I Left The Lights On So You Stumble In Devotion

Both Evgeni and Sidney woke at the same time, the two of them heading to the kitchen for breakfast. They didn’t really speak much except to say ‘hello’ and ‘good morning’. Sidney assumed that Evgeni would want a minimal amount of space to be able to cope with the idea of things that he’d done the night before, so he kept his mouth shut. Evgeni’s mother was still asleep, therefore breakfast wasn’t as extravagant as it was the previous morning. They both poured up bowls of cereal and sat quietly at Evgeni’s kitchen table.

Sidney was finished his cereal by the time Evgeni’s mother walked out into the kitchen. He held the bowl up to his mouth, tipping it gently against his lips to get the rest of the milk. He could feel her eyes on him as a small bit of milk dribbled down over his chin. Catching eyes with Evgeni, who made a face at him as he watched the milk continue to roll downwards. Sidney was able to imagine what was going through Evgeni’s head as he wiped the milk off of his chin, which left him grinning coyly.

Sidney waited a few minutes for her to occupy herself with dishes in the kitchen before turning to Evgeni and mouthing ‘your-mother-fucking-hates-me’. Evgeni just grinned, swatting his hand at Sidney as if to say that she didn’t.

Then came Evgeni’s father, already dressed and looking pleasant. It was refreshing after witnessing the glares from Evgeni’s mother. Sidney wondered to himself how two people who were so different could have ever gotten together, let alone married for such a long time.

***

Since there were a few days between their previous game and their next game, the team wouldn’t have to go to Detroit for a while. It was good, because it meant they could practice in their own arena, but bad, because it meant Sidney would be laying around Evgeni’s apartment with his parents even longer.

“Okay, okay… yeah, I got it.” muttered Sidney, who just happened to notice Evgeni from the corner of his eye.

Sidney was casually laying across his bed, phone held against his ear. It was alright with Evgeni because his parents were out, leaving the two of them alone in his apartment. Sidney nodded for him to join him, and Evgeni slowly crossed the room to do so, even if he was slightly apprehensive about the situation.“Yeah, tell her I said hi too.” As soon as Evgeni hit the bed, Sidney hauled him closer.

` Evgeni was shocked when Sidney’s lips found his, even though the phone was still pressed tightly to his ear. It didn’t stop him from kissing back, with every bit of passion he had repressed in his body from when his parent’s were surrounding them.

“Uh huh, I’ll remember that.” Sidney smiled at him, winking and mocking the person on the phone with his hand. “Yeah, love you too Mom.”

Evgeni‘s mouth dropped a little, feeling slightly uneasy about Sidney kissing him when he was on the phone with his mother. Then he shook his head, assuming he was being too paranoid. Sidney was trying his hardest to cram his phone back into his jeans pocket. It was difficult, seeing as they were already tight to his thighs.

“What?” asked Sidney, knowing that Evgeni’s mind was running at a fast pace.

“What do you tell parents?” asked Evgeni, his voice sounding soft.

“What? My parents or your parents?”

“Yours.”

“About what? About us?” Sidney looked slightly alarmed, and Evgeni wondered if his parents had ever suspected or thought anything was a bit off about Sidney at all.

Sidney had always said that he was ‘too focused on hockey’ during the season and the playoffs to be able to have a relationship, but now Evgeni knew why he’d kept giving that response to the ‘do you have a girlfriend’ question: Sidney didn’t have a girlfriend, but only because his eyes only sought out attraction from men.

“I just… you know- they don’t ask.” Sidney turned his head to look at Evgeni, shrugging as if to reassure himself. “They don’t ask.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to assume your parents have no idea about you being… different.” Evgeni smiled a little at Sidney’s hesitation to use the word ‘gay’.

“Hope not.” muttered Evgeni, running his hand back through his hair. “They ask.”

“And I’m sure you say a whole lot back to them.” Sidney was grinning at him, his perfect teeth shining out at him.

“No.”

“No, really though, what do you say?” asked Sidney curiously.

“I say I am… not finding anyone.”

“Clever.”

“It work.”

“For now.” muttered Sidney under his breath, low enough that Evgeni didn’t hear him.

***

Practice hadn’t gone so well. Although Sidney and Evgeni arrived at Mellon arena in cheerful, good moods, everybody else was looking exhausted and mellow. Evgeni’s mood began to slip as he gazed around the dressing room, noticing the lack of smiles on the familiar faces surrounding him.

Max and Marc were the worst, the two of them looking as though they’d already lost. They were sitting next to each other, but Evgeni was almost positive that he hadn’t heard either of them speak since he’d arrived, which was a bit weird because Max was always talkative.

“So Sid, you’re not staying at Mario’s anymore?” asked Kris curiously.

Evgeni probably shouldn’t have heard that sentence since Kris was sitting on the other side of Sidney and talking rather quietly. But Evgeni felt free to eavesdrop, he knew his name would soon be brought into the conversation.

“That’s right.” responded Sidney.

“Where’ve you been staying, then?”

Evgeni stared straight ahead, but even with his eyes focusing on the floor ahead of him, he could sense Kris’ eyes flickering over. He could feel Sidney’s elbows against his arm as Sidney shrugged, leaving Kris to assume that he was indeed staying at Evgeni’s.

“I’ve been looking for a roommate for a while, if you were still looking.”

“Well, yeah… I’m still looking, I guess.”

Sidney turned his head over, looking at Evgeni for the first time since he’d started talking with Kris.

“Hey Geno, did you hear that? Kris needs a roommate.” stated Sidney, his voice sounding mildly cold.

“Oh. Okay.” said Evgeni gently, trying to smile happily over at the two of them, which was difficult since he wasn’t happy for Sidney at all.

He knew the time would come when Sidney would have to leave to actually find a place to live other than his own apartment. He’d expected the time to come sooner, but Sidney had enjoyed staying there more than the two of them had expected. Although Evgeni was a nervous wreck when Sidney and his parents were underneath the same roof, he had also come to enjoy having Sidney in his apartment at all times. It made it much easier to sneak him into his bed and much simpler to explain to his parents.

“You could come by later to look at the place if you want, I’ve kind of been using the room as a storage space up until now. But if you want it, it’s yours.”

“Thanks.”

Evgeni didn’t really eavesdrop in on any other conversations, he focused on getting dressed and getting out of the dressing room. It had hit him hard to think that Sidney would be moving out and living with one of his friends, almost causing him to feel mildly yet darkly jealous.

“Can I get a ride?” asked Sidney, who had been strolling along beside him with his hockey bag the entire walk through the arena.

“You always get ride.” reminded Evgeni, retrieving his keys from his pocket.

“I know, it’s just it doesn’t make sense for the two of us to come in different cars if we’re both leaving from your apartment.”

“Not for long.” added Evgeni, instantly resenting the use of bitterness in his tone.

“You seem angry.”

“Not angry.”

“Is this about me possibly moving in with Kris?”

“Why you say ‘possibly’?” asked Evgeni curiously.

“I told him I’d think about it, I didn’t come right out and say yes,” snapped Sidney, waiting patiently outside for Evgeni to unlock the doors. “-and I said ‘possibly’ because… I didn’t know if maybe you and me could… you know, move in together officially.”

Evgeni dropped the keys on the ground, his eyebrows arched at Sidney as if to say ‘what?’.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” asked Sidney, walking around the car so he was now on the same side as Evgeni. “You’re acting like you don’t want me to leave, so I’m telling you I don’t have to.”

“My apartment is small-”

“We’d get a new one, a better one.”

Evgeni frowned, “What I tell parents?”

“Tell them we’re moving in together because we’re friends, and you like living with me.”

Evgeni finally unlocked the car doors, allowing the two of them to get in and begin driving home. Evgeni drove slowly, hoping to have the conversation finished before he had to go in and break the news to his parents.

“Your mom’s not going to be suspicious. Most of the guys on the team live with each other.” Sidney rolled his eyes and made a sound that sounded like a muffled ‘huffing’. “It’s not as weird as you’re making it sound.”

“I know.”

“But really, don’t think about it yet. I can wait until the playoffs are over, then we can start looking.”

“Okay.”

And that was that. Evgeni didn’t speak much on the rest of the ride back unless it was to make small talk with Sidney, who apparently was incapable of ever sharing a moment of silence. Evgeni would keep thinking about how much more convenient it would be to live with Sidney.

The two of them, chatting happily on their walk up to Evgeni’s apartment, were thankful to have their cheerful moods back from before the practice. Evgeni felt a bit disappointed when the time came for him to let go of Sidney’s hand in the hallway so he could unlock and open his door, even though he hadn’t realized he’d been holding it until it was time to let it go; his actions were becoming instinctive.

“Sounds like your parents have company in or something” whispered Sidney, grinning with curiosity from behind Evgeni.

Evgeni was equally as curious, twisting his key around in the door before pushing it open. He made a quick glance around to make sure nothing would seem out of the ordinary before opening the door wide and allowing him and Sidney to enter.

He could hear his mother’s voice echoing out from his kitchen, a fellow female voice adjoined with it. The melody seemed to nag at Sidney’s ears, striking up a strong curiosity. Evgeni raised his eyebrows, looking around for some sort of an explanation.

“Mother?” called Evgeni in Russian.

“I’m in the kitchen! Come in, there’s a surprise.”

Sidney stood quietly yet patiently, even though Evgeni knew that it must have caused him to physically ache knowing that there was no way for him to join in on the conversation. But Sidney had long since given up on attempting to be friendly towards Evgeni’s mother, knowing fully well that even if she could understand the words he spoke: she still probably wouldn’t talk to him. Sidney wondered if sometimes she knew how he was the one to corrupt her son, lead him into a semi-homosexual lifestyle.

“Come on.” mumbled Evgeni, kicking off his shoes and tugging on Sidney’s arm to get him to follow him into the kitchen.

Evgeni stopped partway through the doorway, blocking Sidney off from entering. Sidney couldn’t see anything besides the light seeping out from the kitchen ceiling. Evgeni's body stood stiff, even as Sidney tried to budge him.

“Oxsana.” stated Evgeni, his arms folding upwards against his chest.

Sidney pushed him a bit harder this time, sending Evgeni forward so that he could fit himself in the doorway as well. He glanced at Evgeni, hoping for even the slightest bit of eye contact, but Evgeni’s eyes were elsewhere. Sidney followed Evgeni's eyes to the current center of attention in the room.

There she was: Oxsana Kondakov, tall in stature with her blonde hair and lustful blue eyes. Sidney took another look at Evgeni, and it made him slightly sad to realize that were parts of him that would never be able to appeal to Evgeni in ways that Oxsana’s could.