Starting Over

The talk with my mother went really well after I dropped off the boys with my step-father. My mom went into great detail about how she handled when I started seeing my father when I was a teenager. I was grateful that she gave me that insight and I told her about the family therapist appointment I made for us hoping that if Derek and I could get on the same page that Dalia and I were on then things would be so much easier for everyone. I was just turning onto my street when I saw Matt’s car in the street and him sitting on my front porch. He was the last person I really wanted to face because after the last two weeks, I was sure that maybe I made that mistake in asking him to dinner. I was still feeling I wasn’t ready to date and I didn’t want to make things awkward for us when he had his boys and I didn’t want to make things awkward for our boys when they hung out. I sighed trying to think of something to say when I realized I was already parked in my driveway. I sighed for the millionth time in the last two minutes and opened my car door. I stepped out grabbing the bag of food I had gotten from the Panera my mom and I went to, and turned around to see Matt standing up from the steps. I made my way over trying to put on the bravest face I could muster.

“Hey,” Matt said smiling lightly at me.

“Hi,” I said not knowing what to say.

“Any insight into why you’ve been ignoring the texts I’ve been sending?” he asked and I sighed, there goes the Matt I had gotten to know over the last few weeks; he really beat around the bush.

“I’ve been busy,” I lied heading towards my front door.

“Too busy to send an I’m alive text?” Matt asked as I pictured his eyebrow raised.

“Yes,” I said.

“Cut the bullshit Melrose,” Matt snapped and I spun around, “If you weren’t interested you could’ve at least told me instead of ignoring me.”

I don’t what it was, if it was the last two weeks of the emotional roller-coaster I had been riding or if it was just Matt’s tone and assumptions but I was sent over the edge and Matt was going to receive it all.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Rockstar,” I snapped at him, “I didn’t know that my world had to revolve around you like every else’s but I don’t know if you remembered but my children were taken from school by their father and I spent all fucking day looking for them worried sick about them. Oh, then I spent the next two weeks listening to my six-year-old tell how much a shitty fucking mother I am to him and his younger while running my own tattoo shop. Then you have the balls to thinking that the reason why I haven’t text you back is because I have a stick so far up my ass that I had a plan to ask you to dinner and then ignore you? You are so fucking full of yourself!”

Matt didn’t know what to say to my outburst but I was done with everyone’s shit today. No one was going to belittle me for the rest of the day.

“Oh now we have nothing to say?” I asked as I opened the door, “Well then maybe you should go home then. I’m sorry you drove all this way over here.”

I then shut the door in Matt’s face and I sighed to myself as I slid to the floor. I was childless for less than two hours and I had more stress.



After a bottle of wine to myself and many romantic comedies, I woke up to find myself still on the couch. I sighed to myself and sat up and stretched. After last night’s explosion with Matt, I was dreading the barbecue that was later today. I don’t know how long I stared at my phone before I decided to get up and get ready for the day. I showered and decided to actually try and look presentable. I spent the time curling my hair, doing my makeup, and picking out my outfit. Granted my outfit did fit what I would normally wear but if you really knew me, you would know I was trying to dress nice. After I had gotten ready, I headed downstairs to make some cookies really quick since I always showed up to barbecues with something because I always felt bad about showing up empty handed. I had just taken the cookies out of the oven, when my phone started ringing. I answered my phone without looking at the caller id and regretted it when I heard Val’s voice.

“You chewed out my ex-husband last night and didn’t call me,” she said, “I’m impressed McKinley.”

I just rolled my eyes and laughed lightly.

“Why because I don’t normally chew people out?” I asked smiling, “I do feel bad though. He kind of just got the end of how the rest of my day went. I was tired and he coming over to accuse me of leading him on just sent me over the edge.”

“Wait. . .he accused you of leading him on,” Val said shocked, “He told me that you just chewed him out when he asked why you didn’t text him back.”

“No,” I said shaking my head, “He something about if it wasn’t interested that I should’ve said something instead of ignoring him. I don’t know. I really don’t care to be honest. He’s the least of my worries. Hey are you going to be mad if I bring cookies?”

“The premade ones you pass off as your own? Hell yes,” she said, “I don’t know where you buy the dough but they are damn good. Also, you sure you don’t want me to talk to him?”

“I’m good Val,” I said, “Today might be awkward as hell but I’m fine. I think I need to focus on the boys and figure out how Derek and I can get on the same page and then deal with dating.”

“Alright,” Val sighed, “Well I’m still going to try and set you two up until I die so good luck with ignoring that.”

I just rolled my eyes and laughed at my friend.

“Good luck then my friend because right now I’m going to try and stay single,” I said, “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“See you then,” she said and I hung up my phone to hear my front door open with my brother’s voice and along with Lenny’s and Josh’s being heard walking into the kitchen.

“Oh sweet cookies,” Lenny said as I slapped his hand, “Hey!”

“Leave these alone,” I said, “They’re for the barbecue. You can have them then.”

Lenny just pouted and I rolled my eyes as Josh and Charlie walked into the kitchen.

“Well someone got ready for the party today,” Josh said wiggling his eyebrows and I rolled my eyes.

“You dolling up for a certain front man?” Charlie teased and I rolled my eyes.

“Actually no,” I said, “Said front man got his ass chewed out on my front porch last night after I dropped off the boys at Mom and Dad’s.”

“You chewed Matt out,” Lenny said, “He totally must have just pushed you off the cliff you were teetering from all week.

“Seriously,” Josh said, “Our bet was you were going to chew out one of us earlier this week. Things okay with the boys now then? You seem more relaxed.”

“I guess,” I said handing them beers from the fridge as we sat down at the kitchen table, “They saw and overheard me breaking down on the phone to my mom. We have an appointment with a family therapist Wednesday. But you won’t guess what Jace told me to do yesterday to actually shove me.”

“What did he say?” Charlie asked confused.

“The boy told me to fuck off,” I said, “You should’ve seen him. I swear I looked like the exorcist with how quickly I locked the door and then made him look at me. I’m shocked I didn’t go inside and drink an entire beer before driving them over to my parents.”

The minute they heard that Jace told me to fuck off, they started laughing because they were all picturing how the scene went down in their heads. I just shook my head and told them all to fuck off because they then proceeded to make fun of me by using a high-pitched voice and scrunching up their faces to pretend to be a pissed off me. After twenty minutes of making fun of me, we moved to just talking about tattoos we were getting ready to do and about things that needed to happen at the shop until we needed to go and I offered to drive. I knew the guys were planning on drinking until the high heavens and I knew that I would probably have a few beers and then stop. On the drive to Val’s was full of the guys singing to the top of their lungs some song that was on the radio I wasn’t paying attention to. My mind was really focused on what I was going to say to Matt or if I was going to try and avoid him the entire time we were there. We were the first ones to Val’s naturally because I always showed up early to her parties to help her set up. We walked into the backyard to hear her yelling and Jonah to make sure that the keg they bought was tapped and that they had enough “fancy beer” for me since I preferred drinking craft beers.

“We’re here high maintenance!” I yelled into the kitchen which caused Jonah, Charlie, Lenny, and Josh to all laugh as I was holding the container of cookies.

“Fuck you Melrose!” Val exclaimed walking onto the patio, “God it feels good to say that word and not have to worry if children are present. I haven’t used fuck in like a whole week.”

I just laughed as she took my container and I followed her into the house after I had grabbed a beer from my favorite local brewery.

“What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“Season steaks,” she said as she handed me the seasoning she wanted me to use, “I have to go make sure that Jonah has everything he needs outside. If anyone comes through the front door, just send them out. The girls will probably want to help though.”

The girls she was referring to were the wives of the rest of the band. I had met them all briefly when I dropped off the boys one day from our play dates and they were all very lovely. I was excited to see them because I knew Val had kept them updated on me and vice versa. I was seasoning the steak, when I heard Val’s front door open and I heard the one voice I was hoping that I would be able to avoid all day.

“We’re here!” Matt’s voice rang out and I found it weird that he said we’re instead of I’m.

“Everyone’s out in the backyard,” I replied looking up from the counter to see that Matt had some blonde wrapped around his arm, “Oh hey.”

Matt looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car and I’m not going to lie seeing him with another woman hurt much more than I thought it was but I wasn’t going to get mad. We weren’t ever together and we had never been on a date so Matt was allowed to see and do whatever he wanted with anybody.

“I’m Melrose,” I said smiling.

“Harper,” the girl said giving me a fake smile.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, “I would give you a handshake but I’m covered in seasoning and raw meat. If you guys just head out to the backyard, Val, Jonah, Charlie, Josh, and Lenny are all out there already.”

I then went back to seasoning the steaks and heard them leave the kitchen. I assumed both Matt and Harper had headed out to the backyard when I heard Matt clear his throat and I looked up.

“Mel,” he started and I shook my head giving him the best fake smile I could muster up.

“Stop,” I said, “You can see whoever you want. I just want to apologize for last night. I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. It’s just shit was crazy yesterday and you got the brunt end of it. You didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry.”

Again, Matt didn’t know what to say and before he could say anything, Val came in and boy you could see she was pissed off. She pulled Matt out of the kitchen and I quickly finished the steaks and brought them out to Jonah.

“Care to explain what the fuck is going on?” Charlie asked as I walked over to where he was standing with Jonah staring at Harper who was flirting with Josh, “Who the fuck is that chick?”

“Slow your roll Charlie,” I said, “Her name is Harper. I’m assuming she’s Matt’s new eye candy.”

“And you’re okay with this?” Jonah asked confused.

“We’re not dating,” I said shrugging my shoulders again playing the stinging sensation I was still feeling, “He can see whoever he wants to see. Need me to grab anything else out of the kitchen?”

“Nope I’m all good here Mel,” Jonah replied and I smiled and said I was going to go grab things and bring them out since I saw all the silverware and plates still inside and not on the food table.

I was just walking into the kitchen to hear Brian and Michelle walking in with some other people I couldn’t place.

“The party has arrived!” I heard Brian’s voice and I rolled my eyes and I turned around to see the rest of the band and their wives.

“I’m sure the party has,” I said rolling my eyes as Michelle just laughed along with everyone else, “Everyone’s outside except Matt and Val. I think they’re having a discussion about something.”

“Care to elaborate?” Brian asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

“Everyone knows everyone right?” Michelle asked as we all headed out towards the patio and I just introduced myself anyways.

“I’m Melrose McKinley,” I said, “the tall guy by Jonah is my brother Charlie, the guy talking to the girl is Josh and the girl is named Harper, she came with Matt, and then there’s Lenny working on tapping the keg.”

“Please tell us you know who we are,” Johnny said and I laughed lightly.

“Big fans,” I said, “I know who you all are. I even remember tattooing Zacky.”

“You do remember!” Zacky exclaimed and held out his hand to Brian who was glaring at me.

“You had to remember?” he asked and I laughed.

“Pay the man his money,” I said, “I never forget clients I enjoyed tattooing.”

“You remember Lacey and Meghan right?” Michelle asked and I nodded my head smiling at the two women who were grinning at me looking like they wanted to attack me in a hug, which they did two seconds after I recognized the want to hug me.

“I do,” I laughed.

“I’m Brooks Wackerman,” the last blonde haired man said shaking my hand.

“The new drummer, right?” I asked and he smiled and nodded his head, “Nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” he said, “Matt’s been talking about you and your kids nonstop on top of his kids.”

“Seriously,” Johnny said, “I really don’t understand why he brought Harper.”

“They have a past or something?” I asked confused.

“She was his rebound after the divorce,” Michelle said and I made an oh face.

“Ah,” I said, “Makes sense. Excuse me while I get another beer.”

I then went to grab a beer and see how Lenny was doing. He made a comment about the girl as well and again I just brushed it off like it was nothing. I didn’t know if anyone could see through my façade but I was going to play on it until I was called out on it. I finished helping Lenny tap the keg and then grabbed myself a beer to see Val and Matt emerge from the house and Matt looked irritated and Val just looked disappointed. I made my way to where everyone was just mingling and took a seat next to Brooks since it was the only open one.

“So, you’re the infamous Melrose McKinley,” Brooks said as I took a swig of my beer.

“The one and only,” I said smiling, “Picturing someone different?”

“I pictured you shorter than what you actually are but the personality is dead on,” he said laughing, “Does that sound like an insult?”

“Not at all,” I laughed, “I get that quite a bit.”

“How come I’m not shocked,” he said joining in on my laughter.

We spent a few minutes getting to know each other until I was dragged my Val into the house where Michelle, Meghan, and Lacey were standing around the kitchen island drinking wine.

“I want the truth how bothered are you by Matt and Harper?” Val asked and I sighed running my hands through my hair.

“You can trust us Mel,” Meghan said, “We’re all on the team you and Matt train.”

I shrugged my shoulders and played with the label on my beer bottle.

“God it stings so fucking bad,” I sighed, “and we haven’t even gone a fucking date. What the hell? Is this how dating is now? I haven’t dated in like six years.”

All the girls just gave me small sympathetic smiles and Val just smiled at me.

“You sound like me when Matt and I got divorced,” she said, “Dating was like a whole other ballgame to me.”

“Seriously,” I said, “It’s ridiculous on top of the emotional roller-coaster I’m currently on with dealing with my ex-husband I’m riding this one with the whole dating thing. If you even call what Matt and I are doing dating.”

“Honey he’s definitely interested in you,” Lacey said putting a hand on top of mine, “He only brought Harper here to make you jealous. Nothing else.”

“Well it’s kind of working,” I muttered and Michelle smiled lightly at me.

“Well you’re making him jealous as well without trying,” she said, “He was glaring the entire time you were talking to Brooks.”

“Is Brooks single or something?” I asked confused.

“It’s complicated,” Meghan said, “I don’t want to go into more details since it’s his story to tell but the easy answer is kinda-ish.”

I just laughed at the not so clear answer but nodded my head.

“Note taken,” I said, “but enough about me and the drama that is my life. What’s new with everyone else? How are your babies?”

That then launched us into conversation about how our kids were and about how we needed to have a giant play date with the kids so we could all hangout. I don’t know how long we were gossiping, but it was long enough to have Charlie come drag us out to get food. I told everyone that I would meet them out there and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands since it was a habit of mine since I could remember. I had just shut the door quietly when I overheard Matt, Brian, and Johnny’s voice all outside the door.

“Seriously you brought her to make Mel jealous because she called you out on being a douche?” Brian asked, “What the fuck are you thinking?”

“Seriously dude,” I think Johnny said, “She’s pretty chill and we’ve only talked for like five minutes. What are you thinking she’ll get jealous and then come back begging to have a date with you? I don’t think that’s how it’s going to work.”

“That’s what you think,” Matt stated and I rolled my eyes, “She’ll be calling me by Sunday night asking me to come over.”

In your dreams asswipe, I thought to myself as I turned off the water and decided to not be nice.

I opened the door and shocked all three of them.

“Matt, you think bringing another woman here would make me jealous then you are sadly mistaken,” I said, “And you might be an even bigger douche bag than I thought after last night.”

I just walked away shaking my head. Nice guy my ass. Val was totally wrong about Matt being the perfect match for me. I walked out of the house and saw that everyone was having a good time and I put on the best face I could muster and went to go make myself a plate. I was okay with playing it cool and letting things roll off my back but after what I just heard, I don’t know if I was going to be able to keep things rolling off my back.

“Something on your mind?” I heard Brooks voice and I immediately looked up surprised.

“What?” I asked.

“You look like you were thinking hard about something,” he said and smiled lightly, “Need an ear?”

I smiled lightly and shook my head.

“Trust me you don’t want to listen to my drama filled life,” I said shaking my head, “It’s quite depressing.”

“Can’t be worse than my drama filled life,” he replied as we sat down next to each other.

“Try me,” I said.

“Okay,” he said, “Going through a divorce that is pretty much leaving me with nothing. Almost ex-wife is seeing one of my closest friends and he doesn’t feel a bit remorseful about destroying my marriage.”

“I feel like we might be even,” I said after a few minutes of silence, “Been divorced for almost two years, I have a six-year-old and three-year-old. Two weeks ago their father basically kidnapped them and then somehow got them to think I was this evil bitch who didn’t want them to be a part of their lives and trying to juggle running a tattoo shop and consider getting back into the dating scene.”

Brooks just looked at me and if I could face palm it would have been there. I knew I had given way too much information out to a new person and it was probably too much. When he didn’t say anything, I was about to apologize for going overboard when he started speaking.

“We have pretty shitty lives right now,” he said looking at me and for some reason it just made me smile and then I started laughing and soon he joined in.

I could feel everyone staring at us but I really didn’t care. That was the first time in two weeks that I actually laughed a true laugh and it was really nice. The rest of dinner Brooks and I tried to compare who’s cheating story was better when Charlie called us over to the fire pit that had been lit.

“Your brother’s been bragging about you being able to play guitar,” Brian said, “I want to see how good you are.”

I just laughed as I sat down next to him as he handed me a guitar.

“Alright I need a left-handed guitar,” I said.

“You play lefty!?” Zacky exclaimed excitedly, “I have an acoustic in the car!”

He immediately ran to the front of the house while everyone looked at me confused.

“Jace plays lefty so I learned lefty with him,” I said, “I have a little bit of ambidextrous in me.”

“What are you going to play?” Johnny asked and I could tell that he was excited to see if I could play as well.

I looked over at Charlie smirking who sighed and nodded his head.

“Fine,” he sighed, “Brian can I borrow your guitar?”

“You both know how to play,” Matt said shocked.

“We mess around the shop when it’s slow,” Charlie said shrugging his shoulders as Zacky handed me mine.

I thanked him and then looked over at Charlie who counted us off and we started one of our favorite songs to play together. We played and sang “If it means alot to you” by A Day To Remember. While we played the song, I could feel Matt staring at me the entire time but I chose to look everywhere but him. I was still hurt by what had went down the last two days and I didn’t need to see him try to make things right because he got caught. When we were done playing, Charlie and I looked up to see everyone smirking and Lenny and Josh clapping and whistling. The then led the rest of the night, to the guys trying to see if I could play different songs and everyone else just enjoying the free show. For the first time in about a year and a half I felt normal and was enjoying myself and it was only Friday night. I had the rest of the weekend to enjoy by myself and I wasn’t going to let anyone ruin that.