Slip Into The Tragedy.

I woke up with a start. I felt my heart thudding so erratically that it almost jumped out of my chest. My breathing was heavy, as if I ran in a cross-country marathon. But despite that, somehow my thin lips curve into a grin, as involuntary happiness burst in my veins. I strained my brain to remember what kind of dream could possibly made me feel this way?

“I love you” He whispered against my lips, his hazel-green eyes boring into mine.

“I love you too”

Slowly the grin slipped from my face as I remembered what the dream was about. I was in a barbeque in someone’s backyard, everyone looks older and there were kids running around. There was a handful of people that I didn’t know but the ‘dream me’ does, also there was Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Bob, Jasper, Kevin and most of all Frank.

I remembered how he smiled at me, and how he looks into my eyes. I could almost feel his cool breath on my face and the smell of him, a mixture between cigarettes and some guy cologne. And most of all I could almost feel his lips moving with mine, his cold lip ring pressed against my lips and even his eyelashes brushing my skin.

He looked gorgeo – STOP IT!

When are you going to accept it, you like him.

That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard, I’m gonna laugh now. -_-

I shut my own conscious out and prepared myself for the day.

Fast Forward to September 10th – Mikey and Alex’s Birthday

I woke up that day and looked around my room like I would any other day, except for the fact that today is mine and Mikey’s birthday, although I doesn’t make any difference to me whatsoever. Because for the obvious reasons to the people who know me like Mikey and Gerard, my parents died the 10 years previously right this day. I couldn’t help but think that if I’m celebrating my birthday I’m celebrating my parent’s death. I refused to celebrate my last 10 birthdays, because all I thought about was the fact that my parents aren’t here to celebrate it with me anymore. Call me childish, but I guess that’s me.

Apparently this year, just like every other year before, Mikey was the first person to try to get me hyped up in my own birthday.

“Lexaaaaaa!” Mikey yelled as I walked out of my bedroom with a somber expression on my face. He ran up to me and squeezed the breath out of my lungs.

“Happy birthdaaaaayyy!” Mikey yelled in my ear, while twirling me around

“Geez, Mikes. Stop” I muttered

At my words Mikey let go of me, with worry stretch in his face once more. His eyes were narrowed as if he didn’t believe at what he was hearing.

“Lex, you’re still depre - ” He asked trailing off.

“Fuck yes I feel depressed” I snapped at him. “My parents died this day 10 years ago, why? You expect me to be all happy go lucky just because of my goddamn birthday? Lives were lost in my birthday, my parent’s lives. Why should I be celebrating that?”

And with that I stomped my way downstairs and sat on my usual seat on the kitchen table. Gerard was already there making his usual coffee and toast, looking at me sympathetically from the rim of his coffee mug.

“I heard your argument with Mikey” He stated matter-of-factly.

I stayed silent for a while and when I realized that he wanted a reply, I just nodded in agreement.

“Lex, c’mon sugar, you have to stop mourning the fact that they’re not in this world anymore, you have to celebrate the times that they were with you” Gerard said, walking towards me and sitting down beside me.

“It’s just hard” I said weakly, my eyes started to glaze over as the tears started to form

“I know sugar, but it will get better” Gerard said, putting his arm around me

“It’s been 10 years Gerard and I still haven’t gotten over them” I said, now tears streaming down my cheeks. “I really can’t help it, it isn’t fair to Mikey that I’m feeling this way today, it’s his birthday too”

At that Gerard didn’t answer he just held me tighter as I sob to his chest. After a few moments Gerard finally broke the silence.

“Cmon sugar, we have to get to school”

I stood up slowly and grabbed my messenger bag from the living room couch where I threw it minutes before. I didn’t said a word as we drove to the school. Gerard on the driver’s seat, Mikey on the passenger seat and me in the back. They were talking quietly about the band and a bunch of other things but I just basically tuned myself out of the world.

Sitting in the backseat alone, I looked outside the window. There were men and women walking up and down the streets and a bunch of teenagers going to school like we were. But what caught my eye was a family, a perfect family. Complete with a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter. The father was carrying the little girl in his shoulders making her squeal and laugh, and the mother was holding the little boy’s hand as they walked together down the street. I watched them for a while, thinking that might be what my family was around 11 years ago, just before the accident. We were so happy and fate was almost always in our favor, we weren’t rich, we wasn’t extraordinarily beautiful, but we were happy and content of what we had.

Just as we passed the school gates I felt tears start brimming up again. I had to take several deep breaths to calm myself before we got out, because no one knew that I wasn’t really a Way, no one knew that I was an orphan. Gerard and Mikey smiled at me encouragingly as I stepped out of the car and into the bright morning sun, which was getting dimmer because we are just about to start Autumn.

Shortly up the lawn to the school building I saw Bob waving us over to them, although it was unnecessary because we could see Ray’s fro from our car anyway. I tried to put on a smile that someone should have on their birthday, but I think that I just managed a small grimace. As I walked towards them, I had to suppress a groan as I saw that not only Ray was with him, but also Frank and Claire.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY!” Bob and Ray yelled simultaneously, as they wrestled their way towards me, obviously trying to be the first to hug me on my birthday.

“Guys, guys, chill will you?” I said coughing, as they both gave me a hug that could choke someone to death.

“It’s Mikey’s birthday now too!” I yelled pointing at Mikey. At the same time, Bob and Ray whipped around to face Mikey with devilish grins on their face

“Lex” Mikey groaned, “I think it will be better if they forgot about that fact.”

Then again, Bob and Ray pounced on Mikey to hug him.

“Get off me!” Mikey yelled, trying to smack them in the head.

“Not a chance you skinny bitch!” Bob said, laughing

Needless to say, I ended up rolling on the grass laughing with Gerard as we saw Bob and Ray making kissy-kissy faces to Mikey while saying ‘Ohhh look at you all grown up!’ Even Frank laughed by Claire’s side at the scene before him, but Claire just stood next to Frank with her arms folded in front of her chest and complaining ‘Your friends look like they’re gay!’

By the time Mikey finally pushed Bob and Ray off of him, Gerard had begun to throw mischievous glances at me. I looked at him in curiosity.

“What?” I asked, my eyes narrowed. When Gerard has that expression on his face something potentially embarrassing or bad is going to happen to me.

“Oh nothing” Gerard drawled, a smug smile beginning to appear on his face

“That it is not nothing” I accused, moving closer to him. “Now fess up!”

“Ok, ok no need to get hostile woman!” Gerard said, putting his hands up in surrender. “I was just thinking that we should have a party for you and Mikey”

At his words, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Gerard.

“Did anyone said party?” Frank said, now giving Gerard his undivided attention after just seconds ago, he was sucking face with Claire.

“Yea, totally. I mean, me and Ray can get the booze and we haven’t had a party for so long!” Gerard exclaimed, a grin on his face. He knew I hated parties.

“Oh no no no no no” I said firmly. “No no no no no no no no no”

“C’mon Lex, it could be fun for you to loosen up a bit” Mikey said, undoubtedly referring to the fact that I was still depressed about my parent’s death. I glared at him.

“Where are you planning to even have this party?” I retorted. “Unless you guys have a secret club that we could use, there’s no use discussing this stupid plan of yours anyway”

“Alex, don’t you remember that Mom and Dad is going out to Aunt Carol’s house for this week.” Gerard reminded me smugly. “And tomorrow’s a weekend!”

I snorted and turned to face away from him childishly.

“Please Lex” Gerard pleaded, “Let me do just this one thing for you”

“Yea, yea c’mon Lex!” Bob and Ray cheered behind Gerard, making me crack an involuntary smile.

“Ok fine,” I gave in, while Gerard clapped his hand in excitement. “But I’m warning you, I’m not even going to be there most the time”

“Well, that’s better than nothing!” Mikey squealed, yes squealed. He picked me up and twirled me around.

“Wow Mikes, been working out?” Bob said, cocking one of his eyebrows

“Of course he did, nobody could carry Alex for shit, she’s as fat as a cow.” Frank sneered from behind everyone.

The entire group silenced and tensed. I could feel Mikey about to jump at Frank if I ever let go of his hand long enough to do so. Gerard sighed beside me and gave Frank an exasperated look. Almost like he was about scolding a child misbehaving.

Usually I would come up with a witty comeback and just see the expression in his face when he boils up with anger, or just merely smirk at him and say ‘you’re the one to talk’ but I only do that when I ever ran out of comebacks. I saw clearly that he was challenging me with his eyes, daring me to say one of my witty comebacks, undoubtedly he probably has one that he’ll use in his mind right now.

But this time, I just merely looked at him, not saying anything. Until I sigh, and stood up.

“Sure, whatever Frank” I said, indifferently. I swung my messenger bag to my shoulder and walked away from the group sitting frozen on the grass. Undoubtedly they also expect me to throw one of my usual witty comments at Frank.

When I was far enough that so that they couldn’t hear me. I let out just one strangled sob and wiped a lone tear that slid down my pale cheeks.

Frank’s POV
What the fuck?!

No witty comebacks? No sarcastic smile? No mischievous glint in her hazel eyes? What the fucking hell it’s wrong with her? Why isn’t she bitching out on me as usual? Why isn’t she fighting back?!

It almost made me feel kind of bad for hurting her.

I saw Mikey jumping out from his sitting position and ran after her, not forgetting to throw me his usual infamous glare.

Everybody else had already carried on with their conversations but my eyes still followed Mikey’s scrawny figure as it jogged to meet her small figure. I saw him hugging her, and even saw her wipe a tear out of her eye.

Shit.

I made her cry now?

I’ve never been this confused since.. ever. Only one thing is for sure, I’m going to find out what is wrong with her. Which means going to that party tonight.

Ugh.