The Pain I've Grown to Know

"I have been waiting for this for 8 weeks babe. I know we did the official thing, but finally having both our names on paper, and making it legal...I am damn excited!"

Matt was gazing over to Lea, pulling her closer and planting a soft kiss on her forehead. They were both sitting in the office of the marriage celebrant that had held their ceremony 2 months ago, finally giving them the chance to sign the papers. Leana and Brian were with them, too, Leana cradling Luzia as Brian was busy entertaining Zion.

He couldn't help but notice, that Lea's eyes were overshadowed a little, and her usual care free expression had faltered.

"What's wrong Lea? Are you feeling OK?"

He put his hand under her chin and made her look up to him. Since their little argument the previous day, she had not been her bubbly self, and he was a little taken back. After having chased to Ebony's house. searching for his wedding band for almost an hour, he had finally discovered it in the soap dish in the shower. He had been a rather regular visitor at Ebony's place over the past 4 months. It had started as a drunk one night stand, him being annoyed that him and Lea couldn't have sex in the past few months of the pregnancy, and he had somehow missed to break the affair off once Luzia was born.
He loved Lea, wouldn't want to leave her for the world, but in between the male urges and the convenience of being able to just drop by Ebony's place when ever he felt like it...he was too weak to resist the temptation.

"You still love me Matt, right? You are not just feeling obliged to marry me because we have a child together? You want me to be your wife because I am the only person you need to make you happy and feel loved?"

Her questioning eyes locked with his as she said these words quietly, apparently not wanting to make a big deal out of it with both their friends in the same room with them. He moved to the edge of his chair and cupped her face with his big hands. He had to play this well, knowing that the slightest tremor in him would make her doubt his words. Matt hated what he was doing to her...and he knew he had to break this affair off. Ebony was getting more demanding by the day, and if it wasn't for his carnal desire that Lea hadn't been able to fulfill for obvious reasons, he wouldn't be in this situation, having to lie her straight in the face.

"Of course I love you! My feelings towards you will never change Lea! I only need to look at you and I know that you're the only woman that will ever make me happy! Why are you asking this? Are you having doubts?"

She looked at him a little longer and gave a him a weak smile, shaking her head as the door opened and the marriage celebrant walked in, a cheerful expression on his face. All 4 friends were now sitting straight in their chairs, as the man took a seat and opened a folder, pulling out the Marriage License that all 4 of them should have signed 2 months ago.
Matt seemed excited about all of this. Maybe she had been acting irrational, fearing that he was cheating on her, again, with Ebony. Why would he still go through with this, if his feelings had changed? Or if he was fucking someone else? It wouldn't make sense, he would most likely try to call the thing off, instead he was pushing it.

"I am glad you have the time to come here! And I see that the new addition to the family is just as gorgeous as her mother! Now, if you two would please sign on the two lines here, and Brian and Leana, sign just below. And after that...you're all done!"

He passed Lea the pen and she quickly scribbled down her signature, passing the pen on to Matt. She looked at him from the side as he put down the neatest looking signature she had so far seen of him. His lips curled into a smile, as he turned to face Lea. Both Brian and Leana had followed suit.

"Great! So once more: congratulations to you, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders! A shame that the initial ceremony had to be interrupted, but at least it was good circumstances. I wish you all the luck in the future! You'll receive the official license in the post within the next week, I just need to send this off to the Bureau of Birth, Marriages and Deaths and they'll do the rest for you."

He stood up, shaking hands and opened the door, letting all of them out. Gathering on the foot path outside the offices. Leana hugged her friend, congratulating her on being finally legally married, and everybody was excited. Everyone but Lea. She was quite and seemed distant.
As Matt entwined his fingers with hers, she forced herself to smile at him and press her lips against his. She couldn't let her true feelings show, not now. She knew that Sonny was on his way to L.A., she would wait for him to arrive to do anything. If at all. After she had told him about the phone conversation she had heard, he had freaked out. Completely. He was outraged and wanted to come over to be with her, comfort her, and to confront Matt. She was somewhat scared of what he might do to Matt in all honesty. But, he had said that she should go through with signing the marriage certificate. If all came out to be a misunderstanding, she would still be his wife...but if Matt in fact had been cheating on her...he hadn't been able to vocal his ideas, only screamed at the phone, with Lea still on it.

"Damn, I forgot to tell you that Sonny is flying in today, did I? But don't worry, he's getting a rental car so we don't need to pick him up."

Matt looked up at her and could see that she was nervous, biting the corner of her lip. He narrowed his eyes at her. He knew well that Sonny was her best friend, and that she missed being able to just meet up with him. But he also knew, that she usually only contacted him when she was down, and him coming over so short after the wedding unsettled him. It did mean, that there was something going on inside her that she was not telling him.

"Oh...that's nice! He's a great guy, and he can help you with the kids while we're in the studio. Maybe we can all have a party this weekend at our place?"

Lea just nodded slightly, as Brian elbowed him in the side and gave him a dirty smirk.

"So...finally gonna have your wedding night, huh? Bet you were under pressure the few months...I don't envy Sonny if he stays at your place tonight! Tell him he can come to mine if he wants!"

They both laughed out loud, not noticing the glance Lea threw them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"She looks adorable hun! Good thing kids don't know what is going on around them when they're this small. How are you holding up?"

Sonny had been leaning over Luzia's crib, smiling at her sleeping body, as Lea quietly moved out of the room and went back downstairs again. Zion was watching cartoons until he saw Sonny come down the stairs behind his mother.

"Sonny!"

He screamed and shot up from his favorite spot on the couch, running towards his favorite uncle. Sonny laughed and picked him up in mid-run, swinging him around in the air, only accelerating Zion's happiness. After a few spins, Sonny pulled him close to his chest and kissed his face.

"I missed you buddy! Are you taking good care of your mom and sister while I am not here?"

Zion nodded vigorously and hugged Sonny's back of the neck, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Lea smiled and sat down on the couch, turning the volume of Sponge Bob down so that her and Sonny would be able to continue their conversation, as the doorbell rang. Her brows furrowed. She didn't expect anyone, and Matt had said that they'd all be in the studio late tonight. Sonny set down Zion and walked to the door, opening it.

"Hey Zack, good to see you again! How are you keeping?"

They walked back into the living room area, where both Lea and Zion were sitting together on the couch. When Zion heard Zack's voice, his head cocked up and he smiled, stretching out his arms to his dad. It had been a week since he had seen him, and he missed the sleepovers at his dad's place, mainly because he would let him stay up longer, and he was always sleeping in his dad's bed. He was only allowed to sleep in his mom's and Matt's bed, when he had a nightmare or felt sick.

"All is going great, I'm kind of glad that we all cut recording short today, my head starts buzzing and Brian keeps coming up with the most impossible riffs. Is Matt upstairs? I wanted to give him the time sheets for next week."

Lea looked up at him, and Sonny's smile faltered. The silence was loaded with tension until Lea got up suddenly and left for the kitchen. Zack's mouth opened and closed, not actually saying anything, just confused by her action.

"Can I ask you something Zack? Has Matt been acting a little...off lately? Snug out of the studio, or stayed longer after you guys left for the day?"

Zack sat down on the couch and ruffled through his hair. The question surprised him. He hadn't seen Sonny since the wedding, and now he just appeared out of nowhere, Lea was acting strange and Sonny was asking him questions.

"What's this about? They did sign the papers today, no? Everything should be OK...or is there something going on that I need to worry about? Did he do something? What-"

Sonny gestured to him to keep it quiet as he sat down next to him. He wasn't sure if he should tell Zack about Lea's suspicions. He knew that Zacky cared about Lea a lot, and if Matt would fuck things up, especially after having gotten married to her and having a child together. He would probably flip out as much as Sonny would if there was anything to the theory of Matt actually cheating...probably even more, seen that he had lost Lea to Matt.

"OK, listen. We are not certain of anything at the moment, but Lea listened in on Matt being on the phone to Ebony. He had apparently forgotten his wedding band at her place, taking it off before pumping his fingers...you get the picture. He also mentioned that he has the keys to her place. This could all be a terrible misunderstanding, but Lea is on edge and scared. He comes home late and she says that he is acting very defensively the past few weeks."

Zacky's jaw hardened as he listened to what Sonny was telling him.

"There was only 2 nights since we started recording, that we stayed there past 8pm, so if he comes home late every night...something is up. He really said he had pumped his fingers...what could she possible understand wrong when he was saying that! But...if she knew that yesterday...and is in doubt...why did she go and sign the marriage license today? Why didn't she wait until she knows for sure what is going on?"

"I told her to. If it's nothing, then that's what they both wanted anyhow. And I swear, if there's anything to it, I will see to it that she makes him bleed! I know that them being married means that he has legal rights to see their daughter...but it means also, that she can have all the money she needs, and that people are informed what a fucking bastard he is. I know he's your friend...but if he hurts her after the last thing he's pulled...I want to see him suffer."

Zack was leaning back in the soft cushions, rubbing his face and groaning. He had warned Matt. He had assured Lea that she could come to him if Matt ever fucked up. But no, she had called Sonny, on the other end of the country, to help her sort her thoughts and feelings. Either she didn't want to unsettle him...or she didn't want to give him the idea that he could battle for her affection again. Most likely it was the second option. He loved her still, and she knew it...even though he had been holding back a lot, had not made any suggestive comments or moves.

"I told her that I'd be there for her if he fucks up again. And I'll keep that promise. I'll get her and the kids to my place if her suspicions are true. I don't care if he goes mad, but there is no way I let her stay at this place, when shit hits the fan...and it will, trust me. He should have been home by 7pm almost every night...hell, we all cut recordings short so that he could spend with his new baby...and you're telling me he didn't even bother to show up? Damn, I wish I would have had this opportunity when Zion was this small...and he...misses this because he's fucking Ebony again? I gonna kill him!"

He clenched his fists, smiling down at Zion who was, once more, concentrating on Sponge Bob on the big flat screen TV.

"Do you know where Ebony lives?"

Lea's voice sounded from the French doors to the garden. Both men turned around, not having heard her come back into the house, they weren't sure for how long she had been standing there, eavesdropping in on their conversation. Zack stood up and walked over to her, taking her in his arms and holding her for a while, before she backed away and searched his eyes. Her brown almond shaped eyes were begging him to answer the question.

"Yes, I have a fair idea. When he was dating her all those years back, she lived on the North side of the city, guess she still lives there, it's her sister's house. It would be a-"

She made her way past him and grabbed her cell phone from the table next to the couch, looking at Sonny and Zacky, determination edged into her once so soft face.

"We drop Zion and Luzia off at your parents, and drive to where ever Ebony lives. I'll call him on the way. If he has the guts to tell me that he's still in the studio, we know he's lying. And from what I have heard yesterday...he'll be most likely at her place. I don't wanna hear anything from you Baker! I am not getting back together with you. Yes, I would appreciate if you could put me up for a while until I have figured out what to do...but that is it, understood?"

Zack nodded his head that he understood. Sonny got up and went to climb up the stairs.

"I gonna get some stuff together for the kids. Maybe you should take some things for yourself as well, so you don't have to come back here later...if worst comes to worst?"

Lea stood rooted at the spot next to the couch, her eyes fixed to the TV. She hadn't really thought about anything that went further then them driving to Ebony's house, checking if her husband was there. She hoped deep down that he wasn't...but the way he had talked to her the previous morning...it hadn't been an once off occasion for him to stop by at her house.

"I...no. Just because he fucked up,...that's not gonna keep me away from the house my kid calls home. He can try and stop me from leaving him, but he will not succeed. I hope for his sake, that he is not there. Or that he is fixing a drain or something. Damn...just a few hours ago he told me that I am the only woman in his life, and he signed the marriage license with a smile on his face, musing with Syn about our wedding night! Why do things always screw up for me when they are supposed to be perfectly fine?!"

Sonny exhaled and proceeded on the stairs. He knew there was no way of trying to talk sense into her. She was confused, her emotions were running high and she was trying to stay as cool-headed as she could with 2 kids. And she was right: it was him that had fucked up. He didn't even want to grant him the benefit of the doubt at this minute. Zacky stating that they had in fact only pulled two late nights in their 6 weeks of recording, was proof enough for him, that something fishy was going on. And it was her house too. He could understand that she didn't want to stay here, but maybe it was an act of saving her pride, going back home to pack her things, holding her head high.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Matti. I am on my way to the store with Sonny to buy some groceries. I just wanted to know if you'll be home for dinner tonight. Are you still in the studio?"

She sounded calm and controlled, when in fact, they were standing near Ebony's house in Zacky's car. Both men were quite, as she had him on loudspeaker.
Her heart felt heavy, she had a strange feeling inside, that something was not going to go her way. The same feeling she had had that night in Las Vegas years ago. The same feeling when she had found out months ago that Matt had slept with Ebony just before her and Zion had moved back to Huntington Beach. She kept staring at Ebony's front door, as she listened to Matt's deep voice. The voice she had fallen in love with years ago. She could picture his smile while he was speaking, and it disgusted her, knowing that he was lying to her.

"No hun, I don't think I'll make it in time. Brian and Zacky are just putting down some amazing stuff for the song I wrote for Luzia and you, you gonna love it. I guess it'll be another 2-3 hours before I get home. Tell Sonny I said hi, OK?"

"Oh, Zacky and Brian are recording some guitars for Luzia's song just now? I can't wait to hear the rough mix for it! I guess I'll see you in a while then. Behave yourself Matt!"

He released a small laughter, most likely throwing the head into the neck.

"I always behave, apart from the times we're in the bedroom together...you know that! I gotta get back to work, see you later Lea. I love you."

She let the phone slide down her side, as she stared out the window. The life she thought she had was falling apart in front of her eyes: the man that she thought loved her, was throwing everything away for some fuck. Once more choosing the woman that had split them up the first time around. Most likely not even thinking straight. She didn't think that he meant ill. She had seen Ebony...she was a slut and a temptress, any man could fall for her attempts to get laid. But she was married to him now. They had a kid together.

"Oh no, that bastard didn't just pull my name into his little lie, did he? Fuck that, he's gonna get his pretty face smashed!"

Zack flung the driver's door open, storming towards Ebony's house, both Lea and Sonny following closely. Just before he reached the door, Lea grabbed his elbow and spun him around. His face was torn in rage, his fists were clenched and she could see that he was grinding his teeth. She appreciated the fact that he was standing up for her...and that he didn't want to be part of his scheme.

"Please, don't just storm in there Zack. I need to do this. I am the one he's trying to deceive here. I want to be the one he has to stand up to. I want to see his face when I go in there. I want to see if he's showing any form of remorse or regret, when he sees the woman he says he loves walk out of his life. After I am gone, you can do whatever you want, I don't care. But don't hurt him too much, I don't want the cops to arrest you. Zion needs you...and I do too."

Zack looked down at her, his thumb striding down her cheek. The look of sadness on her face alone made him wanna punch Matt out cold.

"I am not going to promise anything L. It depends what we find."

She gave him a small smile, feeling that both his and Sonny's bodies were stiffening in apprehension, as she knocked on the door. She could hear music from inside, no one would hear her knock, but she couldn't see a door bell. She turned the handle and was almost surprised, as she found the door unlocked. Gently pushing the door open, she stepped in. It felt wrong to just infiltrate a house that wasn't hers, but at this stage, she paid no thought to trespassing. Laughter was coming from upstairs and they all raised their eyes to the staircase.
Taking two steps at a time, the three of them ran upstairs. Stopping in front of a door that was slightly a-jar. Closing her eyes for the fraction of a second and inhaling deeply, before pushing the door fully open and stepping in.
A sound of shock slipped her lips and her hands flew to her mouth, covering it. Her eyes were wide in horror as she saw Matt's naked body standing near the edge of the bed, thrusting into Ebony from behind, as she was on her knees on the edge herself.
At the sound of her shriek, Matt's head whipped around and he stared at her, his body ceasing any movement.
Lea stumbled back into Sonny's chest, her lips quivering, and tears building up in her eyes. She had thought that she was prepared to see him with someone in bed...but she had been wrong! Oh so wrong! Nothing could have prepared her for this.

"Lea? What...oh shit!"

He pushed Ebony away from her and looked at her, Sonny and his friend, Zack. His eyes landed on her again, as she slowly inched out of the room, the two men building themselves up in front of her. Sonny's and Zacky's faces were pure anger, disappointment, rage...all of the above and then some. He quickly stepped in his jeans and pulled them up, buckling up his belt.

"Please Lea, you...you gotta listen to me. This...is nothing. I'm sorry babe. I...-"

"So, I am recording her song with Syn right now, huh? You're using me in your excuses not to see your wife and kid so you can fuck this little whore, that spreads her legs for anything with a cock? After all the shit Matt...this was the last fucking place on earth I've expected you at."

Matt didn't even look at Baker, he needed to get through to Lea. Needed to hold her, kiss her, tell her that he had fucked up and that he was sorry. That he'd make it up to her. That he loved her. Over Sonny's shoulder he could see her rest her back against the opposite wall to the room. Tears were streaming down her face, but her eyes were as clear as always.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me...to us. Just a few hours ago you signed those papers, telling me that you loved me. And now...you're fucking her? What kind of love is that Matthew? Were you that desperate to get your needs fulfilled, that you couldn't wait another few days? After I have given birth to your child? How long has this been going on? Tell me!"

He looked gob smacked. He pulled his hands over his shaved head, desperation in his eyes. He didn't look like he was gonna answer her question. But before she left this man, she wanted to know how long he had been cheating on her. For how long he had been telling her lies. For how long he had been breaking her trust and heart.

"Your little love rat has been boning me for the better of 4 months now, seen that you were too fat to fulfill his needs and wants. I still can't believe he chose you over me...I can give him everything he-"

"Shut up Ebs, just shut your fucking trap for once in your fucking life!"

Matt screamed at her, a vein clearly popping out at his temple.

"4 months? You...you have...oh my Gods! All of this was a fucking lie! Even before we got married? I can't believe this. What a tool I've been all this time, thinking you had changed, that you were looking forward to a life with me and my kids in it. Why does this shit always happen to me?"

"She is my kid, too, Lea! I love her...and I love you! You're my wife."

He tried to pass through Sonny and Zack, but Sonny simply punched him in the shoulder and pushed him back into the bedroom. One of them he could have taken...but two angry, defensive men...he wasn't sure.

"Don't you dare calling me your wife Matthew Charles Sanders! While I was sitting at home pregnant with Luzia and you came here for a cheap fuck! I give birth to our daughter, and you are still fucking her...and now...we are legally married and you are still fucking her. Does any of this sound like something a loving husband and devoted father would do to his wife and kid? Does it? Does it!"

"But you are my wife! No matter what I did with her...you are my wife, and it's gonna stay this way!"

Without warning, Zack threw a punch, almost surprised that Matt didn't move, most likely not seeing the swing come his way. Zack's left connected with his jaw hard, and Matt went down. Both men were now towering over him, glaring at him.

"Don't you worthless piece of shit dare threaten her, you hear me? In fact: don't talk to her at all, I bet she'd appreciate it not having to hear your lies anymore. Why don't you just stay with your little whore for a few more hours, just as you had originally planned, while we get some of her stuff to get her out of your house."

It was Sonny's voice, booming over the whole scene. Matt had never seen him mad or angry, neither had Zack fro that matter. Matt could see a reflection of himself in Lea's friend: tough torso, tattoos everywhere and a rather short fused temper.
From his position on the floor, he could see through Sonny's and Zack's legs. Lea was cowering on the floor of the hallway, staring at him with big eyes, hurt written all over her face. As their eyes looked, she slowly stood up and with on last look at him, ran down the stairs. He could hear the front door open and being slammed shortly after. He jumped to his feet and tried pushing himself past the two other men again, screaming her name, frustration and regret embedded in his voice. There was no way of getting passed them, and he growled in frustration, pacing to the window and prying it open, looking out across the street where he saw Zack's car.

"Lea! Lea...don't leave me! I'll make it up to you, I swear. Please babe!"

She looked up to the window, but just opened the door to the backseat, slamming the door behind her.

"Matt, do us all a favor and leave her alone. You've fucked it up...and this time it's beyond repair man. All the jealousy crap...was that just a show? Fuck...not even I was that low! She'll stay at my place until she figures out what she's doing. I will not fuck her, just in case you think that. I respect her too much! I'll see you tomorrow Matt, don't be stupid."

Zack left the room. Sonny was still standing in the door, looking from Matt to Ebony. He shook his head and looked into Matt's hazel eyes, and as he spoke, his voice sounded almost smooth.

"If I would have even remotely known that any of this would happen, I would have never encouraged her to move over here. You would have gotten bored of the long distance relationship and would have cut her lose sooner or later...and everything would have been OK. But no, I thought you're a great guy, that genuinely loved her...damn, the sparkle in her eyes when she was on the phone with you...I thought after all the shit she had been through, that you'd be doing her good. But apparently I have been blinded by you. And I am someone that makes mistakes only once. I will not trust you with her again, no matter what your genius brain is coming up with. I'd advise you to steer clear of me and her as long as I am here. If it wasn't for Zion, I'd take her back to Florida with me, away from you, but I cannot take a kid away from a father that did everything to be a father for his child...something that you obviously failed in terribly in the space of only 2 months. Unless you want this to leak out to the press, you stay the hell away from her...and I hate having to repeat myself, is that clear?"

Sonny didn't wait for an answer, but he left and ran down the stairs. He could hear his and Zack's voices downstairs, before the door went again. He looked out of the window and saw them walk across the street to Zack's car. As they opened the doors, he could clearly hear Lea's loud crying. It tore his heart apart, but there was nothing he could do at this moment.

Maybe tomorrow was another day and he would be able to talk to her. Or at least make Zack listen to what he needed to say.

"Just forget about her Matt...just stay with me, like you should have from the start. If she's being so melodramatic, let her be, she's not worth your time."

He turned to Ebony, who was now wrapped in her covers, giving him a sweet smile, completely unfazed by what had just happened here moments ago.

"I'll be going Ebony. And I promise, that I will never ever be in contact with you again. I have fucked up my whole life because of my stupidity. And I will be damned if I cannot sort this out. Stay away from me, and my family."