Inside My Arms

I have made up my mind.
Nothing can stop me now.

After telling Frank after I left Gerard's.
He agreed with me.

Because there was nothing in here for me anymore.
Gerard was the only thing keeping me here.

He came over in the early morning.
Helped me pack up my suitcase.
And cried on my shoulder.

I urged Frank not to come.
I urged Frank that he has everything here.
I urged Frank that I needed to be out of this environment.

He helped me put my suitcase in the cab.
And we rode silently to the hospital.

The ever-welcoming windex smell hit my nose like a bomb.

I put my hand over my nose.
To not smell that smell.
Just for this while.

My mother was watching T.V.
She wasn't watching T.V. though.
Just stared at the animations with no expression.

"Mother?"
I called out.

She didn't turn to stare at me.

"I'm leaving today. I'm not coming back to New Jersey."

She turned her face.

"This is my final goodbye. I don't think I'm coming back."

She looked at me.

"I love you Mama."

She smiled at me.

"Well, I guess this is an end Polly. I always knew you would leave me soon,"
she hoarsely said.

I gave her a hug.
And she finally hugged back.

It took eighteen years,
for her to hug me back.

I released her.
After a couple of minutes.
And walked away.

With Frank by my side.

The car ride to the airport didn't take long.
Only fifteen minutes.

But it was fifteen minutes of Frank holding back his tear.
It was fifteen minutes of me thinking about Frank and Gerard.
It was fifteen minutes of realizing this would be it.

I got out my airplane ticket.
Which was a very last minute phone call.
And hugged Frank with all my might.

I started to cry.
But it was happy and sad tears.

"Polly, I'm going to see you in California soon,"
Frank called out as I started to walk away from him.

I hoped it would be soon.