I Can't Believe This

After placing my order, I sat down at one of the small tables in the tiny Subway. I’d actually been kind of lying when I’d told Billie Joe that I needed to go. Truthfully, I had absolutely nowhere to be all day. My schedule was wide open. I groaned internally and closed my eyes.

Apologize cut through the quietness around me. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out my cell phone and flipped it open.

“Hello?”

“Hey doll face, what’s up?”

“Nothing. How are you Tré?”

“Bored. Which is exactly why I called you. Want to hang out?”

My order was called. I went, picked up the flimsy plastic tray and returned to my seat. “Sounds good. I’ve been bored out of my mind too.”

“I can imagine. I mean, sitting alone in a Subway is a desperate cry of loneliness.”

My head snapped up, my eyes searching around me. Nothing. I craned my head around to look out the window behind me. Still nothing. “Where the hell are you, Tré?”

He laughed. “Around. I can still see you. In fact I’m waving at you, but I doubt you’ll be able to me. You are kind of oblivious when it comes to certain things,” he informed me, laughing again.

Looking outside, all I could see was traffic. There were some pedestrians walking around, of course, but none of them looked like the infamous Tré Cool. “Damn it Tré,” I said, trying to sound threatening, “Tell me where you are.”

“Behind you.”

“I’m looking behind me, and I don’t see you.”

“Not that behind you. The other behind you. Which I guess if you looked at it from another point of view, it would be in front of you.”

“What the hell are you going on about? I lost you after ‘other behind you’.” The phone went dead on the other end. He’d hung up.

I snapped my phone closed. “Fine then,” I muttered to myself. “Didn’t want to talk to you either.” I scanned the crowd outside one more time. No Tré.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I didn’t turned around right away, I was too busy still muttering to myself. “What?”

“Is that anyway to greet a friend?”

I glanced behind me. “How the hell did you get in here without me noticing? The front door is right in front of me,” I asked Tré, as he slid into the chair across from me.

“When you’re Tré Cool, you can get people to do practically anything. Like let you in a back door.” He grinned and took a drink from my soda.

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my sandwich.

“So, after you’re done here, we should go somewhere.”

“Such as?” I prompted.

“I don’t know anywhere. How about the mall?”

I shrugged. “Okay. Sounds fine to me.” I wrapped up the rest of my sandwich and got up to throw it away.

“Hey, now. What do you think you’re doing with that?”

I pivoted back around. “Um, throwing it away.”

“That’s wastefulness,” he chided me.

“There’s only like, three bites left,” I countered.

Tré made a tsking sound, shaking his head in disapproval at me.

I grinned and held it out to him. “You want it, don’t you?”

He jumped up and grabbed the sandwich from my hand. “Of course!” he yelled, sprinting out the door.

I followed him out the door, laughing. “Wow Tré.”

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, nothing. Let’s go. Oh and by the way, you have lettuce stuck to your chin,” I pointed at his face and laughed. “Come on! To the mall.”

***

“Remind me why we didn’t just drive?” I asked as we turned the corner, the mall finally coming into view. We’d been walking for about forty minutes.

“I don’t know. Because I forgot I had a car with me. And you were all, Let’s go to the mall! Yay!” he mocked in a high voice. “So here we are.”

I stopped and just stared at him, trying not to laugh. I raised an eyebrow. “Let’s go to the mall?”

“Well, that’s what you sounded like.”

“My voice is not that high, dude.”

“Actually it is. In fact it’s probably a little higher than that. I’d demonstrate it for you, but I still have my manly goods, so that would be an impossibility.”

I started walking again. “Well, you almost still have all your manly goods,” I recalled, suppressing a smile.

“Hey, that was below the belt,” he cried in faux horror.

“You’re telling me.”

We reached one of the front entrances and were met by a cool draft. Ah, the wonders of air conditioning. “So, where to?” I asked, weaving through a throng of people.

“Well, I need to get a new pair of board shorts. My last pair ripped the other day.”

“What did you do?”

“Why do you automatically assume that I did something?” he asked, smiling.

“Because you’re Tré Cool.”

“Good point. I was doing laundry and when I went to stick my whites in the dryer, I accidentally closed the door on my shorts. Then I pulled away and they had a huge hole right in the penis vicinity.”

I burst out laughing.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” I huffed in between fits of laughter, “But only you could do something like that.”

Grinning he brushed passed me. “I‘m going to take that as a compliment!” He raced through the doors of a men’s clothing shop, disappearing into the racks of shorts.

I walked into the store behind him and after a few minutes of searching, I still hadn’t found him. I sighed. “Marco!” I yelled. Everyone in the store turned around to face me. “Just trying to find a friend.”

“Polo!” I heard from across the store.

Weaving through more clothing I called again, “Marco!”

“Polo!” Tré yelled from somewhere to my right.

I ducked under a rack of shorts, my eyes landing on the back of his head. “Hey Marco.” I grabbed a pair of leopard print shorts and held them up. “These are perfect for you.”

He actually studied them for a moment. “No, the cut is all wrong. I don’t have the legs for that kind of style. Mike however, would look great in those. He has those really nice long legs.”

I laughed and tossed them back onto the pile. “Spend a lot of time looking at Mike’s legs, do you?”

“Of course. He’s my hetero life mate,” he sniffed, as though I should already know this information.

“Ahh, right. My mistake.”

A second later Tré produced a pair of bright pink board shorts and held them up to his waist. “What do you think?”

“I think they’re perfect for you. You should try them on.”

“I agree. And you should try on this pair.” He pulled out a pair that was black with lime green Hawaiian flowers on them.

“Tré, this is a men’s clothing store.”

“So?” He rolled his eyes when I didn’t say anything. “Oh jeez, you goody-goody. Follow me.” He grabbed my hand and towed me along to the dressing rooms. “Excuse me, miss,” he said to the lady at the dressing counter. “But I need a woman’s opinion on my clothing. Would it be alright if she came in with me?”

The woman didn’t say anything. Obviously she was stunned by the fact that a member of Green Day was speaking to her. Asking her for a favor, even. “Um, yes, go right ahead.”

Tré winked, then pulled me into a room. “Here, just try them on.”

“Tré, I’m not going to try on clothing while you’re in the room.”

“Why not?” His confusion melted away seconds later. “I’ve seen you in a bikini, Lisa. It’s not a big deal. And I promise not to try anything with you while you’re in your underwear.” He grinned at the last part.

I sighed. Might as well try them, I was already in here anyway. “You better not.” I slipped out of my jeans and picked up the shorts.

“After you’re in the shorts, however, I may try something with you.” He smiled at me.

I pulled the shorts on and tied the front closed, rolling my eyes. “You do and you’ll lose your other nut,” I threatened.

“Point taken,” he said, stepping back a little. “See, now strut your stuff in front of the mirror to see how good you look. If you want my personal opinion, I would get them. Especially since you’ll need something to wear to the party I’m throwing at my house tonight.”

“Party?” I slipped out of the shorts and pulled my jeans back on. “What time?” Draping the shorts over my arm, I followed Tré out of the small cubicle.

“Starts at seven.” He turned his attention to the woman at the counter. “Thank you.”

Tré grabbed the shorts from me and set them with his at the checkout stand. “I got it.”

I smiled. “You should let me pay for mine.”

“Why?” He pulled out his credit card and handed it to the man at the cash register. A moment later Tré handed a bag to me. “But, since I paid for it, you can carry it,” he said, grinning.

“And here I thought you were going to be a gentlemen all day.”

“Silly rabbit.”

“Manners are for everyone else but you,” I finished.

We left the store and wandered around the mall for about an hour before finally deciding to leave. We were almost back to my apartment when a question about his party popped into my mind. “Um, Tré,” I started, hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Well, uh, who is going to be at your party?” I looked down at the pavement, attempting to hide the worry that clouded my face.

“Oh, you know, just some friends. You know all of them,” he answered vaguely.

Obviously, he was trying to hide something from me, and I think I had a pretty good idea about what that something might be. “Billie’s going to be there, isn’t he?”

Tré glanced sideways at me quickly and cleared his throat. “Well, uh, he is my friend.”

I nodded. “I don’t think I can go.”

He stopped walking and took a hold of my arm. “Lisa, I know that you don’t want to see Billie, but I want you to come to my party. Because you’re my friend. And, truthfully, you haven’t done anything fun since you two broke up.”

I winced at his accusation. True, I hadn’t done anything really fun in awhile, although having that pointed out annoyed me. But I still didn‘t feel like having fun. “Tré, please--”

“Lisa, come on. You need some fun. And, if you want, you can avoid him while you’re there. But please come. And if you say no, I’m just going to show up at your door and drag you there myself. You know I will,” he taunted, his eyes narrowing.

“Why do I get the feeling that this is some big set up you and Mike have put together to get Billie and I back together?”

“Because you know us very well.” His eyes focused on mine, sincerity burning in them. “This isn’t some ruse to get you two back together. I promise. It’s just a party.”

I deliberated for a moment. I guess I could use some fun. And I can avoid Billie. I’ll have to. I sighed in defeat. “Only if Emilie can come too.”

“She’s already invited. I called your apartment earlier to invite you both.”

“So that’s how you knew where I was,” I concluded, smirking.

“Yep.” He grinned. “I may be an awesome drummer, but I’m not magic.”

“Huh, I always thought you were,” I teased. The smile left my face. “All right, we’ll be there at seven.”

“Six-thirty.”

“You said the party started at seven.”

“Yeah, but since you’re one of my bestest buddies, you get to help me set up. Don’t you feel honored?”

“Unbelievably,” I muttered. “Okay, six-thirty.”

“Good.” He smiled and stopped walking. “Well, here we are.” He opened the bag and pulled out my shorts, then handed them to me. “Don’t forget to bring a swimsuit.”

“Hence the shorts,” I added.

“Of course.”

“Got it. I’ll bring a suit as long as you promise to not throw me in the pool,” I countered.

His face fell. “Aw man, come one. Throwing you in the pool is hilarious. I mean, it’s one of the highlights of my day.”

“Promise,” I said, smirking.

“How about this? I promise not to throw you in with all of your clothes on,” he compromised. “Come on, you can’t take away all of my fun.”

“Okay, fine. But if you do, I will take you down with me,” I said, darkly.

One of his hands covered his mouth. “Oh no! Not water!” he mocked.

“Shut up. I’ll see you tonight.” I whacked him on the arm.

“See you.” He turned and strode off down the street to his car that was parked a few spaces away from mine.

A party with Billie Joe. I took a deep breath. I can do this, I whispered to myself.

***

I ripped the ponytail holder out of my hair for the thousandth time and grabbed my hair brush. “Forget! I’ll just wear my hair down. Fuck!” I slammed my hair brush down and threw the rubber band back into the drawer.

“You okay in here?” Emilie asked, appearing behind me in my room.

“I’m fine,” I growled at her.

“Obviously,” she agreed, rolling her eyes. “You need to calm down before you start hyperventilating or something.”

I snorted. “I’m not going to hyperventilate.”

“Sure. Lisa, seriously, have you heard yourself for the past three hours? All you’ve been doing is mumbling to yourself about the party and yelling at inanimate objects.”

“Ha! I have not been yelling at inanimate objects,” I tried, not even believing myself.

“Lisa.”

“Okay, fine maybe I have, but only because they deserved it.”

She stared at me for a minute. Not saying anything.

“What?” I hissed, exasperated.

“Nothing, I just have a question.”

“Okay, what?”

“Would you like me to check you in, or do you want to check yourself in?” She grinned at me and went over to my closet.

“Shut up,” I said, following her.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” she asked, eying my PJ pants and sweatshirt.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” I supplied.

“Says the woman with sixty-four pairs of shoes.” She changed the subject after seeing the glare on my face. “All right. I’ll help you. Wear the shorts you got today and the black tank top with your bikini under everything.” She threw the listed items at me. “There. See you downstairs.”

***

“Stop fidgeting. You’re making me nervous,” Emilie scolded, grabbing my arm.

“I am nervous!” I pulled my arm out of her grasp and straightened out my shorts.

“I know you are. But really, we went over this. You’ll just hang with Mike, Tré and I the whole time. You won’t even have to look at him if you don’t want to.”

“You can call him Billie you know.” I walked up to the door and opened it. “Tré?” I called.

“Lisa!” I heard from down the hallway.

“Uh oh,” I said, feigning a worried expression.

“What?” Emilie asked.

“4...3...2...1” Right on cue, Tré raced around the corner and hugged me.

“Yay! You came!”

“Can’t…breathe. Tré!” I wheezed.

“Oops,” he apologized, letting go of me. “Don’t want to kill you. That would be bad.” He grinned and looked behind me. “Emilie! You came!” He lurched forward, but Emilie was faster.

“No hugs,” she said, looking at me pointedly.

“Oh sure, you almost smother someone and suddenly, no wants to even touch you,” he huffed. “Well, fine then. I don’t want to hug you either.” He grinned and ran back down the hall towards the kitchen. “Last one there is a monkey’s hairy penis!”

I looked at Emilie and shook my head. “Wow.”

We walked into the kitchen and saw Mike sitting at the counter drinking a beer.

“Hey Mike,” I greeted. “What’s up?”

“Oh, same old, same old. Making sure Tré doesn’t kill anyone or light anything on fire.” He laughed. “He already lit me on fire, but I jumped into the pool.”

“Wow, he’s ahead of schedule tonight, isn’t he?” I laughed and looked out the window to see Tré standing outside at the barbeque. “Oh, no, he’s grilling?”

Mike waved his hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry, I did the cooking. He’s just roasting a marshmallow.”

Emilie laughed quietly. “Good thing.”

“Indeed,” I agreed.

“Hey, where the fuck did Tré go, I need him to--” Billie’s voice cut off suddenly as he entered the room.

I swallowed nervously and looked down at my feet.

“He’s uh, outside,” Mike replied, breaking the silence. “Roasting marshmallows.”

“Oh, uh, okay,” Billie said.

I looked up and locked eyes with him.

“Uh, hey, Lisa,” he greeted, smiling shyly.

“Hi, uh, yeah. Hey.” I brought a deep breath into my lungs, forcing myself to breathe.

“Hi Emilie,” he said, still looking at me. “I’m going to, uh, go get Tré.” Then he exited through the back door.

Emilie elbowed me in the ribs. “Smooth,” she whispered to me, obviously referring to my greeting.

“Shut up,” I whispered back.

I had a feeling this was going to be a long night. And the party hadn’t even started yet. I sighed and asked Mike what I could do to help. I ended up slicing up some fruit.

Every now and then I’d look outside, getting the feeling that there was someone watching me. And every time I looked Billie’s head would jerk down suddenly, like he’d been looking at me, too.

Yep, this was going to be an extremely long night.