Disenchanted

Sell me out I'm yesterday's old news,
Phrases left on paper,
Black ink bleeding through
The pages where we made our history.
Call me foolish,
I feel helpless.

Headlights.

Madison’s horror-filled eyes.

Blood.

The images kept rotating in my mind, refusing to back down as they only seemed to grow in their vivid sharpness, looking more real and more terrifying than ever. I had had my fair share of nightmares in my life, but none had sent chills down my spine quicker than this, from the way the blood seemed to reflect every bit of light in the otherwise moonlit environment, to the faint chatter among the bystanders as the soft wail of sirens could be heard in the distance--it was as if my mind had truly thought of every little detail, crafting a scene straight from a movie that I could not, for the life of me, seem to shake. It wasn’t until a faint female voice cut in thru the dark, dreary environment I seemed to be stuck in that things finally began to blur once more.

“Chris?” I could hear Cass’ voice call out in the distance, the fear inducing images finally letting go as it once again dissipated into the back of my mind. “Chris, can you hear me?”

I felt myself stir, letting out a painful groan as my vision cleared to find Cassadee staring down at me, lips pursed as she tepidly waited for me to rejoin the land of the living. “Ugh...” I groaned, wincing as my hand shot up to the back of my head in pain. “What...what happened?”

“You scared the hell out of me, that’s what.” Cass sighed, her body visibly relaxing now that I was conscious. “I think you fainted...” She paused as she helped me sit up before carefully leading me towards her couch. I gratefully sat down, letting out a shaky breath as I did. Oddly enough, it wasn’t so much because I still felt a bit sickly--I did. But the thing that far and above caused that shaking feeling was that goddamn nightmare. I gulped as I could feel the images fight to take over my thoughts once more. I stayed silent, trying my best to take slow, steady breaths in attempts to calm my clouded mind once more, but it was a challenge. Cass took a seat next to me before she asked, obviously still worried. “Are you okay? Do you need to go back to the hospital?”

Despite my tangled mind, I shook my head faster than I should have. I winced again as my forehead thumped angrily in protest, but I pressed on. “No, I just...” I sucked in a breath thru my teeth as I delicately leaned back against the plush backing of the black leather couch. “I just need a moment, ‘s all.”

It was obvious that my words didn’t convince her. I braced myself for her to insist that I go see a doctor. After all, I’m pretty sure I’d hit my head pretty hard if the relentless pounding against my skull was anything to go by, but instead of pressing, she just nodded. “Okay...if you’re sure...”

“I’m sure.” I replied, my voice tight as I pressed a hand against my spinning head. I let out another shaky, uneven breath.

“I’ll just,” Cass began, shooting from her spot next to me as she glanced towards the kitchen. “I’ll get you some water, okay?”

I was about to nod again, appreciative of her offer when the front door of the apartment flew open. Our attention naturally flew to the interruption of our space, and immediately my eyes widened as a group of all too familiar faces entered the apartment.

“Rian!” Cass gasped, looking equally as surprised, not so much to see her boyfriend, but more so at the other three men trailing just a step or two behind him. And really, do I have to spell out who those three men were? “What are you doing here? I thought you were at a lunch meeting?”

Rian frowned at her, glancing at me with confused eyes for just a beat before he explained. “We got mobbed by paparazzi, so we decided to wait it out for a bit here...” He paused, clearing his throat as his features softened slightly, even giving me a bit of that pearly white smile. “Nice to see you again, Chris...”

I’d like to say I returned his smile, but his acknowledgment of my presence was hardly met with much more than a blink or two. Instead, my eyes zeroed in on Jack. I was still furious at him, and unless he planned on dumping Jo right that instant, the anger wasn’t going to dissipate any time soon. But angry or not, it was like my vision was magnetically attracted to him as I was unable to look at anyone else even if I wanted to.

His brown eyes were watching me, too. It was clear there was an unspoken tension in the room. We all felt it. I wasn’t sure how much Jack had filled his bandmates on the latest disastrous development, but it was clear the second Rian’s voice faded into the stiff silence that they knew we were far from being on good terms.

Alex awkwardly cleared his throat before suggesting, “Maybe we should, you know, give them some space?”

Zack, Rian and Cass were all too quick to comply, following Alex into the kitchen with a few worried glances thrown in my direction before Jack and I were once again left alone.

He didn’t say anything for a moment. Instead, I watched him as he fidgeted in front of me, his long, musically-inclined fingers twitching as he began. “You know, you had me half scared to death when you ran out earlier...” He kept his voice low, fully aware of the four pairs of ears bound to be eavesdropping on our conversation.

My lips tightened in annoyance. “What do you care?” I shot back, my voice probably sounding more childish than I intended.

“What do I--” Jack stopped himself as he let out a groan. His hand flew up to his scalp, running his fingers thru his midnight-black locks as he tried to calm himself. “Of course I fucking care! Just because I’m getting married to Jo, it doesn’t mean I won’t ever stop caring about you.”

I rolled my eyes, finding that hard to believe. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

He threw his hands in his air over my stubborn response. “Oh, come on! Didn’t inviting you to stay with me show you that I still care about you?”

“Again, something you shouldn’tve done considering your fiance and all.” I narrowed my eyes as I added bitterly. “Tell me, where you ever going to mention that? Or was I supposed to continue the fantasy that you and I actually had a shot?”

Jack flinched as it was pretty clear my words had hit him hard. “I...I was going to tell you.” He muttered.

“But you didn’t.” I hissed. “I had to find out from Pete and even then I didn’t want to believe it. You know why?” I paused for a beat, huffing as my rhetorical question hung in the air. “Because I thought that we were stronger than that. I thought that no matter what, after everything we’d gone through, that there had to be a logical explanation. That you’d never do that to me.” I gulped as I shakily added, “I guess I was wrong.”

He was silent for a moment. “I...I know you’re hurting, and I know it’s all my fault--” I opened my mouth to retort how much of an understatement this was, but after he shot a glare in my direction I quickly shut my mouth again. “It’s just...well, just because things are different between us, it doesn’t mean you have to disappear from my life. You shouldn’t. I know it’ll be difficult at first, but think about Melody. She just got her mother back. She just got you back.”

I froze at the mention of Melody. I admit, I had been so angry at Jack, her existence had oddly slipped my mind. I felt guilty, like the worst mother in the world. At the same time, I felt a pang of annoyance towards the man in front of me. Here he was, acting like we could move past this. Like we could even be friends.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” I sighed, my anger fading as the sadness took over. Our love was dead, replaced with nothing but memories. We no longer knew how to act around each other as we were haunted by the ghost of our romance. We were truly broken, and no amount of glue was going to fix this broken vase of a relationship.

“Please, enlighten me.” He scoffed.

“My life has gone to shit, Jack!” I yelled, causing Cass, Rian, Zack and Alex all to pop their heads around the kitchen archway, blatantly spying on our fight. “First, I’ve lost five years like that, which fucking sucks enough as it is. Then, I find out that Midnight is no more, so my professional life is gone. But the one thing that hurts the most?” I sniffed as I admitted, my heart breaking into two as I did, “You replaced me, Jack.”

He dared to try to argue this fact. “I didn’t repla--”

“You did!” I growled. He shook his head.

“No I didn’t, damn it! I fell in love--I couldn’t help that. But it doesn’t mean I replaced you. I could...” He drew in a sharp breath as he finished, just above a whisper, “I could never replace you.”

“Yeah, well...” I shook my head, his words feeling empty to me as I told him, “How the hell else do you expect me to feel?”

He sighed, for the first time looking at a loss since entering our old apartment. “Look, I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry.”

“And I already told you that sorry means shit to me.”

“What the hell do you want me to do, then?”

“For starters, you could leave me the fuck alone.”

He scoffed at this. “Right, so your solution to this was go to my friend’s apartment?”

“Hey, I didn’t know this was Cass and Rian’s apartment now. Had I known you’d stop by, I never would have come.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, shooting back quickly, “And I wouldn’t have come had I known you’d be here.”

“Then maybe you should leave.”

“Maybe I should.” He glared at me, looking about a second away from doing just that, but not before he let me know one thing. “You know, I don’t need this shit. I’ve tried to be nice to you, but you’ve done nothing but spit in my face, acting like it’s such a crime that I fell in love with someone else--”

I visibly flinched at hearing him say the ‘l’ word again, as it sounded so wrong to hear it meant for someone else. He smirked, realizing he had the upper hand. “Want me to say it again? I love her. I love Jo--”

My hand flew to his cheek before I could stop myself, hitting the left side of his face with a loud crack. Instantly, he pulled back, eyes shut as he sucked back a painful groan.

I don’t know how long we stood there alone in that room, staring at each other as we dared the other to speak. The tension in the air had reached maximum, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it. Finally, I hissed, “Fuck you,” as I could feel watery tears threaten to fall before I shot out of there, slamming the front door with startling force as my destination was once again unknown. I couldn’t see him, couldn’t fathom staying a second longer to see his reaction to my slap. He probably hated me more than ever now, but he was being an asshole and totally deserved every inch of stinging skin he got from me.

How could he shove his relationship with Jo in my face like that? The Jack I knew would never in a million years do that to anyone, let alone someone he supposedly cared about. I couldn’t understand how he’d changed that much in the measly five years since I’d been ‘away’.

Nothing was right.

My career was gone. My relationship was gone. Hell, even my family didn’t really seem to know how to act around me anymore. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare I’d found myself stuck in and most importantly, I wanted Jack to love me again.

“Wake up.” I muttered to myself as I trudged down the street adjacent to the apartment I’d just run out of, repeating the two words again and again in my head like a mantra. When it didn’t seem to do any good, I upped the ante by pinching my arm. “WAKE UP!” I screamed, bending over in desperation as my voice echoed into the chilly LA night.I stood there, frozen as I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for something, anything, to give me a hint that maybe this was just all in my head.

I was just met with silence.