'F' Is for Forbidden

"What in fresh hell was that!?"

We weren't even in the house a moment before I unleashed upon him. He dumped his keys on the shelf by the door, sighing. He put his hand behind his head as he stretched.

"That was the guy from the party, wasn't it?" He said it like it was no big deal.

"Yeah, and you what? Is that how you go around greeting people? 'Oh hello, I think it is high-time you met my knuckles'. People aren't punching bags."

"He was disrespecting you!"

I scoffed. "Of course he was, he's Nikolai, but that's not the point. You can't go around knocking people out just because you feel like you have to protect me. I'm not a little girl anymore, Dellos, I know now if a guy pulls on my pigtails and pushes me in the dirt that he actually doesn't like me."

He'd made way into the closest lounge, no doubt just wanting to be out of the foyer so the housing staff wouldn't overhear. It's not often that he and I fought, so I bet they'd be besides themselves with keeping out an ear.

"I know you do. I just – I know what he tried to do to you and I..." He trailed off, resorting to nibbling the skin around his nails.

I shook my head, refraining myself from screaming.

"There's always going to be people like that and, yeah, maybe he's one of them. But I'm seventeen, I can take care of myself. I choose how to take care of things the way I want to."

He groaned, dragging it out as he plopped down on the futon. It bumbled under his weight and I stood there, watching him as it continued to eat him from the inside.

I loved my brother, I did, but I was in the right here. This was my life, my friends (or whatever category Nikolai fell into) and the only person who had dictation on their impact was me. He'd just have to deal with that.

It was only after one on a Saturday afternoon, it was too early to start bickering. Of course, I'd rather we not do so at all, but I couldn't change how he felt.

I perched on the edge of the coffee table, directly within his line of sight. If one new expression passed over his features, he'd better have answers at hand.

"Why are we fighting?" I breathed out.

"Because you..." His eyes met mine briefly before distracting themselves elsewhere. He dipped his head low, to his chest.

"Because I what?"

"Because you have terrible taste in men." He growled, getting up. He waltzed to the back of the sofa, spreading his arms out on the neck.

I was up in an instant, a sudden burst within my veins that I couldn't contain.

"I'm not looking to date Nikolai." Ew. Why would anyone wish to?

"Nikolai, Dominic... they're just as bad as each other."

I crossed my arms. Okay, this was new. I wanted to know where he got that idea because, frankly, I didn't see it.

"What was so bad about Dominic?" I couldn't keep the acidic tone from seeping in. So, sue me, I didn't like people dissing my boy – ex-boyfriend.

Having known the better half of him for a handful of years, his shortcoming were almost next to none. He'd been right in the school cafeteria; he'd been patient and understanding with me for years. If anything could ever exist, he was practically perfect.

Dellos scoffed.

"For a start, he didn't appreciate you the way you deserve. Abandoning you at parties, encouraging you to lower your grades, pushing you into the background when it's your turn for the spotlight." I back-pedalled a little. He was speaking the exact opposite of the reasons Dominic gave when he broke off our relationship.

"Then, lastly, he lets you go. Who does that? Who, if they claim to be so in love with someone, allows them to be set free? Nobody, because all you ever want to do is hold her, laugh at her bad puns and look into her eyes every morning, even when last night's make-up is smeared all across her face. Still, you embrace her and you don't ever want her to leave. Because, if she does, it's the end of your world."

I stopped breathing for a second. I knew Dellos could be a romantic, but that must've came from somewhere deep. Everything he said, that's what he was feeling.

But still, I was stubborn.

"Yeah, well, at least two years of being with him was better than being stood up." Ouch. Talk about kicking a man while he's down, my mind scolded.

Dellos chuckled, in a way he usually reserved for people he disliked.

"I wasn't stood up."

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"There was no girl, I never once led you to believe I was meeting someone. All I did was invite you out for a bite to eat. You came to that conclusion yourself."

My eyes darted all around the room, as I massaged my arms. Was it me or did it just get really cold in here? I bet one of the help turned the heating off. Maybe it was Sabine, she worked in a kitchen so she'd already be in a drowning pool of warmth.

I kept silent. I didn't want to fight anymore, I wasn't even sure I had the power in me to do so. He'd already knocked me down, what was the point in getting prepped for another beating?

But the man in blue stepped forward, until he was super close.

The freckles on his cheekbones weren't the only feature that was new to me. Now, I could gaze into his eyes of storm clouds and be reminded of lightning cracking. The pupils were outlined in it, a tinge of gold at the ends. I had no idea why I hadn't noticed it before.

I sighed, quietly. Something inside of me jumped at the intensity of that pattern.

"I don't want to lie to you..."

"Then don't." My lips quivered in a spasm, as he raised a hand and massaged my face. His thumb stroked my eyelash, as the fingers traced the bone of my jawline.

"I... I can't. This is dangerous, Jensen, and I never want to lose you as a result of it."

Swallowing, I stepped back. His hand slowly fell, until he held it by his stomach. If he was having cramps, then I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know, after all.

I was looking for an escape from our arguments. That maybe a subject he was overthinking and coming to unstoppable ends. That maybe his mind was stuck and he couldn't erase it from his memory.

I considered weighing the options in my head. On one hand, if he told me what was bothering him, maybe I could be of service? I wasn't the brightest girl, but people also had a tendency to underestimate me. I could possibly be of more use than he thought.

However, there was always the option of asking him not to say it. If he was involved in any illegal activity, I didn't think I could put myself in that kind of worry. Every day, I'd be praying that he come home safe and sound. I didn't want to plague my mind with any more destructive means of distress.

But... he was also the one person in this world I'd always felt a need for. On average, people forget about lovers and friends in time, but family is the one thing they stick by. The one consistency. I guess I was no different.

He was my kin. I needed him.

"I'm so sorry..."

I squinted my eyes, not fully understanding, but then he continued. And his next words made me freeze completely, like I was nothing more than an ice sculpture.

"I'm sick – I'm in love with you, Jensen."