I Can't Believe This

“Ow! Lisa, come on, just one more! Please?!”

I shook my head without looking up. “No, Tré. You’ve already eaten half the bowl. There needs to be some food for the guests. Remember them?”

“But…”

“No. Go help Mike, okay?” I smiled at him and pushed him toward the other side of the kitchen.

“Oh sure, pawn him off on me. I thought you liked me, Lisa,” Mike said, pouting.

“Oh, I do, but Tré’s eaten half the fruit I’ve sliced and if he comes near me again I’m going to stab him in the neck with a spoon.”

Mike winced. “Ouch.”

“It’s going to happen,” I promised.

“I’ll be good, I swear!” Tré pleaded. “Now, can I please help you instead of Mike?”

I raised my eyebrows. “What’s wrong with Mike?”

“Ha, what isn’t wrong with him?” Tré grinned and sprinted over to me, hiding behind my back. “Don’t kill me!

Sighing I handed him a knife. “Okay, but don’t cut me or yourself.”

“Got it!” He picked up a piece of cantaloupe and began slicing it.

He was actually doing really well too, until the knife glanced off the counter and a piece of cantaloupe went sailing across the room.

“That won’t happen again,” he promised, giving me puppy dog eyes.

I just laughed and shook my head.

“Tré? Handling a knife? Do you think that’s safe?” Emilie asked, as she walked into the room.

“You know, maybe if everyone would stop picking on me, I’d be able to concentrate. Then maybe I wouldn’t cut myself or anyone else, or have pieces of cantaloupe sail threw the air.,” Tré huffed. “Because, you know, I’m actually pretty good with a knife.”

“You’re bleeding,” Emilie pointed out, stifling a smile.

“Wait, what? Oh my God! I am!” He rushed over to the sink and let the cold water run over his hand.

Mike, Emilie, and I laughed. “It’s okay Tré, probably just a surface wound,” I commented, looking over at his hand.

“Shall I take up where he left off?” Emilie asked, picking up a clean knife.

“Please.”

“Okay, I’m bored,” Billie Joe’s voice echoed through the house. He came into view moments later, a beer already in his hands. It was unopened though, which was strange for him.

“Dude, people will be here any second, relax,” Mike assured.

I didn’t look up from what I was doing. I knew that he was only a couple of feet behind me. I could practically feel the heat that was coming off of his body.

Two seconds later the bell rang and people began to file in. The first person I recognized was Jason White.

“People!” Tré yelled and ran out to greet them.

“Wow,” I said. “He is extremely hyper. You’d think he’d never had a party before.”

“I know,” said Mike. “Although, have you noticed? This party is really different from the ones he usually has.”

“Yeah, I know. Weird. Usually he’s already be drunk by now and hitting on everyone in sight. And he’s only made a pass at me once tonight,” I replied.

“Same here,” Emilie commented quickly, looking beside her. “I mean he’s made a pass at all of us, right? Ha Ha.”

“Emilie, what the…?”

“Nothing!” She shouted. “Uh, Lisa, I need to talk to you. Now.” She grabbed my arm and began pulling me out of the kitchen.

“Ouch, Emilie! Loosen your grip. Fuck!” I turned back to Mike and Billie. “I guess I’ll be right back. Ouch!”

She pushed me into the downstairs bathroom and quickly shut and locked the door.

“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?” I asked, rubbing my now sore arm.

“Sorry, but I needed to talk to you and I couldn’t do it in front of anyone.”

“Okay. What?”

“Well, uh, it was just that comment you made.” Her gaze was focused everywhere but on me as she spoke.

“What comment?” I asked, confused.

“About Tré making a pass at you,” She explained like she was pointing out the obvious. Which she wasn’t.

“What about it?”

“Oh God! You are not this oblivious! I know you’re not. When you said that Tré had made a pass at you, you should have seen the look on Billie Joe’s face. The expression ‘if looks could kill’ comes to mind. Get what I’m saying?”

“He was mad?” I ventured. Why would he be mad?

“Uh, yeah, he was. That’s why I jumped in with that whole he-made-a-pass-at-me-too thing.” She sighed and sat down on the edge of the tub. “Lisa, really,” she said in a condescending tone.

“Really, what?” I cried, exasperated. “You keep saying everything like I should know exactly what you’re talking about, but guess what? I don’t!”

“He wants you back.”

“Who?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Who? Santa Clause of course! No! Billie Joe! That’s who! Fuck, Lisa, can’t you see it? Every time he walks past you all he does is stare at you. Every time anyone mentions your names he cocks his head in that direction, listening. And just now, he looked like he was going to kill Tré.” She sighed again and closed her eyes for a moment.

I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I hadn’t really noticed. I bit my lip. Okay, so that was a lie. I had noticed. Every time he walked by he was casting glances in my direction. It was hard not to notice.

“And I know that you want him back,” Emilie stated. “Because I see the way you look at him too. I see how you react when someone mentions his name.”

“Emilie, I…”

“No. Okay, now just listen to me. I think you should talk him, try to sort out this mess because you know what? When you two were together, I had never seen you happier. Ever.”

I nodded, a tear slipping down my face. “I was the happiest I’d ever been,” I whispered, wiping the tear from my cheek. “But he kissed another woman. He kissed his ex-wife,” I added. My voice was barely audible.

“I know, but there had to have been a good explanation for why he did it. Not every kiss means something.” She crossed the room and wrapped me in a hug. “He loves you,” she whispered into my ear.

“I know.”

Emilie released me from the hug and, after I’d cleaned up a bit, went back to the party. The party resembled what a normal party at Tré’s house would like, but it was still more tame, and there weren‘t that many people there. And again, I noted how strange that was.

“Hey, babe, wanna dance?”

I turned around and saw a guy I didn’t know looking me up and down. Ew. “Uh, no thanks.”

“Come on, just one little dance,” he said, taking my hand.

“There you are!” Mike said, coming up to me and putting his arm around my shoulders. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Uh, well, you found me!” I said brightly, catching on.

“Thanks for keeping her occupied Sam,” he said to the man who was apparently named Sam.

“You’re with him?” he asked me, looking confused.

“Going on seven months,” Mike replied, towing me away. “Later.”

I sighed with relief when we were out of sight. “Thank you.”

“You looked trapped. And Sam is a huge dick.”

“Yeah, he didn’t come off as the gentlemanly type,” I commented, shaking my head. A thought popped into my head. “Hey, have you seen Billie Joe?” I asked, quickly scanning the party.

“He’s probably still in the kitchen, playing with the beer can in his hands.”

“What do you mean?”

Mike sighed. “He hasn’t drank anything since you picked him up at the bar,” he replied. “And he didn’t want to come to this party tonight either. He was afraid he’d get drunk and embarrass himself in front of you again.” Mike ran a hand through his hair.

“Again? He didn’t embarrass himself at all,” I said.

Mike nodded. “He thinks he did. He thinks that he’s not good enough for you and that after the bar incident, you don’t think so either.”

I was mortified. He felt like he wasn’t good enough for me? How could he think something like that? He’s absolutely good enough for me. “That’s not true,” I whispered. “He is good enough. He’s perfect for me.” The realization of what I’d just said hit me like a semi truck. I lifted my head, resolve taking the place of the anguish I had just been feeling. “The kitchen right?” I asked, although I was already halfway there.

Mike smiled and nodded. “Good luck!” he called.

I slowly pushed the door to the kitchen open and poked my head around the corner. No one was in there. “Damn it!” I yelled at the empty kitchen. I retraced my steps, keeping an eye out for him, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found.

I spotted Tré dancing with someone a few feet away and walked over to him. “Tré,” I whispered to him. “Where’s Billie Joe?”

He looked up and stared at me for a minute. “Isn’t he in the kitchen?”

“No, Mike told me he was, but he’s not. And I need to talk to him.”

Tré grinned and pulled away from the girl he was holding, asking for a moment alone with me. “Stay right here,” he commanded, grinning again.

I didn’t have time for this. I thought. I needed to find Billie, and I needed to do it now. Before I chickened out and changed my mind. Tré walked back over and began dancing with me. “What are you doing?” I asked, annoyed.

“Dancing with you, of course,” he said, smiling.

“Where’s Billie Joe?” My eyes narrowed and I looked frantically around the party. My heart was racing a thousand beats per minute it seemed, and I could feel butterflies beginning to form in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t been this nervous in an extremely long time.

“I don’t know. Mike went to find him.”

Okay, I could tell that something was up. “Tré…” I started, only to be cut off.

“Relax. I see Billie now.” The grin that had been occupying his face for the past ten minutes had suddenly grown even more pronounced.

I followed his line of sight and more butterflies flooded my stomach. He was dancing with Emilie. It looked like he was listening intently to her as well. And he looked torn.

The music switched to a new song then, another slow one. Tré laughed and whispered something to himself.

“What?” I asked, confused for what seemed like the millionth time.

“Just wait,” he whispered.

He spun us across the room, stopping right next to Billie Joe and Emilie. “Switch!” Tré yelled, grabbing Emilie and pushing me into Billie’s arms. “See ya!” he called, as they spun away from us.

We stood there awkwardly for a long time, neither of us knowing what to do or say.

“Dance damn it!” Tré yelled from across the room.

Billie and I began to slowly sway to the music, not looking each other in the eye.

“So…” Billie said.

I lifted my eyes to his face and smiled a little. “So,” I repeated.

“They are good.” One corner of his mouth pulled up into a halfhearted smile.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

I sighed and listed to the slow beat that surrounded us as it shifted into a new beat. This one was faster, not a good song to slow dance to. Billie Joe and I broke apart slowly, looking around the room.

“No! I said another slow one! Fuck!” Tré sprinted through the crowd and stopped right beside Mike. “Slow, man.”

Just then Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus began to play. Of course, Tré and Mike would choose this song to play. Bastards.

Billie and I glanced at each other. He smiled weakly. “Um, I should go, I guess I’ll…”

“Wait! No, dance!” Tré was suddenly behind me, pushing toward Billie Joe.

I placed one hand in Billie’s hand and the other one on his shoulder. He placed a hand on my waist and began to sway a little.

“Perfect! Okay, bye!” Tré disappeared into the small crowd once more.

As the song went on I realized that Billie and I were slowly closing the space between us. It felt great to be back in his arms like this, but I wanted to be closer, I had to be closer. I moved my arms so that they were resting around his neck. In turn, Billie moved his arms so that they were encircling my waist.

The room seemed to disappear around us. We were the only two people left. Just swaying to the music in the background. I could feel the electricity that flowed subtly between us. I sighed in contentment and laid my head on Billie’s shoulder. His face nuzzled into my hair and he took a deep breathe.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but I finally decided to open my eyes. After all, I needed to talk to Billie Joe. Now more than ever. I cracked open my eyes and I could feel the blush start at the base of my neck and slowly make it’s way up to my hairline. Everyone was gone. Everyone. The music had stopped and everyone had left.

“Um, Billie Joe?” I asked weakly, still shocked.

“Mm?” he mumbled lazily, his head still resting on my shoulder.

“Everyone’s gone.”

This seemed to grab his attention. “What?” he asked, looking up. “What the hell?” His eyes darted around the room. “How did everyone leave without us noticing?” he said, voicing my thoughts.

“I don’t know, but they, uh, did.” I looked around and saw that the front door was wide open and Tré, Mike, and Emilie were rushing everyone to their cars. They’re hadn’t been a lot of people at the party to begin with, but you’d think that we would’ve noticed.

I looked back at Billie, ready to say something but the thought was gone as soon as I looked at his face. His gaze was smoldering.

“Lisa, we need to talk,” he said intently, his eyes searching mine.

I looked down at my feet. “Yeah, we do,” I answered, looking at him from under my eyelashes.

Billie Joe smiled and grabbed my hand, steering us to the door.

“Where you guys going?” Mike asked, eyeing us suspiciously.

“Yeah, where? Your place? Billie’s place?” Tré said, joining in.

“None of your business,” Billie answered, coolly.

We walked out onto the front lawn and turned toward the BMW that was parked a few feet away.

“I knew it would work,” I heard Tré comment.

“When you’re right, you’re right,” Mike agreed.

I shook my head, a smile plastered on my face.

***

We pulled up to Billie’s house about ten minutes later. He killed the engine and we sat there for awhile, not saying anything. The ride had also been quiet, but it hadn’t been awkward. And Billie Joe had held onto my hand the entire time, which had made my heart swell.

We got out of the car and made our way up to the door. Once we were inside we sat down on the couch, still not talking to one another.

“Do you want something to drink?” Billie offered, breaking the silence that had suddenly become awkward.

“No, I’m fine.” I stared at his face, trying to form the words necessary to tell him how I felt. “Billie, I,” I said, then stopped. I didn’t know how to say it.

I settled for something that was simple, something I’d been wanting to say for a long time now. I didn’t get a chance to voice it though.

“I’m sorry,” Billie said, grabbing my hand again. He looked into my eyes and the words began to pour from his mouth in a rapid pace. “I didn’t mean to kiss her. I didn’t realize what I had done until it was too late. And by then you were already running down the street. She’d told me that I had joint custody of Joey and Jake and how a part of her was always going to love me and I don’t know, I gave her a hug and things just--”

I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. “Billie.” I drew in a deep breath and removed my hand from his lips. “Billie, listen, you kissing Adrienne broke my heart.”

He winced and I felt a stab of guilt. I didn’t want to remind him of this, but I needed to tell him what I was feeling, and this was the only way I knew how.

“And for awhile I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to look at you again because it would hurt too much. Then I switched to being angry with you. Everyone had been telling me that it meant nothing, that it was a mistake and I kept thinking how could it have been a mistake? I kept telling myself that kissing someone always meant something, even if it was something small.” I bit my lip, reluctant to go on.

“I was staying with Ethan for awhile, as you already know. And when I first got there I was still pissed at you and I did something I regret, but it helped me to clear my head.”

Billie waited for me to go on.

“I kissed him.”

Billie’s mouth opened slightly, and pain clouded his eyes.

“But,” I went on quickly. “After I’d kissed him, I realized that everyone had been right. Kissing someone doesn’t always mean something. A person can get caught up in the moment.” It felt good to say all of this. “And now I want to tell you something else.”

He looked weary for a moment, obviously wondering if I had kissed anyone else while we were apart.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“What? Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything,” Billie said, his face contorted with confusion.

“No, I did do something. I didn’t listen to you. I just left. And I’m sorry. I should have let you explain, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was afraid of you saying that you actually still loved Adrienne or something.”

“Lisa, I--”

“I know, it’s crazy for me to have thought something like that, but that little trickle of doubt was there. I know it shouldn’t have been. I know you love me, but I don’t always have the best track record with trusting people. I need to work on that.” I smiled and looked down.

I didn’t have anything more to say. I’d told him everything I’d wanted him to hear. When he didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes I looked up to see what was wrong. “Billie?” I asked, worried. What if telling him that I’d had doubts about how much he loved me had ruined everything?. What if he was mad that I could even entertain such an idea? “Billie, please--”

His lips pressed against mine gently, cutting me off.

My brain exploded right then and there. I couldn’t think anymore. All I knew was that I needed to be with him. I wanted to wrap myself around him and never let go.

His lips grew urgent on mine, his hands tangling in my hair. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he laid us back onto the couch. Every line of my body was pressed against his. His lips moved from mine slowly as he trailed kissed down to my neck. He stopped there and kissed me gently.

“I love you,” he whispered, his breath tickling my skin. “So much.”

I pulled away from him, smiling. “I love you too,” I whispered. I dipped my head down again to kiss him while I ran my hands through his hair. “I love you too.”