Hospital Beds and Memories

Alex and Rian studied me one more time while thinking of questions to ask me. So far I had been a lot less shy than I excepted I was going to be, but their stares were making me feel uncomfortable. They could be silently judging me and I wouldn’t know. Jack was just quietly sitting next to me, not even being bothered about his friends getting ready to interrogate me.

“Let’s just start easy here,” Alex stopped pacing up and down, “what’s your full name?”

“Jack doesn’t even know this,” I chuckled, “Ireland Åse Torborg Knight.”

“What!” Jack looked so surprised, “how did you get those names! What the fuck!”

“My grandma on my mom’s side is Swedish,” I shrugged, “I’m basically a quarter Swedish.”

“What the fuck! Why didn’t you ever tell me this!”

“You never asked!”

“Now it’s my turn!” Rian looked excited to ask me something. “Wait, nevermind. I was going to ask you something, but I don’t want to scare you off… yet. So, I’ll just ask what you do for a living.”

Oh great. This question. I was literally broke. The plane ticket had cost me all my money. I didn’t know back then that the only job I would still have was the job I had at the grocery store.

“Umm,” I tried stalling and my answer came out more like a question, “I’m kind of in between jobs right now, unless you count my job at the grocery store.”

I could see Jack gaping at me from the corner of my eye. “What happened to you being a dance instructor?”

I shrugged. “I had to quit it.”

“But why! That was fucking awesome!”

“Because the doctor literally told me to quit it or I’ll have serious consequences.”

Why was Jack always interrupting? I got that he hadn’t seen me in three weeks, but I just wanted to get this over with. Last time I was asked tons of questions was the first time I hung out with Jack and we were playing 21 questions. That didn’t really end up well. I had to confess my one secret to him; something I had wished to keep for a bit longer. I didn’t need his friends knowing how fucked up I was.

“Wait. You got your results back, right? Anything important?”

This was it. I had to tell Jack I had leukemia. But I didn’t want to do it while two strangers that were his best friends were in the same room as us. This was going to devastate him. I just came back and the leukemia could take me away from him whenever it wanted. The doctors had told me I was still in Stage 1 and that I should be fine, but it was acute, meaning that it was spreading quickly; nobody knew how fast.

Apparently, I had been quiet for too long because I saw Jack give me a worried look. I had to tell him. “Oh, umm, well--”

My phone, which was now barely charged, started notifying me of a facetime call. Saved by the bell, well, technically ring, but still. I just didn’t have to tell Jack anymore. Instead, I quickly got up to check who was calling me, excusing myself before. The caller ID told me it was Cam and I knew exactly why he was calling me, but I still answered.

“You fucking idiot!” Cameron screamed, “I come home and I fucking find this in the kitchen!” he showed me all the medication I had left at home, “are you fucking crazy!”

“I’m sorry,” I said in an overly sweet voice, “please don’t come here and murder me.”

“Oh, you fucking bet your ass I will!”

“Shh,” I slowly put my phone down.

“Ireland, no, what are you doing!”

“Shh…”

“Don’t you fucking dare hang up on me!”

“Shh…” I put my finger to my lips and hung up on him. Since we were young, this was the way I got rid of Cam whenever he was mad at me. For example, he would get mad at me when we were in his room, I would slowly walk out of his room while shushing him and closing the door. It often left him confused, but it could also get him madder. Basically, it just meant I didn’t really care.

I turned back to the three guys and apologized. Before I could sit back down, the fourth guy came from the bunk area. His eyes rested on me and he seemed to be releasing something until everything made sense.

“Ireland?” he asked me.

“Umm…” I didn’t know what to say. Zack seemed to know me, but I couldn’t remember him. I was right with my guess that I did know him when Jack had shown me that picture at my parents' house.

“Wait, you are Ireland Knight, right?”

“Umm, yeah?’

“We--”

Jack interrupted him. “Woah, woah, hang on there, buddy. Don’t tell her where you know her from. Don’t you dare tell her.”

At least Jack remembered the rule that nobody could tell me anything about my past. But Zack did not know about this. He gave Jack the most confused and insulted look ever. I had to fix this.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “I don’t remember anything from high school and such, except for the very beginning of Freshman year.”

“Ok…?” Zack tilted his head to one side. Something about him seemed so familiar, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. So, I kept staring at him, trying to figure out what was up with this weird buff guy. I sat down on Jack’s lap and kept thinking about it. What was it with this guy?

Suddenly it made sense. “Oh my god! I remember!”

“You do?” Jack was more excited than Zack.

“I was the only Freshman asked to the Senior prom. At first, I said no to the guy, but he kept asking me and I felt bad, so I eventually said yes. Even though he had already graduated a year or so before, Zack went with some girl. I don’t know whether it was his girlfriend or not. But the guy I went with and the girl he went with ditched us for each other. So, Zack and I spent time together at a party we didn’t even belong at. Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Zack smiled, “we made fun of all the couples. After that, we never saw each other again, though.”

“I’m more concerned about the fact that a Senior asked you to prom when you were a Freshman, than you knowing Zack,” Jack pointed out and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“There’s a four year age gap between us, don’t whine about it.” I flicked him against his head.

“Yes, but you’re 23 now, not 14 or 15. That guy must have been crazy!”

“I don’t remember,” I shrugged.

“I say she gets to stay!” Alex suddenly announced.

“Good, because I have no way to get home,” I chuckled.

“Ok, so the rules of the tour bus--”

“Don’t take a shit, only use bottled water, don’t make a fuck ton of noise when people are sleeping, don’t get drunk and puke everywhere, oh, and no sex on the bus.”

“How do you know that?” Jack questioned.

“Don’t underestimate my brother, I’ve been on a tour bus before, just never this long.”

----

The guys still had an hour before they had to get ready for the stage. So, we were all in the back lounge, watching a movie together. I was cuddled up against Jack, his arm around my shoulders. If it’s any significance to you, the movie was some weird action movie that made no sense, but the others seemed to enjoy it, so I said nothing. Just because I was here did not mean they had to do everything according to me. Quite the opposite, actually. I was just enjoying Jack’s company. Well, that was until there were some flashing lights from gunshots that the main character was shooting.

My brain suddenly felt very fuzzy and I knew precisely what was going to happen. Before I could try to stop it and warn anybody, my head suddenly slid off Jack’s shoulder and fell into his lap. The guys started hollering, but Jack quickly picked me up.

He searched my face, “are you ok?”

I groaned in response. Everything was spinning and distorting. I didn’t know what was going on anymore. Nothing made sense.

“Do you think you’re gonna…” Jack asked me.

I nodded while trying to not move my head too much. Every time I made a movement everything only got worse. I didn’t even have control over my legs anymore.

“I’m going to put you on the floor, ok?” Jack picked me up bridal style and laid me down on the floor, “Alex, can you give me your hoodie?”

I heard more talking, but I couldn’t process anything. The pitches in their voices were muffled and my brain couldn’t seem to make words out of them. It felt like I was underwater and they were talking above water.

Something was being put underneath my head and Jack’s hands checked my neck if I had anything on that could suffocate me before he took off my glasses. I didn’t want to have a seizure; not now. If I hadn’t forgotten to take my medication, this wouldn’t have happened. The worst part was that I did take my last dose, so my body kept resisting the seizure. I would feel like I was about to go unconscious, just to wake up again.

It’s ok, I’m right here with you.

I’m not leaving.

Don’t try to resist it, just let it happen.

I love you.

And that’s when I lost my consciousness.

When you black out you never know how much time has gone by. It could be seconds, minutes, or even hours. Normally I wouldn’t even realize how long my seizures took, but this time was different. I was so close to consciousness a couple of times and I could hear Jack talking to me, but I would always slip back. At some points I was able to squeeze his hand, but my muscles would always tense up weirdly again. It was terrifying. I didn’t like knowing what was going on while I was having a seizure.

After what felt like ages, I was finally able to open my eyes without having them close straight away after. Jack was stroking the hair out of my face and I tried to sit up, but he carefully pushed me back down.

“Don’t get up just yet,” Jack apologized.

I ran my hands over my face and in my hair. “Fuck.”

I couldn’t even remember where I was. Why was Jack here? Was I already on the tour bus? But I couldn’t recall getting off the plane and meeting all of his friends. Did Jack and I already make up? Maybe I had fallen outside, but they found me and brought me in. I really didn’t know what was going on anymore.

“Can you tell me your name?” Jack started going through the basic questions he was told to ask me after a seizure.

“Ireland,” I groaned and tried to sit up again just to be held back by Jack again.

“And your birthday?”

“23rd of April.”

“Ok, good, how about your brother’s birthday?”

What? How was I supposed to know that!? It was somewhere in the back of my mind, but I didn’t know it. It seemed like something that was supposed to be common sense, but I really didn’t know.

“Your twin brother’s birthday, when is it?” Jack repeated slower.

“I don’t know,” I started getting frustrated and just wanted to get up.

“Your brother shares your birthday, which is on the 23rd of April. When is his birthday?”

I shook my head. I honestly didn’t know. Couldn’t he just get that? Why did he keep asking me?

“Ok, what about my name? Do you know that?” Jack asked this time.

My mind completely clouded over. “I knew it a second ago… Wait…. no. I don’t know.”

I suddenly got really tired. All I wanted was to do was to sleep. I didn’t want any more questions, so I tried to voice my opinion, but I couldn’t talk anymore. I kept trying and trying, but nothing came out. The words just weren’t there. So I signed it, hoping that anybody here knew sign language.

“Ok, let’s get you to bed then,” the guy who’s name I couldn’t remember picked me up, “and I’ll stop asking you questions.”

Since when did he know sign language? Not being able to ask him, he brought me to his bunk, which was on the bottom, and let me lie down. He closed the door to the back lounge and came back to me.

“Do you want to wear something more comfortable to sleep in?” My boyfriend pointed at my sweater.

I nodded and let him help me up. He looked through his suitcase which was in a neighboring bunk and pulled out one of his t-shirts. I allowed him to pull my sweater over my head, leaving me in just my bra. He went to give me the shirt before stopping.

“Would you like me to take this off as well?” He motioned towards the bra.

Once again I nodded. Sleeping in a bra just wasn’t comfortable. He reached behind my back and managed to unhook the bra in one go. I shrugged it off and he placed it in the bunk with his suitcase before pulling the t-shirt over my head so I wasn’t left naked anymore. After lying back down, the guy wrapped the blanket around me and kissed my forehead.

“I’ve got to go play the show now, but I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he smiled at me, “I’m not leaving you, I’ll just be a couple of feet away, ok?”

I smiled back at him and signed ‘I love you’.

“I love you too,” he slowly kissed me and closed the curtain, leaving me alone in the dark safety of the bunk.