarely ever fought. It made her life so much easier.

“Morning, my little munchkins!” She smiled, walking into the room, smiling down as the four-year olds both turned their heads to look up at her.

“Morning, Mommy.” They both replied in unison, before turning their heads back to the TV.
Savannah headed straight for the kitchen, making herself a cup of coffee, trying to hold in a yawn as she stood waiting. She knew they all had a long day ahead of them, and she frowned when she looked up at the clock on the wall. Their taxi to the airport would be there in an hour.

The family were finally heading to California from Idaho. Savannah hadn’t been in Cali for well over four years, and was nervous to go back to her hometown, still unsure of whether going would be a good idea. She had never taken the twins there, always so worried that something would go wrong. But her twin brother, Matt, had somehow managed to convince her to bring the kids over for Christmas and New Year. The idea of free food and presents for the kids was enticing enough, but also the idea of letting her children hang out with their Uncles as well bought her joy.

But the panic and reality of being back in Huntington was starting to dawn on her. The one place she swore she’d never go back to after what he did to her, and what he did, or didn’t do, for his children. He knew they existed, but never once had he tried to contact them. It broke Savannah’s heart daily to think about how her children would grow up without a Father, and the fact that one day she would have to answer their questions about him. Who he was, why he didn’t see them or talk to them, not even a birthday card. And now she was going to the state where he lived, to a house not far from his. She knew she couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t bump into each other at some point in their visit. He spent a lot of time with his bandmates, and there was no way none of them had accidently let slip about the Christmas and New Year parties that they were planning.

Savannah shook her head, trying to rid of these thoughts, knowing deep down her brother wouldn’t let anything bad happen, and walked out of the kitchen with her mug of coffee in hand, back into the living room. “Are both your bags for the plane packed?” She asked before taking a sip of her well needed coffee.

“Nearly,” Hayley replied, shoving a handful of cheerios into her mouth as she spoke. Harvey just nodded.

“Okay, well that needs to be done as soon as your finished. And you both need to get dressed and brush your teeth.” Savannah said, hoping that she’d be able to trust them enough to get all this done without her help. They were usually very good in the mornings, and she prayed that this morning was the same.

Luckily for Savannah, within the hour, everything was ready, and the twins were stood at the door, coats and bags on, teeth and hair brushed, when the knock on the door from the taxi driver came. “Right guys,” Savannah said, turning in the front seat of the cab as they pulled away from their Idaho home, “Let’s go see Uncle Matty!” She said with a grin.

***

When they finally arrived in California the twins were obviously worn out, after refusing to sleep on the two-hour plane journey. Both were over excited about travelling, but also at the idea of spending the holidays with their extended family. It was all new and different. After picking up their bags they began the search for Matt, who had said he would pick them up from the airport. He wasn’t one who would be difficult to notice from a crowd; with his large build and tattooed body he found it difficult to blend in. However, the small family of three struggled to find him, walking slowly, around the arrivals area of the airport.

“Can’t seem to see him,” Savannah frowned, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Maybe he didn’t realise the time.” She said as she started to scroll through her phone contacts, but stopped when a loud screech of excitement came from her daughter.

“Uncle Matty!” Hayley yelled, causing Savannah to jump slightly and look up, watching as Hayley ran towards the familiar figure that was walking towards them all. Matt stopped in his tracks, kneeling, arms open and ready to catch the hyperactive four-year-old that was running towards him. When Hayley eventually got to him he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her small body close to his. Harvey wasn’t far behind, following his sister, and Matt let one arm go to allow the little boy to join in on the tight hug.

“Oh, I missed you two so much,” Matt grinned, pulling away to kiss both of their heads before letting them go and standing up. He looked at his twin sister, dimples showing as he pulled her in for a hug. “It’s been too long since you’ve been here, Sav.” He said softly, and Savannah couldn’t help but smile softly at his words.

“I know,” She agreed, pulling away to look at him. “But we’re here now. And we’re ready to have the greatest Christmas yet, right?” Savannah smiled, ruffling Harvey’s hair who was looking up at his Mom and Uncle with the biggest smile he could muster.

“Come on then, let’s get this whole Christmas thing started, shall we?” Matt said, taking on the suitcases, grabbing onto Hayley’s hand and leading the way, Savannah following with Harvey in tow.

As soon as they stepped out of the airport and into the warm California air Savannah knew she was home. And she couldn’t seem to stop the smile forming on her face, knowing deep down this was where she was meant to be.