The Pain I've Grown to Know

"OK you two fucks. What happened in Vegas two years ago!"

Brian turned his head instantly as he heard Matt's voice. Matt was looking at him, before diverting his eyes to Zack, who didn't move an inch and was still fixated on the screen as he was flicking the controls of the Playstation.

"What kinda question is that, all out of the blue. You were there, you know what happened."

Brian asked, confused at what had brought this question on. Jimmy must have found Lea and she must have spilled some of the reasons why she had left that night. If she had left out what had happened between him and her, she was either thinking that it wasn't her place to tell, or she wanted to put all the weight of the scolding to Brian and Zack.

"I have seen the message smeared across the mirror, yes. I have seen Zack's heart shatter as he read it, yes. But although I was punching the shit out of him, he didn't tell me what had caused her to leave that message, that was not only directed at him, but all of us! And seen that Jimmy said to ask Zack and you what happened I am starting to wonder even more...seen that I had no clue that you had your hands in this, too. One of you better spill it, or I am going to her and ask her myself, not giving you a chance to explain it. And I got the feeling if she tells me her side of the story, I'll be coming back beating your two sorry asses to oblivion and Jimmy will most likely join in on it."

Zack sighed as his car crashed into a wall. He had to think about what Lea had written over the wall of the hotel bathroom with crimson red lipstick. He didn't even know she owned lipstick, she never wore any. He looked over to Brian, as if he expected him to tell Matt what had happened.

"Oh no Baker, don't even give me that look! Your fiance, your place to tell it. I was only playing a small-"

"Fuck you Haner, it was your proposal! You black mailed me into the whole thing! If it would have been for me, I would have never let this happen, and you know it! I was sick of Matt's glares at her and was pissed off with you trying to get a piece of her as well, I would have never let you fuck her if it wouldn't have been for that damn groupie you've seen me with!"

He jumped up from his seat on the sofa and his face turned red as he was glaring down at his friend. All the bottled up anger and feelings finally started spilling and he was in no condition trying to contain it any longer. He had pulled Brian for a talk two weeks after the whole incident, cornering him in their tour bus while the others had been out drinking. Brian had to tell him what had happened and gave in, confessing that he had let slip about the deal he had with Zacky.
Up to this point Zack didn't know however, that Brian had spiked her drink in order to get to fuck her, and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Wow...you what? I think I didn't hear that right! You made a deal with Brian, so that he wouldn't tell her that you cheated on her again and let him fuck her in exchange? What kind of sick fucks are you? You better be telling me that this is a joke!"

Matt didn't know what to do with himself: his heart told him to storm over to the couch and punch Zack and/ or Brian right in the face for what he had just heard, but his head told him to remain seated before making any rash decisions that he might regret later. His mind was working on overdrive. Zack had done stupid things in his life, no one was denying that, but trading the woman he loved for a clean sleeve, the same night he was planning on getting married to her…this had to top the list by miles! Zack had always been a man whore when it came to groupies, ever since the band had started making itself a name, and he had never tried to hide it, was almost proud of it, just like Brian. But all that had changed suddenly when he had started dating Lea, and all the guys in the band had noted the change in him - with some surprise - but glad that he was trying to commit to this one woman, all of them had taken in as new part of their family.

"What are you so shocked by Sanders? You only care so much for her because you fucked her, too. And this wasn't anything different than the time you had with her, only that Zack needed some more convincing from me to let me have some time with her alone. You had your time with her, and to be honest, I was sick of hearing it from both of you, what a great fucking time you three had. I would have had her sooner or later, we all know that she was attracted to me as well, but I grabbed the opportunity when I saw it, speeding up the hunt."

Zack grabbed his beer and headed straight for the terrace, his cigarettes still lying on the table outside. He had been blaming himself for the better of 2 years, and just these past few months had accepted, that she was not a part of his life anymore, and that he had fucked up his future. He knew damn well, that he’d never meet someone like Lea again. That he’d never love someone the way he had loved her. That no other woman would make him feel the way she had made him feel without even knowing it. All of this old pain resurfacing now…he was too confused if he was glad that she was well and alive, or if he should be angry that she apparently had hidden the fact from him that she had his kid. His son! He threw the half full bottle against the wall and screamed out in frustration as he watched it shatter into many pieces, the beer dripping off the white washed wall. How did she dare not telling him that she was pregnant?
She probably didn’t know at the time, she would have told me otherwise, she might have stayed. She might not have known until the birth whether it was mine or Brian’s, fuckwitt had told me with a smile that he had ‘forgotten’ to use a condom.
But after the birth, with Zion’s eyes, she must have known it was his, she had given him Zack’s middle name after all!
She knew that he wanted kids down the line, that he wanted kids with her. She had humored him when he once whispered in her ear what he thought their kids would look like, hearing her giggle when he insisted that their first born would be a boy. They had been naked in his bunk, resting in each other’s arms when he had told her that he couldn’t wait to have kids with her, that kids would strengthen their love even more. This had been just 3 days before he had finally proposed to her.

How dare she keep this from me! That we had a kid together! Not allowing me to see him, love him, giving me a chance to provide for him! Denying me to be a father! I had never thought she’d be this selfish, just pretending that I didn't’t exist, keeping all this to herself, probably allowing that tattooist to take the father role!

He looked through the glass doors and saw how Brian was leaving for his bedroom, whilst Matt made his way to the bathroom. He flung the cigarette butt over the balcony banister and slid back into the suite, grabbing his hooded Vengeance University sweatshirt from a chair. Before leaving for the front door, he gave a glance at Matt’s cell, that was still lying on the edge of the dining table. He quickly grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket, before jetting to the door and leaving, silently letting the door fall into its latch.
As soon as the elevator doors were closing, he took his friend’s cell again and went through the message inbox, reading the message he had received from Jimmy.

’ The girls and me are hitting a bar for drinks. Zack's baby is taken care of, and yes, he does look just like him! I wanna know what the fuck him and Brian did that night in Vegas, find out or I will beat it out of him later when I am drunk! How's Baker doing?’

Oh how very considerate Rev was! Jealousy rose inside Zacky’s body: he had seen his kid and from the way it sounded, Lea had allowed him to interact with Zion. He was spending time with the girl that had meant the world to him. That was still able to get hi blood boiling. Every time he memorized the last night they had spent together in his bunk, a chill went down his spine, and a pleasant tingle crept down to his groin area. His fingers were flying over Matt’s Sidekick as he nervously started biting down on his right snake bite, sending the text off to Jimmy’s number.

’The guys told me something I can’t believe, I need to hear it from Lea’s own lips. If she confirms their story, they have another thing coming! Let me know where you are, so I can come over and ask her myself.’

He just hoped that this would work. But then again: a text coming from Matt’s phone, why wouldn't’t Jimmy assume it was him texting. He was pretty sure that neither Lea, nor Jimmy or Leana would be happy if he’d suddenly show up at whatever bar they were at. But enough time had passed, and he needed to know what happened. Let her know how sorry he was for fucking everything up once more. That he was still thinking about her…and then the matter of her having so far ‘forgotten’ to tell him that she was having a baby boy that he had fathered! He was getting more agitated, as Matt’s cell vibrated and he flipped it open.

’We’re at a small bar near the tattoo shop, The Duke. But please, make sure that the guys stay where they are, she still hurts talking about Zack, I get a feeling that the boy reminds her of him every day and she says she hates him for whatever he did to her.’

He rushed out of the elevator and left the hotel. Matt would soon enough notice that not only his phone, but Zack was gone with, and he would catch on quick enough, what Zacky was planning: he always had been the smart one! He had to get a good head start if he wanted to reach the bar before Matt could catch up with him.

He was on a mission, and there was nothing going to stop him before he had the answers he was looking for.