Returning Home

The cold air stung his expanding and contracting lungs as Josh Ossoff rushed down the marked up ice that was still littered with bits of blue and gold confetti. He should have left the darkened arena hours ago with his team, but he had stayed instead. Staying where he felt comfortable and safe. Outside of these boards were expectations and demands on his time and his mind. But here was his own space. The space where he could craft his own reality as much as one possibly could.

Tonight should have been the culmination of years of work. The night where he felt the weight that pressed down right in the centre of his chest should have lifted and been replaced with happiness. But it hadn’t. It had stubbornly remained like a stone sitting on his gut. He had won the prize he had chased since he was a young boy and captured the Stanley Cup with the Nashville Predators. Their first one, and he had been the captain for it. He had screamed and jumped and cheered with all of his team and the hometown crowd before spraying champagne in the dressing room. But as his team made their way to a teammate's house for the celebratory party, he had casually remained behind, put his skates back on, and headed back to the ice.

Josh let his legs glide before turning to stop his momentum so he didn’t crash into the boards. The ice he cut into sprayed up as he pushed his weight against it. He was about to take another length but heard a sharp whistle coming from the bench that snapped his head towards it. He turned and saw the video coach Tom Crispin standing in his usual white shirt and dark suit pants with his suit jacket slung over his shoulder. He was smiling as he waved Josh towards him.

Josh headed over with no hesitation. Crispin had been the conditioning coach when Josh had joined the NHL team eight years ago. At the age of 21, Josh had been a gangly and brash kid who thought he was owed a Stanley Cup. Crispin had seen beyond the cocky attitude that had turned many others off and gently guided the youngster out of that phase and into a phase where he became a locker room leader. He had spent hours sitting with him on planes and in hotel bars giving life and team advice that Ossoff had ignored at first but had eventually started to seep in. And eventually enough did that he was voted team captain.

“Hey,” Tom said as he leaned on the boards in front of the bench. “You should be out celebrating with everybody. I think they’re at Miller’s house right now.”

Josh shrugged as he opened the door, stepped off the ice, and sat down on the bench. He worked to still his breath and calm his heartbeat. “Yeah, I know. I’ll take a quick shower and head over. Just wanted to take some time by myself.”

Tom sat down beside him and slung his arm over Josh’s shoulders. It felt fatherly in its weight.
“So, how does it feel to be a Stanley Cup champion?” His voice was bouncing with happiness as he spoke. Crispin was one of those players who had chased the dream of lifting the holy grail of the NHL since had strapped on skates and slid on to his neighborhood rink. But the dream had faded away after he ground his career away on average teams and suffered several injuries. After retiring he had moved on to the coaching side of things, not wanting to step away from the game.

“I don’t know,” Josh said as he took his gloves off and set them on the bench beside him. “Don’t think it’s melded with my brain yet. Is that normal?”

Tom chuckled. “Absolutely. Seen it all the time with friends of mine. But you’ll have a moment where it will slap you in the face and you won’t be able to wipe the smile off of it.”

“That sounds nice.” And it did to Josh. It sounded haltingly glorious. “Why aren’t you with them? This is your championship too.”

“That’s a young man’s event. I had my moment watching you guys lift that cup.” Tom’s voice hitched as he spoke and Josh could feel the emotion waft over him as Tom’s eyes drifted out to where they had piled on each other at the buzzer. “But you need to go with them. Let them thank their captain before you all break up for the summer.”

Summer. That time where hockey players relaxed and became 18-year-old boys for a couple of months. But this summer would be an emotional fire for him. Maybe that was why he wanted to cling to the last moments of the season and the chapel that was the arena. Instead of staying in his adopted hometown that he loved, he was returning to his true place of birth. A place he hadn’t returned to in just over 8 years. But his sister Samantha was selling the family home and had insisted he come home and be part of the process. His parents had passed almost 11 years earlier but the house had been kept first as neither had wanted to process that just yet and then because Samantha was using it as a vacation home as it was on the St. Lawrence River a couple of hours from where she lived full-time. But she had just finished law school in Toronto and wanted to use the money for a home in the expensive city. Samantha knew that Josh would have just given her the money rather than go through this episode but she wouldn’t hear it. He had already supported her through her entire law school degree and now that she had a full-time job at a fancy law firm, she wanted to start contributing on her own. She said she wanted him to take any mementos from the old home he wanted knowing he wanted nothing from the dusty memory bag that was about to be packed up. He had tried to tell her that but she had insisted that there must be something. She was the only blood family he had left and so his argument hadn't been very strong and he had told her he would come home after the final series of the playoffs was done and he had wrapped up his team obligations including the celebration parade if there was to be one.

And then he had nothing stopping him from returning to the small town in a few days.

“You’re right. I’m gonna get cleaned up and head over. You sure you don’t want to join us?”

Tom shook his head. “No, no. You guys enjoy yourselves. And I’ll talk to you in a couple of days.” He stood up but looked down at him with caring eyes. “Look, I know this year has been hard but you pushed through and gave the dream to yourself and everyone in this organization. Own that for you and them. Then go back home and take care of everything else you need to.”

Josh nodded his head before pushing himself up. His parent's death was a tightly wrapped ball that he had packed deep in his core and going back to the town would mean it might burst. He didn’t want that but he also owed Samantha this effort at least. And then he could get back on a plane and not step foot in that town again.

A quick shower and drive later, Josh was at Ryan Miller’s apartment in downtown Nashville. Unlike many of the players, Ryan enjoyed the buzz of the area and his pad had become a regular place for the team to go after a home game. It was a penthouse in a 45 story building that was only 5 blocks from the arena where they had just played. Normally, Josh would have walked but the party was in full swing on the street and there was no way the captain of the newly crowned Stanley Cup champions could have walked through the swath of people. So instead he had asked one of the security guards to grab him an Uber to take him over.

After arriving at the building, Josh was able to slide in the front door quickly. The concierge knew who he was and one selfie later he was able to head upstairs and join his team.

He heard the party before he reached the door. Ryan had probably invited his three neighbours to stop them from calling in any noise violations. It was a standard thing for him to do. He didn’t bother knocking and just opened the door when he arrived.

He was met with noise and laughter immediately. The average age of the team was around 28 so there was an equal mix of settled guys and bachelors. Ryan was one of the bachelors. But tonight they were all champions and that was why the atmosphere was euphoric.

Josh felt arms wrapping around him as he stepped into the living room. A drunken hug.

“Hey Cap,” Ryan’s drunken voice slurred across him. “You finally made it. Come grab a drink.”

Josh didn’t argue, knowing there was no point. He let a cold beer be slid into his hand but it would remain full as he talked to his teammates. If he held one continually, he was never given another.

“You going home for the summer or staying here?” Ryan winked at him. “A Stanley Cup will be a great opener with the ladies.”

Josh smiled. “Sorry but you are going to be on your own for most of it. I’m going home to help with some family stuff. It is a lot to put on Sammy so I need to go home and do my part. You should come and visit for a few days. See what a small town looks like.”

“And kink the style of the conquering hometown hero? I will let you bask in all of that.” Ryan chugged the last swill of his beer before setting it down on the counter. “Besides, I will have inroads I will need to make here.”

Josh let his eyes slide around the room, taking it all in as the people swirled around him. This was the group of men that he spent most of his time with. He lived alone except for a rarely seen live-in maid/cook/whatever was needed. Tonight was just for the men on the ice. The party for the fans and the city would be when the sun was up but tonight was the exclusive club that had sweated and skated their way to the championship that had been as elusive as a whisper of wind for many of them. Josh felt pride in the men with who he had accomplished this with. He had not grown up with many close friends, his focus as laser straight now as it had been when he was a wobbly four-year-old on skates. That had meant friends had come in but dropped off as he had moved on.

But this group had been different. The core group of them had been together for about six years and the long plane flights and stale hotel rooms had incubated the friendship between them. They welcomed others warmly to the team but looked to each other for support. Ryan was one of that group. He had been traded from Detroit to Nashville mid-season during both of their rookie years and had huddled together while they figured out this professional sports world. Ryan was definitely the partier of the two but had supported Josh in silent solidarity since they had met.

“Seriously man, you should at least stay for a few days after the parade and hang out with us. Some of the guys are planning a trip to Grant’s house in Florida.”

Josh shook his head. “Sorry man, I have to keep my promise to Sammy. Parade and then home.” He owed Sammy that. He hadn’t kept many promises to her in the name of his charge for the Stanley Cup but this was one he had to hold on to. He loved his baby sister and had provided for her after his parents had died as much as he could. He had at least been 18 and off to college on a full-ride scholarship to the University of Michigan. A life was already being created separately independent from his parents. His 16-year-old sister was not so lucky. She had been in her second year of high school and had to have an obscure aunt and uncle become her guardians while she finished. They were loving but not her parents or her brother. There had been a bit of money from his parents after their death but not enough to stretch very far. After he had signed his first contract, he had happily supported her financially.

Ryan knew he would not change his friend’s mind. So, instead, it was time to have fun and enjoy what they had just accomplished.

“Alright man, then let us have some fun tonight and make the sleep tomorrow worth it.”

“Sounds good,” Josh said as he smiled back at his friend. “Now, why don’t we go take a look at that party down there.”

Ryan nodded and stood up, steadying himself on the arm of the couch. “Absolutely.”