Watching the Stars

The days leading to the wedding were filled with busy people around Estella’s house. Since they had only two days until the wedding, Estella had to be fitted for a dress (the thing that annoyed her the most), and the place had to be set up so that there could be a wedding... and everything just jumbled Estella’s head.

“I need to walk,” Estella complained to her mother. “I need to get out of here.”

“But Estella!” Beatriz sighed. “Felix is here to see you!”

“Send him away.”

“That is no way to be a bride, Estella. Maybe you could walk with him.”

Estella glared. “All right then,” she agreed, her lips unmoving. Her mother smiled and went to fetch Felix in the front room. Estella slipped out of the back window. She liked her freedom and would do anything to get out of the house.

The sun was setting as she escaped to her favourite field. The clouds were thick and Estella was sure that there was going to be rain soon enough. It would be nice to run in the rain and get wet, but if rain came after she married Felix, she wouldn’t get to do that.

Two more days until she had to wed Felix, and this was probably one of the last times she’d get to lie here and be free. Estella was sure that she would have to go through with the marriage, because what else would she be able to do? Running away at this point seemed like a disgrace to her family...

Her family. Her mother. Who was she doing this for? What would her father say, should he still be alive? Would he like Felix, or would he send him away? She could never know.

She crossed her legs and sat on a patch of white flowers. She picked one from the soil and started to pluck the petals off, one by one, telling herself that on one, she would marry Felix, on the next, she wouldn’t.

“Estella.”

She froze when she heard her name, wondering if she’d been caught. She let out a breath that she’d been holding in. “Caspian, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you before your wedding,” the prince breathed, sitting on the grass next to her. He sat very close. “I know you’re not going to be able to talk to me after.” He raised his arm and slowly reached forward to rub her arm. Estella was glad that she had rolled her sleeves down, so that he couldn’t see her arm shiver under his touch. They stayed like that for a short while.

“I’m still going to be your friend,” Estella insisted, breaking the silence.

“But his wife,” Caspian pointed out. He looked up at the dark horizon.

“I know, I know,” Estella sighed. She ran her tongue over her lips. “I don’t really like it. I am going to have to live with it, though.”

“I guess I brought it upon you,” Caspian murmured. “If I hadn’t scared you, maybe you would’ve been saved of the awful marriage you are being thrown into.”

Estella breathed out slowly. He was right, but she didn’t want to hurt him more. It probably hurt that his friend was getting married.

She didn’t know that it hurt him more than she knew.

Caspian sat back on the grass, gazing at the sky. “I am a coward,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

Estella raised an eyebrow, kneeling over him. “What do you mean? Caspian, if this is about being king again—”

“No,” Caspian cut her off quietly. His stomach gave a lurch. “Never mind. Never mind. I didn’t say that. I am not a coward, okay?” But he thought that he was even more of a coward, backing out of his statements like that.

“Caspian,” Estella told him stiffly. “Why do you always say that you’re a coward? You know you are not. If... if anyone else I knew were given the job of looking over a kingdom, surely they would be so overwhelmed by the mere fact that people were looking at them that way...”

“And it is exactly that,” Caspian replied. “But I don’t want to talk about princely duties now. I don’t think I want to talk.”

“Then I’ll go, if you want to be alone. I’m sure that my mother is puzzled as to where I am, and I’m sure Felix wants to ‘talk’ to me again...” Estella grumbled. She started to get up.

Caspian was sitting up suddenly. “No. I want you to stay here.”

“Caspian, if this is another one of your drunken stammers, and your indecisive thoughts—”

“I am not drunk. I want you to stay. I will be a coward no longer,” Caspian cut her off. He breathed in deeply, tried to stare into her eyes and groaned. “I am a coward!”

Estella stayed silent, her small body in her light dress contrasting well against the dark sky. She touched his long hair lightly with her fingertips, while he squeezed his eyelids shut. He bit at his bottom lip.

“Are you marrying Felix for love?” Caspian asked, hardly moving his lips. Estella’s look softened.

“Well, I told you, Caspian, I think he is all right. An all right person, but certainly not the one for me. But if it’s marriage that my mother wants me to do—”

“No, I really mean it, Estella.” Caspian stated, sitting up to use his height as an advantage. “Are you marrying him for real love?”

“I don’t love him—”

“Okay.”

“Caspian, is there... I mean, why are you cutting me off? If there is something you need to say, something you need to do, tell me as a friend,” Estella said sternly.

Caspian swallowed dry air. “I... I do not want to tell you as a friend,” he whispered. Estella blinked slowly, her eyebrows knitting together in a confused look.

“Are... are you saying that we can’t be friends anymore? Is this because of Felix?” Estella asked, her voice broken.

“No,” Caspian breathed. “No, no. I would never stop being your friend, Estella.”

“Then what is it?” Estella asked quietly. Her eyes were wide already, and both she and Caspian were kneeling, leaning towards each other.

“Estella,” Caspian breathed. “I... I think... no, no, I don’t think... I know I am in love with you.”

It felt as if the weight of the castle had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Estella opened her mouth many times to speak, but nothing came out. Nothing could compare to the words Caspian had just spoken. So she just let out a few breaths until she was calm, and came to the horrible realization.

“I am marrying Felix,” Estella breathed. Tears sprung to her eyes. “I... I...”

Caspian watched her as she pulled at her hair, pulled at the grass in frustration. The words were a lot to bring down upon her, but Caspian felt like he would have died if she had gotten married to Felix without knowing.

“I don’t want to marry Felix,” Estella sobbed, lying on the grass. “I don’t want to. He is horrible, and I don’t want to marry him.”

“Estella,” Caspian breathed, lying next to her. He pushed some of strands, wet with tears, away from her face. It hurt his heart to see her crying like this. “Don’t marry Felix, then. You don’t have to.”

“But my mother!” she cried. Caspian only tried to shush her, wiping her face and whispering soothing words into her ear.

They stayed like that until the moons came up, and until the stars changed their positions in the sky. Estella cried softly into Caspian’s arms, now that he didn’t have his mail on. She was a child again, needing to be held close and comforted.

The front of Caspian’s shirt was stained with Estella’s tears as she attempted to sit up after a long time of sniffling. She ran her slender fingers through her hair, which smelled of the sweetest flowers in the field, so that it fell in nice waves. Caspian watched her with a glazed over look.

Once she had finished, she sat on her knees again, sniffling. “I am sorry. I am so sorry, Caspian.”

“Why?” He looked up at her, tilting his head.

There were tears in Estella’s eyes again. “I still have to marry Felix.”

“You can’t!” Caspian cried, sitting up. “I... I just told you that I love you. You can’t do that to me, Estella, please.”

“Prince’s orders?” Estella asked, a sly smile on her face. Caspian couldn’t help but smile.

“Please,” he whimpered. And then he gasped, an idea forming quickly in his head. “Marry me. Will you marry me?”

“I...” Estella started, but stopped. “My mother has already gone through many preparations, and Felix will be angry at me...”

“I will have him banished. And we can make more preparations,” Caspian smiled excitedly.

“Caspian!” Estella scolded. Her voice softened. “Caspian, you know my heart is with you. But I don’t know if I can just tell my mother that I want to marry someone else.”

“If you are going to marry him, stay with me here the rest of the night,” Caspian pleaded.

Estella smiled. “The sun will soon be up, prince, if you haven’t noticed.”

Caspian looked to the horizon, smiling when the sun began to shine against the soil.

“My mother will worry if I don’t leave now,” Estella breathed, stretching her arms out. “She will not be happy I spent the night in a field. I probably look horrible; I haven’t slept at all.”

Caspian smiled. “I think you look beautiful.”

Estella returned the smile, but her bottom lip trembled. She suddenly had her arms around him, nearly choking him (in the good way) with a hug. “I will miss you,” she whispered. “And I will always love you more than Felix. More than anybody.”

Caspian breathed in the scent of her hair deeply. He pulled away gently, and tucked some hair behind her ear. Then, pulling her face towards his, he brought his lips to meet hers.

“Caspian,” Estella exhaled, her eyes shut. “I have to go...”

“Kiss me again,” Caspian begged, and so she did. They kissed until the sun’s rays made the stars disappear, and when Estella finally had to leave, Caspian knew that the stars had disappeared forever.