Devil with Angel Eyes

Nikkole Lee

The interview ends and the crew leaves and yet Colson and Douglas are still staring at me. “Guys, what the fuck? You got to stop staring at me like I have 20 fucking heads.”

“Nashville? Seriously, Nikki?” Colson questions. “Are you and Ashley back together or some shit?”

“Why else would you move to Nashville?” Douglas asks, causing me blood to boil a little. Where I live is no concern of his; not any more. “Did you seriously move back there to rekindle a relationship that was so damn toxic?”

“Listen here Booth and listen closely.” I say, getting really close to the Brit. “Who I see and where I live is no concern of yours. You ended things with me the moment you decided to not only kiss your ex but post said kiss on the fucking internet. When you ended things, you gave up your right to be concerned with what I do with my own life. Got it?”

“Nik…” Colson starts edging his way in between me and Douglas.

I take a calming breath and proceed. “But to answer your questions. No Ashley and I aren’t together...romantically. Yes he is the reason why I’m moving to Nashville but he’s not the biggest reason. The big reason is, I need to get out of L.A. I need to be away from the toxic environment I grew up in. I want to stay around music, which is why I chose Nashville.”

“So why is Ashley a reason you are moving down there?” Colson asks.

“While Black Veil Brides are on hiatus while Andy does his Andy Black shit, Ashley and I are going to put together some music.” I reply. “Jake and his wife Inna are doing something similar so they inspired us to do the same.”

“And you’re not romantically together?” Colson is the one to ask, thankfully. “No sex or anything? You always said he was your drug of choice.” I look at Douglas and see faint signs of jealousy wash across his face.

“Nope.” I smile. “Ashley and I are only band members; that’s it. After Elektra nixed a lot of my more indie rock music song, Ashley and I figured we’d refine those songs and put them out independently. We are still working on a project name and everything. But seriously, there is no relationship or anything sexual going on. I promise.”

“We’ll see how long that’ll last.” Douglas scoffs. “You’ll be running back to him sooner or later; you always do according to Kenny and Ben.”

“Believe what you want Booth. I can’t stop you.” I shrug. “Now if you will excuse me. I’ve got a photographer to fire and a manager to fire as well. I will see you both back here tonight for my dad’s party.” I walk past the two and towards my meeting. Tonight I’m going to need several drinks to help me survive the fresh hell I’m about to deal with…

**

“Did you seriously fire your manager?” Nikki laughs as I arrive at the party later. “Was he that bad?”

“He hired a sleazy photographer and thought it would be a brilliant idea for my ex to interview me. So yea, he was bad.” I hush before downing a tequila shot. “The intervew felt forced and the behind the scenes shit was awkward as fuck.”

“Douglas found out what song on the CD is about him?”

“No. Worse.” I reply. “He found out where I’m living at the moment and who I’ll be working with on an upcoming project.”

“He found out about Nashville and Ashley, huh?” He chuckles. “What was his reaction?”

“Oddly jealous.” I shrug. “He has no reason to be jealous. Ashley and I aren’t together and more importantly Doug and I aren’t together. Colson seemed genuinely concerned but that’s just Colson. He was more accepting than Douglas, though. Doug thinks I’ll end up in Ashley’s bed again.”

“You do have a history of doing that though.”

“Yea but it’s not Doug’s concern though.” I remind him. “He has no say in what I do with my life. It’s not like we share kids or anything.”

“So what are you going to do about the photographer and manager bullshit?”

“This is where you can come in at.” I smile. “Kenny is already going to be my photographer. But I still need a manager. And you’ve grown up a lot since your earlier days of Motley Crue. So I was wondering if you would be my manager? Besides Mick, you’re the only one I would trust with my career.”

“You want me to be your manager?” He repeats. “Seriously?”

“You’ve grown up.” I shrug. “You have all the knowledge and life experiences a manager needs. And honestly? I need someone I can trust in my corner. I don’t want another Elektra given manager. Just think about it okay? I do need an answer before the Hotel Diablo tour though.”

“Why aren’t you asking your father?”

I chuckle. “Have you met Tommy Lee? I need someone that has their life together. Dad doesn’t fit the bill. Again think about it.” My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I pull it out and see a text from Danny stating he can’t make it. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Danny isn’t coming.” I mutter, frowning a bit. “He was my way of keeping myself out of trouble along with my way of making Douglas jealous. What am I supposed to do now?”

“You’re a big girl. Face your problems head on.” Nikki states before kissing my forehead. “And I’ll think about the manager position. I’ll let you know by Monday.” I just smile as he walks towards his pregnant wife. I bite my lower lip and scan the room until my eyes follow upon the same eyes I’m trying to avoid. Shaking my head, I head outside. I need a cigarette.

**

I’m leaning up against the wall of the house, smoking a cigarette when Douglas walks up to me. I notice he has a cigarette of his own between his fingers unlit. I toss him my white bic lighter. “What brings you out here?” I ask as I watch him light his own cigarette.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier.” He replies, tossing me back my lighter and takes a drag. “You’re right. I have no right to be concerned with what happens in your life.”

“The comment you made about me always running back to Ashley was uncalled for.” I tell him. “While it was true at one point, you didn’t have to say it.”

“I know and I feel bad for saying it.” He takes another drag. “I know I screwed up but I can’t help but feel protective towards you. He royally fucked you up when it comes to relationships. Both of us have. I know I won’t ever be your knight in shining armor but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you get hurt.” A silence washes over us as we both continue to smoke our cigarettes.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I ask as I put out my cigarette in the ashtray. “Why did you freak out so much about our engagement? Was marrying me such a scary thought?”

“I was in relationships longer than ours.” He starts. “I’ve dated girls for years and never thought about marriage. Not once. But here you are, coming in my life like a damn hurricane. You have so many commitment issues. You’ve been hurt countless times. And I found myself falling madly in love with you. I watched as you opened up and admitted all these things. Being away from you, was miserable. I knew then you had to be in my life. But after I asked you to marry me, I didn’t think you would say yes. But you did. And when you left for L.A, it got me thinking. I didn’t want to hurt you. I wasn’t sure if I was the right guy for you. We are nothing alike. We’re from two totally different worlds. You lived through things I can only read in a book and hear second hand from an aging rockstar. I didn’t think I could ever give you the excitement you are so used to.”

“You ever thought maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want the excitement anymore?” I ask him. “Yes, I’ve lived through countless things people our age can only imagine. I’ve toured the world with not only my father, who is the drummer of a notorious rock band, but a stepdad that’s from a well known band as well. I’ve watched relapses and multiple rehab stints. I’ve seen overdoses and have been bedside in hospital ERs. I’ve seen abuse and mental breakdowns. I don’t want more of that.

"I saw you as my new normal. I saw you as the stability I longed for. And that was torn from me because you didn’t think you were what I wanted. Douglas, I wouldn’t have said yes if you weren’t what I pictured my future with. You should know by now, I’m blunt. I tell you how it is. And I fucking loved you, not because you played my godfather but because when you looked at me; you didn’t see a fuck up. You saw a Nikkole I really wanted to get to know but never will have the chance to.” With that I walk away before the tears forming in my eyes begin to fall...