Scribbles of a Broken Heart

“How has your day been so far, Constance?”

“Peachy keen,” I spit out.

“How was yesterday,” she talked tentatively, “with your parents?”

“Worse. I took your dumbass advice and believed that if I just tried, things could get better. So I talked to them. I tried to be that girl that I was before any of this stuff happened…and they just got even angrier at me. They think that I’m so…unstable.”

“That is for me to decid-“

“No it isn’t! I-I don’t think they’ll ever think that I’m okay again. I bet that even if you said I was okay they would just take me to another shrink and have them psycho-evaluate me.”

“Your parent would not do such a th-“

“And how would you know that? Huh? You only call them on Saturdays to tell them how I’m doing.”

“And I assure you that I have been telling them good thi-“

“I bet they won’t let me out of fucking therapy until…” I struggled to get the thick bangles I wore passed my hands, “these stupid scars disappear!” My bracelets clunked to the floor and I held out my hands, palms-side up, to reveal four brown marks a mere inch above my wrists. They were almost two inches long and perfect straight lines. There were two cuts on each forearm, the skin that healed over still slightly raised.

Ms. Templeton put up her hands, motioning for me to calm down. “The scars don’t matter, Consta-“

“’Don’t matter?’ You think that they ‘don’t matter?’ They are the only reason that I’m here right now!”

“We aren’t here to talk about those scars Constance—at least not right now. This session and—I am predicting—many sessions in the future will be about Garrett. Only about Garrett and you.”

I took deep breaths and nodded—this was the first time that Ms. Templeton has succeeded in calming me down.

‘Maybe she doesn’t have something up her ass after all,’ I thought.

Once I didn’t feel so much anger in my body I asked, “Where did I leave off on Sunday?”

“Your tutor session with Garrett.”

“Oh. Ummm, how ‘bout I tell you about Garrett’s birthday?”

“And what day was that?”

“November twenty-third. But I’m gonna start a few days before that.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I had no clue what to get him as a present.”

”What about cologne?”

“No, I don’t think so Ally. He already smells good.”

“How ‘bout a gift card?”

“To what store?”

“I dunno. Hollister? He wears that, right?”

“Yeah, but I hate going in there. Everything smells like their cologne or perfume and it’s all dark. And then the music they play in there can be seriously weird and there are like…ten sales clerk in there asking if you need help with anything.”

Allison laughed while she shook her head.

“I try to go in there as little as possible.”

“Chips?” She tilted her bag of her UTZ Salt and Vinegar ships across the lunch table.

“No thanks.”

“How much money do you have to spend for the gift?”

“Twenty…eight,” I stated, trying to remember the money I had in my wallet. “Maybe thirty if I count all my change.”

“Do you want to spend it all?”

“I don’t know. It depends on what I’m gonna get him. Anymore suggestions?”

“How about a different store?”

“Like what, American Eagle? Abercrombie? I don’t like going in to those stores either. You know I don’t shop there.”

“Garrett’s b-day’s on Saturday right?”

I nodded my head as I took a sip from her water bottle. She still shared her lunch with me on A Days. However, next semester her lunch would change.

“Yeah, so can your mom take us to the mall on Friday? My parents never go and it’d be easier for me to hide the gift from them too.”

“Sure, probably. Me, you, and Jade?”

“Mhmm,” I started pushing down on the croutons in my salad, making them crumble. “But I mean…he’ll like whatever I get him, right?”

“Stop stressing about it. Whatever you get him he’ll love.”

“Do you think he’s a virgin?” I blurted out.

Allison choked a little on a potato chip. “What brought this up?”

“I dunno, I’ve just been thinking about it.”

“Has he told you that he isn’t?”

“No directly, no. But he’s sorta hinted at it.”

“When?”

“We were joking around—that day that we broke Garrett’s relationship record. He hinted that if I wanted to have sex that he was okay with it.”

“Well, that might not mean anything. Maybe he wants to have his first time with you.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I just have a feeling though.”

“What, like he’s some sort of man whore?”

I laughed, “No…just that he really is way more experienced than I am.”

“Just ask him,” she suggested.

“Oh, yeah. ‘Hey Garrett. Have you ever had sex? ‘Cause I’m an overbearing girlfriend that wants to know if you still have your virginity when you’re the first guy I’ve ever kissed.’ Yeah, that’ll work out real nice.”

“Why could you not just ask him about it?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I guess…I guess I didn’t want to seem so naïve. Maybe I thought it would have been embarrassing that he’d gone all the way before I’ve even had one measly kiss.”

Ms. Templeton wrote something down before she said, “Hold on a second Constance. I need a new notebook.” She got up and went to the filing cabinet, flipping through the folders until dropping the black, nine by six inch notebook inside. Then, she went behind her small oak desk in the corner and picked up a larger notebook.

“Really? You’re gonna write down all my juicy confessions in a standard Marble
Composition Notebook. I haven’t used one of those since the sixth grade.”
She sighed, “I could spend five minutes explaining why this notebook is very fitting to use, but I choose not to.”

“Yay you for not caving into peer pressure.”

I relished when I saw her face twist with annoyance, “Just continue, Constance.”

”Get him a t-shirt,” Jade voiced.

“What’s his favorite brand?”

“He likes Hurley.”

“Then on to Pac Sun,” Allison declared.

We crossed the food court and turned left.

“What’s Garrett doing for his birthday tomorrow anyways?”

I looked straight at Jade and scoffed before saying, “Laser tag.”

Allison tried to suppress laughter, “Laser tag?”

“I know. Dumb right?”

“Boys will be boys,” Allison sighed.

“Are you invited?”

“Garrett asked if I wanted to come, but I said no. My parents probably wouldn’t have let me go anyway, since it’s basically just boys. And…I probably suck at laser tag.”

We entered Pac Sun, the lights slightly dimmer than the ones outside. When we came in the man behind the register greeted us. We immediately went over to the left side of the store—where the men’s clothing was.

I started flipping through the shirts when Jade asked, “So when are you two going to meet up?”

“I don’t know. We probably won’t be able to.”

Allison shook her head, “He’s going to find a way to see you. Garrett’s full of surprises.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Constance! Phone!”

I turned away from my laptop and reached to get the white cord phone from my nightstand.

“Hello?”

“Hi Constance this is Mrs. Carpenter.”

I was a little confused, “Uh, Hi Mrs. Carpenter. How are you?”

“I’m doing just fine. I know that it’s almost eight o’ clock but I was wondering if you could please come over to help Garrett. He is having trouble studying for your test about cells that you have on Monday. I would have asked tomorrow but I didn’t want to interfere with your family’s plans.”

“Umm…”

“Your parents already said that it was okay, it that was what you were wondering.”

I held the phone away from my face so that she wouldn’t hear me chuckle, “I’ll be right over.”

“Oh, thank you so much! I’ll even pay you double. I don’t know what we would do without
you. ”

We exchanged goodbyes before I hung up the phone and thought, ‘Garrett must be one hell of an actor.’

I sprang from my bed and pulled off my pajamas before slipping into the jeans I wore yesterday. Quickly, I decided on wearing a gray t-shirt with pink and yellow lettering that spelled “You’re Overrated.” Since my hair was still wet from the shower I just left it down and hoped that it wasn’t too tangled. I grabbed my white Aeropostale tote, the biggest bag I had. I threw in my cell phone, iPod Video, and a wide-toothed comb inside. I went through the clothes covering my floor until I found my keychain necklace and passed it over my head. Once I was sure that I had everything I needed I opened my bottom dresser drawer, where I kept my sweatshirts and sweaters. I reached my hands in between a green Adidas sweatshirt and a black sweater until I felt the hard side of a box. After I pulled it out, it too went in to my tote bag. As an afterthought, I grabbed my Biology notebook; though I knew no studying was going to get done.

I went to my parent’s bedroom, “I’m heading over next door.”

My mom took off her reading glasses and looked up from the medical evaluation she was reading, “Okay, make sure that you are home by nine. Alright? Not a minute later.”

I kissed her on the cheek and then won’t over to my dad’s desk to say bye to him.

He turned away from his computer, “Bye honey.”

“Bye Dad. Bye Mom!” I yelled back upstairs as I put on grey Vans.

The cool night air tingled my skin as soon as I stepped outside. It would be winter soon, and the air already hinted at its arrival. The neighborhood was so quiet that I could hear the grass bend beneath my feet as I crossed the Carpenter’s lawn. I rubbed my arms as I rang the doorbell.

The door opened almost immediately afterwards, “Constance! Good, you’re here. I don’t think I could’ve stood another minute seeing my Garrett so frustrated.”

“Oh…well, I hope that I can make him feel a little better.”

“Please, head upstairs.”

I smiled at her and kicked off my Vans before I started my ascent. She followed behind me.

“Garrett! Constance is here.”

As Mrs. Carpenter and I reached the top of the staircase Garrett emerged from his room, clad in blue pajama bottoms and a snug, white undershirt.

“I thought I told you to change.”

“Oh, sorry Mom. I forgot. I was just so wrapped up with endoplasmic reticulum, ribosome, and the Golgi apparatu-“

“Alright,” his mom cut him off. “It’s okay, let’s just start this session so Constance can get home.”

“I have to be home as soon as it’s nine, Mrs. Carpenter.”

“It’s already past eight,” she exclaimed. “Now get to work you two.”

I walked into his bedroom but Garrett stayed out in the hall, “Mom, can we please close the door? I can hear the TV from downstairs and it’s hard to concentrate.”

Mrs. Carpenter thought hard, “Just until eight thirty. Your sister will be done watching by then.”

“Thanks mom,” he went in and shut the door behind him.

“You know, I heard somewhere that liars burn in hell.”

“Then we can enjoy the heat from the flames together,” he smiled and moved closer.

Arms wrapped around each other and we shared a short kiss.

“Mm, I almost forgot…Happy Birthday!”

“Thanks,” he smiled. “You didn’t think I’d let my birthday pass without seeing my girlfriend, did ya?”

“No, I can’t believe she bought all that crap you said.”

“She cares about my education,” he shrugged.

I sat down on his bed and placed my tote on my lap, “I got you something.”

“Oooh, is it a coupon for a make-out session?”

“Nah, those come for free,” I flirted.

I pulled out the silver box. It measured three inches on each side and two inches high—a shiny, red bow adorned the top.

Like a child, he took the box and held it up to his ear—shaking it back and forth. I listened to the light ‘clunk clunk, clunk clunk, clunk clunk.’

“It sounds like a brooch.”

“Wow, you guessed right! It’s a little puppy dog to match your backpack,” I joked. “Just open it.”

Garrett took off the bow and I laughed as he stuck it on my forehead. Then he lifted the top and placed it on the other side of him before peeking in.

“A dog tag?”

“Yeah um, there’s a small store in the mall that has all these cool lighters and dog tags and jewelry. And it only caught my eye since these dog tags came in all different colors and had little pictures engraved on one side. They had all these things like footballs, hearts, crowns, and…ocean waves—which is the one I got you, in blue…like water.”

When he picked it up, the long chain trialed behind. He traced the silver, etched waves with his index finger. Afterwards, he felt the clear, rubber silencer that surrounded it. Then Garret turned it over.

“G. A. C.?”

“Your initials,” I answered. “Garrett Alexander Carpenter.”

He looked up at me, “Are you sure it doesn’t stand for something else?”

I grinned, “Those letters did form something else in my mind…”

“G. A. C.,” he repeated, “Garrett and Constance.”