Battery City Rebels: Part One

The next morning arrived with the sound of the bedroom door opening. Someone cleared their throat. Indigo was lying with her head on Ghoul’s chest. They were both naked, but the blankets had settled at her hips. Thankfully, only her back was visible. Ghoul had his hand on it. She could feel his fingers move on her skin when she woke.

“Just wanted to know if you wanted to head out today,” Kobra said from the doorway.

“I might. I’ll be up in a bit to see what’s going on.” The door shut, and Indigo shifted to look up at him. “Morning.” She smiled.

“Morning.” He moved her wild blue hair out of her face and tucked it gently behind her ear.

“Are you hungry?”

“Little bit.”

“Me too. You think you can help me make something to eat?”

“I feel like I can do anything this morning.” He smiled.

“C’mon.”

They climbed out of bed and put their clothes back on. When they finished, he took her face in his hands and ran his fingers through her hair. He kissed her for a long time. Long enough that her heart lurched with something that made her anxious. Something that ached and made her long for things she always told herself she never wanted. He pulled away like he felt it, too, dragging his nose along hers as if he was keeping it contained. Then he took her hand and led her upstairs to the kitchen.

Once everyone had eaten, they headed out. This time, they took the Trans-Am again. Indigo sat between Ghoul and Jet in the backseat so that the Girl could ride in the front with Poison. Kobra followed behind on his bike. Ghoul set his hand on her thigh, squeezing her with his fingers. She didn’t know if it was a reflex from the bond they’d built over the night. Or if it was territorial. A reminder to his friends that he’d claimed her first.

She knew she should put a stop to it. What they did in the bedroom meant nothing when they were on the run. But she didn’t move his hand. She wanted to hold it. To savor the feeling of having a hand to hold at all. But she didn’t want him to take anything from it that he shouldn’t. She didn’t want anyone else to have to mourn her when she was gone.

But that was as far as it went. She kept her distance, and he’d removed his hand when they reached the mailbox shrine in the desert. They let her out of the back and then stayed in the car so she could be alone. She wrapped the necklace in some twine she’d taken from the church. She kissed the pendant and said goodbye, promising Midnight she’d avenge him.

They didn’t speak to her when she came back. And Ghoul didn’t replace his hand. They scouted the desert for activity, checked in with Deathdefying, and then made it back to the base in time for dinner. Ghoul hadn’t spoken to her all day. Not until they both ended up back in his bedroom later that night. They worked on removing their equipment, and he said nothing until she dressed into comfortable shorts and sat on his bed to watch him. He stood still for a moment with his back to her. It was obvious he was thinking. And she had a feeling she knew exactly what about.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” he asked.

“You can tell?”

“Your walls are coming back up. You’re afraid.” She didn’t like admitting she was afraid. It felt like a flaw. But it was true. She was scared of the way he made her feel. The way she didn’t want any harm to come to him. More than that, though. She was afraid of how badly she wanted to know him. As if she was clinging to one last shred of hope. Looking for something to hold onto.

“Yeah,” she told him. “I’m afraid.” He turned around and knelt before her, so she had to look down at him.

“What can I do to make you stay?” She shook her head slowly.

“You know it’s better if I don’t. A few nights is one thing. A fun thing is fine. But if I stay—it’ll be more than that. And I don’t—I don’t want you to fall in love with me.” He nodded.

“It scares me too. But I don’t—have anyone else. I’ve lost everyone too. But the need for vengeance kind of—cools after a while, doesn’t it? You stop mourning what you lost and work toward building something better. Vengeance doesn’t make the pain go away. The best thing you can do to honor Midnight’s memory is live. To be happy. You’re fighting building connections because you’re afraid it will soften you.”

“It makes us stupid.”

“Or it can make you stronger. Look—I don’t have anyone other than the guys and the Girl. Kobra has a wife. Jet Star has someone. Poison has a son. What do I have? If we have nothing to fight for, then we have nothing.”

“You don’t know anything about me. I haven’t even been here a week. So you couldn’t possibly love me.”

“No. But I care. I know it isn’t love. Not the kind that matters anyway. I could hate you by tomorrow. We don’t know that yet. But I do know that it’s nice sometimes to build connections. To try to make a life, at least. I want to know you in the ways that matter. I want to have something to fight for.”

“I knew that we shouldn’t have done this. Even just for fun. One of us will get hurt, and I don’t want it to be you.”

“Does that mean you care about me too?”

“Of course I do. I don’t want anything to happen to you. And I do want to know you. I want to know what it’s like to have something to fight for. But I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose that.”

“I can keep you safe if you let me.” She shook her head.

“I don’t need anyone to keep me safe. I’m not someone you can lock away to protect. I deserve to live. And I deserve a chance to make Korse pay for what he did.”

“You don’t have to.” He took her face in his hands again. “One person isn’t going to be enough. You need a team, and you know it. You need us as badly as we need you.”

“This is my fight.”

“This fight belongs to all of us.”

“What do you want from me, Ghoul?”

“I’m asking you to let me love you.”

She couldn’t. And she wouldn’t. He had to know that. She sighed and pulled back. He let his hands drop.

“No,” she said. Then she stood up to get ready for bed.