The Pain I've Grown to Know

"I missed you doll! And let me congratulate you: your baby boy got your good looks!"

Matt said as soon as she had put her sleeping son into his bed, taking off his little shoes. She grazed a loving look over Zion, who was suckling on his thumb, something that helped him calm down, the few times that he did get upset with something.

"I know, I did pretty good pushing this little devil out, huh? It took long enough as well, Sonny was through a whole pack of smokes by the time that baby finally decided to come out. I am telling you, he had Zack's broad shoulders and big head from day one!"

She chuckled as she bumped into his chest when turning away from the crib. Having him around made her nervous and giddy at the same time. From all the guys, she had missed him the most in the past years. He had always been there for her, had always listened and was always quick with giving advice or even giving her a piece of his mind.
It almost seemed as if his muscles had become even more prominent and tight, she rubbed her nose that had run into him.

"Someone has been working out, huh? You want a drink or something?"

He followed her into the kitchen, but she pushed him out towards the open plan living room, gesturing him to sit down, slapping his behind.

"Well, what else can a single man do if he has nothing else to entertain himself with? I am getting tired of going to the strip club with Bri and Zack, Leana and Jimmy are all over each other all the time, and Johnny...well, I have no clue what he does in his free time lately, think he might have a new girlfriend or something, he has never been very talkative."

He sat down on the comfy couch and looked around the place. It looked very colorful, a lot of picture frames were hanging on the walls with pictures of people he didn't know, pictures of her and Zion and Sonny. he still wasn't sure if Sonny and her were a couple, but she had only seen her stuff in the bedroom, only her personal things spread in the front room and kitchen, at least he wasn't living with her, which at this stage he would have been with the baby and all.
He remembered that he had the kid's teddy, which he had pressed into Zacky's hand earlier, and he pulled it out, putting it onto the wooden chest in front of the sofa, which functioned as a coffee table.

"You have a nice place here L., looks real warm and friendly. Sonny living with you or are you managing the kid all by yourself?"

She appeared from the kitchen, carrying a vodka bottle and some cranberry juice, lemonade for Matt, as she knew he didn't like her cranberry mix.

"Matt, I know you long enough, why don't you just ask straight out if him and me are a couple if that's the question that is really burning on your lips! Why are you still single...or single again? Not willing to settle down?"

She pretty much ignored his half question, asking one of herself, she knew he hated when she did that! But he didn't deserve better for his silly attempt to get information and not asking her directly. She sat down next to him, offering him the glass, which he gratefully accepted.

"Ah, after you...no one interesting came along really, and I didn't want to waste time on something half-hearted. Same goes for Zack by the way, apart that he's constantly fucking groupies or even hookers. Guess I grew up a little in the past 2 years. I have been lonely, but I have god friends that were able to shorten the time of boredom...at least I thought 2 of them were good friends...after what I have heard today, I am not sure what to think anymore. So,...you and Sonny...are you dating or what? He seemed rather protective over Zion earlier today, and he lied for you."

She moved on the couch, reclining her back unto the soft arm rest, placing her legs on his lap. With him, she had always been able to be herself. he instantly fell back into old pattern and his free hand massaged her small, naked feet. He knew to avoid the spots that would cause her to flinch.

"No, Sonny and me are not together. We might as well be, but there is nothing physical going on between the two of us at all. We are simply good friends and he was kind enough to help me out in my time of need. So don't even ponder about it!"

She made a pause, appreciating that he rubbed her feet.

"And please, you have to believe me: it wasn't an easy decision to just break off contact to everybody I have known completely, but after all that had happened... I needed the distance. I know that it was an selfish act, especially after having the baby and not telling Zack that he was the father. But after over a year of silence, I couldn't just call him and say ' by the way you're a father to a beautiful boy that has your eyes'."

Matt looked at her and still couldn't believe that he was actually sitting next to her on this couch, taking in her familiar scent, looking at her gorgeous face.

"You could have told me! You know I would have been there for you every step of the way. You could have moved in with me-"

She cut him off and gave him a grateful smile.

"I know Matt. But if I would have contacted you, you would have slipped something to one of the guys, or Sandra and Dave at some stage. And there is no way I would have gone back to Huntington Beach, with Zack and Brian living just around the corner, being at your place constantly...it just wouldn't have worked for me. And...I would have felt so obliged to you and you might have tried getting back with me, and that would have made things even more complicated. Maybe Sonny was right, and the fact that you two walked into his shop was fate. Maybe it was time to let him know, I just wish it would have been under different circumstances. Do you need to be anywhere later, or can you just chill here, and we can catch up? Maybe we can invite Jimmy and Leana over, too?"

He was just about to jump at the opportunity, when the thought of Zack and Brian crossed his mind. Brian in particular He assumed that by now, either Zack or Jimmy would have caused him some bodily harm, but he would still claim at least one shot at him later himself. And although he didn't want anything more but to have her to himself, he knew that there were more important things right now, that needed sorting out.

"You know I would do anything you ask of me Lea, but I do think that you and Zack need to talk. There is a lot of stuff that went on and you two need to sort shit out between the two of you...for Zion. I am not telling you to forgive him for what went on or to take him back, but he should be allowed to see his son, now that he knows that he exists. You don't have to move in with him or anything...but come back to HB. Move in with me, or get your own place if you have to! Baker still has all your stuff where you left it to years ago, hell, the place looks like you never left! He'd have a purpose again if you'd let him into Zion's life, you know he always wanted kids with you, I heard him and you talk about it a few days before you left."

Lea sighed and pulled her knees to her chest. The conversation had taken an unexpected turn and she was far from comfortable with it.

"No Matt. I am not moving to HB just so he can be close to Zion. If he wants to to a part of his son's life, he can fly out here whenever he pleases or his schedules allows him to. I have a job here, I have friends here...this is Zion's and my home! Just imagine, if I would move over to Cali again, and you guys leave for a 6 months tour...I would sit on my sorry ass all alone, only Leana and me. No thank you."

He turned his whole body towards her. Her eyes looked into his, and he drowned into the deep brown pools of her irises. He felt the urge to just kiss her, but this was not the time. She had too many things on her mind and it wouldn't be fair on her and she would most likely push him away.

"Let me call Leana. She would love to babysit for the night, I know her! And she'll make Jimmy change some nappies, too. The two of us, we gonna go out with your friend Sonny and meet up with Zack and Johnny...and if you want to have a swing at Brian just as bad as I do, we get him out to, get him drunk and beat him to pieces when he can't defend himself for what he did to you. But you do need to talk to Zack, and you and I both know, that both of you can talk best about your feelings when you have some liquor in your system. And there is no discussion about it, we are here for business for only a few days, and I don't want him taking off on tour being scared he'll lose his son because you two didn't talk."

She could see his muscles ripple though his shirt, his hazel eyes sparkling, the lip ring bouncing up and down as he was speaking.
Why hadn't she stayed with him? Why had she given Zack all the chances in the world and not given him a second shot? He had always been there for her, and the thought of what could have been was now on her mind ever so clearly

"I am sorry Matt, for not giving you a second chance back then, after my first night in HB. I know you must have hated me for deceiving you with Zack, going behind your back. Forgiving him for shit he had pulled on me time and time again. I have thought about it so many times, and I still don't know why I made the decisions I did end up making. I just want you to know that."

She leaned over to him and after loosing herself in his gaze, she carefully pressed her lips against his, all tension that had built up during the past few hours falling off her shoulders and mind in an instant.

----------------------------------

"OK, I think I have worked things out. I will ask her for visitation right. Maybe after a few months I can convince her to move back to Cali. I still got all her stuff anyhow, maybe I can get her an apartment or something, so that she doesn't get the idea I want her to get back together with me. What you think Brian?"

Zack directed his slurred words at his friend, who was pressing an ice bag against his lip in order to numb the pulsating pain of the split lip a punch of Jimmy had caused. Leana, Zack, Jimmy Johnny and Brian were sitting in a booth in The Duke. After having exchanged some punches, that Brian hadn't even tried to fend off, they were all drinking JD and beer, apart from Leana who stuck to her non- alcoholic cocktails that she enjoyed a lot since her pregnancy.
Brian looked up at him and just nodded his head in agreement. He didn't feel like saying anything. Zacky pulled out his cell and was about to dial Matt's number as he remembered that Matt's cell was in his jeans pocket.

"Any of you two got Lea's number? I have Matt's phone with me."

Jimmy stared at him with a knowing smile.

"I was wondering how the hell you knew where we were! I think Leana got her number, yeah."

Just as Leana was trying to fish out her cell from her purse, Zack's cell rang and the caller ID gave an unknown number. He'd usually reject calls if he didn't know the numbers, but seen that Matt didn't have his phone with him, he just waived his usual habit and picked up, glad to hear his friend's voice on the other end.

"Yo Zack, where are yous all at? I think Lea and me want to go on the piss with you so that you two have some time to sit and talk. Her friend Sonny just came around and offered to take care of Zion."

A smile appeared on Zack's lips. She had agreed to meet with him? He started to get nervous, but in a good way.

"Yeah, we're at The Duke, a place near her work, she knows where it is. We're all here man. How soon can you be here?"

He could hear Matt repeat the question and was able to hear Lea's voice in the background, not able to catch what exactly she had said.

"We can be there in 10. Get us some beers and a few tequilas for the lady. Seems like her love for that terrible stuff is still going strong! We see you in a bit Baker. Don't fuck it up!"

He heard the line disconnect and quickly finished his JD. He would not fuck it up! There was no way he'd let down his son. His and Lea's son. He had always wanted kids...kids with her. And he had found out today, that his wish had been granted, even though the happenings had all been too much of a surprise to him. But them having a kid together, him trying to see Zion as often as possible...maybe some of their old feelings could be rekindled as well in the progress. If they would get back together, Zion would have a real family, and that was what every kid should have!