Scribbles of a Broken Heart

Today was Monday, one out of two days that I didn’t have to see Ms. Templeton. Even though I was almost into the third month of therapy, I wasn’t sure if I would rather be at home or in her office. The two places were actually very similar. I was constantly watched over; my mind’s well being was always taken into consideration and—as per Ms.

Templeton’s decree—I hardly was ever left by myself. Neither party was happy to see me. I could see it in their faces and in their postures. I felt like a burden that neither of them could get rid of. Both had an obligation to me that they had to live up to. Or maybe that statement proved that they still cared for me…maybe.

I still had that hope that my parents still loved me. They hadn’t stopped giving me the basic necessities; they were still buying me clothes, giving me food, letting me live under their roof. However, the vibes weren’t the same when they were providing me with those things. It was because they had to, not that they wanted too. It was the same with Ms. Templeton as well. If I couldn’t be loved anymore, I at least could be wanted. Above all, I needed to be wanted again.

The car ride to school was silent; I wasn’t allowed to ride the bus anymore, and to an extent I was glad about it. There were too many memories on that bus—a big part of my life happened there.

I looked over at my mom. She no longer wore make-up and her dark brown hair was always pulled back by a clip these days. She quit her job as a nurse manager and took on a day job at the local hospital and then worked night shifts (to make up for the salary cut)—someone had to be present when I woke up and pick me up when school ended.

My mom did not want to wait to drop me off at the back entrance and turned to the front of the school where a circle was paved. She pulled up and shifted the gear to park.

“Thanks, Mom.” I leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. She didn’t move an inch.
I grabbed my backpack and got out of the car, my mom driving away as soon as I had shut the door.

I took a deep breath as I turned and stared at the glass doors of my high school—I knew the rest of the day wasn’t going to be much better.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As I passed the sparse hallway leading to the stairwell I could feel the eyes on me. Yet again, I was ‘that girl.’ I wasn’t stared upon for who I was, but because of what I was to Garrett. However, I should have long been used to that feeling. It was like that ever since school started a month ago. In a sense, I was still well known because of him.

There were only a few people in the sophomore hallway so I got to my locker with ease. After opening it, I knelt down and took my time getting my books.

My homeroom was empty when I got there, but I went to my assigned seat anyways. I rested my head against the cool wood of the desk and closed my eyes.

‘It’s just another day without him,’ I reminded myself. ‘It’s just another day without Garrett.’