Let's Pretend It's Love

“Presley! Your cat peed on my carpet again!!”

I groaned, turning on my side whilst pulling the duvet over my head hoping to drown out the shrill voice and drift back off to sleep. Since loosing my job and simultaneously running my personal relationships, I’d been a living and breathing ball of depression. I was completely miserable, I refused all human contact and wouldn’t get out of bed in fear that I’d further screw things up. Sleeping seemed to be my only escape, the only way I could cope with how horrible things were going. I was good as dead to the world, my phone had been on airplane mode for days to avoid calls and I’d completely neglected my flat. I didn’t care if I never saw anyone else again, even if that was an absurd stretch.

“Presley!”

Just to my luck Penny and Liam were kind enough to offer me their spare bedroom in my time of need. I’d simply explained that I’d lost my job but didn’t go into any further detail about my falling out with Jessa and Harry. Neither of them asked any questions, but in typical sisterly fashion, I could tell Penny was suspicious. Penny and Liam had a rather put together flat but as usual there were quirks to co-existing with them. After just five days I was beginning to regret blowing up on Harry. I could have easily shacked up with him and gotten VIP treatment.

If only I wasn’t so stupid.

“Presley, did you hear me?”

Penny voice grows louder and I sink my face further into my pillow, wishing I’d disappear. To my dismay the bed sinks and I know there’s no way of avoiding her.

“Presley.” her tone is softer now almost a coo. She’s up to no good and I know it.

“Go away.” I groan.

Without any warning the warm duvet is snatched from my body. I groan, slowly peeling my eyes open only to be greeted with the sight of my grinning, evil twin.

“What the hell, Penny?” I barked whilst rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I slowly sit up in bed, slumping my back against the headboard.

“That mangy vermin of yours is trying to ruin my carpet.” she scoffed.

I rolled my eyes.

“He’s in a new environment. Quit judging him.” I spoke.

Penny returned my previous eye roll whilst inspecting her nail beds.

“It’s time you get up anyway, this flat will be filled with lots of people in a few hours. I’m going to need your help.”

I ran a hand through my disheveled hair, my stomach drops as I try to process her words.

“Why?”

She groans.

“Did you forget? The engagement party is tonight. Mum and Dad are hosting and bringing food. I heard they’ll be great booze.”

How many damn parties do they need?

“I really don’t want to be around people right now.” I groaned, fisting the duvet.

Before I can pull it back over my head, Penny snatches it out of my grasp.

“You can and you will. It’ll be good for you. God knows I’m so tired of seeing you in that bed.”

She rises from the foot of the bed as if to finalize her words, dusting non existent lint from her pants. Her eyes wander down to my chest, narrowing slightly.

“You better not let Dad see you wearing that shirt.”

I kink a brow.

“What?”

“Your shirt,” Penny points a finger at the said object. “I didn’t know you were Stones fan.”

My hands fly up to the thin fabric against my skin and my stomach twist into weird knots upon seeing the faded Rolling Stones logo. I don’t know why I’m wearing it and I don’t know why I’ve kept it for so long. I should’ve given it back. It smells like him and suddenly I can hear his voice urging me to wear it, I can feel his fingertips grazing against my skin as he gently lifts it over my head. I should’ve given it back but secretly I don’t want to.

“It’s Harry’s.” I replied nonchalantly, trying hard to act like I don’t care, like saying his name doesn’t leave some bitter taste in my mouth.

“Are you ready to talk about what happened?” she declares, batting her overly mascaraed eyelashes at me.

“Excuse me?” I blurt a bit too sharply.

She shrugs.

“Something had to have happened between you two. I mean, look at you, you’re a hot mess.”

I don’t want to discuss disaster that’s occurred between the both of us but I don’t want to sweep the issue under the rug and make it seem as if things are good between us. I don’t want to tell anymore lies. Lying’s what got me stuck up here on Mt. Pathetic.

“It was a mutual agreement, Pen. We both decided that we weren’t a good match for each other,” I peeled the duvet back, finding the sudden urge to get out of bed. “maybe I’m just exhausted with life. People get tired sometimes, yeah?”

What I said was partially true at least. I’d decided that Harry and I were no match but he always insisted otherwise.

“Can’t you all reevaluate that? I mean, Li and I both agreed you were great together.”

I wish Penny would put the topic to rest. Who is she to determine who’s good for me?

“Will you leave so that I can get ready for your party in a few hours?” I snapped.

Penny tosses her hair over her shoulder holding her hands up in surrender.

“Gee, sorry I asked. I’ll leave you alone now.”

She closes the door as carefully as possible and I suddenly get the urge to throw something. I hadn’t given myself the proper time to asses my emotions regarding things with Harry. Maybe I’m angry , maybe I’m sad but mostly I just feel really numb.

If there’s one thing I’m positive of it’s that I’m not some weak girl who’s falling apart because I made some boy the center of my world.

Harry Styles is not the sun, he’s just a star that has no place in my universe.

****

I’d managed to begrudgingly get myself dolled up, changing into this black, sheer sleeved dress I’d gotten on clearance last winter and opting for a red lip to to make sure I looked alive. I’d already planned on sneaking as much quiche, triffle and champagne as possible back to my room and spending the rest of the night with Ollie. No one would miss my presence anyway. My parents had arrived about forty-five minuets before the party was due to start and I could already hear my mother barking orders at Dad when I entered the kitchen. I was a little indifferent about being around my parents as I hadn’t properly seen them since about Christmas. Dad would be his usual self of course but my mother was petty as hell and still rather upset about me choosing to spend Christmas with Harry.

“There’s my girl!” Dad announced upon my arrival.

He was dressed to the nines in his favorite black suit, the nearly silver strands of hair combed perfectly in place and a John Lennon shirt under his suit jacket just to add his own Liverpoolvian flare. He’d been arranging crackers on a platter and had probably been eating some along the way.

I forced a smile.

“Hey Daddy. Hi Mum.” I greeted.

My mother had been crouched near the stove and she gave me a tight lipped smile.

“Hello, love. Penny said you’d be over early.”

I smoothed my hands over my dress, nodding slowly. My parents knew nothing about my unemployment and pending homelessness. I intended to keep it that way.

“So, big party tonight.” I spoke, trying to start conversation.

I had no idea where Penny or Liam were but I was really hoping they’d show up soon.

“Honestly, I’m ready for the wedding day already. These parties can get draining.” Mum exclaimed, adjusting the belt on her tweed dress.

“Harry coming tonight?” Dad suddenly ask.

I can feel myself freezing up and his question.

“He’s got a gig out town. Won’t be able to make it.” I replied hurriedly.

I wasn’t sure if Harry was coming or not but I hope and prayed he didn’t. It was highly unlikely considering how badly I’d pissed him off.

“Oh,” Dad seems disappointed. “tell him I said hello. It’s been a while.”

Mum flashes her famous judgmental glare.

“Well,” she huffs. “since you’re here you can help me shave the chicken.”

“Sure.” I replied, happy to find something to busy myself

I could certainly see a bottle of wine in tonight’s future.

Penny’s flat was flawless and filled with nice aromas in record time. By six o’ clock guest began to show up with expensive bottles of wine and platters of aged cheese. There were hardly any faces I recognized, mostly old friends of Mum and Dad’s who’d decided to show up. While most of them seemed snobby and boring they were relatively harmless. The real annoyance wouldn’t start until about 7:30 when the bridal party arrived. All three of them seemed to be tipsy, disturbing the peaceful, mature ambiance that had been going on for the past hour. Dad seemed quite amused but Mum on the other hand was not at all impressed. Penny was probably the last to notice.

“What should I do, Presley? Should I kick them out?” her words came out in a jumble as she rushed over to me.

I shrugged, bitting into a slice of gouda and feeling too relaxed in Liam’s comfy chair to even care.

“They’re your friends, you deal with them accordingly.”

Penny huffed, obviously annoyed with my answer.

“I told them Mum and Dad would be here, now they’re just embarrassing me.”

“They’re your friends.” I replied again.

She groans.

“You’re no help at all.”

I continue watching the rest of the party goers when she’s gone. This party is pants and I can’t help but think that if Harry were here I’d probably be having a better time. He’d probably be tell me one of his horrible jokes or make up this weird narrative about a person in the room to try and make me laugh. We’d probably ditch the party early and go grab breakfast or go back to his place for a late night game of scrabble.

Why am I thinking about this?

Deciding on another glass of champagne, I rise from my chair and head to the kitchen. There’s a chilled bottle of rose´ in the fridge and I want to be the first to get my hands on it. The kitchen is nearly vacant, maybe I should hide out here for the rest of the night.

As I rummage through the fridge I feel a finger tapping into the flesh of my shoulder.

“Oi!” I shout, startled.

I turn on my heel only to be greeted with the sight of a man and a very attractive one at that. He was tall and slender, not as tall as some men but tall enough for me, with big hazel eyes framed by long lashes and dark hair that was so perfectly combed I bet even he was afraid to touch it. His facial features were striking, chiseled cheekbones and a strong jawline, and I could tell right away that he had this Johnny Depp, debonair aura about him.

“Sorry,” he grinned, flashing his perfect teeth. “I didn’t mean to frighten ya.”

I gripped the bottle or rose´ tight, somehow unbothered by the coolness of it.

“No,” I struggled to find my words “it’s alright.”

I placed the bottle of champagne on the counter whilst trying to grasp my train of thought.

Hot damn.

“So, you must be the maid of honor. I’ve been waiting to meet you.” he speaks, stuffing his hands in his pocket.

I laugh, maybe because I don’t know what else to do or maybe because it’s funny that he assumes I’m the maid of honor. Probably the last one.

“I’m no maid of honor. ’M just a bridesmaid.” I replied casually.

His dark eyebrows rose.

“Really? I would’ve thought you were the maid of honor. You look the part.”

I grinned, probably the first real one in a while.

“Thanks but that’s just too much responsibility for me. You must be the best man? You look the part.” I replied before going to find a bottle opener.

“You’re right about that, ” he replies as I struggle to get the bottle opener fastened to the cap. “let me do.”

He pops the cap with ease, a bit of the champagne’s fizz spilling out as I mumble a thanks.

He flashes his perfect smile at me again and I wonder why he’s stuck around so long.

“So, the bridesmaid has a name, right?” he questions hopefully.

“Oh,” my eyes widen. “how rude of me. I’m Presley. I’m Penny’s twin sister.”

I extended my hand to shake in which he gladly excepts.

“Zayn. Penny never mentioned she had such a gorgeous sister.”

The inner girl in me comes out and I find myself struggling to hide the blush creeping on my cheeks.

“Why would she?” I shrugged.

Zayn’s still holding my hand and despite how charming and handsome he is things feel a bit awkward.

“It’s a bummer you’re not the maid of honor.” he speaks again.

“Yeah, bummer.”

“Zayn, mate!” Liam’s voice booms as he enters the room.

He places a hand on Zayn’s shoulder and shoots me a questioning gaze.

“If you want to meet the lovely maid of honor she’s right over there by the bookcase.” Liam continues pointing to where Charlotte is in the corner, drunkenly cackling with Libby.

“Nice.” Zayn deadpans, gently letting go of my hand.

“I reckon I’ll be seeing you again very soon, babe?” he questions, flashing that perfect smile of his.

I grin.

“Yeah, very soon.”

He flashes that million dollar grin a final time before exiting the kitchen. Once I’m positive he’s gone I shoot Liam the coldest glare ever.

“You cockblocker!” I hissed folding my arms over my chest. “Why would you do that?”

Liam rolls his eyes.

“Because, you have a boyfriend! I will not be a witness to your adultery. Not in me own home at least.” he replies.

I scoff.

“Ugh, when will you people get over him? ”

I stomp out of the kitchen and down the hall way back to my room. Ollie is curled up on the bed and the slamming door startles him. I yank of my heels and fall into bed, anger brewing in my chest and a large lump forming in my throat. I just wish I could shake him, get him out of my hair, erase all traces of Harry Styles from my life. But every time I try things just come back around full circle.

Almost everything leads back to him.

I can feel the tears pricking my eyes as I catch sight of a small black box sitting on the my dresser. I pick it up, holding it in my palm as I remember Harry shoving into my hands on the night of my birthday. I hadn’t even opened it, too afraid to see what was inside. He’d said he didn’t care what I did with it so maybe I could do something else with it if it made me feel too bad.

I slowly lifted the lid and my eyes immediately caught sight of something shiny. Inside the box is the prettiest, most delicate looking bracelet with a tiny butterfly charm. It was by far the nicest gift I’d ever gotten from anyone. Underneath the bracelet was a piece of folded notebook paper. Making sure to be very careful with the bracelet, I gently sat it aside and unfolded the paper. Harry’s handwriting graced the paper’s lines.

Because you’re like a butterfly, pretty to look at but so hard to catch.

I know it’s a bit much but I just wanted to give you something that shows just how important you are to me. Actually, all the jewelry in the would couldn’t amount to how much I care about you. You deserve total happiness-even if it’s not with me.

Happy Birthday.

- Love, Hx

Fuck.

I was sure the make-up was destroyed as the hot tears streamed down my face. I could deny feelings all day but one thing I couldn’t deny was how incredibly sweet Harry was to me, even when I didn’t deserve it.

“You’re not still mad at me, are you?”

Liam’s footsteps drift into the room and I brush the tears away with my fingers.

“No,” I croaked, not even annoyed that he didn’t knock. “I’m mad at myself.”

He sighs deeply before taking a seat next to me, the bed stooping from his weight.

“Why the tears?” he questions softly, gently nudging me with his elbow. “I’ll beat someone’s ass if I have to.”

I ran a hair through my hair running the waves I’d worked so hard on.

“This is my problem, Liam.”

I stared down at the folded piece of notebook paper and I couldn’t help but think what things would be like if none of this would have ever happened, if I wasn’t so bothered by mum’s judgement.

“There’s something you should know Li,” I started, turning towards him.

“Go on,” he urged.

I’d been holding this in for so long and I figured the only way to make things better was to admit my wrong doings.

“Things between Harry and I were fake.”

His brown eyes are nearly double the size as he stares at me with disbelief.

“What? You’re shitting me.”

I shook my head.

“No, Liam, I’m serious. It was all pretend. At least in the beginning.”

He runs a hand though his perfect quiff with a sigh of disbelief.

“But you-you looked so good together, so real.”

“We had you all fooled, huh?”

“But-but why?” he stuttered.

I shrugged, lazily.

“I don’t even know anymore. At first I did it because I wanted to impress my mum, cause I was tired of looking like an unwanted spinster,” I gave a dry laugh “but now that everything’s over with, none of that even matters anymore.”

“I just don’t believe it, Presley. It can’t just be pretend. Harry’s pretty crazy about you.” Liam continued.

“I know,” I could feel the lump rising in my throat. “that’s what makes me so fucking scared.”

I brushed my fingertips up to my face to stop the falling tears. It’s then that I realize what a huge role fear was playing in holding me back. I was afraid of so many things: afraid of other people’s opinions, afraid of getting too attached, afraid of feeling weak and afraid of the idea that someone might actually want me.

“This is so stupid. I’m so stupid.” I mumbled.

“No,no,” Liam coos, placing his hand on my knee “you’re not stupid. It’s okay to cry.”

“I just-I just don’t want him to hurt me.”

I know he’s said before that he wouldn’t but how can you be so sure? People are so fickle. One day things are good and then the next, everything changes.

“What I’m about to ask is going to sound proper cliche´, but do you love him?”

I shrugged.

“There are many things about him that I adore but, love- love is such a massive word.”

I wasn’t even sure I knew exactly what love was. It was only a four letter word but it was so complex.

Liam sighed.

“Looks like you’ve got a lot to work out.” he declares patting my knee.

I ran a hand through my hair.

“Yeah.”

So much more than he knows.

“I reckon you won’t be coming back to the party them? his eyebrows raise.

"Nope. I’m calling it a night.”

He gives me a warm, sympathetic smile.

“I thought so. I’ll stow away some food for ya.”

The corner of my lips turned up into the smallest smile.

“Thanks Li. You’re a good guy. Penny is lucky to have you.”

He grins.

“Gimme a hug.”

I let out a contented sigh as he wraps his arms around me. I hope I haven’t ruined his suit jacket with my smeared make-up.

“you better not tell anyone else about this,” I warned once we’d pulled away. “if I hear this come back to me I swear I will break your bloody arm.”

His eyes widened.

“Jesus, I promise I won’t say a thing .” he assured me before standing to his feet and leaving the room.

I feel so much lighter now that the truth is out. It feels good to be honest after lying for so long.

Now I have to decide if I’m being honest to myself.