Status: In Progress
Where Is My Mind?
FOUR - BEFORE
Kelly winced as she pressed the cool, damp cloth on her bloody eyebrow. Both eyes were black and swollen, a large cut stretched across her left brow, and multiple bruises on her arms and belly. The pain was sharp and demanding, and she still had the urge to cry, but she refused. Kelly did not want to break again. Not with Ben still in the next room.
After the mushroom dinner a few nights ago, Ben had escorted himself to bed soon after he threatened her. The night had gone by fairly smoothly; Kelly had taken that time alone to clean up the kitchen and read a few chapters from her book before going to bed herself. She had been happy that the night ended calmly and without any roughs and toughs.
Two evenings later though, Ben had come home from work already upset. He complained to Kelly about his long day, about how everybody he dealt with was just an asshole and a dumb fuck and he hated that he had invested so many years of his life at that fucking place. Kelly consoled him as best as she could, offering him a beer and going into the bedroom while he went to take a piss to undress from her casual clothes into a sexy lingerie set that she knew he always liked. When she had come out of the bedroom, Ben was sitting on the couch with the fingers of one hand pressing against his temples, his other hand gripping the beer in his lap. Kelly had approached him slowly. Her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her breasts pressed tightly and perky in her bralet, she had made her away to the couch and stood in front of him. Slowly, she had got down to her knees and had began rubbing her hand on his crotch, suggesting with her eyes that she wanted to please him with her mouth tonight.
“Maybe I can make you feel a little better, baby.” Kelly cooed at him in a soft voice. Ben let a light moan escape his lips and quickly unzipped his pants, pulling the clothes away from his lower half, exposing his manhood for her. He had already began to grow hard.
“Yeah, just stop talking and suck me, baby.” Ben had directed her, grabbing her by the head and forcing her down onto his cock. The action caught Kelly off guard, and she had choked on him. They normally did it a little rough, so she was no stranger to the forcefulness. She had tried to readjust herself a little bit; she had had the idea of going slowly and getting him started in her mouth before climbing on top of him for the grand finale. Instead, Ben pressed her head farther down, past Kelly's comfort, and forcefully thrust himself up and down inside of her mouth. She continued to choke, and every time she tried to pull away to gag and catch a breath, Ben just pushed her back down again. His free hand had tightly gripped her hair, pulling strands from her scalp, causing it to ache. He had continued to sip on his beer with his other free hand as he moaned.
Gagging and tearing up, Kelly finally had freed her mouth from him and thrust her head back.
“Ben, what the hell! You're hurting me!” She snapped at him. The surprise force had made her upset. She wanted to please him, she prided herself in her sexuality. Normally, she enjoyed making Ben feel good, but this didn't feel right. Ben squinted at her. He sat his beer down on the wooden coffee table and looked at her for a moment. Then, grabbing her by the throat with one hand and violently pulling her hair with his other, he had pushed her into the couch and buried her face into the cushions. She started gasping for breath, but found she was unable to lift her head. He had pulled her panties away from her hips and left them around her lower thighs, then pressed himself inside of her, thrusting more forcefully than she think he ever had before, causing pain and discomfort against her belly and bladder. She cried for him to stop, but he had just pushed her harder into the couch. Over and over, Ben continued to vigorously fuck her, each thrust shooting more sharp discomfort to her insides. Grunting, Ben finally pulled out and Kelly lifted her head up. She gasped for air, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“I'm not fucking done, bitch.” As the words had left his mouth, Ben pushed her back down again, this time her face was turned to the side so she could breath. Without warning, he had quickly and forcefully pushed his cock into her asshole, and Kelly, screaming, suddenly felt like she was getting ripped apart. This was not what she wanted. Kelly was an anal virgin, and going into her so fast and dry caused an unfamiliar pain to shock her body, and she felt blood start to drip around her buttocks. “This... is so.... much... better!” He groaned between thrusts. “So fucking tight, baby! Your cunt... just doesn't... do it anymore!” He had continued to jab, and each shove caused Kelly to scream out in pain.
“Ben, please stop! It hurts!” She shouted at him in sobs, but he kept going. It had went on for minutes, the minutes felt like hours, then suddenly Ben cried out in pleasure as an orgasm shook his body. When he had finally pulled out of her, heavy discomfort coursed through her one more time before a final sense of relief of it being over. She laid there shaking, and she had felt the blood and semen dripping down her thighs. Kelly cried.
“Quit crying, you sound like a goddamn animal. Go clean yourself up.” Ben had snapped at her as he pulled his underwear and pants back up. “I'm going to go outside for a cigarette. Compose yourself before I get back.” He demanded, then walked outside. Kelly had laid there in shame, snot and tears mixed on her face, and cried. She tried to stand up, but her legs had been shaking and her ass hurt so bad that she knew she wasn't going to be able to walk. Instead, she half crawled and half limped to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she had fallen onto the floor and sobbed. She didn't know how long she had been in there, but it was at least ten minutes because she heard Ben come back inside the house and sit back on the couch. She pulled herself up to the counter and washed her face. Staring at herself in the mirror, thoughts raced through her head. Ben had gotten to hitting her more often, that's true.
But he had never molested her. He had never crossed that line until that night.
That was two nights ago.
Tonight, Ben had gotten drunk; real drunk. As he slurred and stumbled around the house, Kelly kept thinking of the rape and begged in her mind to not let him touch her like that again. In a matter of those few days, Kelly had grown terrified of Ben. In his drunken stupor, Ben kept spouting nonsense and speaking words that didn't exist. She would have found it comical had it not caused a growing fear to keep her voice hitched in her throat. Ben was an angry drunk, and when he had started drinking heavily that night, Kelly plotted ways to leave the house without him noticing. It was too risky, though. He didn't offer an explanation as to why he was so upset that he decided to drink his sorrows away, but he made it very clear that he intended on getting heavily intoxicated.
To avoid conflict, Kelly decided to retreat to the bedroom and read her book. All she wanted was to find peace in this turmoil of a life she found herself living in. For about an hour, Kelly was granted sweet peace.
Then, Ben walked in, naked and eyes red with drunken lust and power. “Kelly..” Ben started, walking towards her, and Kelly flinched. “Kelly, I need you.”
Kelly sighed and set her book down. Anxiety was beginning to course through her veins, and a fight or flight response began to form in her mind. “I'm sorry Ben, I can't. Not right now. I'm still hurting from the other night.” Ben looked at her stupidly for a moment. Then, without warning, he quickly advanced towards her and grabbed her face.
“You are in no position to argue, little lady. Just let me take care of this and you can go back to doing your pathetic little hobbies.” The words came out in a jumbled, slurred mess. Kelly winced and tried to move her face away. Ben didn't hide his anger at her refusal, and scrunched his face in frustration. He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her close to him, and instinctively she pushed her hands against his chest to keep him away from her. “You know you fucking loooooved it.” He taunted her.
“Ben, no! I said stop!” She tried pulling away again. In anger, Ben threw her up against the wall, then fumbled his hands to try to pull her pants down. Kelly was crying now and attempted to move his hands away from her. “Ben, you're drunk, please!” She begged him.
Ben yelled in frustration again, then without warning, curled his fist into a ball and planted it square on her eye. Kelly became disoriented, seeing dark spots and stars and fell to her knees. He pulled her head up by her hair, then landed another hard blow to her other eye, and she felt skin split by her forehead. She fell to the floor.
“Why are you so fucking difficult, you stupid bitch! Why am I tormented with such a lazy, unwilling wife?” He kicked her in the belly as she curled on the floor, grunting and crying. “I give you everything, and you won't even fucking sleep with me!” He kicked her again. Kelly's breath was knocked out of her, then she choked on a sob.
“Ben.. please..” Her words came out quiet. Ben didn't hear them, but he turned away stumbled out of the room. Kelly lay on the floor, her body hurting more than ever. Ben had graduated from slaps and shoves to full out rape and punches. He's going to kill me.. The thought invaded her mind and she suddenly grew very fearful. Nearly a whole hour passed before she picked herself up and made her way to the bathroom to treat her injuries.
Now, she sat in the bathroom with the damp cloth. She was done crying, and instead was consumed by anger. That monster was not her husband. Her husband protected her. Her husband made her feel strong. But now.. now, she realized her husband was long gone. So she sat, refusing to cry. She didn't want Ben to hear her pathetic whimpers as he continued to drink in the next room. She winced while cleaning the blood from her brow, and quietly plotted how she would get Ben out of her life forever.
After the mushroom dinner a few nights ago, Ben had escorted himself to bed soon after he threatened her. The night had gone by fairly smoothly; Kelly had taken that time alone to clean up the kitchen and read a few chapters from her book before going to bed herself. She had been happy that the night ended calmly and without any roughs and toughs.
Two evenings later though, Ben had come home from work already upset. He complained to Kelly about his long day, about how everybody he dealt with was just an asshole and a dumb fuck and he hated that he had invested so many years of his life at that fucking place. Kelly consoled him as best as she could, offering him a beer and going into the bedroom while he went to take a piss to undress from her casual clothes into a sexy lingerie set that she knew he always liked. When she had come out of the bedroom, Ben was sitting on the couch with the fingers of one hand pressing against his temples, his other hand gripping the beer in his lap. Kelly had approached him slowly. Her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her breasts pressed tightly and perky in her bralet, she had made her away to the couch and stood in front of him. Slowly, she had got down to her knees and had began rubbing her hand on his crotch, suggesting with her eyes that she wanted to please him with her mouth tonight.
“Maybe I can make you feel a little better, baby.” Kelly cooed at him in a soft voice. Ben let a light moan escape his lips and quickly unzipped his pants, pulling the clothes away from his lower half, exposing his manhood for her. He had already began to grow hard.
“Yeah, just stop talking and suck me, baby.” Ben had directed her, grabbing her by the head and forcing her down onto his cock. The action caught Kelly off guard, and she had choked on him. They normally did it a little rough, so she was no stranger to the forcefulness. She had tried to readjust herself a little bit; she had had the idea of going slowly and getting him started in her mouth before climbing on top of him for the grand finale. Instead, Ben pressed her head farther down, past Kelly's comfort, and forcefully thrust himself up and down inside of her mouth. She continued to choke, and every time she tried to pull away to gag and catch a breath, Ben just pushed her back down again. His free hand had tightly gripped her hair, pulling strands from her scalp, causing it to ache. He had continued to sip on his beer with his other free hand as he moaned.
Gagging and tearing up, Kelly finally had freed her mouth from him and thrust her head back.
“Ben, what the hell! You're hurting me!” She snapped at him. The surprise force had made her upset. She wanted to please him, she prided herself in her sexuality. Normally, she enjoyed making Ben feel good, but this didn't feel right. Ben squinted at her. He sat his beer down on the wooden coffee table and looked at her for a moment. Then, grabbing her by the throat with one hand and violently pulling her hair with his other, he had pushed her into the couch and buried her face into the cushions. She started gasping for breath, but found she was unable to lift her head. He had pulled her panties away from her hips and left them around her lower thighs, then pressed himself inside of her, thrusting more forcefully than she think he ever had before, causing pain and discomfort against her belly and bladder. She cried for him to stop, but he had just pushed her harder into the couch. Over and over, Ben continued to vigorously fuck her, each thrust shooting more sharp discomfort to her insides. Grunting, Ben finally pulled out and Kelly lifted her head up. She gasped for air, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“I'm not fucking done, bitch.” As the words had left his mouth, Ben pushed her back down again, this time her face was turned to the side so she could breath. Without warning, he had quickly and forcefully pushed his cock into her asshole, and Kelly, screaming, suddenly felt like she was getting ripped apart. This was not what she wanted. Kelly was an anal virgin, and going into her so fast and dry caused an unfamiliar pain to shock her body, and she felt blood start to drip around her buttocks. “This... is so.... much... better!” He groaned between thrusts. “So fucking tight, baby! Your cunt... just doesn't... do it anymore!” He had continued to jab, and each shove caused Kelly to scream out in pain.
“Ben, please stop! It hurts!” She shouted at him in sobs, but he kept going. It had went on for minutes, the minutes felt like hours, then suddenly Ben cried out in pleasure as an orgasm shook his body. When he had finally pulled out of her, heavy discomfort coursed through her one more time before a final sense of relief of it being over. She laid there shaking, and she had felt the blood and semen dripping down her thighs. Kelly cried.
“Quit crying, you sound like a goddamn animal. Go clean yourself up.” Ben had snapped at her as he pulled his underwear and pants back up. “I'm going to go outside for a cigarette. Compose yourself before I get back.” He demanded, then walked outside. Kelly had laid there in shame, snot and tears mixed on her face, and cried. She tried to stand up, but her legs had been shaking and her ass hurt so bad that she knew she wasn't going to be able to walk. Instead, she half crawled and half limped to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she had fallen onto the floor and sobbed. She didn't know how long she had been in there, but it was at least ten minutes because she heard Ben come back inside the house and sit back on the couch. She pulled herself up to the counter and washed her face. Staring at herself in the mirror, thoughts raced through her head. Ben had gotten to hitting her more often, that's true.
But he had never molested her. He had never crossed that line until that night.
That was two nights ago.
Tonight, Ben had gotten drunk; real drunk. As he slurred and stumbled around the house, Kelly kept thinking of the rape and begged in her mind to not let him touch her like that again. In a matter of those few days, Kelly had grown terrified of Ben. In his drunken stupor, Ben kept spouting nonsense and speaking words that didn't exist. She would have found it comical had it not caused a growing fear to keep her voice hitched in her throat. Ben was an angry drunk, and when he had started drinking heavily that night, Kelly plotted ways to leave the house without him noticing. It was too risky, though. He didn't offer an explanation as to why he was so upset that he decided to drink his sorrows away, but he made it very clear that he intended on getting heavily intoxicated.
To avoid conflict, Kelly decided to retreat to the bedroom and read her book. All she wanted was to find peace in this turmoil of a life she found herself living in. For about an hour, Kelly was granted sweet peace.
Then, Ben walked in, naked and eyes red with drunken lust and power. “Kelly..” Ben started, walking towards her, and Kelly flinched. “Kelly, I need you.”
Kelly sighed and set her book down. Anxiety was beginning to course through her veins, and a fight or flight response began to form in her mind. “I'm sorry Ben, I can't. Not right now. I'm still hurting from the other night.” Ben looked at her stupidly for a moment. Then, without warning, he quickly advanced towards her and grabbed her face.
“You are in no position to argue, little lady. Just let me take care of this and you can go back to doing your pathetic little hobbies.” The words came out in a jumbled, slurred mess. Kelly winced and tried to move her face away. Ben didn't hide his anger at her refusal, and scrunched his face in frustration. He gripped her arm tightly and pulled her close to him, and instinctively she pushed her hands against his chest to keep him away from her. “You know you fucking loooooved it.” He taunted her.
“Ben, no! I said stop!” She tried pulling away again. In anger, Ben threw her up against the wall, then fumbled his hands to try to pull her pants down. Kelly was crying now and attempted to move his hands away from her. “Ben, you're drunk, please!” She begged him.
Ben yelled in frustration again, then without warning, curled his fist into a ball and planted it square on her eye. Kelly became disoriented, seeing dark spots and stars and fell to her knees. He pulled her head up by her hair, then landed another hard blow to her other eye, and she felt skin split by her forehead. She fell to the floor.
“Why are you so fucking difficult, you stupid bitch! Why am I tormented with such a lazy, unwilling wife?” He kicked her in the belly as she curled on the floor, grunting and crying. “I give you everything, and you won't even fucking sleep with me!” He kicked her again. Kelly's breath was knocked out of her, then she choked on a sob.
“Ben.. please..” Her words came out quiet. Ben didn't hear them, but he turned away stumbled out of the room. Kelly lay on the floor, her body hurting more than ever. Ben had graduated from slaps and shoves to full out rape and punches. He's going to kill me.. The thought invaded her mind and she suddenly grew very fearful. Nearly a whole hour passed before she picked herself up and made her way to the bathroom to treat her injuries.
Now, she sat in the bathroom with the damp cloth. She was done crying, and instead was consumed by anger. That monster was not her husband. Her husband protected her. Her husband made her feel strong. But now.. now, she realized her husband was long gone. So she sat, refusing to cry. She didn't want Ben to hear her pathetic whimpers as he continued to drink in the next room. She winced while cleaning the blood from her brow, and quietly plotted how she would get Ben out of her life forever.
♠ ♠ ♠
This chapter was very difficult for me to write, invoking tears and horrible memories, as the rape scene depicted and part of the abuse scene was written from my own past experience. I do not write this to glorify or bring exciting entertainment to the events, but rather to just include it as part of Kelly's story. I empathize and relate to her character, and the things that happened to her shaped her persona, just as it has shaped mine. If you or somebody you know is in an abusive relationship or has experienced rape or other sexual assault, I urge you to please talk about it with somebody and report to the authorities.Safe Horizon Rape and Sexual Assault Hotline (800)656-HOPE [4673]
National Domestic Violence Hotline (800)799-SAFE [7233]