The Graveyards We Leave Behind

The few days spent at the Ark seem like a waste to Nyx. Nathan is gone, and she is sitting around waiting for someone to save him for her. She watches Clarke and Bellamy exchange laughs while they drink. Her blonde hair sits on her shoulders, and her eyes seem to twinkle in Bellamy's company. His smile seems to be genuine from the distance. The waves of nausea that overcome her at the site of the two are enough to bring her to her knees. She misses Nathan. It seems that her world grew drearier since he has disappeared. There is only so much she can do to get her mind off Bellamy Blake when she has to see him everyday.

Murphy takes the seat in the cafeteria next to Nyx; his hand quickly finds her knee and squeezes it. His feet rest on the legs of the stool in order to keep level with her. "How is your arm?" he asks. The hit on the shoulder she had taken from Finn left a bruise the size of a grapefruit and a cut that needed seven stiches. It looks worse than it feels, thought the pain in her heart is a pretty good distraction. She couldn't forget about the pain in her arm either - she had also sprained her wrist when she attempted to stop him from manhandling her so easily.

"I'm fine," Nyx says. She is annoyed. Her eyes will not leave the two sitting mere tables away. She doesn’t feel her shoulder throbbing as the anger surges through her blood. "I'm ready to go find everyone," she adds impatiently.

"Nyx," Murphy calls. "Nyx, look at me," he demands. When her eyes meet his he sighs and says, "whatever you think you see over there is not real. It's called friendship." She psyches herself out too much. It's hard when she's in love but won't admit it.

Her jealousy fades only when Murphy squeezes her hand to bring her back to reality. She knows he is right, but she can't help but to be jealous. It has been so long since Bellamy was hers that she has grown too possessive. Too needy.

"And you're not going anywhere any time soon," he tells her sternly eyeing her shoulder.

Just like that she is back on fire and furious with him. "Everyone is treating me like I'm a fucking baby. I said I'm fine, and I'm ready to go," she shouts, bangs her fists on the table, and storms off into the grey of the station.

Finn is the only one who follows her. He knows it is useless to talk to Clarke, so he would try talking to her. She would understand, he thinks. He walks into Raven's workroom. It is empty save for Nyx who is sitting at the table. His eyes can't help but travel over the purple on her left shoulder. "Im sorry," he says to her, but his eyes are still empty when she looks into them.

"Finn," she gasps, almost as if he has scared her out of a daydream. The way she looks at him is similar to a longing. "I didn’t judge you, you know," she discloses. "When you killed that grounder I knew you felt like you had to, but God, Finn, what you did to those people…" she trails off, but he does not avert his gaze. There is not much left for him to feel so he refused to be shamed. "Still," she continues, "it's not my place to forgive you, but I do." She knows they will pay for that graveyard soon, they always do.

His eyes are searching for something to cling on to besides the emptiness, but there is nothing. It's so pathetic, what the world has turned them into. It is like both of them are voids - like they are both shells of humans that once were Nyx and Finn. Now they're walking emptiness, a tangible abyss threatening to swallow everything around them in attempt to feel.

"I know what you felt," she tells him. "I know that lingering loss that thumps at the back of your mind. I know you felt like you died that day, like you needed something to replace that feeling of hopelessness, and I forgive you for it." Those are all words that she had hoped she would hear Bellamy say. He never has, so she said them to Finn, because she knows that Clarke will never say them either.

His eyes are piercing through her, just like the pain in her shoulder. There was no point to this conversation, but misery loves company. "You're right," he tells her, "it's not your place." Maybe it's not what she wanted him to say, but her words did nothing to heal him because they were in the wrong voice. She considers walking over to hug him. Before she can fully decide against it, Wick walks into the room.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asks lightheartedly. His eyes are full of joy as they jump between the two. It has been so long since she has seen happy eyes that she doesn't want him to leave. Maybe is she could bathe in his presence some of that joy would rub off on her.

"No," she replies, feeling the familiar urgency beneath her belly. Joy, what a joke. The mere thing she felt anymore was lust, and that's the only way out of this chasm of loneliness she trapped herself in. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Finn leave, and when she does she can fully direct her attention to the gorgeous man in front of her.

"Do you mind if I do some work?" his eyebrows are raised as he asks. The shirt he's wearing is so tight that Nyx can see the outline of every ab. His dirty blonde hair is slicked back, and the stubble on his face makes him look even more handsome.

"Do you mind if we get some drinks?" she raises her eyebrows in return.

He has to admit that her idea is better as he gives her a once over. When he smirks she bites her lip and hops off the workbench. If she is not going to find Nathan today, then she will at least make some use of her time. Wick is the only way she knows how, and Nathan would approve. They walk to the bar together in silence. Every now and then with a stride their hands brush against each other's, and it sends a tingling sensation down her back. She couldn’t wait to feel his hands on her.

Drinks in hand they sit at the bar. His eyes seem to smile at her as they talk. "That kid really did a number on you," he teases brushing his fingers over her shoulder surprised that she does not even wince.

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger," she responds. Her cup is empty, and she is pouring herself another one. Her eyes trail down Wick's body, eager to feel him against her. She needed to feel something.

"Judging by your eyes you're the strongest one here," he hopes that does not offend her, but the emptiness has him curious. He knows it must be hard to live with it. She has to be strong.

"Other's have been catching up," she says glancing around the room in search of Finn and Octavia. The ground has not done any of them good. Would they have been better off disintegrating into stardust?

"What did he do to you?" he asks, thinking that her eyes are looking for Bellamy. He has heard stories, but didn’t truly know. It must have been brutal to leave her so vacant. When he sees her gaze land on Murphy he adds, "Blake, I mean."

"Not much, just broke my heart," she says briefly. It would ruin the mood if she went any further, and if she didn't at least give him that he would press her until she was turned off again.

"Well, that sure sounds like a lot to me," he tells her as if to reassure her that she is not crazy - that it is normal to be broken after the love of your life rips your heart to shreds.

"And you sure sound like a smooth talker to me," it is her turn to tease him. She is on her third cup and is pouring more.

"Well, talking's not the only thing I'm good at," he jokes. Fully aware of her reputation he watches her reaction cautiously. When he sees the glaze cover her eyes he smirks. "I mean I'm good at fixing things. I'm an engineer after all," he jokes again even though he is undressing her in the back of his mind.

She will not let him off the hook that easy, "think you can fix me, Mr. Engineer?" She notices his cheeks are flushed, and since they have been drinking for a while he must have a nice buzz.

There is a grin on his face, "I can't make any promises, but I think I'm willing to give it a shot."

Nyx throws back the rest of her drink when she hears his words. He does not have to tell her twice. As she hops off the barstool, the jiggle of her unsecured breasts makes his cock twitch. She struts out of the bar knowing that he is following in her step. She leads him back to the workroom, and he is about to protest because they may get caught, but he doesn’t have the chance when her lips coming crashing down on his. To her, the allure of getting caught was part of the experience.

She tastes sweet to him despite the moonshine, and he is surprised when she wastes no time undressing him. He joins in, unbuttoning her jeans, which she pushes down and kicks off. Who knows how long it has been since she has seen Miller. The bruises on her body have faded, and she is like a blank canvas in front of him. He licks his lips as he throws her on the workbench, his mouth instantly slurping at her wetness.

Nyx lets out a moan. It has been a while since a man had wanted her so much that he started by eating her out. The room on the ship is still a dull grey, but his hair is a light brown that she tangles her hand in, and when his green eyes look up at her as his tongue continues to lick, she throws her head back to her have vision engulfed in swirling galaxies. With her legs tight around his head she grinds up against his face, and he lets out a moan that surprises her again. His genuine desire is enough to drive her wild, so she shoots up and pushes him back. The floor feels cold up against her bare knees, but she barely notices it as she takes his cock in her mouth.

The groans he lets out are from watching her suck him in hunger. The site of her drives him wilder than the feel. He has never seen a hunger like this before. In this moment there is nothing more than her and him and their lust. He pulls her up into a kiss, and when they break he takes only a second to look at her. In that second he notices her eyes are finally full. They carry pain, hopelessness, love, and lust. In that second he feels like he knows her better than anyone. He understands how this enticed all the other notches on her belt. There was a pleasure in knowing he could fill her when she was empty, and a reward in seeing it in her eyes. How did she hide it so well? When the second is up he pushes her up against the wall. His hands find her ass and lift her up onto his cock.

Nyx moans a 'yes' into his ear before her lips find their way to his neck. His skin is salty from sweat, and a coconut smell from his shampoo fills her nostrils. She imagines a beach in her mind. The steel wall is cold against her back, so she imagines she is lying on wet sand on the shore, and that the wetness seeping down her legs is from the waves crashing onto them.

Wick is mostly gentle save for the bite he leaves on her neck. There is a hunger inside of him too, but he does not hurt her like Miller. The gentle love is something she isn’t used to, but she decides she likes it. Many men have tried to be slow and sensual thinking that's what she wanted. They don’t understand that the pain is comforting. Pain without love is like salvation. Wick doesn't go overboard in trying to make this sensual, instead he seems to be genuine in his desire to make her feel good. He leaves kisses on her bruised shoulder as his hips impale her over and over.

She is about to cum when the door of the workroom slides open, and Finn walks back in.

"Don’t stop," she commands breathlessly as they both turn to look at the intruder. The thought of someone watching them is sexy to her. Her lips part as she gasps continuously, her foggy eyes staring at Finn. "There's room for one more," she says with a grin as she eyes the boy.

Wick fucks her harder as if the say 'no there isn’t,' and her gasps turn into groans, "never mind," she manages, "he doesn’t want to share." Her eyes are back on Wick now, and his are peering deep into her soul, pealing away all the walls she has built. She hears Finn say something about a meeting before he closes the door, but all she can really focus on is the way Wick looks through her.

"Nyx," he drops his head into the crook of her neck before whispering her name. "I'm about to cum," he warns her, but does not stop the thrusts. Just when she thinks he's going to fill her, he drops her to her feet and she immediately gets on her knees just in time to swallow without wasting a drop. A sigh of relief escapes his mouth before he scratches the back of his head, suddenly shy.

"Thanks, Kyle," she says getting dressed. She looks around the grey room realizing nothing has changed. He didn’t fix her, but at least she got some much needed relief.

She walks into the command center, attempting to fix her disheveled hair. When Bellamy clears his throat uncomfortably she looks up at him. Clarke's eyes are also on her, and she is trying to discreetly point at her neck. Nyx grins as she attempts to listen to what Kane is saying. She realizes that Bellamy's discomfort comes from the hickey on her neck. She wonders if he is wrecking his mind thinking about who she is fucking now that Nathan isn’t here. As his eyes peer at her she gives him a wink before turning to give Kane her undivided attention.