Wounds

“I really didn’t want to see you,” Brian sighed as he pulled away from me and placed his gaze to the floor. “I hated this idea, this idea that you would just infiltrate everything. I couldn’t stand the thought of you just being everywhere again.” Pain washed over his face as I stood there, my heart racing and my limbs shaking. The wonderful embrace we just had was pushed to the back of my head and all I could think about was how terrible he was for ruining such a perfect moment after so long. “Every time I went out, I would just… see you. You were in everything, you were everywhere.”

Brian paused in his speech. His large brown orbs were soft and covered with a thin layer of tears as they rose and connected with my own. Staring into them, I felt the ends of my lips dip down as he parted his lips to speak again.

“But fuck, Emmy,” Brian blinked hard and then dropped his head down. Running his hands over his cheeks, he took a deep breath and looked up at me. “Why did you come home?”

I shrugged one shoulder, my anxiety at its peak as I dropped my eyes to the floor. “I got a job out here.” I muttered and watched the soft tender eyes above me harden, just like I had been waiting for.

Nodding, Brian twisted his water bottle and took a few steps away from me. “You came back home for money, am I right?” His voice was harsh and loud. The hum of voices in the other room started to lower after his words faded into the now stale air. “You don’t give a fuck about any of us, do you? You just came back so you can by yourself more stupid designer shit.”


“I came to California because I’m working on my career, Brian.” I snapped through gritted teeth. I could feel every muscle in my body tense.


“Oh, your career,” he mocked, throwing his hands in the air, “your precious career that meant more to you than-“


“Meant more to me that taking care of you like a fucking infant for the rest of my life?” I screamed at him, drilling the heel of my shoe into the tiled floor beneath me. “I was ready to drop everything I worked for to pull you out of that fucking hole, Brian Haner. I was ready to drop everything and come home to let you drag me down into that fucking pit you were just so comfortable in.” Brian’s eyes tripled in size as I spoke. “But my friends, my fucking friends realized that I was making a mistake.”


“You know I took losing him harder than everyone else.”

I lost it.

The sound of the palm of my hand against his cheek echoed through the silent house, but I didn’t let it bother me. I could only see red. I could only hear the boiling blood rushing through my veins like the damn had finally cracked.

“How fucking dare you throw yourself a pity party over him, Brian.” I kept my hands in tight balls at my sides. My fingernails were pressed so roughly into my skin I was preparing myself to bleed. “He took care of me since I was ten. I talked to him every fucking day and you knew that. He was my family, he meant everything in the world to me. I was the last one to speak to him, Brian, and you know that. I think about him every day. I see him every where I go. I haven’t been right since that day, but you know what?” I was screaming as tears rushed down my face.

“I made it work. I forced myself to keep going. I grew up. I realized I had a problem and I got help. I didn’t keep drinking my weight in alcohol everyday wishing he would come back. I accepted it and I moved the fuck on just like everyone else.”

“Emerson, listen I-“ Brian was shaking as he went to touch my shoulder, but I quickly moved away from him.


“Do you know how many times I stood on that ledge because of him, Brian Haner.” I whispered, my eyes never leaving his. “Do you know how close I came?”

Shaking his head, Brian placed his hand on my face and ran his thumb in a circle, rubbing a few tears into my skin. Biting down on his lip, he whispered a small apology and went to speak when I pushed his hand away and turned my back to him.


“Grow up or stay the fuck away from me.” I hissed and with one swift movement grabbed the beer from the counter and stormed out of the kitchen, straight through the now silent living room, and out onto the porch.

Slamming the front door behind me, I took a few long strides over to the driveway. Pulling at the roots of my hair, I let out an aggravated scream. Seconds later I pulled my arm back and threw my almost empty beer can as hard and far as I possibly could.

Once the hot, pulsing, anger started to settle down, I leaned against Zack’s car and put my face in my hands, my skin still trembling from the previous battle. I wanted to press my knuckles into the closest thing to me, but realized punching Zack’s car, which still had the temp on it, was maybe a worse idea than thinking Brian had grown up.

I need time to clean off my glasses, I needed time to just inhale the salty air. I needed time to talk to him, ask him for a little help. Ask him why the fuck Brian was so difficult all of the time.

I could almost hear his voice.

”He’s just in love with you, squirt”

I was thankful Zack didn’t wander outside for another fifteen minutes or so. The house had stayed quiet, so I assumed that Brian had either stated a point to which his friends didn’t bother to fight, or he disappeared into the house, not bothering to face the group of people in the living room that had heard every word that pushed through my gritted teeth.

Zack stayed silent as he stood next to me. His strong arms were resting against his chest. I thanked him for not being too touchy, for not running right after me and trying to make everything better. I liked space. I liked figuring things out on my own and calming myself down. The one thing I hated was for someone to shove words down my throat while I was trying to sort everything that had just happened out.

“Want to talk about it?” His voice was caring, just like it always was when he noticed I was in a bad mood due to someone pushing my buttons a little too hard.

“Nah, pretty sure you guys most of it,” I glanced over at Zack and sent him a small smile. Shaking his head, he ran a hand against the side of his face and chuckled.

“You aren’t wrong there, babe.” We shared a laugh as I leaned into him and shut my eyes. “Matt went to rip him a new one. Everything is back to the way it was when we were in out early twenties and it’s almost exciting.” He sent me a smile despite the deep set frown on my face.

“Because our early twenties were so great” I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes at the thought.

“You and Jimmy were living in an apartment, we were just blowing up as a band, you were rolling straight A’s in college, and everyone was happy. I guess we are old enough to call those the ’Good ol’ days’ now.”


“I’d sooner slit my throat,” I groaned as I pressed my face into Zack’s chest and listened to him laugh. Smile surfacing on my face, I hummed and moved so I was standing in front of the man, forcing him to pull me as close to him as possible as I pushed the last bit of anger out of my veins.

We stayed like this for a few minutes. I kept my face pressed into his chest and he softly hummed some Avenged Sevenfold song to me, probably a new one they were just working on. Although the song was different, the embrace had never changed. Ever since we were little and someone would pick on me, this is how Zack would handle it.

He was such a great friend, I never understood how he could be such a horrible boyfriend. Not that I knew form a personal experience, I just had a third person perspective. I saw the text and the lazy way he talked to girls. It was like all of them never tickled his fancy, like they were just barbies lined up for him to test up and throw away.

I always hated that side of Zack, but the last time I was here, I caught a glimpse of him with a woman a few times and by the way he looked at her, I knew he had changed.

A few months after the whole fiasco, he told me what was going on. Three years after that, he informed me of the break up and since then I haven’t heard another word about that part of his life.

“Ready to go open some presents, sunshine?” Zack whispered as he loosened his grip on me.

“Carry me.” I whined and listened as Zack let out a loud laugh and then scooped me up in his arms and pressed a kiss to my forehead. Laughing, I wrapped my arms around Zack’s neck and thanked him as he walked across the lawn and over to the front door. Pushing it open, everyone cheered as he walked us in and laid me down on the empty couch.

Shaking my head, I went to apologize when Val quickly got up, earning a grumble from her husband, and walked over to the presents. Announcing it was present time, much like a mother did on Christmas morning, she sat cross legged between the pile of presents and I and handed me one.

We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and drinking beer while I slowly went through the presents they got me. Apparently everyone there bought me a little trinket or something that was either for my new place or my office. I assumed that Zack had spilled the beans on everything I had told him the day I got the offer because everyone was very specific in what they got me.

Of course, I loved every single thing I got. Once everything was unwrapped and in a pile next to Val on the floor, I went around the room and hugged everyone, kissing their cheeks and thanking them over and over for the gifts.

An hour or so after that, Zack decided it was time to actually get the party started. Ordering everyone outside, he started to get the food ready in the kitchen. I offered my help, but instead he told me that I should get my things settled into the guest room before I got swept away in memory lane again.

Without a single word, I nodded my head and walked across the empty living room and grabbed my bags. Pulling them up the stairs, I let out a huff and plopped them both down in the hallway. Letting out a yawn, I went to grab the bags when my hand hit a patch of warm skin that made me scream.

Stumbling back, I slammed against the hallway wall and gasped as I looked up and saw Brian standing there, his eyes the size of saucers as he looked at me, his hands easily holding my suitcases. “I didn't mean to scare you.”


“I can carry my own things.” I hissed, rubbing the back of my head as I took a step away form the wall.


“I’m just trying to be nice,” the brunette sighed lightly.

“Oh, now you’re trying to be nice?” I snapped as I took the bag from his hands. “You’re a little late.”

Brian groaned as he carried my other suitcase down the hall and through an open door. Grinding my teeth together, I followed behind him. When I entered the room, I set my bag down and looked over at him, waiting for him to leave.

He didn’t.

After a few seconds of him staring at me, I went to snap at him when he quickly walked up to me and pulled a little wrapped up box from his pocket. Swallowing hard, he handed it over to me and looked down.

“I picked something up for you, I didn’t want to put it with all of their shitty gifts downstairs.” He cracked a smile, but I refused to acknowledge it.

“I don’t want it.” I snapped and locked my eyes onto the floor. His words were still vibrating through my bones, vibrating through my veins. I could still feel the anger coursing through my body. “I don’t want you near me, I don’t want to hear your voice.”

Sighing, Brian set the small, very badly wrapped box on my bed and turned to me. “I went a little off the handle.”


“Get out of the room.” I barked and watched as he parted his lips to speak again. After a moment, he turned on his heels, walked out of the room, and quietly shut the door behind him, leaving me in a head, silently crying on the bedroom floor.