No one wants to hear a drunken fool

The stars. Twinkling up high in the dark sky. A beautiful vision that this night was unnoticed by the people at Gilman street. Billie Joe emptied another bottle of beer.
“Maybe you should get home Bill.” Mike had said, for about two hours ago.
Now he was just as drunk himself. He was laughing his ass of after hearing a joke for the third time.
“Please, one more time!” He giggled, having a hard time breathing. “And Billie, listen up.”
Billie turned his head without really listening. He felt nauseous and was lying on the lawn, not to get all dizzy. Though, he couldn’t stand up anyway, since his legs went numb a long time ago.
He hadn’t been drunk for months. Not since he got home from the long tour. Not since he made the biggest mistake of his life.
“I’m out of here.” Billie exclaimed and made an all-out effort to get up on his feet.
No reaction from the people around the bonfire. He could see Tré sitting under a tree, smoking some shit and laughing at Mike who were throwing up in the bushes. Tré looked up when Billie approached in front of them.
“Hey man.” He grinned. “Want some?”
Billie shook his head and pushed Tré’s outstretched hand away. He leered at Mike who leaned against the tree, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“How’re you doing Mikey?” Billie Joe sneered at his friend.
“Shut up.” Mike snapped and sat down beside Tré. “God, what a headache!”
The three guys became quite for a while and watched singing, dancing and drinking people. It was years ago since the last time they’d been here. The whole atmosphere made them think back to the “good old days”.
“What time is it?” Tré blurted out.
“Way past bedtime.” Mike answered, fixing his eyes into the fire.
Another twenty minutes passed by and the rock stars were still sitting around doing nothing. But as the area was getting empty, they decided to make their way home.
Home to what? Billie thought dejected.

Billie’s POV

The sun was rising and I saw my friends staggering away and disappear down the road. I was getting sober, but definitely not less tired. The sunlight was hurting my eyes as I walked towards my house. I unlocked the door and entered the hall.
“Hello?” I called.
Silence. What else? Not only was it 4 o’clock in the morning, when everyone is asleep, but the house was actually empty.
I sighed and closed the door behind me. She really did it, I established after searching in every room, just in case. Adrienne left me. Actually, it was four days ago she ran out through the door, with our confused sons and drove off. But I still kept wishing that they’d be there when I came home. And each time I realized that it wasn’t going to happen, I was heartbroken.

Flashback, three months ago

“Maybe her?” Tré said and pointed at another girl.
“Whatever. You’re the horny single.” Billie answered.
He slapped Tré over his head.
“Hey! I have my needs, and you should respect them.”
Mike came down to their table with more drinks. He sat down in front of the guys.
“Here we go.” He said and divided the glasses between the three of them.
Tré kept looking after chicks while getting more and more vulgar.
“Lay off man!” Billie exclaimed.
A young woman was sitting in the drummers lap. She seemed high on something and giggled hysterically about what Tré had whispered in her ear. Billie noticed that she looked a lot like Adrienne. The resemblance made him stunned.
“What’s your name?” He popped out, staring into her brown eyes.
She turned to Billie Joe, surprised that he talked to her. Then she jumped of Tré and sat down beside Billie.
“Hi there.” She said with a big smile. “I’m Jess.”
“I assume that’s a short for Jessica?” Billie asked and smiled back.
Jess nodded and moved even closer to him. Her breath stunk alcohol and her eyes were flashing all over the place. The two started talking superficial. Mike and Tré withdrew and stayed at the bar. Billie didn’t know what to do when Jessica laid her hand on his. He knew he should push her away, but as he got more and more drunk he lost his senses…

Billie’s POV

How did Adrienne find out? I wouldn’t know. The morning I woke up beside Jess, I was just as confused as her. At first I refused to remember, even though it was obvious what had happened since we were lying in a bed together. Where I was I had no idea.
“You must have followed me home.” Jessica giggled and gave me flirting look, just like the night before.
But this time I wouldn’t smile back.
“Fuck!” I groaned and got up.
This can’t be happening, I thought. This is a big mistake. Shit!
All I could think about was my family. How could I do this to them? The only people I truly loved with all my heart. I putted on my black jeans and stumbled out with the rest of my clothes in my arms.
“Have a good day!” Jess laughed when I closed the door behind me.
I stepped out on the porch and got dressed. Luckily, I saw my car parked a few yards away. I searched my pockets and found the car keys. Sitting in the car, I forced myself to remember the night before. Everything was in a blur. Tré and Mike had left pretty early though… And then Jessica came on to me.

When I came home Adrienne was on her way out. I just couldn’t cope looking her in the eyes. Oh my god. What have I done? What have I done to my beautiful wife? I don’t deserve her and she does not deserve an ass like me, I kept thinking with a lump down in my throat.
“Hey honey. I’m glad you’re finally home.” She said in a sweet voice and held me tight.
She didn’t seem to think it was odd that I’d been gone all night, so I figured that maybe Mike or Tré had covered for me.
“Me too.” I answered.
“Are you alright Billie?” Adrienne asked and let me go.
“Yeah. So… Where are you going?” I quickly changed the subject.
“I’m off to work.” She said, pecking me on the cheek. “Oh, Joey’s sick today. So make sure to look after him every now and then.”
“Okay…”
I watched Adrienne drive off and then just stood there for a long while. I felt all empty inside, and found myself thinking that it could be the last time she’d ever leave with saying goodbye. At last, I went inside, determined never to hurt my family ever again.

With heavy steps I walked towards Joseph’s room. Standing in the doorframe, I watched him sleep peacefully. After a while I went to get some coffee. When I came back he was awake, sitting on the bed in his pyjamas.
“Hi dad.” He said, smiling feebly.
“Hey buddy.”
I sat down beside him and we were quite for a while. Then Joey broke the silence.
“Dad…You look sad.”
Great. Even my son noticed there was something wrong. I looked down at him.
“Nah,” I answered. “I’ve just missed you guys, that’s all.”

End of flashback
Still Billie’s POV

I laid down in the bed, staring at Adrienne’s empty pillow. Where was she now? I tried to come up with places she could have gone to, but decided to give it some rest. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. Within a couple of seconds I had fallen into a deep sleep.
In the late afternoon the phone woke me up. I ran up to get it.
“Yes?” I answered and breathed heavily.
“Man, are you alright?” Tré asked on the other line.
“What do you think?” I hissed.
“Oh sorry, stupid question. No signs of them huh?”
My depressed silence spoke for itself. I sighed and glanced at the clock.
“What do want Tré?”
“Well, Jason’s back in town… And so we thought that you and Mike could come along.” He laughed. “We’ll have a great night, just like the last time!”
I couldn’t seem to find the irony in it. He knew I regretted that night more than anything.
“Common BJ…” Tré pleaded.
“I’m sorry… I’ve got some stuff to take care of.”
I hung up, and buried my face in my hands. I had to find Adie. If I didn’t have her, my life would be nothing. I grabbed the phone again and dialled her cell phone number. There were three signals before I could leave a voice message.
“Hey, this is Adrienne. I can’t pick up the phone right now so… Leave a message and I’ll call you back, unless your name is Billie Joe. Bye.”
That last part perplexed me a bit. I considered to let it go and leave her alone for just a little longer. But then I couldn’t let her think that I’d given up on her. A couple of seconds passed before I realized that I was supposed to say something.
“Oh… uh…” I mumbled stupidly. “Hey Adie… I know you hate me now. And I hate myself, probably even more than you hate me.”
I paused. I stumbled with the words and there was a bit too many “hate”. I inhaled and tried to focus. It was hard. I had to make her listen.
“I know you don’t want to see me. ‘Cause you’re a woman with dignity. And I fucked it up. Big time…” I swallowed an ounce of bitter laughter. “I… I guess we’ll sort things out later… maybe… yeah… Anyway, you have to let me see the boys. I miss you guys so much.” I was choking up and sounded really pathetic. I hung up. Just like any other frantic freak, I sat down on the couch, staring into nothing in specific. After a while I took a pack of cigarettes and went outside. Had to kill some time.

Adrienne’s POV

I pulled up outside the school and looked at my watch. Five more minutes until the boys would come out. I impatiently started drumming on the steering wheel. I had started to hate being alone. The reason… Well, each time I was alone with my thoughts I had such a hard time holding back the tears. And I couldn’t stop thinking about Billie. My eyes were burning and in the rear-view mirror I saw how red they were from all my whining. I had found out about Billie Joe’s cheating a couple of days ago. On Friday at work my secretary knocked on the door to my office and came in with an unknown woman.
“Sorry Ma’am, this lady wished to speak with you.” She gave the girl beside her an insecure look. “She said it was urgent…”
I studied the woman. She had a very short skirt. My first impression was that she looked kind of slutty. She gazed back at me before coming over to me.
“Hi Mrs.Armstrong. Nice to meet you.” She was bending over the desk, behind which I was sitting, reaching for my hand.
“Morning.” I answered as we shook hands.
Over her shoulder I saw my secretary sneak out and close the door behind her. I leaned back in my chair, waiting for the woman to introduce herself. She was now sitting on my desk. Your skirt is way to short, I thought as you could see her thighs.
“My name’s Jessica…” She said with her eyes on a picture of me, Billie and the boys.
Jessica started playing with her hair with a smirk on her lips. A weird silence appeared for surely half a minute.
“And may I ask what you doing here?” I asked impatiently and stood up to get some papers from a drawer ten feet away.
She turned back to me and still had that stupid smile on her face. Then I finally noticed her left hand. She was slowly raising it and then she dropped something on the desk. The sunlight was reflecting on the object and therefore it took a few seconds before I recognized it. A watch. Billie’s watch. I ran to grab it. And Jessica just stood there, letting me hold it in my hand and revise it.
I was about to ask how she got it, but no words came out of my mouth. Then Jessica stood up and came close up against me. I felt her warm breath in my ear when she whispered:
“Amazing what stuff you find when you search under your bed.”
With that she sauntered out of my office.

The car door opened and my two boys sat down in the backseat. I quickly wiped all the tears and turned to them.
“Hi there sweethearts. How was school today?”
“Good.”
“Fine.”
Joey buckled up and then stared out through the window. He had come to stop talking to me lately. I wasn’t sure why but assumed that it had to do with us moving out of the house. It was pretty obvious he missed his father. He’d been demanding explanations the last couple of days, which I hadn’t really been able to give him.
Jakob leaned forward to me, saying:
“Hey mom, can’t we do something fun today? Like… with dad?”
He looked back at his brother to get his agreement. But Joey didn’t care to join in. So Jakob turned back to me, a bit timid.
“Where’s dad by the way?”
“Please sit back down and put your seatbelt on.” I said and started the engine.
Jakob did as he was told but kept waiting for my answer. And I knew that it was my duty as a parent to let my children know what was going on. But at this point I wasn’t sure myself what had happened. These four days had just flown by and I had acted in agony without thinking about how my sons must’ve felt. I wanted so badly to save them from the pain I was feeling. The pain of having a betraying husband/father.
But I couldn’t say anything before Joey opened his mouth.
“They’re getting divorced.”
There was something cold in his voice, a bitterness. He still kept his eyes fixed on something outside the window. I started driving and said, before little Jakob would react:
“No, no that’s not right. Mom and dad are both pretty busy at the moment. With work and stuff…”
“But why are we not staying at home with dad? Why are we staying in that old apartment with Ms Morgan?”
I looked around, as if I was looking for an answer out there on the road. That burning feeling came back behind my eyelids. Damn you Billie! I thought and felt more angry. I wished he was there to see how he’d messed up. It was all his fault. And I refused to explain to our children something horrible he had done. He ought to do it himself. Yes, as a punishment he would sit down with his boys and explain to them why mommy and daddy didn’t live together anymore.
“Don’t worry guys.” I said. “You’ll meet your dad soon.”

Flashback, 4 days ago
Billie’s POV

I hadn’t forgotten about it, of course not. But it had been three months and I began to relax more and really enjoy every moment I had with my family. It was like I’d got another chance, which I wouldn’t risk to lose for anything in the world. My kids had been so happy since I came home from all the touring. And Adrienne and I were just great at the moment. So well, therefore I wasn’t prepared for what happened when I came home from the store on Friday. As soon as I’d stepped out of the car on the driveway, Jakob and Joseph came running towards me.
“Wow, you’re surprisingly keen on helping out.” I laughed and opened the backdoors to get the groceries.
But the boys weren’t even thinking of giving me a hand.
“Good you’re finally home dad.” Joey said.
“Hey, I missed you too but…”
“Mom’s all crazy.” Jakob said in a lowered voice.
They both looked pretty scared and for a few seconds I thought, or at least hoped, that they’d made her upset by being naughty. But I soon realized that it was worse than that. Way worse.
Jakob grabbed my hand and literally dragged me into the house. I just followed, shuddering for what was to come. In the hallway I looked around nervously.
“Where is she?” I whispered and tightened my grip of Jakob’s hand.
“I think she’s upstairs.” Joey answered behind me, also whispering.
So I slowly sneaked up the stairs. Joey and Jakob came after, but I turned around, saying to them:
“You guys stay here, okay?”

Adrienne was to be found in our bedroom. She was really tense and was running back and forth between the bed and the closet. I could tell she’d cried a lot. She was still sobbing and wiped a couple of streaming tears away every now and then. The bed was full of clothes, as well as the floor. There was a suitcase in which she obviously packed her belongings. I think I stood there, stunned, for a few minutes. None of us said a word. And it wasn’t necessary, because I knew, there and then, that she’d found out and that she would not listen to me. There was nothing I could do. Now I’d lost her. Game over.
I let her walk right past me. In that moment I could’ve sworn that I would never be able to feel happiness ever again. Just for a while I felt so weak. Like as if I’d fall apart any second. I walked right behind her, but sort of like a zombie, paralyzed. On the landing I stopped and just watched her drag the suitcase beside her down the stairs. The boys had left the hall and gone away somewhere. Adie called for them.
“Jakob and Joey come on!”
I still stood on the same spot, seeing my wife shaking with anger. She wouldn’t even look at me. Our two sons came running within a few seconds. They seemed really confused and still a bit scared. Adrienne tapped her foot, demanding them:
“Get your coats and put your shoes on. We’re leaving.”
There was no arguing with her when she used that tone. Joey gave me a quick glance. But I couldn’t move a muscle. After a short while they were all done and their mother almost shoved them outside the door. Before closing the door behind her, she turned around and finally looked up at me. Her eyes have never felt so cold. And I’ve never felt so hated in my life.

End of flashback
Still Billie’s POV

It must have been the watch. Why the hell did I take my watch off? I’d searched everywhere without finding it. I remember Adrienne asked me about it a couple of days after that night. Then I made up something like I’d left it in the car. The second time she asked if I’d found it yet, I decided to go out and buy a new one. Though, of course, I couldn’t find the exact same one. Instead I bought a watch that I thought looked the most like my old one, and prayed that no one would notice the difference. But with my usual luck, Adrienne did.
“Oh, you found it! Let me see.” She said and stretched out her hand to grab mine.
I laughed stupidly and hid it behind my back.
“Why? It’s just my watch.”
Adie looked at me in disbelief and said:
“Billie, why are you hiding it?”
Am I such a bad liar? My cheeks were heating and I hated myself for being so stupid. Then I decided to stop lying and showed her the watch. She started to inspect it very carefully.
“Alright, that’s not the one.” I said guiltily.
“I can see that. But where is it then?”
For a minute I could ask the same thing. But then it hit me. It couldn’t be anywhere else than at Jessica’s. That damn bitch must’ve gone to Adie later on, maybe giving it to her. Of course I would never mention Jessica back then, so I said something like:
“I don’t know. I guess it could be anywhere now… Haven’t seen it for weeks. I’m not even sure I had it when I came home from the tour.”
I lied again. But I tried to convince myself that it was for the best.

These four days without my wife and kids were the worst of my life. From time to time I panicked, thinking that I might never see them again.
It was getting dark and I’d probably wandered around for hours. A few people around the neighbourhood had sneaked out when I walked passed.
“Hey, isn’t that the guy from Green Day?” Someone said, thinking that I wouldn’t hear.
“Shit, yeah… It’s Billie Joe Armstrong.”
Thankfully, no one came closer to me wanting to talk or whatever. After a while I decided to turn back home. As I walked through an alley, with no person in sight, my cell phone rang. I sighed and got it out of my pocket. I had a smaller chock when I saw “Adrienne calling” on the display. Now, I‘m a rock star, who to many people may not seem to fear anything, but her name on my display almost made me drop the phone. I cleared my throat and answered.
“Yes?”
But it was all quite on the other line. I could picture Adie, fighting the tears and then hanging up. I couldn’t let her do that.
“Adie? Is that you?”
I heard some sobbing. It took a while before she composed herself.
“Yes.”
There was a kind of relief inside of me. I could finally hear her voice. She finally talked to me. I sat down on a bench nearby.
“I’m so sorry Adrienne… You left me in such a rush. If you’d just let me explain.”
“I got your message.” She interrupted me. “It was pathetic. And not once did you say you were sorry.”
I didn’t hear her sobbing anymore. She sounded really irate and I knew it was too early for excuses.
“You don’t have to explain.” Adrienne continued. “I think I got it all figured out.”
It was pointless trying to ask for forgiveness and so on. I looked down on the ground, gently saying:
“Please let me see the boys. I miss them so much.”
Adrienne sighed and went quite again. I looked around, seeing no living soul in the area.
“Jesus Billie. It’s been four days. You’ve been away on tour longer than that.”
I had no answer to that. Though I kept thinking that she had no right to keep my sons away from me. But I didn’t say anything. Then Adie said, after a lot of thinking it seemed:
“I’ll drop them off at your place tomorrow.”
She hung up. It was a good thing though. One step in the right direction. I was going to see my boys again.

Adrienne’s POV

Christine Morgan was a friend of mine that I’d met through work a couple of years ago. She was a single mom who lived a few blocks from us. Since an awful divorce she’d gone through last year, she had figured out that she despised men, which I always thought was a bit exaggerated. But, in my situation these days, I had no problem with that. In fact, she was the one I first turned to after leaving Billie Joe. To a beginning I think she spurred me to hate him, to an extent were I was about to throw my wedding ring away. But it seemed premature to do that already. And I was concerned about my kids. They shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff. In the car that Friday they’d been really frightened. I was all furious and they wouldn’t dare to make sound. Later that night when I had calmed down I assured them it was all going to be alright. But I avoided answering questions about what had happened.
“Don’t worry boys. We’ll talk about it later.” I had said, sending them off to bed.
We were staying at Christine’s apartment. She’d been kind enough to take us in while her three daughters were spending the weekend with their father. Joey and Jakob shared a room and I slept in one of the daughter’s room. Christine herself slept in her own bedroom of course. She wasn’t around as much, as you would think since it was her apartment, so it was basically just me and the boys. I had been given free hands to cook and clean whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I got the feeling that Christine took some advantage of having me taking care of everything in her home. But I had no reason to complain. I was lucky to have somewhere to stay in times like this. And the good thing was that Billie wasn’t aware of that we were only a couple of streets apart.

Being separated from Billie Joe was hard. I guess it shouldn’t be as hard for me, the wife of a big rock star would normally be used to it from all his touring and so on. I’d been sleeping many nights alone in our bed when he was out somewhere playing with his band. But this time it was different. He wasn’t away on any tour, he wasn’t far across the country. He was at home, just where I had wanted him to be. At home with his family. But he screwed that up, didn’t he? It pissed me off just thinking about. He’d cheated on me and I might learn to live with that, but I could never accept the fact that he let his children down like that. Our family was broken up because of him.
For the kids sake I called Billie to let him meet them. The way I saw it I couldn’t forbid it, that would be like punishing the boys instead of him. Christine had a different opinion. I never noticed her coming in when I was on the phone with Billie. As soon as I hung up she said:
“I can’t believe you just said that!”
“What?” I said, turning around, scared half to death.
I hate people ‘overhearing’ private phone calls. I didn’t care if she was my friend, mine and Billie’s conversation was none of her business.
“You’re letting him see them? Already?”
I tried to explain to her that I couldn’t keep the kids away from him, but she seemed to think that I was defending him in some way.
“What were you thinking?” She was almost yelling. “You can’t let him do that! It’s like letting him get away with everything! He does not deserve to see any of you guys, and you know it.”
I really didn’t have the energy to discuss it with her. And I couldn’t risk a fight. Therefore I decided to get ready for bed, simply saying:
“It’s okay. I’ll just drop them off, I won’t talk to him or anything.”
Lying down in the bed I had a hard time falling asleep. The next day I’d be seeing Billie. My belly started aching on just the thought of it. I turned around a dozen times, couldn’t find any comfortable position. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Billie Joe. I was angry with myself for missing him so much. Because that’s what I did. And that was the most painful part of it. I missed him like hell. That night I cried myself to sleep.