The Graveyards We Leave Behind

It has been months since they freed everyone from the mountain and Clarke left. The grounders have maintained a shaky truce, and Lincoln had a kill order on his head. It was nice seeing him with Octavia, but the poor girl wouldn’t give him a break when she saw him with that jacket on. The half year has passed by so delicately as the Arkadians took the occasional trip to Mount Weather for supplies. The peace is untrustworthy, and everyday passed is a relief.

Nyx thought that she would get better, but she isn’t. Nathan is there, but it doesn’t feel like he is. When she feels his hands on her body, the color is dull. Even last night when he took a more passionate approach, gliding his fingers over her instead digging them into her, she didn't feel as vivid. On top of it, her drinking habit has not died down even with Nathan next to her.

He saw what losing Bellamy did to her. Now he has seen what his loss did to her, and everyday he wakes up regretting that he didn’t jump off of that ship to stay with her. She doesn’t speak about it. In fact the only thing she's said is that she would have been there sooner, but she had to save Lincoln for Octavia, and even that is because she was apologizing.

They stay up late into the night, and he tells her stories. If anything the mountain has opened him up. The tales of dialysis make her skin rise when she hears them, and her heart drops every time she hears Maya's name. She killed Maya. Maya didn’t deserve to die. She killed Jasper too, and neither did he. She recalls her words to Wick - the body count of shells is rising on the ground, but hers is still the most hollow.

"Nyx," Nathan places a hand on her wrist when she is about to pick up her fourth cup. "It's still morning," his voice lingers over her with concern.

"Well, I haven’t slept, so it's still pretty late in my book," she ignores him as she grabs the drink with her other hand, and throws it back with a gulp. Not saving Nathan sooner still haunts her. His tales of the stay make it worse, but she can't help but to listen. She wants to feel terrible. She is terrible. She deserves the pain this time. She let him wither in the goddamn mountain, and she wouldn't let herself forget it.

He leans over to kiss her, pushing past the taste of the moonshine that coats her mouth. The kiss is gentle but yearning. He has found himself wanting more since she came to save him. He thought she was dead for so long until he caught eye of Bellamy in the mountain that day. He feels her tongue on his and a groan escapes his lips. When she breaks the kiss he grabs her hand, wanting to go back to his room with her. When she doesn’t move except to bring the cup to her lips Nathan shakes his head and leaves. He loves her, and this is a destruction that he cannot bear to watch.

Nyx sighs as she spins around on her stool. Her eyes land on Bellamy and his girlfriend sitting a few tables away. She watches as Gina pecks his lips before walking off. Bellamy gets up, and she decides to follow him. She has picked a perfect time because she thought he may lead her somewhere populated, but instead he walks into his room, and she holds the door open behind him.

Bellamy opens his mouth to say her name, but he is at a loss for words so nothing comes out. They've barely looked at each other since the mountain, and, quite frankly, she is the last person he expects to see at his door. His eyes glaze over the shoulder exposed by her baggy red sweater, observing the scar that has healed so tragically from being sew and reopened so many times.

When he says nothing she assumes it is okay to come it. Nyx walks inside the room, finishing her drink for courage before closing the door and setting the cup on a table.

"What are you doing here?" Bellamy manages. His brows are furrowed in confusion as he wonders if something is wrong. He watches as she stands there debating what to do next.

For a moment she has the urge to take her clothes off, because if he can cheat on her then he can cheat with her, but she knows that's the liquor talking. She takes a few tame steps until she is right in front of him. She is many things, but not a cheater. Still, when he says nothing she cannot help herself but to lean up and kiss him anyway, and then when she feels him kiss her back her heart flutters, and she fights back tears as her hands find their way around he back of head.

It seems as if the kiss is over before it starts as Bellamy asks, "are you drunk?" The smell of moonshine is strong on her breath he can taste is in he own mouth.

"No," she admits, "I need at least a few more before we can say that." There's no shame in her voice, just disappointment.

He has noticed her bad habit - he just didn't realize how bad it is. He observes her as she smoothens out the blanket on the bed before lying down and patting the empty spot. Her face is alluring even with its lack of emotion, and Bellamy is surprised that he doesn’t hesitate to lie down next to her. When he does, she turns to her side. Her hair falls to cover her face, and it is her turn to be surprised when Bellamy's hand brushes along her cheek, moving the strands behind her ear.

Nyx thought this may be awkward, but now that she is here with him it only feels right. They lie is silence for a while before she implores, "tell me what they did to you in that mountain."

"Nyx," he sighs breaking the gaze they were holding. He doesn’t want her to know. She blames herself for enough already, and if she knows the truth about him where will her downward spiral take her next?

"I need to know, Bellamy. I need to know we killed those people for a reason," she insists, her hand on his cheek pulling his face back to look at her.

He gives in. She makes him weak in the knees even though he is not standing. It's been so long since he's felt this that there is no way to say no to her now. She stares as his lips move, recalling the hundreds of cages full of grounders sentenced to death. He is the hero of this story even if he doesn’t know it. When he speaks into the air between them of waking up upside down as he was being bled, tears soak the pillow her head is on. His hand in on her face trying to wipe the droplets away, but they are falling too quickly. There is little comfort he can offer her. It's her fault. She should have never let him go. She should have went in there herself a long time before Bellamy did. Bellamy never should have been there, and Nathan never should have stayed so long.

They are interrupted when Bellamy's door opens and Gina strolls in. Bellamy's hand flies back to his so quickly Nyx almost thought it was never there as she bolts up and wipes the tears from her eyes. Gina is confused at the scene before her, and it shows as her eyes dance between Nyx and Bellamy in the bed. Still, "Miller is looking for you. He says he needs something to do so they're going to map Sector 7," she says calmly.

Bellamy gets up and puts his jacket. He walks out of his room without a word, and Nyx is left feeling lonely again.

"Nothing happened, I promise," she tells Gina who nods in response.

"I trust Bellamy," she says, and that time Nyx walks out. She is replaying that kiss over and over in her mind. She wishes he wasn’t with Gina, because she feels it is time to tell him that she has never stopped loving him, and that he is stupid for not realizing it. There seems to be something in their way every time. Maybe she will regret letting Gina's relationship with him mature, but it is not her place to interfere. She's been a lost puppy for so many years that a little while longer won't hurt.

When Nyx finds her way to the rover she is glad that they didn’t leave. "Hey boys," she says, and Miller, Bryan, and Monty turn to look at her rolling their eyes at the grin on her face. She wants to come, and they already know. It was not like her to pass up on a distraction.

Soon they are packed and on the road. They end up locating the farm station beacon on Bryan's insistence, but not before they kill a couple grounders. That peace gets shakier every day. When they retreat to Sector 4 upon Kane's request, Nyx is surprised to see Indra, who tells them Clarke is being hunted. The crew heads together to Sector 8 where they are ambushed by, at first what seem like grounders but end up being Pike and other farm station survivors.

An hour later they stop at a trading post, and the owner begrudgingly admits that Clarke has stopped by recently. On their way deeper into the sector tanks to Bellamy's persistence, they spot Clarke in a field with Azgeda war drums beating in the near distance.

Taking shelter in a cave is Pike's idea. Nyx can see how antsy Bellamy is, so she pulls him to the side to warn him to stay put.

"We're losing her," he argues as he begins to take the clothes off a dead Azgeda warrior. When she recognizes she cannot change his mind, she follows suit. She will not allow him to go alone, and as they march through the field Nyx realizes that she doesn’t have any fear of death. She has nothing to lose. She veers off to the right following Bellamy into the woods from the corner of her eye.

They are quiet and discreet, only communicating in the for of glances. When they find what looks like an old subway station, Nyx places a finger on her lips before silently walking down the steps.

Low and behold Clarke is sitting on the ground with her hands tied behind her back waiting for Bellamy to save her. The pair hug briefly before he is thrown back, and there is a sword to his neck. Nyx wastes no time placing her own at the side of the man's throat. She is calm with Bellamy's life in her hands. She will let him kill her before allowing Bellamy to die.

When the bounty hunter looks up at her she is surprised by the Ice Nation markings on his face. She has never seen them before because they cover their faces in war paint, but she is surprised to think that they are beautiful. "My, my, Clarke," the words are like a sigh from the back of her throat. "Aren’t you a lucky one," she says, her libido cranking into overdrive as she admires the handsomeness of the bounty hunter. "Let him go," she threatens the man who laughs but stands and sheaths his sword.

"What do I have to do to get you to tie me up?" she asks in Trigedasleng with a smirk on her face.

The man raises his eyebrows, but does not answer. Instead he throws a knife that embeds itself into Bellamy's leg before saying, "do not follow."

"Fuck!" Nyx shouts watching the man take Clarke and get away as she turns around to examine Bellamy's leg. She pulls her shirt off and yanks the knife out without warning. There is no use in counting down - he would feel it.

Bellamy groans in pain before composing himself. He glances down her bruised torso, snarling at the site. Why does she let Miller do that? When she is done tying his leg, he pulls off the costume, slipping his jacket off and handing it to her. She throws it on gratefully, leaving it unzipped, before helping him climb the stairs.

There are no words exchanged between them as his arm is thrown over her shoulder. He hobbles, and it takes a while, but when they make it back to the rover Bellamy is relieved to see Kane waiting for them. He notices Kane's eyes travel down Nyx's body before the man helps them into the car. Bellamy grits his teeth, but keeps his mouth shut.

When they reach the Ark, Kane walks him over to medical, instructing him to wait for Abby.

"She'll be here any minute. You better not leave 'til she sews you up," Kane is concerned, but Bellamy has other plans.

Before he has a chance to leave, Bellamy grabs him by his shirt to threaten, "if I catch you looking at her like that again, I'll kill you." There is no wavering in his voice, just anger.

"I'm old enough to be her father," Kane defends with apprehension. He hopes that Bellamy doesn’t know he's been with Nyx already. That bad decision doesn't need to weigh him down anymore than it already has.

"That didn’t seem to cross your mind a few minutes ago," Bellamy won't hear it. He doesn’t quite understand what happened between them this morning. After all this time, and all the men she was with, could it be possible that she still loves him? He doesn’t know, but he still has sense enough to come to her defense.

Kane nods and leaves at the sound of the familiar clicks coming from his radio.

Later that night, Kane and Nyx arrive at Polis. Soon after they parted ways, Indra called them regarding a summit. Their clothing reserves are low so she is only in a tank top after having used her shirt on Bellamy's leg, and she shudders when the cool breeze hits her skin. She should have kept Bellamy's jacket, but she didn't think that far ahead.

Seeing the tower for the first time is intimidating, but she is glad that she doesn’t have to climb it. The left took several minutes, but at least it is not exhausting. While she is waiting for the diplomacy to begin in the throne room, she spots the man that had Clarke as a prisoner on the nearest balcony. She can't help herself but to walk over to him asking, "have you thought about my proposal?"

A chuckles slips from between his lips as he turns to look at her. "You're lucky I didn't kill you," he responds. "I could be killed for sleeping with a Sky person," he tells her.

Nyx's expression shows off a mighty grin as her eyes travel the markings on his face delicately as if he would feel her just grazing them with her sight. "Whoa there," she licks her lips, "I never said anything about sleeping. All I want is sex, where you sleep is your choice."

The smirk on his face grows into a grin that matches hers, "you Sky people don’t know how to quit." He is intrigued. The way her hair blows in the wind reminds him of the grace of a warrior. His eyes don’t fail to notice that she is one as they trace over the weapons attached to her frame.

"Do you dislike what you see?" she asks him, watching his eyes fall down her body. She enjoys as he takes her in, his eyes lingering in certain spots longer than others.

Their conversation is cut short when the signal for the summit sounds. They walk back in from the balcony together, and she chooses to stand next to him as if to claim him for her own.

It is not far into the summit when she learns his name, nor is it far when the doors swing open with force, and Roan moves in front of her instinctively with his hand on his sword. She smirks at the display. Is he trying to impress her? Or is his need to protect natural? Either way, she likes it. She places her hand on his arm to tell him to relax when she sees the intruders are Bellamy and Pike.

Pike begins to rant about how the summit is a trap, and the ambassadors waste no time to start to argue. Moments later Raven's voice is on the radio, "Bellamy?" she sounds like she's crying. "Azgeda attacked the mountain. Gina, everyone, they're all dead," she sobs.

Nyx watches Bellamy's eyes fall to the ground. She can almost hear him gulp from across the room. Gina is gone. Nyx's heart feels for him. So easily she puts a knife to Roan's throat and whispers, "was that at your command?" When he shakes his head no, she lets him go and walks over to Lexa.

"Bring us their queen," Nyx demands her eyes not faltering the slightest from the commander's heavy gaze.

Lexa's eyes dig into her before she nods. "Arrest Prince Roan, and bring me the queen," she instructs her warriors.

"Go home," Nyx turns and tells Pike, "the Ark may be next." She watches Nathan grab Ryan's hand. That was fast. She lets out an inaudible snort. Men. They say 'all you can have is me because you are mine,' but when it comes to them the world is at their disposal. She pushes the thoughts into the back of her mind, because she doesn’t really care what Nathan does when he is not doing her.

When Bellamy turns to leave she stops him, "I'm sorry." He doesn’t say a word, just walks away. She grits her teeth. There is too much death. Too much loss. Will it end? There were 49 in that mountain. 49 dead. Another graveyard. Many more empty people.