Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Jennifer’s Point Of View ~♦~

The next morning I’d cooled down a lot and, as usual, I felt terrible about what I’d done to Matt. I had just been so upset hearing Johnny talk about me like that. He’d called me crazy when he knew exactly what I’ve been through, obviously I got touchy about it!

I sighed before walking, sulkily downstairs to the living room where I found Zack sitting playing video games.

“Hey.” I bit my lip and sat down next to him, he smiled before pausing the game and turning towards me. “I fucked up big time didn’t I?”

“I’m sure he understands.” he tried reasoning but I knew he was only saying that to make me feel better. I knew I was in the wrong.

“I doubt it. I said some pretty harsh stuff. God, why the fuck do I do it?” I sighed running my hair through my messy hair while closing my eyes, trying to figure out some sort of solution to the problem.

“Because you get wound up easy and can’t control yourself.” he explained and I laughed slightly but shook my head.

“That your psychoanalysis? My problem is I’m uncontrollable.” I asked as attempted to keep a straight face.

“Oh I’m pretty sure I could control you.” he smirked and I faked shock.

“Oh, hi Matt.” I smiled and waved behind him towards the door to the hallway. His face instantly went pale and his eyes wide at the thought of my brother hearing him talk to me like that. “Oh my god Zacky, talk about easy!” I giggled.

“What the fuck Jen!” he turned around and saw that there was, in fact, no one there. “Oh you are so gonna pay for that.”

“Yeah, okay sweetie, we’ll talk about money later. I really should go try patching things up with Matt.” I smiled sweetly before getting up and walking out of the room so I could go get showered and changed.

“Who said anything about money being the payment!?” I heard him call from downstairs. To be honest I really should give him more credit, the poor guy’s probably going insane since it’s been at least six months since the last time he got any. Ah, one of women’s greatest powers: withholding sex. It an get you anything and everything you want and it’s always bound to work.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t doing it so that Zack would give me whatever I wanted. I just wasn’t sure if I was really ready. So sue me, I’m nineteen years old and still unsure about sex. Not really the best predicament to be in when your boyfriend is a twenty four year old rock star and not to mention hot as hell.

I zoned out of my thoughts as I ran downstairs again after my shower and when I was fully clothed in an outfit I wouldn’t be embarrassed for the rest of the world to see me in, a.k.a. jeans and a tank top. I walked into the living room again to see Zack playing the game again.

“Zacky baby.” I cooed, trying to get his attention in a way I knew would more than likely irritate him.

“If you call me one more pet name like baby or sweetie. I’ll tell your brother you smoke.” he said, not even looking away from the screen.

“But I don‘t smoke.” I said a little confused as to why he thought Matt would even fall for it.

“Yeah but you live with a smoker so chances are you smell slightly like smoke so he’ll kick your ass.” he smirked as he turned the game off before standing up and walking over to me. “Come on then, let’s go patch up the family.”

“You really think Matt would kick my ass for smoking?” I asked as we made our way out the door.

♥♦♥♦♥♦♥

“Hey Jen.” Smiled Val as she opened the door. I stood there feeling slightly nervous with Zacky next to me, clutching my hand for support. “He’s in the living room.”

“Thanks Val.” I smiled back and gave her a hug before walking into the living room to see him sitting there with a beer and a paused movie which I guess he was watching with Val. Zack had followed Val into the kitchen so we could be alone.

“Matt.” he looked up at me, his eyes full of both anger and hurt. “Matt, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean what I said last night. I was just really upset about what Johnny said. I‘m really sorry”

“You were upset? That’s why you blew everything out of proportion, made me look like an ass and brought up the fact that you were missing for nineteen years?” he was angry, I could tell.

“Did I mention I was sorry?” there was silence for a few seconds, I sighed and walked over to him, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch as him to give him space. “Matt I know that saying I overreacted would be a huge understatement but I did and I really didn’t mean anything I said.”

“What about not needing me or wanting to be near me?” I bit me lip and nodded.

“That would possibly be the part I’m talking about, yes.” I sighed again before shifting closer to him. “Matt I don’t know what else to say other than that I’m sorry and I’ll keep saying it until I sound like a broke record and you physically throw me out but then I’m gonna start phoning.” he laughed slightly and shook his head, I was getting somewhere.

“My point is, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay and I’m hoping you’re gonna be okay with that because despite what I said last night I do actually need you. More than you know.”

“Shit Jen, all this soppy stuff’s getting to me.” he laughed as he pulled me in for a tight hug which I welcomed gratefully. “But you know that if your still upset about being taken you can talk to me. It wasn’t mum or dad’s fault, don’t blame them cause if they could have found you sooner you’d have been back here sooner.” I hugged him tighter.

“I don’t blame them, I never could. And I don’t blame you either.”