Be All Mine

Mikey was all ready to go to our neighbor's house, his back pack filled with toys and his blanket as he impatiently stood near the front door. I ran around the house trying to find my ballet flats as my hair sat in their hundreds of tiny curlers. I wore skinny blue jeans with a plain white baby-doll shirt that was tight around the waist but loose above the waist line. On the counter my red leather purse waited patiently as I finally slipped on my flats and took all of the curlers out.

I heard the honk of a car and Mikey's excited shrieks as I grabbed my purse and picked him up to take him to Missy's, our neighbor. She watched Mikey whenever I was going to have to go somewhere with only adults and she was a sweet forty-something year old lady who's husband was a writer and who had raised three children of her own. All of them were very successful in their jobs as doctors or lawyers. So I bet she did a good job raising them.

“Thank you so much, Missy,” I said, as she picked up Mikey and kissed his cheek. “Be good Mikey, okay?”

He nodded and I said goodbye to the two of them as I headed towards Matt's brand new Corvette, all glossy and red.

“You sure know style,” I laughed, getting into the passenger side as he put it into reverse and rolled into the street, the radio on lightly and the engine revving. “Wonder what car you'd drive if you got married.”

“A limousine,” he joked, as we sped off quickly into the direction of the setting sun.

We arrived at a stop light quietly and I said, “Wow...I never realized how loud my son is until just now when it was silent. I need to teach him to let me talk sometimes. “

Matt laughed and hurried off towards the downtown area. “How was he today?”

I shrugged and replied, “Fine. He wanted to leave just as much as I...” I stopped and blushed, smiling at Matt as he repeated the motion back. I was going to say as much as I did, and I thought how dumb I was. Could you flirt any harder, retard!

“As much as you what?” he asked jokingly as I shook my head no. “C'mon,” he said, “It can't be that bad. Can it?”

“For me to say it it would be,” I laughed as we pulled into a saloon and eatery. “They serve food here? I always thought it was a bar only.”

He shook his head and locked the door. “You're not getting out until you tell me what you were going to say,” he laughed. “I'm a very curious person; you should know that by now, Audrey.”

I sighed. “Fine,” I jokingly snapped. “I was going to say he wanted to leave just as much as I did. Happy?”

He looked at me warmly and unlocked the doors. “I am now that I know how you felt about this. I thought it might be too soon for you.”

“Worried what was too soon for me?” I asked nervously. If he was saying what I think he was, then my heart was going to melt right there, all over his leathered seat and floor.

He shrugged. “This is a date, right?”

“If you want it to be,” I answered.

“Do you want it to?” he questioned me.

My cheeks flushed and I looked out the window on my side before I could answer him directly. My heart thudded louder than I had ever heard it before and my legs shook as well as my hands. “Yes,” I said softly, finally looking back at him as he turned a light shade of red as well. “Well than I was going to say that I thought it might be too soon for you to date. You got divorced a month ago, not to mention you're pregnant and already a mother of a very adorable little boy.”

I looked down at my feet and felt his hand in mine as it rested in my lap. My eyes darted up towards his.

“Is it too soon?” he joked.

“Never such a thing in my world,” I replied, opening the door and getting gout as he did.

As we headed towards the saloon doors, I realized how we seemed to gravitate closer to each other without noticing it at all. Even when we slipped our hands into a tight ball I didn't remember doing it. His hands were tough, yet very soft at the same time. They were strong like the rest of his body as we took our seat across from one another in a booth all of the way in the back of the building; the farthest away from the smokers.

“I figured it would be better,” he commented, as I watched the waitress walk towards us. “You know, for the baby and you. I don't want your kid addicted to nicotine as it comes out of the womb.”

We ordered two cokes and some mozzarella sticks for an appetizer. I watched the way the waitress looked at Matt and then glare at me, like I was so much less than Matt. Bitch please...I'll take you in a heartbeat, I thought.

As soon as she was gone Matt said, “She sure hated something about you.”

“Maybe because I'm skinnier than her and can pull off the pregnant thing,” I joked, sipping my large cup full of ice and Coca-Cola as he laughed and leaned forward. “Or because I am with you,” I added.

“Why is that?” he questioned.

“Maybe she recognized you,” I replied.

“She would have been all, 'O-M-G you're M. Shadows!'” he countered, mimicking a high pitched girl's voice as he did so, forcing the pop to go up my nasal passage a bit and also forced me to choke.

“You okay?” he chuckled, grabbing my hand as I laughed and wiped away the soda from my mouth with my napkin.

“Yeah,” I coughed. “Just hearing you of all people doing that type of voice made me laugh so hard the pop came up my nose.”

Matt smiled and said, “I'm a very odd character, Audrey. Get used to it.”

“I'm trying to,” I joked.

Our food arrived and we talked for about forty-five minutes before we settled on buying dessert as well. We mainly conversed about things like music and family. Matt slapped my hand gently when I was about to pull out my wallet from my purse and I gave him a shocked look. He smiled and paid for the whole dinner and dessert at the end, asking, “Would you like to go to the beach?”

I nodded and grabbed my purse as we exited the saloon and headed East towards the beach, the sun now set and the moon small in the sky. Matt kept his hand locked around mine and I found myself falling behind when we walked due to the fact that I kept wanting to just watch him. I felt like if I closed my eyes or took them off of him at all, the moment of closeness would fall away and never reappear.

“Are you naturally this slow?” he joked as we approached the edge of the shoreline.

“It's the sand,” I lied, taking a seat far enough to the point that my toes would only get wet from the waves. “I'm normally a very fast walker, to be honest. My friends hated it back in high school when I had to take gym. I always walked too fast for them to catch up with.”

“Speedy are we?” he asked as I gave him a playful glare and then smiled when he nudged me with his elbow.

“Have to be,” I said, “if I want to keep up in this fast paced world of mine. Go too slow and I might just fall behind.” I paused and blushed as Matt smiled oddly at me, one eyebrow raised. “I know...I'm weird. I get that a lot more than you'd think.”

“No, it's not that,” he laughed. “I just never thought you were so poetic in all that you do.”
Rolling my eyes, I asked, “What else am I poetic in? So far all I've done is walk too fast. “

“I notice things.”

“Like?” I wondered.

He turned red and sighed. “I don't know,” he started. “I guess I notice the way you hold Mikey close to you like you're never going to see him again. Or how when he cries, you cry too, like you feel what he feels, too.”

“I'm a mom,” I commented. “I'm supposed to.”

“See, that's just it, though,” he said. “You're the only mom I have ever seen who acts the way you do. You're the best I've seen.”

“Better than your mom? Don't think so,” I joked.

“Why's that?” he wondered.

I shrugged. “'Cause you're a good guy under that little stage appearance of yours. And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about M. Shadows. You put on a good front, acting way more evil than you really are. Underneath that crap, you're a good kid. And I think your mom did a damn good job.”

He smiled. “Thanks, but I don't think my earlier years were so great for my mother. I got expelled twice and gave my principle a heart attack.”

“Now that is a load of bull,” I said. “You may be a creepy dude, but you ain't got the horrific face and ways to kill a man. Maybe make him piss himself.”

“Think what you want,” he said, shrugging and looking away as I laughed at him. He turned back around and asked, “But can I wonder something about you?”

“Like what?” I asked hesitantly. I was willing to answer his questions, I just didn't like to be under the spotlight in situations like this one. I'd rather be the huge producer behind the huge band than be in it, and it will always be that way.

“Why were you put into foster care?”

I gulped. Answer anything but that, I thought. “I...It's long and complicated, Matt. Mind you, it isn't part of my past that I want to think about anytime, but...I guess I could tell you.”

He held my hand and said, “I'm not going to judge you in anyway, Audrey. You're way better than what you may think.”

I nodded and took a deep breath. “When I was eight, my father started to verbally abuse me. He called me things like, well, just horrible horrible words. The kind you wouldn't even use. Then...He, um, started to physically abuse me.”

“Like, hit you?” Matt wondered, probably hoping that that was what I was going to say rather than the truth.

“No,” I answered. “I wish it was that, Matt, but it was worse. He'd...You know, do things that I really prefer not to say. Not that I don't trust you, it's not that. It's just that, well, it's too hard to remember it and not hurt. When he did those things, a part of me was torn away, and every time I think about it, that hole starts to burn and ache again.”

“Why didn't your mom do anything?” he asked.

“She wasn't really around mentally,” I said. “She was either drunk or high. If she was neither, than that meant she was out of money. I finally told my teacher when I was nine and I went to the orphanage. Dr. Maleburry, my foster parent, adopted me when I was eleven and raised me into this very odd character that I am.”

Matt smiled and put an arm around my shoulders. “Well I'm glad that you were raised to be so weird,” he said. “I wouldn't be able to deal with someone normal.”

I smiled and looked out over the ocean, watched the waves roll over one another as I thought about those days. I remembered the strange plays I would put on for my mom and dad after they adopted me, and how they thought I was the greatest thing to ever happen to them. The truth was, they were the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't adopted me and raised me as their own.

The silence between Matt and me was no where near awkward, but I did suddenly snap put of my little memoir when I felt his eyes on the side of my face. I turned my head and stared straight into his eyes. I'd never realized they were green. I thought they were brown...They were gorgeous none the less.

“Audrey?” he whispered.

I blinked and tried to breathe. “Matt?” I giggled as he smiled.

“Can I...Can I-”

“Just do it, Matt,” I said, as he held my head in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. My heart pounded like I'd never heard it pound before, and I struggled to catch my breath as he opened his mouth and I followed in unison. My head dizzied and I felt like I was buzzing all over as his tongue and mine just touched the other lightly.

I loved this more than I thought I should. It's better than Mark ever was! Was all I could think. Stop! Stop comparing him to Mark! That's childish. What are you, a child?

I kept my hands on his neck lightly, shirt being wound into my hand as we continued to practice this pure ecstasy.

We pulled apart as we both realized we couldn't breathe, and I opened my eyes dizzily. He stared straight at me and brushed the hair that had fallen behind my ear.

“We should go get Mikey to bed,” he said, holding my hand as he got up and brought me up to my feet as well. “I'd hate to make him think I stole you, even if for just one evening.”

I took his hand and followed him back to the saloon where his car still sat parked and sleek. We sped off to my house as he sang along to his song on the radio, my smile permanently stuck on my face as I held his hand which rested on the gear between us.

Mikey sped into the driveway as I got out and he ran to Matt first. “That's a low blow, Mikey,” I laughed. “Way low.”

Matt smiled and followed us inside as Mikey whined for him to follow. I made Mikey's bed as he showed Matt his AC/DC pajamas, all while Matt eyed me from across the room. I blushed redder than ever before and finally got Mikey to crawl into bed. “Good night kiddo,” I said, turning off the lights.

“Night mommy,” he said. “Night Matt!”

Matt smiled. “Goodnight, bud.”

After closing the door and walking Matt towards the door, I whispered, “You didn't have to do that.”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Listen to Mikey ramble on about odd things,” I answered. “I figured you were tired and didn't want to stay any longer.”

Matt shook his head. “You really think I ever want to leave? You're too entertaining to leave,” he joked. “Besides, I like Mikey. He reminds me of me when I was younger.”

“Oh god,” I said, pretending to be afraid.

He playfully glared, then reached his hand out for my face as I leaned in. He kissed me softly, and I watched him head for his car, waving goodbye after he hopped into the driver's seat.

He waved back, and I couldn't stop eying him even as he sped off towards wherever he lived.

I sighed and closed the front door as I thought, “I'm so tripping over heel right now.”