Bury All Your Secrets in My Skin

One year later

I feel better than I have in years. Corey and I have worked to build an amazing relationship together. We moved in together a few months ago. Well, I moved in to his place anyway. But things are really good for once in my life.

"We going to breakfast tomorrow Skye?" Paul asked me. We were over at Mick's house hanging out.

"Of course we are. Is Brenna coming with?" I asked. He laughed and nodded.

"She's pregnant, of course she's going to go if there is food." Paul smiled.

"Shit, I don't blame her. I'm so happy for you guys." I told him.

"Thanks. What about you two?" Paul asked me and Corey.

"Uh, not right now." I grinned. Corey rolled his eyes.

"Not sure what we are waiting for." Corey grinned.

"For our lives to not be so crazy with upcoming tours." I told him.

"Uh huh." Corey smiled. I'm terrified of having a child. Not sure I'm ready for that. Plus, we just moved in together and we aren't married or anything. Not that we have to be.

"I better take off. See you guys in the morning." Paul said hugging me. We waved goodbye to him.

"Ready to head out?" Corey asked. I nodded, my stomach suddenly hurting. I winced at the pain as I stood.

"Ulcer acting up again?" Mick asked me worried.

"Actually no. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to be doing." I said.

"Don't let it go too long this time. Otherwise I'll end up hearing you confess your love to me again." Sid grinned at me. I smiled and nodded. We waved and left. As we drove, I started feeling incredibly sick and my stomach hurt even more now.

"Pull over." I told Corey. He barely stopped, and I had the door open, throwing up.

"Babe? You sure you're ok?" He asked as I closed the door. I nodded and leaned against the door as we drove. By the time we got home, I was puking constantly. It was to where I couldn't keep a sip of water down.

"You need a doctor babe. I'm taking you to the hospital." He said. He scooped me up and got me in the car.

After blood tests, IV fluids, and something to help me stop puking, it was determined that I had food poisoning. I was so wiped out by the time we got home, but at least I'm not puking. Corey helped me into bed and covered me up.

"Are you ok?" He asked. I nodded.

"I don't think I can meet Paul tomorrow." I told him. He grinned and nodded.

"I'll let him and Brenna know. Get some sleep. You look exhausted." He told me. I was out in no time.

When I woke the next day, I was still drained, but felt better. I laid in bed and heard my phone ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Skye! Have you talked to Paul?" Brenna asked worried. I sat up, seeing Corey walk in.

"No, I've been really sick. What's going on Brenna?" I asked.

"He hasn't come home since he was at Mick's house yesterday." Brenna sobbed. I felt my heart drop and Corey looked at me worried.

"Paul is missing." I told Corey. His face fell.

"What?" He asked reaching for the phone.

"Brenna? No. I haven't. Hey, calm down a little. I know. Yes. I will call the guys and we'll go look for him again. Ok. I will. Bye." Corey hung up and sighed.

"Goddammit." He growled. He looked at me.

"He's done this before. We will find him I'm sure." He said. I wasn't convinced. Corey looked so irritated with Paul. I sat waiting for him to call the others.

"Aren't you going to call them?" I asked.

"Jesus. Yes, I will Skye." He snapped at me. I am not waiting on him. I got out of bed and he groaned.

"Babe, come on. Get in bed. I'm sorry. I just wasn't expecting Paul to do this. He's been doing so well. I'm really sorry. I will take care of it. Just lay down, ok?" He begged. I sat down and was actually glad he told me to. I feel horribly weak still. He covered me up and kissed my head.

"I'll be back later. Call me if you need something." He told me.

I nodded at him, watching him leave the room. I laid down and tried to stay awake. I should be out with the guys looking for Paul, but I feel so awful that I just can't. I fell into a deep sleep.

"Skye?" I heard Corey whisper to me. I jolted awake and looked at him.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said. Jesus, did I sleep all day? It's dark in the bedroom and I just feel confused.

"Did you find Paul?" I asked.

"Uh, no. We didn't. This isn't the first time he's taken off like this. Some times it's a night or two, other times it's a week." Corey said. The feeling in the pit of my stomach is screaming that something is very wrong. I got out of bed and grabbed some clothes.

"Skye, what the hell are you doing? You need to be in bed. You still feel like shit." Corey protested. I grabbed the clothes I needed and headed to the bathroom, starting the shower. Corey was right in behind me.

"Skye, he has done this so many times. I'm sure he's fine." Corey said as I stripped my clothes off. I got in the shower.

"Babe? What is really going on? Why won't you trust me on this?" He asked. I opened the shower door to look at him.

"I want to believe everything you are telling me, but I can't. The feeling I have right now is the same the night I went to Reva's." I said. He looked down and I shut the door again.

"So why did you still go over there that night if you felt this way? Why not call the cops?" He asked.

"I knew it was the last time I would see her. In the back of my mind, I just knew and pushed the feeling away." I said quietly. I rinsed my hair and quickly finished my shower. I got out and he handed me a towel.

"Something is really wrong Corey. I'm telling you, this feeling has just gotten worse. Please, trust me just this once?" I asked him.

He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. I brushed my teeth and threw my clothes on. I pulled up my hair and grabbed a jacket, then my shoes. I stood up and he was right behind me with his keys.

"You don't have to come with." I told him.

"Yes I do. You aren't going alone." He told me.

We got in his car and drove around the city for hours. We stopped at hotels, dive bars, drove through shady neighborhoods. Nothing. No one had seen him.

"How about we call it a night?" He asked me. I sighed, feeling the pit in my stomach growing more and more as time passed.

"Let's stop and make sure Brenna is ok." I told him. The look on his face says he is tired of doing this and he's pissed at his friend for making everyone worry.

"Fine." He said reluctantly. We pulled up at Brenna and Paul's house. There weren't any lights on and both of their cars were gone.

"No one's home babe." Corey said. I nodded as he pulled away.

We heard nothing that night, or the next night. I went over to check on Brenna and she was worried. More like pacing with worry. She ranted and cried, paced the floor, cleaned things that were already cleaned. She kept telling me something was off.

Paul hadn't shown any signs he was using again, not to her or anyone else. Why would he go back to drugs after a full year? None of us saw a single thing that would lead us to believe he was or had been using again. I stayed with Brenna for a good part of the day on the third day, when she finally told me I should go so she could sleep. I left even though I felt I should stay.

I drove home, worried about not only Paul, but Brenna too. I pulled into the driveway and got out. I knew Corey wasn't leaving today. He was exhausted from looking for Paul the last few days. I saw Shawn and Sid's cars there too. I walked in and found it unusually quiet inside the house for the three of them hanging out. I turned the corner and they all looked up at me, clearly upset. The three of them looked like they had been crying. My heart is pounding so hard and I feel sick.

"Hey. What's going on?" I asked nervously. Corey wiped his eyes and looked at the floor. Sid won't look at me either.

"Guys?" I said in a whisper.

Shawn looked up at me sadly and patted the spot next to him on the couch. I shook my head, tears are already starting. Corey stood up and led me over to the couch. He knelt down in front of me and laid his head in my lap.

"Skye, I..I don't know how to say this." Shawn started. I tensed, hearing myself pant with anxiety.

"Paul's gone." Shawn finally said. None of them will look at me.

"I was just with Brenna. She just talked to me. She never said anything like that." I protested. I heard Corey suck in a breath.

"They found him just a little while ago. Brenna called before you got here." Shawn said quietly.

I stared at him not wanting to believe what I am hearing. I looked down at Corey who had leaned up to look at me. Tears are pouring down his face, and he let out a sob. I threw my arms around his neck and he pulled me down to sit in his lap. The tears won't come, and they were just there. I can't feel anything. There is no sadness, anger, hurt. Nothing.

I held on to Corey while he sobbed hard. A few minutes later he let go, letting me stand up. I walked over to Sid and sat in his lap, hugging him while he held on to me. When he finally let go, I did the same for Shawn. I have no idea how to help any of them.

"Is anyone with Brenna?" I asked quietly. Shawn nodded and moved to look at me.

"Chris is over there now." Shawn told me.

"Does everyone else know?" I asked him. He nodded sadly.

"They are on their way over now." Corey said.

He wiped his eyes and got up, heading to the kitchen. Shawn nodded for me to follow him. I got up and found him staring out the window. I slipped my arms around his waist and I felt him tense up.

"Sorry." I mumbled, moving away from him. He did say anything or even look at me. It was like I wasn't there.

"Corey?" I asked quietly. He just ignored me. I heard a knock on the door.

"Get that, will you?" He mumbled.

I went to the door and let in Joey and Craig. Joey was a mess, Craig wasn't much better. After hugs and telling them both how sorry I was, they made their way to the living room.

I heard another knock and knew who it would be. I opened the door to my two towering giants. Jim was in tears, Mick wouldn't take his sunglasses off. I hugged both of them hard, none of us saying a word. We didn't need to. The three of us already know how we feel. They moved to the living room, and I went outside to sit on the steps.

I stared at the sky, having a mental conversation in my head with Reva. I'm sure that sounds insane, but it makes me feel better. I sat there until it was pitch black outside. No one came out and I didn't expect them to. I wanted to give them all time to deal with this and not feel awkward because I was there. I wanted them to say or do whatever they were feeling. I didn't want to be the reason someone wouldn't talk or something.

It was getting colder outside, but I didn't care. I wasn't going inside for a while. I'm bothered because I have only gotten teary eyed and nothing else. I can't cry and I don't understand it. I loved Paul. He's become a huge part of my life the last few years. I don't know how any of them are going to be able to move past this. I'm worried. I heard the door open but didn't turn around. I looked when someone sat next to me. I grinned when I saw it was Craig.

Craig and I have an odd friendship. We can sit next to each other and be in deep thought, but we never say a word to each other. Oddly enough, they are some of the best conversations I've had. He grinned a little and nodded at me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him. We stayed like that for a long time. When he spoke, it almost scared me.

"You've been out here for six hours almost. You should come inside." He told me.

"I don't want to interrupt." I told him.

"You aren't. They're all worried about you being out here, but wanted to give you your space." He said.

"I was doing the same for you guys." I said. He smiled and nodded.

"Come on. It's cold out and I think Corey or Jim could use a hug." He said. We stood and walked inside. I saw Jim waiting in the kitchen for me. Craig grinned and walked away.

"Hey Blue. How are you doing?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know to be honest with you. I can't cry." I told him. He looks even more concerned.

"It's ok to. You know that." He told me. I nodded and leaned into him. He held on to me as we stood in the kitchen.

"How is everyone?" I asked.

"Ok. Then they're not ok." He said. I nodded.

"You should go be with Corey. He hasn't come out of his office in a while." He said. I nodded and headed down to Corey's office.

I knocked quietly, but he didn't respond. I slowly opened the door and saw him laying on the floor. I went over to him and sat down next to him. He didn't look at me. His tears rolled out of his eyes. I gently placed my hand on the side of his face and he jerked away from me. I don't know what to do, since he's never been this way to me before.

"Don't." He said, sitting up.

"I didn't mean to upset you more. I'm sorry." I said. He nodded and looked down.

"Can I do anything? Do you want to talk?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Ok. I'll just sit with you then." I told him. He looked up at me and shook his head.

"Just go." He said. I shook my head.

"I'm not doing that either. Just like you wouldn't leave me alone when I would tell you that." I told him.

"Skye, I know you mean well, but I can't fucking be around you right now." He said. His stare was icy as he looked at me.

"I'm not leaving Corey. Why do you want me to go?" I asked.

He's getting frustrated with me. It was then that I decided to pull a Corey Taylor move, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on. He tried untangling me from him and I wouldn't let go.

"Skye, stop!" He said louder.

"No. Not until you talk." I said stubbornly.

"Goddammit!" He growled. He stopped fighting with my hands, dropping his own to his sides.

I held on to him telling him that I loved him. It's the only thing I can even think of right now. I heard him let out a sob, then felt him relax against me. His arms came around me and pulled me tight against him. I sat, straddling his lap as he cried hard and held on to me. We stayed like that for a very long time. After a while he had nothing left in him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to me.

"Don't be." I whispered back.

"I don't know if I can make it through this." He whispered.

"You will, and we'll do it together." I told him. I felt him nod against my shoulder.

The weeks and months that passed after losing Paul were grueling. None of them wanted to talk about him or play any music. I have been helping Brenna with her beautiful baby girl October, who was born a few months after Paul passed away. I had offered to take October for a few hours this afternoon so Brenna could have a break. She gladly accepted and brought October over to me.

October is almost four months old now, and I just love being around this little girl. I was sitting on the couch playing with her when Corey walked in. He had been out, but didn't feel the need to tell me what he was going to do. He hasn't talked to me a whole lot since Paul died. Hell, I think we've had sex maybe twice since everything has happened. I have been trying to be patient and give him his space, but my patience is wearing thin. He basically sits in his office or avoids me at all costs.

"Why is October here?" He asked me.

"I offered so Brenna could get a little break. She should be here to pick her up soon." I said. Corey stared at October like he wanted to hold her.

"Did you want to hold her?" I asked. He looked at me nervously.

"Sit down. It's easy." I grinned.

He sat down and I carefully moved her to his arms. I saw something inside of him come alive as he held her. October smiled at him and he laughed. That's the first time he's laughed since Paul died. I smiled watching him make faces at her. October shoved her fingers into his mouth and he about died laughing.

"Goddamn you are so cute!" He smiled at her. She giggled when Corey blew on her neck.

"We really have to give her back to Brenna?" He grinned at me. I smiled and nodded.

"But she loves me." He pouted.

This is the first time he's ever held her since she's been born. I sat watching them play and laugh together. He needed this, and I was so happy to see him this way.

When Brenna came to pick her up, Corey actually told Brenna he wanted to come see October in a few days. Brenna happily agreed to it. A few more hugs later and they left.

When they left, he nodded at me and went to shut himself in his office. I can't do this anymore. If I wanted a housemate, I'd still live with Jim. I walked down to his office and opened the door. He looked up at me.

"What's up?" He asked like we were buddies.

"Do you want me around still or did you want me to leave?" I asked. He seriously looks surprised that I asked him this.

"What are you talking about? Of course I want you around." He said like I was dumb for asking.

"Then this has to stop Corey. You don't talk to me, you sit in here and avoid me, or you are just gone and I have no idea where you go or what you do." I told him. He's pissed. He can't hide his feelings when his face shows everything he feels.

"I've been going through some shit Skye. I'm sorry if it's too much for you to deal with." He snapped.

"Seven months is how long you have been doing this Corey. I can't take it anymore. I understand you are grieving and dealing with this the way you think you should, but it's not just me you're shutting out. It's everyone." I told him.

"Sounds like someone else I know." He said snidely.

"I didn't lock myself in a room or just take off for sometimes days at a time." I told him calmly.

"What? You wanna leave? Then go. I won't stop you." He snapped at me.

I turned and walked down to our bedroom and pulled out my suitcases. I started putting my clothes into one. I picked up my phone and was about to call in the biggest favor of my life. I found the number and was getting ready to hit send when Corey walked in. He glared at me, and was in my face quicker than shit. He's really pissed at me and he's never been this mad at me before. I'm really scared right now.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" He yelled. I felt my body flinch when he yelled. I can't make eye contact with him. I'm too scared.

"This is fucking bullshit and you know it is! You're gonna fucking leave me?!" He yelled. Tears are streaming down my face and I felt myself shaking.

"Fucking say something!" He yelled, almost screamed at me.

I flinched hard and covered my face. It was about then that he must of snapped back to reality and looked at me.

"Oh my God. What have I done?" He asked himself quietly. I have my hands over my face, sobbing.

"Baby? Baby, it's ok. You can put your hands down. I'm so sorry." I heard his voice break, then a sob escape his throat. I am shaking and won't drop my hands. I felt him gently pull them down.

"I'm so sorry Skye. Oh my God, I'm so sorry." He sobbed.

"Come here. I swear I won't hurt you. Please?" He begged. I looked at him quickly then away.

"Baby, I wasn't going to hurt you. I swear on my life, career, everything. I would never hurt you." He said quietly.

I saw him hold his hand out to me. Very slowly, I reached for it. He carefully grabbed it, then slowly pulled me against him. I finally broke down completely. It's not just this fight, or him shutting me out. It's seven months of not being able to cry for my friend. I miss him so much. I felt us sink to the floor, both of us a sobbing mess.

"I miss him so much. I never should of cancelled meeting him that morning." I sobbed out. Corey pulled back to look at me and shook his head hard.

"You think that it's your fault? Because you didn't meet him that morning?" He asked. I nodded.

"Babe, no. God, no it wasn't your fault at all. He was sick. He tried so hard and he couldn't beat it. You know he tried. We all thought he was clean. It's not your fault at all. I swear it's not." He said hugging me hard again. I held on to him and sobbed.

"I knew something was wrong that day. I just knew it." I sobbed harder.

"I know. I know you did. I'm so sorry Skye. I have been so wrapped up in myself that I didn't even think about anyone else. I miss Paul. He was the best of all of us. I miss his laugh, his hugs, the talks we would have. Everything." He sniffled. I nodded, my crying not stopping.

"Babe, I never should of shut you out like that. That was so wrong of me. And I sure as fuck never should of yelled at you or made you scared of me. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry." He said.

"Skye, I love you more than you could imagine. I really do." He whispered.

All I can do is nod at him and hold on to him. He laid back on the floor, pulling me with him. I laid on his chest and loved that he was holding me still. We haven't been this close to each other in months.

"Where were you going to go?" He asked. I sat up and looked at him and then sighed.

"Just tell me. I'm not gonna be mad. I have no right at all. Please?" He grinned.

"Um. I was going to call Dave and see if I could come out for a few weeks or something." I said sheepishly. He was very surprised at this.

"Dave Grohl?" He asked, grinning.

"Uh, yeah. We talk alot more now, you know that." I said. He laughed and nodded.

"I fucking love Dave. I do. That guy is awesome. He would of kicked my ass. Maybe he should still." He grinned. I giggled and he smiled at me. "What?"

"I can call Rich and have him come over for that if you really want." I giggled. He laughed and shook his head.

"What the fuck! No! Christ, I don't need him to fucking kill me!" He laughed.

"Just an offer is all." I smiled. He laughed and shook his head.

"For the love of any holy being that may possibly exist, do not call Rich." He grinned.

"Your loss." I shrugged. He laughed and started to tickle me, making me shriek. He rolled me on my back and moved on top of me as he stopped tickling me.

"I've missed you." He said kissing me. That was all he had to do to set me off. I'm pulling his shirt off and I can feel him smiling against my lips.

"Uh huh. Miss me?" He mumbled against my mouth. I nodded.

I moved to roll him on his back, kissing my way down his chest. I moved lower and lower, undoing his pants as I went. I leaned up and pulled my shirt and bra off, hearing him groan when I did. I pulled his pants down and ran my tounge over him as I looked up at him.

"Fuck." He hissed at me.

I closed my mouth over him and watched him lean up on his elbows. He stared down at me as I looked up at him and moved.

"I love it when you look at me while you're sucking me off." He panted.

My tounge is swirling around him, my mouth moving faster and faster. His head went back and he is moaning louder and louder.

"Goddamn that feels good." He groaned, moving his hips. He is gripping my hair hard. I know he wants it rough and fast. I do too.

"I'm going to fuck you hard. Fuck!" He hissed.

His movements are becoming more aggressive. He moved and flipped me on my back, yanking my pants off of me. He thrust into me hard and I am already moving with him. I need him.

"Corey." I moaned, adding to his desire. He moved faster.

"You know I love it when you say my name. God you are always so tight on my cock." He panted. I tensed hard.

"I love how your mouth feels when it's on my cock." He whisperd. I moaned and lifted into him.

"You want me to make you cum so bad, don't you?" He asked. I nodded. "Are you gonna cum hard for me?"

"Yes. Make me cum Corey." I moaned. He growled and moved just like he had been and I arched into him hard, my world exploding.

"Keep cumming baby. Oh fuck!" He moaned. His body stiffened and he moaned louder. His eyes rolled back as they closed.

"Oh my god." He panted. He kissed me slowly then moved next to me.

"I love you." I told him. He smiled at me.

"I love you more." He said. We fell asleep right there on the floor.

As things were starting to go back to normal between Corey and I, another bomb was dropped on me. One that I cannot forgive or forget even. To say my entire world came crashing around me, is the understatement of the year.

Three months after that night between us, Corey and I were watching a movie. His phone went off and I watched him read a text. He became pale and nervous.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"I have to make a call. Be back in a minute." He told me as he stood up.

I heard him walk down to his office and shut the door. I shut the movie off when I heard him getting louder as he talked. I stood and listened at the top of the hallway. What I heard made me physically sick.

"No. You aren't coming here. I already told you what it was. It was one night, Rita. Yes. You knew that was all it was. I know. You are not going to show Skye the pictures of us! You aren't coming here and telling her about us either! No! Fuck you!" I heard Corey yell. I held my stomach, feeling it turn. The door of his office opened and he stepped out, coming face to face with me. He looks like he saw a ghost.

"Uh, hey." Corey said awkwardly.

"Tell me now." I demanded.

"Tell you what, babe?" He asked nervously, walking closer to me. I stared at him with tears running down my face.

"Say it!" I almost screamed at him. He stood in front of me.

"There isn't anything to say." Corey said almost painfully. I slapped him and stood there.

"Who the fuck is she!" I yelled. Corey looked down.

"Rita. I met her one night about four months ago. I'm sorry. I never meant for it to happen." Corey sobbed out.

I shoved him and walked to the bedroom. I threw as much stuff as I could fit in it and closed it. I got my shoes on and saw him in the doorway.

"Skye, please? I never, ever meant to hurt you or do that. I was so fucked up from Paul dying, I wasn't thinking. I love you. You are the only one I want." Corey said desperately.

"I don't fucking care what you want. We are done. That means if you see me, walk the other fucking way. I'll be back for the rest of my shit in a few weeks." I snapped at him.

I stormed out of the house and got in my car. I drove and drove for hours on end. When I stopped driving, I realized I was in front of Sid's house. I parked and got out, walking to his door. I rang the bell and watched the porch light come on. The door opened and Sid looked at me surprised.

"Oh my god, come here Skye." Sid said, pulling me inside. I collapsed against him as soon as I was inside his house.

"Corey already called us. He told us what happened. Let me just let the guys know you are ok." He said, typing on his phone. I heard his phone being tossed aside as I held on to him.

"I'm so sorry Sid." I sobbed.

"You have no reason to be sorry. None." Sid whispered.