Diary Of Insanity

~♦~ Charlie’s Point Of View ~♦~

As I sat in the awaiting for him to leave I couldn’t really tell what I was feeling. I was so happy that I was about to get to see my baby boy for the first time in so long but at the same time I saw going to see Nathan again, and it was going to take all of my will power to stop myself from jumping out of the car and tearing him apart.

As he stood at the front door talking to the same babysitter we had used when we were both going to be late getting home from work, the only thing stopping me from getting out of the car was the fact that if I didn’t, I would be leaving this place with my son, my little boy.

I looked up at the house, so different to the little apartment we used to live in. but that didn’t mater. What mattered was the cute face of a little boy peeking through a gap in the curtains of a room upstairs, Cameron. The tears were threatening to come out as I turned to Blake.

“Look there he is, there’s my little boy!” I said, pointing up to the window. Blake followed the direction I was pointing and smiled, seeing my son watching his wretched father walk away from the house.

“He’s great baby. He looks so much like you.” Blake smiled at me as he held his arms around my waist.

“Blake..” I asked quietly. “What if he doesn’t recognise me, what if he doesn’t know who I am? I can’t take him if he doesn’t know who I am, he’d be scared to death!” Blake looked over his shoulder and out of the back window to see that Nathan was gone and everyone from the other car was get out.

“Come on sweetheart, the only way we can find out is to go in there and ask him if he knows who you are. Lets go.” he leaned over to open the door so I could slowly and shakily get out.

“Alright girl, ready to get your boy back?” I heard a voice ask from beside me, I turned my head and saw Jenny standing there, smiling as she pulled on Zacky’s zip up hoody.

“Let’s go.” I smiled and Jenny, Chloe, Zack, Blake and myself began walking towards the house.

When we got to the front door I raised my hand to the doorbell but I couldn’t press it, I was scared, scared I was going to find out that he didn’t know who I was, that would crush me. It would make me hate Nathan more than I already did and I wasn’t sure it was safe for one person to carry so much hate for one person.

While I was lost in my thoughts someone else had pressed the doorbell.

“Hello?” asked the small eighteen year old girl I knew to be Lydia, the childminder.

“Lydia where is my son?” I asked and her face went chalk white, her eyes growing large and her mouth hanging open slightly.

“Charlotte? Charlotte you can’t be here, Nathan will kill me if he found out I’d even opened the door to you. You have to go, all of you!” she made to shut the door but both Blake’s and Zack’s hands went out and stopped the door from closing.

“Please just go away!” Lydia shouted as they pushed the door all the way open and we all, except Chloe, walked inside.

“Chloe come on.” Jen shouted as she was waiting to shut the door.

“I think I’ll stay here, you know give you a heads up if the bastard comes back for something.” she nodded and she crossed her arms before leaning on the fencing of the porch.

“Where is he Lydia, just tell me or so help me god I’ll go through this entire house!” I shouted. We were all standing in the hallway. As soon as the words left me lips I heard a TV on upstairs playing a children’s program. I looked to the stairs before bolting up them two at a time.

“Charlotte, no, get the fuck back down here!” screamed Lydia as she made to run after me.

“Hey, who the hell do you think your talking to, there is a kid in this house so watch your bloody mouth!” shouted Jen as she forced Lydia into the living room. “Now sit down, and shut the hell up.”

I got to the top landing and began slowly opening doors trying to find my boy, then I saw it, the door at the end of the hall was slightly ajar and there were lights blinking on and off. I walked over and pushed the door open more so I could stand just in the door way.

The boy sitting in front of the TV turned to look at me and I knew I was near crying. There sat a three year old boy, who had changed so much since the last time I’d seen him, two years before. Cameron.

“Mamma?” as the word left his mouth I gasped, he knew who I was! “Mamma is that you?” he asked as he stood up from his spot on the floor before turning and walking over to me. I kneeled down so that I could see him closely. As he stood in front of me he outstretched his arm and touched my face lightly, making the tears fall.

Without warning he turned away from me and ran over to his bed before dropping to the floor and crawling under it. I thought I’d done something wrong, had I scared him? Had I done something wrong?

But a few seconds later he emerged again, this time holding a photograph. A photo that was taken only a few weeks before I was admitted to ‘hospital’. he held it up and looked between it and me, as though he were comparing them.

“Mamma your not sick anymore?” he asked as he lowered the picture, making me smiled and beckon him over so I could give him a massive hug.

“No baby I’m not sick anymore. I’m all better.” I whispered into his ear. This was it, I was hugging my son, my baby boy was in my arms and I was never letting go. “in fact I’m so well, that I was wondering if you’d like to go on a trip with me?” I pulled away from him so I could see his face.

“What kinda trip?” he asked, a look of confusion masking his face making him look even more adorable.

“Well have you ever been to California?” I asked him and he shook his head no in reply. “Well, I have a few friends downstairs that I’d like you to meet and then I’d like to take you on an adventure to California. There we can go to the beach, we can eat ice cream and we’ll even stay in a house with a swimming pool!” I smiled.

“Does dada know I’m goin’?” he asked, making me sigh.

“what I was thinking was that we could maybe tell dada when we get there, huh? We could phone him and tell him where we are then? That way we can spend sometime together, just the two of us and maybe someone else as well.” I explained.

“Who?”

“Well mamma has a new friend you see, his name is Blake and we’ll be staying at one of his houses. Is that okay?” I asked hoping it would be, because I had nowhere else we could stay and plus, I was going out with Blake now.

“Is he your boyfwend mamma?” I was a little taken back by this question, three year olds know what boyfriends and girlfriends are?

“Well, actually sweetie he is. How did you know?” I asked his as I lifted him into my arms.

“Dada has girlfwends over all the time, never the same ones dough.” he explained to me and I felt furious, how dare he expose my kid to that. See, I always said he was a bastard!