A Helping Hand

As Monday crept around once more, Indy packed herself up, and headed into the studio. She made sure to stop on the way and get coffee for herself and her father, not needing confirmation to know that he would already be busy at work, setting everything up for another productive day.

She was excited to get stuck back into recording, feeling more and more confident with her role as the weeks went by. The weekend had had really helped her be able to open herself up to the group, after learning so much about the band, she felt that it may be time she let them in a little more. They had proven that they were more than just colleagues, and she wanted to reciprocate those feelings.

But by the time lunch had rolled around, those feelings were shattered.

All morning each and every member of the band, and even Jason and Matt, treated her differently. They had all arrived together, and had not said a single word to her, and that was just the beginning.

At first she thought she was imagining it. She was just too much in her own head, trying to talk herself out of making actual friends with this band. They were all just excited to get to work, and wanted to crack on with this album. She understood that feeling.

What set her alarm bells off was the fact that Zacky, the person she was meant to be helping, was avoiding her. Every day they had begun the morning by listening to the last thing they had recorded, or written, and then share any epiphanies that had happened during the night. That routine was a little had to do when Zacky had taken it upon himself to sit with Matt and write lyrics.

Indy was going to ask Mudrock what she should do as Zacky was working with Matt that day, but he was distracted by tracking Brian’s harmony on the opening of ‘M.I.A.’. That took away that option.
So for over an hour Indy sat on the couch, waiting for Zacky to come over and let her know how he wanted to continue with the bridge in ‘M.I.A’. After feeling stupid for waiting for so long, she busied herself by tuning all her guitars, tiding up the studio by getting rid of half-finished water bottles, washing the assortment of mugs and plates that were left from last week, and she had even gone so far as to re-transcribe the tabs they had so far, just to make herself appear busy.

She wandered around the studio, watching from the outside as Jimmy tracked with Andy and Jason. They usually kept themselves busy in the drum room, the Rev being as much a perfectionist as Brian was. That is saying something.

As she walked into the kitchen to get herself a drink, she passed Johnny. Having not seen him all day either, she smiled brightly as she caught his eye as he was leaving the kitchen.

“Hey JC, how’s it going?” she asked brightly, excited to have some human contact.

He averted his gaze, swiftly walking past her at an almost run and stuttered out a slew of nonsense sounds, none which were identifiable as actual words. He slammed the studio door closed after reaching the main room.

When Zacky and Matt got up from the table, taking a lunch break, she snapped. Not once had anyone spoken to her. She wasn’t here for the fun of it, this was her job. She refused to sit here, do nothing all day, and be ignored by her ‘bosses’ for no apparent reason.

“Ok, I give up! What the fuck is going on?” Indy shouted, ignoring the fact that Brian had just started another take.

“Indy, please! We are tracking,” Mudrock said, chastising her. He couldn’t believe that all of a sudden, Indy had exploded. Having been in a recording bubble with Brian all morning, he had not noticed the strange demeanor of the other musicians.

“I don’t care. I am DONE with being ignored! What the hell has crawled up everyone’s asses today?” She asked, getting the attention of the boys in the drum room with her yelling. They hadn’t tracked anything for about an hour, but had stayed in the room regardless.

“What are you talking about?” Matt asked her, raising an eyebrow. He knew exactly what she was talking about, but refused to admit it.

“Oh come on. You have been ignoring me, Zacky has been taped to your side instead of helping me make YOUR album. Brian hasn’t even dared to glance over at me, Jimmy I haven’t even seen all day because he and Jason have escaped into the drum room,” she started, pointing to each member of the band individually. “And Johnny couldn’t even stutter out a fucking ‘hello’ when I happened to see him in the kitchen. He freaked the fuck out, scampered away and slammed the door.”

“Johnny’s a freak, so what?” Matt said, brushing aside her evidence.

On Sunday morning, Zacky had called all the guys together, taking them through what he and Jason saw on Friday night between Mudrock and Indy. After a very long conversation, they had all put their two-cents in, each member having agreed that they had seen the pair sharing a lot of touches, or gestures. It was unfathomable to them, and they could only see one reason why Indy would be with Mudrock.

“That’s fucking bullshit, and you know it,” Indy replied to Matt. She was utterly confused as to what was happening. Had all of Friday night been an elaborate rouse to trick her into feeling comfortable, and then they fade her out? Were they unhappy with her work, and didn’t know how to fire her?

“Indy, calm down,” Mudrock said sternly, scolding her. He was utterly clueless as to why she was behaving this way.

“You don’t have to come to her rescue anymore,” Zacky told the older man. “We figured out what is happening.”

Indy was speechless. What was happening? Between she and Mudrock? How had they figured it out? There were no clues, right?

“Figured what out?” Mudrock asked the guitarist, slightly losing his cool. His thoughts were traveling as fast as Indy’s.

“Dude, we know the reason you recommended Indy to us. We just can’t believe how much you guys have lied to us,” Jason piped up, finally having a chance to say it all out loud.

He had become to respect Mudrock as a mentor, and as a fantastic producer. He saw how he could get the best out of the band, and he was fascinated with the techniques he was putting in place to create such a solid album. To have someone lie to your face every day was demoralising, and having someone you respect so highly do it, it really hurt Jason.

“Because she is an amazing musician? Because she gets your style? Because I wanted you guys to get your album finished in time?” Mudrock suggested. All these things were 100% true. What did it matter that they were related?

“Because you guys are fucking!” Brian exclaimed, finally chiming in. Everyone’s attention went to Indy, then to Mudrock, back and forth between the two.

For 5 seconds, it seemed like the world had stopped. Not a single sound was made in the studio.
“What. The. FUCK?!” Indy yelled, her mind boggling at the answer they received. She was stunned, never in 1000 years would she have guessed that would be the reason she was being iced out.

“We have all seen the looks, the touches, the cuddles, between the two of you. Stop lying to us,” Jason said, saying what the guys were all thinking. None of them had expected Indy to pick up on their lack of respect so quick.

“Are you guys fucking HIGH?” Mudrock asked them, looking at all of them with a bewildered look.
Indy looked over to him, the pair having the quickest conversation with their eyes.

“He is my father,” Indy said, astounded that each of them truly believed the accusation.

“She is my daughter,” Mudrock said at the same time as Indy.

“Bullshit,” Zacky snapped back. No way could he be wrong. He had been over it all in his head a million times.

“Bullshit? Seriously? You guys seriously think we are… I can’t even say it, that is fucking disgusting,” Indy asked, stopping herself at the end. She looked around to the group, studying each of them individually.

Brian looked stone cold. His eyes conveyed nothing about what was going on his mind as he stared at Matt. Johnny was looking down, almost ashamed. Jimmy was raising an eyebrow, seeming to believe the truth. Jason was just glaring at her father, his face set in a furrow. Matt was staring passively at Brian, his eyes as unreadable as the guitarist he was looking at. Zacky just looked hurt. Confused and hurt.

"I can’t even fathom this,” Mudrock said. He was utterly shocked. He just kept slowly shaking his head back and forth, not knowing how to continue.

“You are her dad?” Jimmy asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the other guys. There was not much that could phase the drummer, he was just happy as long as everyone was getting along. It made for too much drama otherwise.

“Yes,” he confirmed, changing his head shaking to a slow nod.

“But what about all the touching, Indy always bringing you back lunch, coming in early all the time?” Zacky asked, still needing convincing. Over the last few days it was all he could think about. He and Jason had stayed in the kitchen on Friday night for a long time, talking about what they assumed was going on.

“I’m here early because I am professional. I like to be ready by the time you guys get in because I know how little time we have left to get this done. By the time you guys are here, I am tuned, warmed up, and have gotten into the headspace I need to be to be able to mimic your style. I get him lunch when he works though, yes. But I have also bought back food, coffee, water, energy drinks for each and every one of you when you stay back, as well. What a convenient thing to forget,” Indy replied, truly hurt by the accusing tone in Zacky’s voice. They had worked together side by side every day for the last 4 weeks, how could he of all people think that she was paying ‘special attention’ to Mudrock. It made her stomach turn. “And touching? What fucking touching?”

“Friday night, Jason and I saw you two as Mudrock walked you out. That was a long hug,” Zacky said, losing momentum. Maybe he was wrong? Maybe he just got too caught up in his head about it all, reading far too deep into things that weren’t there.

“That is fucking insane. I gave you all a hug when I got there! He walked me out because he didn’t know if the neighbourhood was safe enough at 11pm at night. It’s actually a very PATERNAL gesture,” Indy retaliated. She was beginning to lose her relative calm.

“Yeah, but…” Jason started, only to be interrupted by Indy.

“But what? Are you guys seriously thinking I only got this job because of who I know? Do you have that little respect for me? That little belief in my skill?”

“We just didn’t know anything about you, really,” Brian interjected, taking the heat off Jason.

“What does it matter about her backstory? She isn’t here to make friends, she is here to do a job. At the end of the day, we are both professionals, and we can realistically get this album finished without you knowing as much as our last name,” Mudrock replied, standing up for Indy. The initial shock had worn off, and now his temper was getting as out of control as Indy’s.

“But you lied to us,” Matt said, pointing out the root of the issue. Though he now believed that their relationship was nothing but family, he still had an issue with trust. “Maybe not explicitly, but it is still a huge thing to fucking omit.”

“No one in this industry knows! For the last 4 years I have been booking jobs on skill and reputation ALONE. To me, people thinking I got this job based on the fact that he is my father is nearly as bad as thinking I got it by sleeping my way to the top! I go by my mother’s maiden name for this reason alone! Look how messy this is, look how much it has changed your opinion of not only me, but of Mudrock,” Indy pointed out, the biggest fear she had about working in the same industry as her father was coming to life.

“It’s only messy because we found out,” Jason said, still finding the truth hard to believe.
Indy was exasperated. It took all her focus to calm herself down and not walk over and punch the drum technician in the face. She glanced around the room, taking another look at the guys in front of her.

“We wouldn’t have had an issue if you told us in the first place,” Johnny said, finally putting his opinion in. He was in the same frame of mind as Matt, and he knew the larger issue was one of trust.

“And how were we to know that? Look, I like to say that I know you guys, and I get where you’re coming from, but regardless of how easy-going you are, just think how it looks if on that first day, I introduced Indy as my daughter. How does that come across to you guys, honestly? I know you guys put your music before anything else. You are one of the hardest working bands I have dealt with, which is why I was honoured to return to do this album with you. Would you honestly have given her the chance to prove that she ‘fit’ in on this album, or would have just thought I was being nepotistic and tried to get my kid some money, taking advantage of the situation to look after my own?” Murdock asked them, making them all take a second and consider what would have happened.

The room was silent for a while, everyone think about what Mudrock had said, and taking the time to calm down. Everyone knew he was right. This record was the most important thing to them. They had to follow up ‘Waking the Fallen’ with something as high calibre, and they knew they wanted to head in a different direction. They had the stress of delivering an album that made both their fans and themselves happy. All this with the pressure of being in a new record contract with Warner Brothers.

“Not having to worry about any ulterior motive made the transition smooth, no one can deny that.” Mudrock finished, his point being well delivered to the band before him.

He had lost no respect for the band, understanding that they had let their insecurities get away from them. The studio made a lot of musicians crack, the endless pressure of creating perfect material, recording it perfectly, and half the time having it not come out the way you imagined takes a huge toll. Add in the stress of having one band member out of action, and it creates a ticking time bomb.

The bomb just exploded, and took everyone with it.

Indy was the first to recover from Mudrock’s monologue, taking a huge breath in, and slowly releasing.

“It’s 1 o’clock. I am calling it a day. I can’t be around you guys right now, or I will say a lot of things I regret,” she said, leaning over to the table beside the couch to collect her handbag. “I will be in at 9am tomorrow.”

With an icy glare at the band, she walked briskly out of the room, shutting the door forcefully behind her. She would have loved to be able to walk away from the project entirely, but she knew that it would all come crashing down around her father, and she was not about to let that happen.
She had a reputation to uphold, and nothing was going to spoil what she had built for herself.

Still steaming, Indy decided that it would be better to cool off before driving home. LA traffic is bad enough without getting into the car in a bad mood. That is just a recipe for disaster. Instead, she decided to take a walk, centring herself again, and coming to terms with what had just happened.
The one thing she feared had finally come out. If she was being honest with herself, she knew it was just a matter of time. No secret could be kept forever. She had just wanted to be able to let it out at her own pace, when it wouldn’t affect her career in a negative way.

She couldn’t help but feel a touch of guilt with her frustration. What Matt had said was right; she and Mudrock had essentially lied to them. It made her stomach flip with anxiety. They had all been so welcoming and inclusive, taking her in without a second thought from the first day. She had built a rapport with the entire band, something she had rarely experienced as a session musician. She actually valued the bond she had created with Zacky and Brian, enjoying being able to have passionate conversations about the music they were creating. They had also helped her technique, showing her how to properly tap. That was more for fun than work, and it was that mix of work and pleasure that made her enjoy working with the band so much.

She knew in her heart that she had to apologise. After all, it was half her fault that the argument happened in the first place. She didn’t know if their remaining time in the studio would go quite as smoothly as the first half after this, but hoped that there would at least be a ceasefire until her recording was finished.

Walking aimlessly, she found herself back outside the studio, her inner compass guiding her back. Not once had she thought about where she was walking, she just let her feet carry her as long as her mind wandered.

She took a look around the parking lot, seeing only her car, and Mudrock’s still in the parking lot. She assumed the boys had taken off not long after she had, calling the day early.

She debated going into the studio and talking to her father, but after a lot of mental deliberation, she decided against it. She just needed to go home to her dogs, and a bottle of wine.