For the Cloak
Two - Remembering
I look around as we enter a frozen palace with a sense of familiarity. I wasn't sure how this place was familiar until Ulfric took his spot on the throne, then I understood. This must be Windhelm, the home of Ulfric and presumably myself. I look around curiously and skim my paw across the wall of the palace. I held my head when memories of my past flashed through my mind. I saw Ulfric telling me that I was nothing but an easy fuck to him and that he’d never be with a cat that wasn’t even from Skyrim. I take a deep breath as I realize that because I wasn’t a Nord, I wasn’t worth loving, I wasn’t worth the time that it took to say three simple words. Galmar looks at me as I look up, the softness in my eyes had disappeared into nothing but hate, catching Galmar and Ulfric by surprise. I turn and head towards my room without another word to them. I wasn’t sure how I knew which room to go to but I did, and once inside my room, I let it out. I sob into my hands as the words Ulfric had spoken in my memory circle my head.
I hear a soft knock at my door, but I don’t bother answering it, knowing that if it was Ulfric or even Galmar they would just come in anyways. As if on cue my door opened and Ulfric approaches me cautious. He sits beside me on the floor of my room after closing my door and sighs, “I’m sorry Makoto, I can assume what you have remembered based solely on the look you had given me, and I take it that you remember our argument,” he said as he looks over at me. I didn’t respond, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I was a soldier, not some pathetic kitten that got worked up over romance, yet here I was. Ulfric sighs again, “I didn’t mean what I had told you, you are not a quick fuck as I had so crudely put it. You are important to me, but I don’t want to make our relationship public. I don’t want anyone to know about you,” Ulfric said as he looks over at me.
This infuriates me, “you don’t want to be embarrassed, that’s it isn’t it? The great soon-to-be high king Ulfric doesn’t want the world of Skyrim to know that he’s gay and doesn’t want a Nord as a lover but a cat! Khajiit can’t help what he is!” I scream at him. I hadn’t used my native dialect in an extended period of time so it was weird to hear it come from my mouth. I turn and head for the door, “when the new recruit leaves for the serpent stone to show his worth, I’m going along. I don’t want to be around you right now because I don’t know how I will react,” I said as I left my room.
Ulfric tries shouting for me but I ignore him and continue on my way to where the new recruit was waiting. I nod to him when he asks if I’m coming along and we head out immediately.
He turns to me and seems as though he wants to speak, but can’t figure out how to get it out, I stop walking and look over at him, “I’m Kodiak Bear-Claw,” he says as he looks at me.
I nod, “I’m Makoto, I don’t have my memories so I couldn’t tell you my last name,” I said as we continue walking.
He rubs the back of his head and looks over at me with a sheepish glance, “so, you and Ulfric are a thing?” He asks.
I tense up, “no, at least not anymore. I guess I yelled a bit too loud so the whole palace must know about our relationship,” I said with a sigh.
He nods apologetically, “unfortunately so, they’re already talking about how to get rid of you since to them it’s not natural and they think you’ve conned your way into his heart,” he says.
I don’t respond. Hearing that people I have fought side by side with for years suddenly think less of me just because I was in a relationship with Ulfric broke my spirits. I focus on my past hoping that I had somewhere else to flee to since I didn’t want to return to the palace when we finished this mission. I cry in pain as a pulsing pain shoots through my skull and I began remembering more. I sob as I remember the reason Ulfric and I were fighting, I had found him in bed with another and a woman no less. Kodiak gently lays his hand on my shoulder and I look over at him with tears in the corners of my eyes.
“I remember…” I said with a shaking voice.
He tilts his head obviously confused by my sudden outburst, “you remember what?” he asks as he looks down at me.
I wipe my eyes and stand up, ”everything. I remember everything. I’m Makoto The-Weary, I hail from Elsweyr, and I’m a dark brotherhood assassin as well as a soldier for the Stormcloaks. I was recruited when I accepted a contract from Ulfric to kill a rival of his, and our relationship started a few years later,” I said as I look at Kodiak.
Kodiak stares at me in shock, “did I make you remember all of that?” He asks.
I nod, “yes, you reminded me of something and it all clicked into place afterward. When we finish this mission and you’re recruited as a stormcloak, I won’t be returning to the palace, I’ll be going to the Dawnstar Sanctuary to help rebuild it. I hope that your time as a stormcloaks proves to be better than mine, and when you do return please inform Ulfric I have died due to an assassination attempt. It’ll be for the better,” I say as I walk ahead of Kodiak. I didn’t ask to fall in love with Ulfric and I didn’t ask to be a Khajiit, some things just tend to happen for a reason and I honestly wish I could forget again because this was something I didn’t want to remember anymore.
I hear a soft knock at my door, but I don’t bother answering it, knowing that if it was Ulfric or even Galmar they would just come in anyways. As if on cue my door opened and Ulfric approaches me cautious. He sits beside me on the floor of my room after closing my door and sighs, “I’m sorry Makoto, I can assume what you have remembered based solely on the look you had given me, and I take it that you remember our argument,” he said as he looks over at me. I didn’t respond, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I was a soldier, not some pathetic kitten that got worked up over romance, yet here I was. Ulfric sighs again, “I didn’t mean what I had told you, you are not a quick fuck as I had so crudely put it. You are important to me, but I don’t want to make our relationship public. I don’t want anyone to know about you,” Ulfric said as he looks over at me.
This infuriates me, “you don’t want to be embarrassed, that’s it isn’t it? The great soon-to-be high king Ulfric doesn’t want the world of Skyrim to know that he’s gay and doesn’t want a Nord as a lover but a cat! Khajiit can’t help what he is!” I scream at him. I hadn’t used my native dialect in an extended period of time so it was weird to hear it come from my mouth. I turn and head for the door, “when the new recruit leaves for the serpent stone to show his worth, I’m going along. I don’t want to be around you right now because I don’t know how I will react,” I said as I left my room.
Ulfric tries shouting for me but I ignore him and continue on my way to where the new recruit was waiting. I nod to him when he asks if I’m coming along and we head out immediately.
He turns to me and seems as though he wants to speak, but can’t figure out how to get it out, I stop walking and look over at him, “I’m Kodiak Bear-Claw,” he says as he looks at me.
I nod, “I’m Makoto, I don’t have my memories so I couldn’t tell you my last name,” I said as we continue walking.
He rubs the back of his head and looks over at me with a sheepish glance, “so, you and Ulfric are a thing?” He asks.
I tense up, “no, at least not anymore. I guess I yelled a bit too loud so the whole palace must know about our relationship,” I said with a sigh.
He nods apologetically, “unfortunately so, they’re already talking about how to get rid of you since to them it’s not natural and they think you’ve conned your way into his heart,” he says.
I don’t respond. Hearing that people I have fought side by side with for years suddenly think less of me just because I was in a relationship with Ulfric broke my spirits. I focus on my past hoping that I had somewhere else to flee to since I didn’t want to return to the palace when we finished this mission. I cry in pain as a pulsing pain shoots through my skull and I began remembering more. I sob as I remember the reason Ulfric and I were fighting, I had found him in bed with another and a woman no less. Kodiak gently lays his hand on my shoulder and I look over at him with tears in the corners of my eyes.
“I remember…” I said with a shaking voice.
He tilts his head obviously confused by my sudden outburst, “you remember what?” he asks as he looks down at me.
I wipe my eyes and stand up, ”everything. I remember everything. I’m Makoto The-Weary, I hail from Elsweyr, and I’m a dark brotherhood assassin as well as a soldier for the Stormcloaks. I was recruited when I accepted a contract from Ulfric to kill a rival of his, and our relationship started a few years later,” I said as I look at Kodiak.
Kodiak stares at me in shock, “did I make you remember all of that?” He asks.
I nod, “yes, you reminded me of something and it all clicked into place afterward. When we finish this mission and you’re recruited as a stormcloak, I won’t be returning to the palace, I’ll be going to the Dawnstar Sanctuary to help rebuild it. I hope that your time as a stormcloaks proves to be better than mine, and when you do return please inform Ulfric I have died due to an assassination attempt. It’ll be for the better,” I say as I walk ahead of Kodiak. I didn’t ask to fall in love with Ulfric and I didn’t ask to be a Khajiit, some things just tend to happen for a reason and I honestly wish I could forget again because this was something I didn’t want to remember anymore.