Bury All Your Secrets in My Skin

I opened the bathroom door at Jim's house about six months later. I gasped at what I saw. Paul was in the bathroom with a syringe, tying off his arm. He looked just as shocked as I was.

"Sorry!" I yelled and slammed the door.

I hurried out of the house in complete shock. I started walking down the street. I didn't know he had a drug problem. I just thought he smoked pot and that was it. Tears sprang to my eyes as I walked. I was disappointed, and shocked. Did the others know? If they did, why didn't any of them tell me?

"Skye!" I heard Sid yell. I heard him running up to me. He ran in front of me so I would stop. "What's going on?" He asked worried.

"Paul." I sobbed. The look on Sid's face told me that they have all known for a long time. "You all knew about this?" I asked.

"Yeah, we've known a long time now." Sid said quietly. I wanted to hit him I'm so mad.

"Why wouldn't any of you tell me?!" I yelled. He cringed and looked away. "Fuck you guys! This is bullshit that you kept this from me!" I yelled at him. He looked hurt and sad that I just yelled at him.

"I'm sorry. We should of told you." He said quietly. I stormed past him and he started running up to me again. I whirled around at him. "No! Don't fucking follow me!" I yelled. I turned and ran. If there is one thing I can do in this world, it's run. I can run faster than most people can and Sid knows this too.

"Fuck!" I heard him yell.

I kept running until I was out of breath. When I stopped, I gasped at where I was. I was standing in front of Reva's house. It's now three years since she has passed, and this is the first time I've come down this street. The house has been abandoned this whole time. I walked up the steps and sat on the porch. Memories of that night consumed me. I leaned against the door and ran my hand down the front of it.

"I wish you were here Reva." I whispered. I closed my eyes tight and saw my sister falling to the ground, blood sprayed everywhere. I could feel the blood hitting my skin and I felt sick. My memory flashed to Gary pulling the trigger on himself. I can hear the sound of the gun discharging. I let out a sob.

"Skye?" Corey said quietly. I looked and saw him in front of me worried. He knelt down in front of me. "Kitten, why are you here of all places?" He asked.

"I don't know. I just ran and ended up here." I told him.

"We should go." He said. I shook my head. "Skye, being here isn't good for you." He said calmly. I glared at him.

"Neither is everyone keeping Paul's drug problem from me." I snapped. He looked down and sighed.

"What do you want me to do Skye?" He asked as he looked up at me.

"Not keep shit from me." I said. I stood up and reached above the door finding the key. Corey looked at me horrified and grabbed my hands.

"No. Babe, no." He pleaded desperately with me.

"Please baby? Don't go in there because you're mad at us and upset about Paul." He begged. He took the key out of my hand.

"I'm begging you not to do this." He said. He leaned up and put the key back.

"Let's go back." He said. I shook my head and walked down the stairs.

"I'll be at the bar." I told him.

"Ok, fuck it. Wanna drink? Let's go." He said grabbing my hand. I jerked away from him.

"Do not pull that shit on me Corey." I told him. He is ready to go insane. I know I drive him to the brink of insanity most days.

"Ok. You're right, that's not fair of me. If you wanna drink that's fine. Can you just do it at Jim's so none of us are worried then?" He asked nicely.

He is quickly losing patience with me. The last several months have been challenging between him and I. He has worked hard on talking to me and not being a dick. I have actually been doing the same as well. It's been a slow process, but I feel like we are getting there. However, I just need time to process all this shit on my own for a bit and none of them want to give me that option it seems. All of this is making me rather temperamental to say the least.

"Fine." I snapped and got in the car with him. I wouldn't look at him while we drove.

"None of us kept it from you to hurt you Skye." He said as we got out. I ignored him and walked in the house. All of them looked at me as I grabbed five beers and headed out of the kitchen.

"Oh shit." Joey said when he saw me at the fridge. Sid walked in front of me and I glared at him.

"Sidney, move your ass or you're going down." I warned. He grinned.

"Sid, she's not kidding." Jim told him. Sid grinned nervously and moved out of the way.

"Skye, let's talk." Mick said. I juggled my beers so I could flip him off. He grinned at me. "Please?" He asked.

"Sure. As soon as I'm drunk enough." I told him. Mick looked at Corey for help.

"Dude, she's really pissed at all of us." Corey told him.

I walked into my room and shut the door on all of them. I locked it and sat on the floor drinking a beer. I had gotten through two of them when I heard them fucking with the lock. My door popped open and I glanced at them. I went back to drinking my beer and reading a magazine.

"Skye? Can we talk please?" Paul asked. I looked up at him and shook my head. There is a huge void in the room. I've always loved Paul and looked up to him. Now I don't know him. They kept this from me, what else are they not telling me.

"Skye, I have a problem. I'm trying to stop. I really am." Paul told me. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" I asked. I looked around him and glared at all of them. "Go!" I yelled. They all scrambled out. Corey walked back in. "You too!" I told him. He grinned, then walked out and shut the door behind him.

"I didn't want you to think bad of me. I know I've let you down." He said. I looked down, unable to hide my feelings from him. "I'm so sorry. You know I love you Skye." He said. He sat next to me. I nodded at him.

"What else are you hiding from me Paul?" I asked.

"Just this." He said sadly.

"Does Brenna know?" I asked. He nodded. "Then we get through it together. It's time to go to rehab Paul." I told him.

"I know. I go tonight. I decided last night actually." He said. I hugged him and heard him crying quietly.

"I'll come see you." I told him.

"Thanks. I'm leaving soon. Promise you'll keep them in line while I'm gone?" He grinned as we pulled away. I smiled and nodded. I kissed his forehead and he laid with his head in my lap. Paul always takes care of everyone else. Now it's our turn to take care of him.

"Paul? I would never think bad of you no matter what." I told him. He looked at me and grinned.

"Thanks girl." He smiled. We sat quietly for a while. I brushed the hair out of his eyes. I heard a quiet knock on my door.

"Come in." I said. The door opened and Brenna stood there looking at us. Paul sat up quickly.

"Hey Skye." Brenna said softly. I stood up and went over to hug her. "Thank you." She said quietly. I nodded and turned to Paul. He smiled with tears in his eyes.

"You got this Paulie. I'll see you soon. No good byes, ok?" I told him. He grinned and hugged me hard. I let go and waved as they walked away. I closed my door and broke down in tears. I feel terrible for Paul. I can't imagine how hard this all is for him. I laid on my bed and let the tears roll out of my eyes. There was another knock on my door. I stayed quiet.

"Kitten? Can I come in?" I heard Corey ask through the door. I didn't respond. The door opened anyways like I knew it would. "Skye? Talk to me." Corey said.

"I don't feel like talking." I said. I pulled the covers over me and waited for him to leave.

"Ok. I'll stay until you do." He said. I ignored him and focused solely on my depression induced sleep. I was trying to sleep and I heard him sighing.

"Jesus christ!" I grumbled and sat up. He laughed and smiled at me. "What Corey? I really just want to be alone right now. Please." I told him as nice as I could.

"Well, I really want to talk. Please." He said.

"This has been a lot to take in today. I'm hurt, I'm worried about Paul." I said.

"And you almost went into a house that you refuse to drive down the street even. See my concern?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

"No, not really. It's something I've been needing to do." I replied. He stared at me thinking of his response. I swear I know him better than he knows himself most days.

"If you want to go in there, I'll go with you. But you need to do this when you aren't upset and mad." He said. I fucking hate it when he's right.

"Fine." I said, getting out of bed. I grabbed the beer bottles and went to put the unopened ones in the fridge. I had just shut the door and saw Sid standing there.

"Yes?" I asked. He smirked at me and drug me outside. He shut the door and turned to me.

"I'm sorry none of us told you. I really am." Sid said.

"Ok." I don't know what any of them expect me to say. They know all of this shit with my sister and now I'm supposed to trust them when they hid this from me?

"That's it? Nothing else to say?" Sid asked.

"No." I replied. He shook his head and looked at me.

"Yes there is. Just say whatever it is you're feeling." He said.

"No. That isn't what everyone does around here, is it Sid?" I said in an icy tone. I know how to get under someone's skin, and yeah, that makes me a dick for it, but I told all of them to leave me alone for a while and they won't.

"That's not fair Skye." Sid warned. Jackpot. I've already gotten under his skin.

"No it's not. Just like keeping it from me wasn't fair of any of you, yet I'm supposed to trust all of you?" I asked. I had heard the windows open to the back of the house so I know they are all listening and I don't give a fuck.

"Skye, we've never given you a reason to not trust us." Sid said.

"You just did." I told him. They all know they won't win this battle with nice words or hugs. I'm pissed and everyone will feel my wrath. Sid is trying to keep himself in check, and not step over the line with me. His body posture and eyes say it all.

"We done?" I snipped at him. I heard him growl and he turned around with his back facing me. I watched him take a few deep breaths and he turned back to face me.

"Wanna hit me in the mouth?" He asked. I heard Mick groan.

"Sid! You have any fucking idea what you are saying?!" Corey yelled out the window.

"If it makes her not mad at me, then fine!" Sid yelled back. The door flew open and Joey stomped out. I grinned at him and looked down. He really is adorable, even if I am three inches taller than him.

"No. Hit me instead." Joey said. I rolled my eyes at him and laughed.

"Joey, I love you and all, but let's face it. It wouldn't be a fair fight." I grinned. He scowled at me.

"Hit me." Shawn offered.

"You enjoy it Shawn." I sighed.

"Blue?" Jim asked.

"No." I replied.

"Where's Craig? Craig! Let Skye punch you in the face!" Chris yelled down the hallway.

"Jesus fucking christ." I groaned.

"Hey kid." Mick stepped in front of me.

"I can't reach you, Jim, or Chris." I told him. He laughed and smiled at me. "Stop it Mick." I told him.

"Come on kid. Talk to me." Mick said, tugging on my hand. I fucking hate being mad at any of them but goddammit, my feelings are so hurt.

"Know what guys? This is what's bothering me. The fact that none of you trusted me with this. Not a single one of you. Yet, here I am spilling the most personal things in my life to all of you. That's not fucking fair. And now, well, now I don't know if I can trust any of you." I said. They all looked down like I was sending them to the time out corner.

"That is what hurts the most. Now please, if any of you have just a tiny ounce of respect left for me, I need a few hours alone to process all of this. Please." I said walking into the house.

I went in my room and shut the door, then wedge the chair at my desk under the handle. I turned on some music softly and laid on my bed. Leaning under my bed, I grabbed my photo album of me and my sister. This was something I haven't done in almost three years. I grinned as I flipped through the album of how crazy her and I once were. I miss everything about her and some days, it physically hurts.

I found a picture of the last Christmas we ever had together. Her eyes looked so sad and empty. Her smile was fake. I remember seeing a bruise on her arm that she quickly covered up. Goddamn you Gary! I fucking hate him.

I flipped through a few more pictures and came across one of me and Paul after one of their shows right after I met him. We are both smiling and happy. I miss him already, even though I can go see him.

I stayed in my room for a few hours when I heard the front door open. I heard it close quietly and decided to see if anyone was still here. I opened the door and heard them in the living room.

"Calm down man. She's just upset and I don't really blame her. We should of told her a long time ago." Shawn said.

"I know. Paul asked us not to. She was going through enough shit." Jim said.

"The important thing to remember is that Paul at least went to get some help." Sid said.

"If he stays this time. He's done this before. I don't want to have to pull him off of a tour again." Corey sighed.

I felt sharp pains in my stomach. Jesus christ, it feels like someone is shooting swords into my stomach. I've noticed this more and more over the last few months, and it seems to be when I'm really upset or eat the wrong thing. I put my hand over my stomach and walked slowly to the kitchen. Maybe some water will help. I grabbed a bottle of water and felt another sharp pain.

"Skye? Hey, I'm sorry Blue. I am." Jim said as he came into the kitchen.

"It's ok Jim." I am past being upset with them. My stomach is the only thing I can concentrate on at the moment.

"Really?" Jim asked surprised. I nodded and grinned at him. The guys started filing into the kitchen. "She doesn't hate us now." Jim grinned at them.

"Babe? You don't look so hot. Are you sick?" Corey asked walking up to me.

"My stomach is giving me hell. I'll be fine." I said. I felt another sharp pain and tried to ignore it. It hurts so much.

"Why don't you lay down for a bit?" Corey said quietly.

"I'm ok. It just comes and goes." I said to him. I felt a pain harder than the last and doubled over.

"Shit. Let's go get you checked out." Corey said holding on to me. I sank to my knees.

"Holy fuck." I groaned. It was a constant stabbing pain.

"I got ya kid." Mick said. He carefully helped me to my feet. I held on to him, feeling myself starting to sweat. I swatted at his hand and he laughed. "Don't think so kid. Let's get you to the doctor." He told me. I got to the living room to get my shoes on. I finally got to the car. Mick drove while Corey sat in the back with me.

"You really don't hate us?" Corey asked. I groaned.

"Now may not be the time man." Mick laughed.

"No. I never did. I was hurt and pissed off." I said. Corey kissed my forehead.

Two hours later, I was told I have a stomach ulcer and drinking beer sent it into volcanic nightmare. Lovely. Not only that, in two days I have to get a scope down my throat so they can make sure nothing else is wrong. What a fucking day. They gave me some meds in the meantime. Corey can't go with me that day because he has an interview, so Sid and Jim are taking me. This should be interesting.